MandyTS
09-23-2005, 12:16 AM
I just got back (about 2 hours ago) from my second GID physhologist apointment. I have been really thinking the last few weeks about things, about life, my job, and TS...
When I grew up I was socilized as a boy, although I never did much that the boys do. I do not like watching sports for hours (although I understand sports) or do the whole macho thing. I am very emotional, typical for TS but also for people with Kallmanns. I have know that I have a degree of TS in me since I was very young.
As you know I am tall, 6'6" and large boned, framed. I am a competative cyclist, a well respected high school teacher, a close friend to a few people, and someone my little sister looks up to. I really see here in me, kind of the whole she is going through what I should be. I would consider myself about 60 - 70 percent female brained and 30 - 40 percent male brained.
I enjoy non impact sports (not that there is not the occasional crash in cycling), working on cars, electronics, audio systems, etc. I am a very intelectual person, interested in physics and chemistry topics, and a very compassionate teacher and friend.
Becoming a full time woman would break everything that I am found about myself as a person. Since I never went through puberty I almost have a simular emotionset to a girl, I have learned to cope with myself as a guy. Just like a girl a guy has freedom in dress too, just for me it is the maybe pink or purple dress shirt, etc. Now if I could wear a longer skirt with a dress shirt that would be much better... :rolleyes:
The desire to be female will always be with me, choosing not to transistion is just the way to cope with it. I will always be a TS, I am not a TV or a crossdresser per say. By wearing skirts, dresses, panties, etc, I am displaying for the world the other side of me that I can not bring out everyday.
I one day would like to speak out for the community. My connections and my past make me a great public speaker, and my relations to others help me connect on a deep level. I will still crossdress, that I can never get away with, and maybe someday do a little mild FFS (i.e. the procedure that lets you pass as a woman or a guy), maybe rid myself of the little beard that I already have, etc. Right now though I will never be afraid again to be myself, you can not change that.
I can not wait until the next time I get to go out and have fun with all my CD friends... maybe a day with some people from here... Southern California style!
Thanks for all the support
Mandy.
When I grew up I was socilized as a boy, although I never did much that the boys do. I do not like watching sports for hours (although I understand sports) or do the whole macho thing. I am very emotional, typical for TS but also for people with Kallmanns. I have know that I have a degree of TS in me since I was very young.
As you know I am tall, 6'6" and large boned, framed. I am a competative cyclist, a well respected high school teacher, a close friend to a few people, and someone my little sister looks up to. I really see here in me, kind of the whole she is going through what I should be. I would consider myself about 60 - 70 percent female brained and 30 - 40 percent male brained.
I enjoy non impact sports (not that there is not the occasional crash in cycling), working on cars, electronics, audio systems, etc. I am a very intelectual person, interested in physics and chemistry topics, and a very compassionate teacher and friend.
Becoming a full time woman would break everything that I am found about myself as a person. Since I never went through puberty I almost have a simular emotionset to a girl, I have learned to cope with myself as a guy. Just like a girl a guy has freedom in dress too, just for me it is the maybe pink or purple dress shirt, etc. Now if I could wear a longer skirt with a dress shirt that would be much better... :rolleyes:
The desire to be female will always be with me, choosing not to transistion is just the way to cope with it. I will always be a TS, I am not a TV or a crossdresser per say. By wearing skirts, dresses, panties, etc, I am displaying for the world the other side of me that I can not bring out everyday.
I one day would like to speak out for the community. My connections and my past make me a great public speaker, and my relations to others help me connect on a deep level. I will still crossdress, that I can never get away with, and maybe someday do a little mild FFS (i.e. the procedure that lets you pass as a woman or a guy), maybe rid myself of the little beard that I already have, etc. Right now though I will never be afraid again to be myself, you can not change that.
I can not wait until the next time I get to go out and have fun with all my CD friends... maybe a day with some people from here... Southern California style!
Thanks for all the support
Mandy.