turned.off.forever
03-07-2011, 05:10 PM
Hi everyone, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REPLIES!!
I m sorry I didn t reply earlier, but I was busy with work, my aunt died in February, plus English is not my native language so i have a bit of a hard time translating some words when I read your replies and when I try to express my feelings and thoughts.
Brandyj, thank you for telling me that I seem like a have a beautiful soul. I indeed became submissive to his needs, that s what i always do, but it s just my character, it s not easy for me to control it. I try to please everyone else, not thinking of my needs, which I know is not the right thing to do. We should first take care of ourselves, because, if we are not healthy physically, mentally, psychologically, how can we help and satisfy others, right?
So, I understand it s not only him to blame for what happened, but also me. However, (and this is MY ANSWER TO MANY OF YOU) if I had expressed my disappointment (so that I share my feelings and not be that submissive as you all say, and stand for myself etc), he would also be depressed. What is the point then? {As Sarah Jane says, it is quite possible that he goes through exactly the same when he has to "be a man"}
The only truth is that I don t like what he likes, it s just lack of chemistry, what s the point of sharing feelings? It s an equilibrium with me let s say 0% satisfied during sex and him 100%. If I stand for my needs, he will change a bit, so I ll be 50% satisfied and he ll be 50%. However, if he was someone who enjoys being man, the equilibrium would be different, and we could be both 100% satisfied.
I like what PortiaHoney says, and it is true:
"Men will find satisfaction firstly themselves and secondly for their partners. Women, on the other hand, generally derive their satisfaction from pleasing their partners, and if they have something left over for themselves, that is their reward. So, the problem is this. A couple will consist of one who enables the other and then waits patiently for the benefits to flow back. Unfortunately, often the benefits are in one direction only resulting in the one who was enabled being completely surprised when the enabler has finally had enough. "
"...this lady has obviously fallen into the trap of trying to please her partner with the faintest hope that he/she may drop a few crumbs of her birthright for her."Sarah, about your question (but at what point in your relationship did you believe that you could convince this person to change from the person you met?), I didn t believe I could change him, I believed I would change myself and like him as a woman. But I failed. I thought he could turn me on as a woman one day, because we loved each other, but this never happened. I didn t intend to change him.
"..people who if you knew us as our male selves you would never guess"
LeannL, I know what u mean, my experience is what you say, but the other way round.. I met a very masculine man and when I saw him as a woman I said to myself "I would never guess", and because of this experience, even if I meet the most masculine guy in the world, I would imagine him dressed as a woman, and that turns me off.
It s just that I wanted to tell someone how I feel, and I wanted to let you guys know how girlfriends may feel, and that they may hide their feelings. They may even lie to themselves that they like their boyfriends-crossdressers, because they love them and don t want to lose them. But come on, honestly, which woman has dreamed of being with a man that wants to be a woman?
Do you want to know how it feels like?
The ones of you who like only women, imagine you fall in love with a sexy sweet blonde with curves and big boobs, and when you finally manage to make her your girlfriend, she appears to you with a beard, hairy legs and pits, short hair, when going out with you, dresses with jeans and t-shirts (and male underwear..). And she s also dreaming of the day she would have surgery to get rid of her boobs.. Just imagine that, to understand how it feels likes.
- Sporco, (and Joan658)I do understand you guys also have a hard time, and I didn t mean to blame him. I feel ashamed to tell so, but, when I felt totally overwhelmed by this relationship, I looked up in the sky and asked "why did you do that to me?? I mean, at that moment I blamed God for what had happened to me, not blame him. I felt like God wanted to take revenge of me for something and destroyed all the dreams I had as a girl to find and love a man.
- Dawnmarrie and Kimberly I read your replies very carefully, they re helpful, thank you very much.
"..From what I am reading you two either had other issues, or you are basing the entire relationship off of sex...which to my understanding is something is done by teenagers."
-Pythos, sex is very important in a relationship. Apart from the sex issues, we were very happy, but if you are not satisfied from your sex life, you can t go on. It s unhealthy for the relationship. Love is above everything, but we re talking about erotic stuff. Sex is a need we have. It is like food, it gives us energy. When you are not satisfied, energy doesn’t flow, and that leads to destruction. Imagine a vegetarian that his mom only enjoys to cook meat for him/her. He may love his mom, but he either eats the meat and throws it up, or go out to eat. I was always against social constructs, but here we have to do with physics and chemistry. As said about magnets, when set to the same polarity tend to repel each other. This was the same even when there were no societies.
"..Just immature." Yes, it may be. That is why I say "this whole thing made me FEEL" and I don t say "make me think or believe". It s like you tell the vegetarian he/she s immature for throwing up the meat. "How can a woman not feel like a woman...hell, what the heck does that mean anyway?". Pythos, I don t really understand what you cannot understand. We live in a dualistic world, don t we? (You must be a Zen Master to be able to see this world as non-dualistic) This means that women have some characteristics, and men some others. For example, women -beauty, men - strength. When you “feel” the strength of a man, it turns you on, (and this difference makes you feel like a woman even more) same way men are attracted by beautiful women. When I make love and I touch a man's wide back, it turns me on, but when I touch boobs instead, I want to leave, cause someone else plays my role, so I have nothing more to offer and nothing to receive.
