daughter and her challenges

[arbon]

My 10 year old daughter had wanted a sleep over here at the house with her best friend and maybe one or two other girls from school. I thought great! You can all get a pizza and get some movies, make camp in the living room. So she invited her.

But evidently her best friends parents don't want their kids around me anymore :sad:

I know there are going to be a lot of issues and my daughter is going to have some unique challenges because of me. Especially being in a very small community. I don't know how to make it easier - she is going to be the daughter of ...... and as long as we live here she is not going to be able to get away from that. Not feeling very good about it right now.

[Pythos]

This is where you gently but firmly confront the parents and inform them that all they are doing is perpetuating ignorance, bigotry and stupidity. Of course don't use such words. Just extend a hand of friendship with them. That is the only way the ignorance will go away.

[Haley Heather]

I don't even know how to respond to stuff like this sometimes, it just makes me so sad to here about people doing stuff like this. :(

[christinac]

I don't even know how to respond to stuff like this sometimes, it just makes me so sad to here about people doing stuff like this. :(

I'm the same way. My daughter was already grown and in college when I finally became serious, so I honestly don't know what to say.

[gretchen2]

I think changing people like that is generally not an option and wasting your time on them is fruitless. I'm sure that you already know this but educating your daughter on people like them and your own lifestyle will be the most useful for her. It’s cool how kids take you for what your worth. Adults on the other hand, well some are just simply wonderful people and others are plain and simple not. If you move then your problems will probably just follow you.

[Steph.TS]

it makes me angry to see people punishing others for being different, when will people grow up and learn to tolerate everyone else? if we were all the same with the same views and everything else, this would be a BORING place to live...

[Melody Moore]

I think this is sad because the children are the ones that are suffering because the other parents have the issue.

I think having a talk to the school and arranging some type if mediation might be the best way to address this
issue. We live in a society were tolerance and acceptance of gender diverse people is now written in law. So I
think it's time that these other parents got with the 21st century and look at themselves & re-evaluated their
position here and what are they really doing to their children by segregating them from their friends over this.
So go talk to your daughter's school and maybe they can help sort something out. That's the best advice I can give. :hugs:

[Marie-Elise]

I think changing people like that is generally not an option and wasting your time on them is fruitless. I'm sure that you already know this but educating your daughter on people like them and your own lifestyle will be the most useful for her.

Probably the best advice you can take. Teach her. But also show those folks you are above that sort of thing. Kill them with kindness.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Tho This is about our grandkid of 8 she tells others about me & because we are so close its no different than if she was my kide ,

Tho Kaylyn her Mum thought s were people would say some thing about me not in a nice way well they did just it was accepted i was okay after all & there mums Dads talked with me just the same they were not bothered in the lest fact is i was more accepted than Kaylyn was preperaed to accept at the time i indrodused my self to people ,

You said not any more so how do they see you as male or woman do you talk with them or have ask thier kids what they think & then see thier Mums & Dads . what about school clubs theres other ways of you being seen do you go to school meetings .
Just some idears to look at, Your S O would she help here. go see the Mums,

...noeleena...

[Bethany38]

Reading this brought tears to my eye's as I can relate. After I came out I have even had family members that will not let their kids come over to play anymore, or have my wife and I babysit. Ultimately I agree with what Pythos said.

[Ericka2]

Awkward situation and a sad one, but we should expect those reactions from time to time and deal with them accordingly..

Love, Ericka

[TxKimberly]

I'm so sorry and can only imagine. My seven year old daughter does know about me and I hope she never has to pay that kind of price.

[arbon]

Well the good news is that we do have a solution for this weekend at least - the girls will have the sleep over at my mom's house (my mom is their next door neighbor) Maybe with time people can better adjust and it will not be such an issue.

I like the "kill them with Kindness" advice!

I do worry a lot about how what I am doing is going to impact my daughter. She is still fairly safe right now, in grade school, but next year when she starts middle school who knows?

My daughter accepts what is happening, my transition, fairly well. She does not like it all the time - she worries a lot about loosing friends or getting tease. So far that has not really been an issue. Also she gets scarred that I will be treated badly. But at the same time she acknowledges how much happier I am, that I am not as sad as I used to be, which she likes. We actually have a much closer relationship now then we did before, spend a lot more time together.

Unfortunately we get to go through it together. The whole family. I still feel a lot of guilt about it, I can feel very selfish for doing this. I'm sure one day we will get to the other side of all this.

[RenneB]

My goodness it's not as though you ended up on the offenders list. I find people very challenging in their acceptance level of various items. In our town, the majority have no idea they let their kids go to school right next to the largest grouping of registered offenders in our community. They don't have a label on them when the go out. That's the same with the kiddy porn people, white collar thieves, etc. Oh but put on a dress and the whole world comes down on you.

