should she tell Doctor

[t-girlxsophie]

Apologys if this is in the wrong place,I'll try and make it brief.My Lovely Wife was admitted to Hospital on Thu,with Mental Health Issues linked to events in her past,and her suffering from something called Doomsday Phobia (an irrational fear),sorry I cannot go into more detail,though she knows I m writing this,I dont feel I want to reveal too much,my apologys for this.

Now as to what this has to do with a CDing Forum,well she is recieving Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which replaces negative fear with positive messages,she tells them about herself,her past and her present,I asked whether she has told her doctor about my Crossdressing,she replied that she hadn't as this isn't something she worries about so she doesn't feel the need to tell them.I didnt push it,but I have been thinking,(well actually both her sister and myself have talked about it) maybe she should tell them about it as this therapy maybe needs all to be out in the open,the good and the bad.

Please don't think I'm doing this as an "out me,out me" gesture I just want my Wife better,and home with her family (her boys too,miss her terribly) I love her dearly and want to help her as much as I can.any thoughts and advice would be gratefully recieved,once again sorry Mods if in wrong place.thank you

Sophie

[dawnmarrie1961]

Definitely a resounding “YES” tell the doctor. Although she may appear consciously accepting of your behavior it might be causing unconscious fears that she is not aware of and therefore will hinder her therapy. But the “yes” needs to come from her. Not you. She decides what she is willing to divulge to her therapist. This can be a quite mentally liberating experience for her and will aide in her recovery.

[sissystephanie]

If it doesn't bother you, I think maybe she should tell the doctor! That said, I have no idea what the laws are in Scotland about doctor/patient relationships. It might not be a good idea for her to tell if the doctor is going to spread that information around. But if the docter has to keep it a secret between the 2 of them. than yes tell him about the crossdressing!

[Cynthia Anne]

First of all, let me say I hope the best for you and your loved one! I think I agree with you! But, I would not go aganist your wife wishes! Let her make the final decision!

[t-girlxsophie]

Stephanie,It's not a problem for me,anything that helps her get better,Doctor/Patient privilege is the same here as any other Country

Dawnmarrie,one thing my Wife and I have is full disclosure as regards my crossdressing,there is no secrets between us on that score,but of course if telling her doctor helps then I would have no qualms about her doing so

thank you both for your replies

[AKAMichelle]

I don't know if it will make any difference in her recovery, but it certainly couldn't hurt. I wish her the best.

[BRANDYJ]

I disagree with those that think she should tell. She may have some issues, but clearly she said that it does not bother her. You need to trust her thoughts on that issue. If at some point of therapy she feels the need to discuss this with her doctor, then by all means she should. But for now, please don't interfere with the therapy by trying to make her think she should tell. Again, let her make that decision when and IF she feels it will help. You said this therapy is supposed to replace negative fears with positive messages. It seems that she does not have any negative fears of you, your crossdressing or anything related, so why should it come up? From what you tell us, this is not about you. She even told you it's not about you. So please, do not push her to talk to the therapist about it unless in the process of this therapy , the therapist picks up on something and brings it out of her. So again, it's her decision and not yours or her sisters. Just love her, support her and be prepared to talk to her about her therapy only if she wants to talk about it. Having been involved in something similar, I learned to stay out of it and let the therapist do his/her job. She still has a brain, has a sense of what is OK and is not OK. She has not lost her mind, so don't treat her as such and second guess her opinion on telling or not telling.
I wish her a fast recovery and I wish you both happiness.

[Alice B]

Without question she should tell the doctor. It will have no negative response about you from the doctor, but it is a part of her life and everything must be reveled and discussed to help her.

[Chloe Renee]

Please put me in the "she should tell them" camp. Even though she is okay with your dressing, there may be some subconscious thoughts there worth exploring. Like the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water. She has to deal with them if she wants.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Dawnmarrie,one thing my Wife and I have is full disclosure as regards my crossdressing,there is no secrets between us on that score,but of course if telling her doctor helps then I would have no qualms about her doing so

You and I would both agree that this is about HER. Not YOU. She is the one that is hurting now. I am mindful that you and your wife share full disclosure with each other about your cross-dressing. But you do not control her mind. Even in the most accepting relationships there can be unconscious reservations, reserved and restrained by their love for their partner. I’m not questioning your love for your wife. I’m counting on it.

[t-girlxsophie]

Thank you everyone for your advice and opinions.Like I said I offered her my opinion that she shouldn't leave anything out,BUT it is ultimately her decision,and I would never try and force her,she will do whats right for her and if she feels it neccessary to tell her Doctor I am fully behind her,I just want her better.She is going to be in Hospital till next week,but I cleared it with her nurse to allow her out for a cpl of hours on thu,so Im going to take her out and treat her to a nice meal,She's going a little Stir Crazy

[kimdl93]

I'd say yes. It will help with context. FYI, I've been through cognitive therapy - basically as you described it, leaned to counteract and displace depressive (in my case) thought patterns with more constructive messages. It works!

