Not the fog , the coaster

[Marcia Blue]

We all have heard of or experienced the pink fog.

I am currently on the pink roller coaster. One day I am blinded by the fog, the next I start to pack up all my female attire and put it away. (I no longer purge). I might stay in either mode for a day to a week, before the urges swing the other way. Guilt might me driving the urge to rid myself of the female side. What brings the pink fog back is a mystery. This cycle has been going on since around the first of the year.

I try to not dress to often, for my wife's sake. She is supportive but, not 100%. She has only known for 1 1/2 years of our 20 plus years of marriage.

The sudden switches are driving me nuts. I have been trying to rationalize what causes the shifts in urges, to no avail. Has anyone else had such sudden shifts in the desire to dress or stop?

[Eryn]

I hear you. I tend to struggle with it, sometimes being enthusiastic and having fun and then having to dealing with the enormity of the task that I may be facing. That can be rather discouraging.

[ReineD]

Why do you swing to wanting to get rid of the girl side? Your wife is supportive. Would it be OK to just hang up the clothes in the closet, and know they are there for the next time you feel like dressing?

Eryn .. what enormous task are you potentially facing?

[Linda Stockings]

Why do you swing to wanting to get rid of the girl side?

You always have interesting yet very perplexing questions, Reine. I can describe some of I feel when that happens to me, yet I realize we're all different. Different things will initiate a span of high or low interest in being Linda. The reasons may include seeing some beautiful, classy, well dressed GG's at work and wanting to emulate them. It could be strolling through the stores and noticing some really pretty new fashions that I would love to try. It may be looking at some of my favorite shoes, skirts, or dresses that I haven't worn for awhile and remembering how wonderful it felt to proudly wear them during an outing. Looking over a website of new wig styles and seeing some that I am really attracted to can be fun and exciting. Years ago I looked into breast forms, and they were just way too expensive. Now the prices seem to have come down, and the number of CD friendly places to buy them has increased dramatically.

What makes me shut down (temporarily) can be a number of things also. Thinking that there's just no way I could ever get to a point where I can pass consistantly, or look as good as I want, and wondering, "why bother to try"? Having things bothering me at work that interfere not only with CD activity, but also distract me from my hobbies. I'm not sure what Eryn is referring to in her tasks, but for me, getting dressed and fully made up takes hours. Then after all the effort, if I have a bad experience while shopping, or even just not passing, can be horribly taxing. I can tolerate a few second glances, but I had one really upsetting experience while wearing what I thought was a conservative yet very pretty outfit. It remains a mystery what set the entire episode off.

Well, those are just a few reasons why things ebb and flow with me.

Thanks for your very inspiring thoughts and insights,

Linda

[Eryn]

Eryn .. what enormous task are you potentially facing?

I think that I was a bit over-dramatic.

Catching up with decades of general knowledge about femininity that "just happens" to GGs along with the special issues unique to CDing (physical size and appearance, access to goods, etc.) can be very daunting from the viewpoint of someone like me. I'm happy when I learn something new, but then I think of how much I have to learn which can be discouraging. I say "may be facing" because after a very long time deep in the closet I don't yet know where I am headed. It is comforting that I can talk about it both here and with my wife.

[ReineD]

I can tolerate a few second glances, but I had one really upsetting experience while wearing what I thought was a conservative yet very pretty outfit. It remains a mystery what set the entire episode off.


What happened?


I'm happy when I learn something new, but then I think of how much I have to learn which can be discouraging.

Oh. That makes sense, if you are just starting out. My SO told me it took her years before she attempted to go out dressed, other than her gender support group. She also told me in the beginning, it was frustrating at times, getting ready. The nail polish wouldn't dry. Or the makeup wouldn't look right. Or the hair wouldn't come out right.

But now, we both take about the same amount of time to get ready to go out. And she doesn't seem to sweat the small stuff. She doesn't even wear nail polish any more. She even beats me with the makeup application sometimes. I've just begun in the last few years to learn how to apply more involved makeup than just foundation, mascara, and lipstick. lol.

[Marcia Blue]

Why do you swing to wanting to get rid of the girl side? Your wife is supportive. Would it be OK to just hang up the clothes in the closet, and know they are there for the next time you feel like dressing.

Reine, I read your post this morning before I left for work. I have had all day to formulate my response.

My wife is supportive to a point. She is OK with me wearing slacks, my small forms, a top that is not to frilly, while she is around.

My schedule has not actually allowed me to pack up much, before I am swallowed by the Pink Fog. The most I get done is packing up my vanity stuff.

When the urge ebbs lately, I feel that I will never want to dress again. I know that is a false hood, but at the time I feel that way. When the urge returns I am enveloped in the Pink Fog.

I used to have a fair amount of control over my ebbs and urges. I had no problem getting all dolled up, when ever, a meeting or GNO came up. When I needed to be totally DRAB no reservations, just do it. Those days seem to be fleeting and far between.

[busker]

I am currently on the pink roller coaster.

Marcia, sounds like it could possibly be a hormone problem . Mood swings, isn't that how women describe the beginnings of menopause sometimes? If you are 50 or so, it could be a problem that you haven't considered. andropause is what men get. I used to take saw palmetto for BPH on my doctor's orders. After my cancer surgery, my breasts grew because of surgery stress, low testosterone, and the saw palmetto aided and abetted my screwed up system. I did give me lower blood pressure and a more relaxed feeling. when I quit, I decided to try one of natural menopause rememdies and started taking red clover. I have been doing it for quite some time and think I get the same quietude as I did from the saw palmetto. I might be worth talking to your doctor about mood swings (not necessarily your dressing) and see if it might be age related. Worth a shot instead of feeling bad all the time.

[Shari]

Marcia, I do believe I'm riding in the same car as you on that roller coaster.
What you described with your wife is almost identical to my situation as is the urge that ebbs and flows.

Do you think another part of it might be that we somehow choose not to do it too much? Might we be afraid the desire will leave us completely?
Doing it on occasion instead of daily keeps up the appreciation level, not to mention the excitement of it all.

[Sarah Doepner]

Marcia it sounds kind of familiar to me. Changes in hormone balances could have something to do with it as it seems that many of us who are in or beyond the late 40's have increased desire to dress. I started going through it without the benefit of my wife knowing and it was during that time she discovered my crossdressing. Beyond the personal emotional issues the roller coaster can bring is the lack of control as you begin to have wider horizons as you look out from the top of the hill. There is a lot of country out there for a girl to explore and when you are at the emotional top of your game you may be willing to take chances that would be passed over at other times.
Good luck in finding your dressing triggers. For a while it didn't take much more than seeing a color that reminded me of something in my closet or catching a smell of something pretty would get me in the mood. It wasn't possible to eliminate them because they were everywhere, all the time and the problem was I was just hyper sensitive to them.