As my SO mother once said to me, this too in time shall pass. Well, she didn't say how long...

I'm comfy in what I do and what I wear. I'm not hurting anyone and not engaging in anything illegal. I'll say a prayer for you and your community....

Lots of love,

Renne (.)(.)

[robyn1114]

That is very sad indeed.
I happy to see you came up with a temporary solution so she could still have her sleepover.

[Rogina B]

Some of us are close to this situation as well.The thing is an adult issue...the kids don't really care and see you as you are. TxKimberly put it well a while ago..."they don't mind if a guy is CDor[TG?],Just NOT THEIR GUY! Liberal minded adults usually aren't in practice. I try to talk to my daughter about stereotypes[or broad brushes] whenever narrowmindedness comes up. Best of luck and don't run from it.

[BriannaCD]

My 10 year old daughter had wanted a sleep over here at the house with her best friend and maybe one or two other girls from school. I thought great! You can all get a pizza and get some movies, make camp in the living room. So she invited her.

But evidently her best friends parents don't want their kids around me anymore :sad:




My 10 year old daughter had wanted a sleep over here at the house with her best friend and maybe one or two other girls from school. I thought great! You can all get a pizza and get some movies, make camp in the living room. So she invited her.

But evidently her best friends parents don't want their kids around me anymore

Am I the only one here that see's this all so differently? Before I continue, I am so glad that there has been a compromise for this situation.
Although this seems to be about “You”, it isn’t. It is about your daughter having a sleep over. My first thought is that although she invited “Her”, I would decline the invite to protect/preserve your daughter’s emotions.
I do not mean to sound selfish or righteous, it is just that if other people do not know about you or your transition, then it is safe to say that those others that find out through their children are more apt to reject you without understanding. It is the parents right to protect. It is natural even when we seem to think there is no danger involved, some perceive things differently and it can become very stressful for your daughter let alone you.
I would decline saying to your daughter that this is about her having friends over and that is “She” is invited, others might not be so appreciative such as it turns out that some of the parents have already reacted.
Genuinely, I hope that things go well for them. As for you and your transition, I can only hope that it goes well and you finally feel comfort and peace becoming one. Educating your daughter and her friends parents will be the only way to go from here, slowly but surely things will come full round for you and your family.
God Bless,

Bri

JenCD, Gretchen2, Melody, and everyone great advice!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

We did not tell ANY parents until after I met my daughters friends...after a couple of mall drives and sleepovers, we then told the parents...and the kids told their parents that everything was cool and so the parents were fine...we do have one set of parents that are quite obnoxious, are drunks and they openly rag on gays in front of my daughter...unforunately their kid is my daughters lifelong joined at the hip friend...we've avoided those parents over 2 years...

this weekend my oldest daughter ...who has told only 2 friends...wants a sleepover and i agreed to hide the booze, hide the money and vacate my own house...i am stay ing at a hotel ..

you have to make judgements and be smart about these things if possible...the harder you try to accomadate others needs, they will likely try harder to accomadate your needs..
demanding acceptance isn't really gaining acceptance at all....you have to just let it happen...

hopefully you can figure something out....i realize they are too young to be left alone

[juligirl1984]

don't feel too bad, I was a kid and couldn't have my friends stay over because I had a Indian step dad. it was very lame... from a childs perspective. Not the fact I had a Indian step dad but my friends parents were the Lame asses. I'm sorry people are so mean and can't just get along for a childs sake. I lost a lot of friends over this. I wish you better luck than I had lol.

[Christy_M]

Probably the best advice you can take. Teach her. But also show those folks you are above that sort of thing. Kill them with kindness.

That is exactly what I was thinking...How long can you ostricize someone who continues to be kind, helpful and pleasant?


I do worry a lot about how what I am doing is going to impact my daughter. She is still fairly safe right now, in grade school, but next year when she starts middle school who knows?

My daughter accepts what is happening, my transition, fairly well. She does not like it all the time - she worries a lot about loosing friends or getting tease. So far that has not really been an issue. Also she gets scarred that I will be treated badly. But at the same time she acknowledges how much happier I am, that I am not as sad as I used to be, which she likes. We actually have a much closer relationship now then we did before, spend a lot more time together.

It is this reason that I will avoid letting my younger children know. As I start coming out more and more, I am afraid of telling my older kids but they are grown and married and can deal with it in their own way. My younger ones are still in kindergarden and pre school so they will have a long time to grow up with other kids and their mean, hurtful coomments not to mention interaction with those mean kid's parent who fostered that ill will in the first place. It is a bridge I know I will have to cross but I plan on it being a lot further down the road.