[Stephanie Miller]

Not a therapist, nor do I pretend to be one on the radio... but I have fun expressing my thoughts. Here's mine. It sounds as though you have more of a problem with your wife knowing than your wife has of knowing. To her it sounds like it's a neutral issue more than a positive or negative in the scheme of things. She probably has more to worry about from rising gas prices and global economy than your dressing. Has she mentioned these to the doc? I'm sure if it bothered her she would mention it. She will probably mention it if it bothers her. The doc has ways of coaxing needed stuff out.
So there you have it. My 1 cents worth. Not really worth 2 is it?
Best of luck to you both.

[BRANDYJ]

Not a therapist, nor do I pretend to be one on the radio... but I have fun expressing my thoughts. Here's mine. It sounds as though you have more of a problem with your wife knowing than your wife has of knowing. To her it sounds like it's a neutral issue more than a positive or negative in the scheme of things. She probably has more to worry about from rising gas prices and global economy than your dressing. Has she mentioned these to the doc? I'm sure if it bothered her she would mention it. She will probably mention it if it bothers her. The doc has ways of coaxing needed stuff out.
So there you have it. My 1 cents worth. Not really worth 2 is it?
Best of luck to you both.

Well said Stephanie. If it's not a problem to her, then why bother bringing it up. Like I said, she has not lost her mind or gone crazy, Trust her words that it's not an issue. Let the therapist help her deal with the real issues that has troubled her. Why invite more?

[t-girlxsophie]

It sounds as though you have more of a problem with your wife knowing than your wife has of knowing. My 1 cents worth. Not really worth 2 is it?

No not at all,I have no problem whatsoever with my wifes knowing of my dressing It's been part of our relationship since the very first moment we talked (we met online)
All advice welcome Stephanie whether worth 1 cent or 2:heehee:

[James Kaon]

Hard one. I really hope things get better for her with the CBT and it is great that she knows that your feelings about revealing aspects about yourself are second to her continued treatment and prospects for a better mental health. I'm sort of in 2 minds though about pushing forward with her mentioning it though. I'll try to explain and apologize for being slightly vague.

1st of all, she has said it is not one of the issues - as some above have argued, that may not be the case and that it is better to get it all out for a rounded understanding. A good therapist should recognise if it is or isnt something that needs alot of attention, but equally, it may be something that a therapist would latch onto as a key thing that is not actually key...

Secondly, I also think she needs to lead it. Knowing that you are happy with her revealing things about you and the relationship you share should be enough for her to choose whether to or not. And it should be confidential anyway no?

Well, I really wish you both luck and recovery!

Jx

[Jorja]

I think you have done the best thing possible at this point. You have given her the ok to tell the doctors about your crossdressing if it will help. With phobias even the smallest detail or concern can fester into a serious situation for the patient.

I wish you both the best and quick recovery.

[Polly R]

Hi Sophie

I'm really sorry to hear of your problems, I do hope your wife will come through feeling better.

Like some of the others have said, I think this is a difficult one - but at least you have given her the option. I fear that deep down, amongst all the other debris of life, she may have something hidden so deep down about your cd'ing that she herself is unaware of it on a concious level. The therapist will be probing for such deep things and at least she should have no fears of revealing it if it should surface now you have given her the ok to do so.

I too wish the two of you the very best for a successful outcome.

Hugs,

Polly

[larry]

just from me--not a Doctor or Therapist ! So no real reply to your question-sorry.

I am wishing the best for your wife ,yourself, and your family.

[Stephanie59]

YES, tell the Doctor.....I can tell you if you want your wife to get the best treatment the Doctor needs to know everything.
They are bound by HIPPA to keep anything related to treatment confidential. You are only hurting your wife if you do not tell.

[TGMarla]

Nah, if she doesn't feel it's an issue, don't make it into one.

[JulieK1980]

The only way for a physician to properly analyze her history to formulate a diagnosis is to have ALL the information available to him/her. It could be a complete non-issue however, it could also be a causative factor neither of you consciously realize. I recommend telling.

[Jessica_Dillon]

Sophie. My goodness. First and foremost, i hope for nothing but the best for your wife. I'm sure you all need her back at home. In meeting with the doctors, I would have to say she should tell them. It's probably something they will focus on for a while, and if she is indeed well with it, it is just that much more positive information the doctors have to work with.

[ReineD]

Yes, I do believe she should tell her doctors. They will want to know any stresses she has in her life, which I'm sure can contribute to her mental state. Even good things can be stressful, such as a move, a new job, a new baby or grandchild.

The medical profession is bound to keep your wife's life confidential, so I don't see this as an opportunity to out yourself. But if your wife has any fears about any aspects of the CDing, even if she cannot admit them to herself and that may contribute to her condition, the doctors should know about this.

