Is it me, or is it dark in here?

[Kittie]

I feel lost today. I can't remember a day that has gone by where the thought of transitioning and living as a girl hasn't filled up most if not all of my day. To the point where everything else suffers; education, health and family all affected one way or another by this. I can think of nothing else, it's like having tunnel vision, unable to see anything else but this and the only direction is forward. I feel so angry, frustrated even upset by the fact I can't just click my fingers and switch genders. I feel like my life up to now has been wasted and I've missed out on so many things associated with growing up as a female. Sometimes it's quite enough to make you put a bullet through your head. I hate these yo-yo moods. One day I feel positive and look forward to fixing this monumental f*** up and the next I get dreadful feelings of futility and hopelessness... I hope I'm not going to feel like this forever.

[gretchen2]

Some days sure do suck, but most days it's really good to be breathing. I find breathing to be much more productive than not. Hang in there tomorrows a new day, and all you have to do is get through today. One day at a time is how I have to think about it.

[Jorja]

Like the the rest of society, we all have our up and down days. That's just the way it is. Learn to take it one day at a time and roll with the punches. There is no need for bullets to the head. However, you might need to get used to banging your head on the wall or desk in front of you.:D Keep your eye on the prize and keep moving forward. It does get better.

[Haley Heather]

your not alone Lacey, *hugs*

[Zenith]

I was there once. I can give you 2 pieces of advice. Even if you never think you will have the courage, one day it will happen if it's right for you. It will. And in the meantime do something, big or small, every day to get you closer to your goal. It makes you feel better...

Here is my "why so serious?" pic for yah...an oldie...

[Simply_Vanessa]

you can't look back at the past..it will only hurt you. you cant change the past, only your future. so dont burden yourself with the past.
think about what you get to experience if you change your life, now.
you're only headed in one direction: forward. just worry about the future, and make it whatever you need it to be.
if you cant love yourself..how can you love the world?

[danielleb]

I'm right there with you Lacey! I hope this is only a pre-pre-transition condition.:D I'm told it is, fingers crossed.:Pray: Keep doing the small things you can day to day to push down the wall in front of you, and keep your head up.:hugs:

[Teri Jean]

Lacey,
I was there a couple years ago and decided it was time to get some professional help. The difference between the two of us is probably 30 yrs in age or more. Maybe you should look at where do you want to be in a year or two and then work towards that destination. I did and in 55 days I will be checking in for GRS. JMO

[Louistoalana]

I'm right there with you Lacey! I hope this is only a pre-pre-transition condition.:D I'm told it is, fingers crossed.:Pray: Keep doing the small things you can day to day to push down the wall in front of you, and keep your head up.:hugs:

Lacey's feelings are very familiar and I'm pre-pre transition

[Byanca]

For me it gets a little bit worse every year. And doing anything takes a lot of energy. I had a nose operation last week. Very proud I managed to get that done. Still a few days left until the bandage goes off. But I am excited. My nose was broken by blind violence when I was 16. And this is the 3 operation. I hope they finally fixed it.

Surprisingly, I don't mind being operated on. At least not when something is wrong. Been feeling better these last days, not much crying.

[Haley Heather]

I'd really like to give you big hug Byanca.

[Byanca]

:) thank you Haley. I just hope the fracture edges I could feel will be gone. Then I will be happy.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Lacey, I think that probably the vast majority of people in this section have been there more than once. I know I have, but I can definitely tell you that there is more of a future in not taking your life.

When I look back on my life so far, it would be very easy to become depressed by everything I've missed out on and everything I've done wrong, but there's not much I can do to avoid having missed out on things and I'm in the process of rectifying my biggest mistake.

It;'s funny, though, what a different perspective can make to how you see things. Others see what I'm doing and say I'm brave, I see what I'm doing and think "that's the way it had to be" no bravery involved. The other day, someone commented that I have often sacrificed myself for the good of others, I hadn't ever considered that as a possibility, I just did what I thought was right.

In a lot of ways, that is also what happens when we get frustrated or depressed - we are just looking at things from the wrong perspective.

I can't promise you that you will never feel this frustration again - I'm the wrong sort of politician to do that - but I do know that things can get better. The only problem is, the only way I know for that to happen is one day at a time.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

yep...one day at a time..

it's amazing how well that works, and how difficult it is to do.

[Tara Lutschich]

Hi Lacey-D!!!

Yep it can be dark, but like the sun in the am it gets warm, cozy and bright. Recently went thru about two months where Tara had to go to storage except for limited underdress. That was real dark and I was lost. Now that it no longer a problem, so much comfort. I can solidly pass but didn't start my current siutation as Tara, so...

I focus daily on getting thru the day, getting home and Tara. One day at a time, section by section of the day as the other posts are saying. Not easy but it works. I carry pictures of Tara in my wallet for needed moments.


Hugs, Tara

[_Kira_]

I feel lost today. I can't remember a day that has gone by where the thought of transitioning and living as a girl hasn't filled up most if not all of my day. To the point where everything else suffers; education, health and family all affected one way or another by this. I can think of nothing else, it's like having tunnel vision, unable to see anything else but this and the only direction is forward. I feel so angry, frustrated even upset by the fact I can't just click my fingers and switch genders. I feel like my life up to now has been wasted and I've missed out on so many things associated with growing up as a female. Sometimes it's quite enough to make you put a bullet through your head. I hate these yo-yo moods. One day I feel positive and look forward to fixing this monumental f*** up and the next I get dreadful feelings of futility and hopelessness... I hope I'm not going to feel like this forever. It 'll be allright..simply believe..and do another step to your dream..