Kisses.
I m sorry I didn t reply earlier, but I was busy with work, my aunt died in February, plus English is not my native language so i have a bit of a hard time translating some words when I read your replies and when I try to express my feelings and thoughts.
Brandyj, thank you for telling me that I seem like a have a beautiful soul. I indeed became submissive to his needs, that s what i always do, but it s just my character, it s not easy for me to control it. I try to please everyone else, not thinking of my needs, which I know is not the right thing to do. We should first take care of ourselves, because, if we are not healthy physically, mentally, psychologically, how can we help and satisfy others, right?
So, I understand it s not only him to blame for what happened, but also me. However, (and this is MY ANSWER TO MANY OF YOU) if I had expressed my disappointment (so that I share my feelings and not be that submissive as you all say, and stand for myself etc), he would also be depressed. What is the point then? {As Sarah Jane says, it is quite possible that he goes through exactly the same when he has to "be a man"}
The only truth is that I don t like what he likes, it s just lack of chemistry, what s the point of sharing feelings? It s an equilibrium with me let s say 0% satisfied during sex and him 100%. If I stand for my needs, he will change a bit, so I ll be 50% satisfied and he ll be 50%. However, if he was someone who enjoys being man, the equilibrium would be different, and we could be both 100% satisfied.
I like what PortiaHoney says, and it is true:
"Men will find satisfaction firstly themselves and secondly for their partners. Women, on the other hand, generally derive their satisfaction from pleasing their partners, and if they have something left over for themselves, that is their reward. So, the problem is this. A couple will consist of one who enables the other and then waits patiently for the benefits to flow back. Unfortunately, often the benefits are in one direction only resulting in the one who was enabled being completely surprised when the enabler has finally had enough. "
"...this lady has obviously fallen into the trap of trying to please her partner with the faintest hope that he/she may drop a few crumbs of her birthright for her."Sarah, about your question (but at what point in your relationship did you believe that you could convince this person to change from the person you met?), I didn t believe I could change him, I believed I would change myself and like him as a woman. But I failed. I thought he could turn me on as a woman one day, because we loved each other, but this never happened. I didn t intend to change him.
"..people who if you knew us as our male selves you would never guess"
LeannL, I know what u mean, my experience is what you say, but the other way round.. I met a very masculine man and when I saw him as a woman I said to myself "I would never guess", and because of this experience, even if I meet the most masculine guy in the world, I would imagine him dressed as a woman, and that turns me off.
It s just that I wanted to tell someone how I feel, and I wanted to let you guys know how girlfriends may feel, and that they may hide their feelings. They may even lie to themselves that they like their boyfriends-crossdressers, because they love them and don t want to lose them. But come on, honestly, which woman has dreamed of being with a man that wants to be a woman?
Do you want to know how it feels like?
The ones of you who like only women, imagine you fall in love with a sexy sweet blonde with curves and big boobs, and when you finally manage to make her your girlfriend, she appears to you with a beard, hairy legs and pits, short hair, when going out with you, dresses with jeans and t-shirts (and male underwear..). And she s also dreaming of the day she would have surgery to get rid of her boobs.. Just imagine that, to understand how it feels likes.
- Sporco, (and Joan658)I do understand you guys also have a hard time, and I didn t mean to blame him. I feel ashamed to tell so, but, when I felt totally overwhelmed by this relationship, I looked up in the sky and asked "why did you do that to me?? I mean, at that moment I blamed God for what had happened to me, not blame him. I felt like God wanted to take revenge of me for something and destroyed all the dreams I had as a girl to find and love a man.
- Dawnmarrie and Kimberly I read your replies very carefully, they re helpful, thank you very much.
"..From what I am reading you two either had other issues, or you are basing the entire relationship off of sex...which to my understanding is something is done by teenagers."
-Pythos, sex is very important in a relationship. Apart from the sex issues, we were very happy, but if you are not satisfied from your sex life, you can t go on. It s unhealthy for the relationship. Love is above everything, but we re talking about erotic stuff. Sex is a need we have. It is like food, it gives us energy. When you are not satisfied, energy doesn’t flow, and that leads to destruction. Imagine a vegetarian that his mom only enjoys to cook meat for him/her. He may love his mom, but he either eats the meat and throws it up, or go out to eat. I was always against social constructs, but here we have to do with physics and chemistry. As said about magnets, when set to the same polarity tend to repel each other. This was the same even when there were no societies.
"..Just immature." Yes, it may be. That is why I say "this whole thing made me FEEL" and I don t say "make me think or believe". It s like you tell the vegetarian he/she s immature for throwing up the meat. "How can a woman not feel like a woman...hell, what the heck does that mean anyway?". Pythos, I don t really understand what you cannot understand. We live in a dualistic world, don t we? (You must be a Zen Master to be able to see this world as non-dualistic) This means that women have some characteristics, and men some others. For example, women -beauty, men - strength. When you “feel” the strength of a man, it turns you on, (and this difference makes you feel like a woman even more) same way men are attracted by beautiful women. When I make love and I touch a man's wide back, it turns me on, but when I touch boobs instead, I want to leave, cause someone else plays my role, so I have nothing more to offer and nothing to receive.
Kisses.