I am sorry about what you both are going through and I hope all the best possible results for your wife. I also think you are wonderful to be willing to do anything that will help her heal. :hugs:

Edit .. if she is reluctant to tell doctors then it is a sign that she should. A reluctance to tell might indicate negative feelings such as a certain level of shame, or a fear of rejection, or a fear that you will be outed and everyone else will know. These are exactly the things that the doctors should know about. And if there is no reluctance to tell, then she won't mind doing so. :)

[Molly Wells]

Sophie, many years ago I was in a similar situation with my first wife. She was tolerant but not supportive of my CDing. She told her Dr. and he assured us both that my being a CD was not the cause of her condition. (I was embarressed that she told him without talking to me first). How if affected us might be a different issue. He suggested I see a therapist, which I did. He as well assured me of the same things.
We did end up divorces several years later. My CDing might have been a part of the problem but there many other things that were much bigger issues.

As I read you post the thought crossed my mind, if you are concerned it might be an issue for her, perhaps you should tell the Dr. and let him make the determination based on all available information. Just a thought.

Hugs,
Molly

[2SpeedTranny]

her suffering from something called Doomsday Phobia (an irrational fear),

Doomsday IS coming. You're the one who's irrational. ;)

[erickka]

First of all, my wishes to your wife to have a speedy recovery to some semblance of normalcy. As to telling her doctor, I have found that if you don't lay ALL of the cards on the table, they cannot address the situation fully. Even though she may say that cd ing is no worry, it could still present a link in all of the issues. As Molly said, maybe you can mention it and let the doctor decide whether or not it may be an issue that needs to be breached.

[linda allen]

Without question she should tell the doctor. It will have no negative response about you from the doctor, but it is a part of her life and everything must be reveled and discussed to help her.

I agree. If she is to get better, she can't hold secrets from her doctor.

And best wishes to both of you.

[PretzelGirl]

The pessimist in me would worry that a bad therapist could try and make it a problem when it actually isn't.

But I have been in this situation. I didn't tell my wife that she needed to tell the therapist, but I did tell her that I didn't mind if she did and she had to make that decision. Incidentally, the therapist is a friend of mine. The result was that she told and said she wanted to be sure the therapist knew in case it became something to discuss. And it hasn't come up since.

[Sophie86]

I'm sure that if it needs to come out, then it will eventually. Well on you for being proactive in telling her that it was okay. I hope she has a quick recovery, dear. My best to you both. :hugs:

[t-girlxsophie]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts/opinions and may I say a BIG Thank you for all your best wishes,they mean a lot.

Well today I was able to take my Beloved out for Lunch today,and we had a lovely cpl of hours,Our Discussion of course turned to her treatment,It turns out she told her Doctor about my Crossdressing (that morning),and together they decided it had no absolutely no effect on her problems,Psychologically or emotionally,she did say that from the start.Nothing has been left out it's all out in the open which Im sure is the best way to deal with her problems,Her Issues are more in her past (she has been through a lot) and when she deals with them am sure things will improve.

Sadly though,she may have to stay in for at least 5 more weeks :( but,we know she is in the best place to get the help she needs.There is a case conference scheduled for next week,with a Housing Official also in attendance,The Doctor has said her Environment is also a contributary factor for her Illness (we live in a rough area) Though it is hard for us,we are together utterly convinced that she will come through this

:hugs:Sophie

[Allsteamedup]

Having been through Cognitive Behaviour Therapy twice, it does only deal with the here and now, and in particular what (women usually) 'say' repeatedly to the thought process on a daily basis. It would be particularly appropriate for someone worried about the future, as your wife seems to be, so she may well prefer to tackle her own issues.
I would not consider your cding to be an issue in these circumstances.

[ReineD]

Sophie, I'm glad everything's out on the table and the prognosis is good. It was the right thing to do. I wish you and your wife all the best in her recovery. :hugs:

[GG Kathy]

Sophie, I wish all the best for you and your family. Hopefully a full and speedy recovery also

[t-girlxsophie]

UPDATE

My Wife has been released from Hospital on Tuesday,I sat in on her meeting with her Doctor,just to put my mind at ease.The Doctor knows best of course,but just wanted to know all the facts,she has continuing appointments with an Occupational Therapist to help her and continued medication that she will be on,probably for all her life.Am so happy to have her home,she loved the newly decorated living room which im glad cheered her.Have taken a cpl weeks off work to look after her,she still feels a little strange being out and dont want to leave her at home at night,We both know we will get through this together,along with her twin boys help.

Thank you everyone,again for your kind comments,that and PMs I have recieved,it was greatly appreciated by us both

:hugs: Sophie

[Stephenie S]

Should she tell?

IMHO it's none of your business. You have given her permission to do so if she wants to. Leave it at that. I think anything else is meddling (too strong a word for this situation, I know) in another person's therapy.

But just let her tell the doctor what ever she wants.

S

[t-girlxsophie]

Stephanie,when I said I sat in with her and the Doctor (not therapist),It wasn't about Crossdressing,that issue has been dealt with (without ANY interference from me) It was about her coming home and any help we as a family can give her

Sophie

[JulieK1980]

I'm very happy to hear things are coming together well! :) I hope she makes a speedy recovery!