My Wife Me to Cut Off my Beautiful Nails!

[Phoebe P.]

I don't have much. Very little makeup or clothes. I just started shaping my brow, but my fingernails are very pretty. Prettier than hers (not saying she's jealous), but she has said it in the past.

What should I do? Chop them off?

[sandra-leigh]

Could you clarify what your wife said or asked of you?

[Tanya C]

The problem with feminine nails is that they are a real giveaway, and perhaps that is why your wife is concerned. If so, here's what you should do, offer to lose the nails in exchange for something else. Something that won't be so apparent while in guy mode.

[Gerrijerry]

If you want your nails longer leave them that way. We have to stop letting others control us. What we want to wear or how you look is only your business. Of course you must remember there is always a reaction to anything we do. If she does not like you the way you are she always has the right to leave you. Same as you can leave her. If you want to make her happy and you not be happy then cut them. One of you will not be happy.

[ReineD]

Phoebe, this is just a guess, but do you think you're going a little too fast for your wife?

You've only been a member here for less than a week. You said in your earlier posts that your wife has only known for 2 months, and she only became comfortable with you joining this community this week. You've spent a lot of time here and it's apparent you're enjoying yourself immensely, so do you think your wife might be feeling as if you are leaving her behind?

I know she buys clothes and makeup for you, and I gather you are spending most of your time at home dressed. But if she objects to your finger nails, then how does she really feel about the change in how you spend your free time now compared to what it was before Christmas?

Do you spend anytime with her as her husband?

This is not a criticism. I'm just trying to figure out how your wife feels.

[Cynthia Anne]

Talk about being cut off!! Give me a break!ha! Phoebe girl, as a friend, I wonder if perhaps that maybe you are moving too fast! Let your wife have time to digest! Or could it be like Tanya said, in guy mode they look too female! Wishing the best for you! HUGS!

[Anne2345]

I agree with ReineD and Cynthia Anne, especially if you just told your wife a couple of months ago. Move too fast and you risk rejection. There is a chance she may never be as comfortable with your CDing as you would like her to be, or she may learn to accept and fully embrace that side of you. But if you force the issue beyond the pace she is comfortable wth, I think you may be unnecessarily risking it all. In my experience, marriage works best when each partner works as a team, and is on the same page. Patience, understanding, and acceptance are critical. Do not unintentionally put your wife in a position where she feels threatened or overwhelmed by Phoebe. Instead, try to give her some time to get to know Phoebe better. And who wouldn't want to get to know a person better before intimately inviting them into their life? One cannot be blamed for that. Until a few months ago, your wife did not know Phoebe even existed. Good luck!

[docrobbysherry]

Phoebe, here's an EASY WAY for u decide the fem activities u SHOULD do that your wife DOESN'T approve of!

Think, "How badly do I want fem fingernails?" Or, anything else fem u may desire?

Then think, "Divorce!"

Then, decide!

[NicoleScott]

GerriJerry is right, but although we all have that option of doing things our way (like it or lump it!), we don't live on an island and have to find a way to get along with those we choose to live with.
Here's a thought: cut your nails, and use fake nails when you get in femme mode.

[Stitch]

Here's another point of view and I hope its not to risqué for me to say so, but perhaps its to do with intimacy. I wouldn't like my partner to have long nails as there are parts of a women that are very delicate and wouldn't enjoy being touched by long nails as it can be pretty painful. Even the slightest length on a nail can cause that discomfort. So I wouldn't be best pleased if he decided to grow them long. I would see it as a sign he not longer wanted to be intimate with me.

[Stephenie S]

Here's another point of view and I hope its not to risqué for me to say so, but perhaps its to do with intimacy. I wouldn't like my partner to have long nails as there are parts of a women that are very delicate and wouldn't enjoy being touched by long nails as it can be pretty painful. Even the slightest length on a nail can cause that discomfort. So I wouldn't be best pleased if he decided to grow them long. I would see it as a sign he not longer wanted to be intimate with me.

Read this! Read it again. A woman's point of view can be enlightening. Pay attention. This really has nothing to do with nails, and everything to do with CDing.

I have often said that if you want to CD with the acceptance of your wife you have to make darn sure that you are fulfilling your manly duties in the bedroom. She has to KNOW that you are always her MAN. If you can do this, the rest will often fall into place. Notice, please, that I said manly duties. That does NOT mean having sex when you are all dolled up in panties and heels. It means MANLY duties.

Women are kind and considerate. We love our men. We can forgive most anything as long as we have our MEN. If your wife even has a hint that you are not her man, you can start to say goodby to that relationship. If she feels secure in the bedroom, you will find her surprisingly accepting of other activities.

Stephie

And wow! 3333 posts?

[Phoebe P.]

I'm going to file them down. I guess they could be off putting when in guy mode...

[Jeannie]

I have a set of press on nails that I re-use over and over. I don't glue on because that takes a long time to get off (should an emergency arise), instead I go to Sally's Beauty Supply and get fingernail tape. It come already cut and sized for each nail and is easy to apply and take off. They cost about $ 2.99 or 3.99 for about 20 or so. It is not as strong as glue but I don't work on cars or drive nails while I am dressed so for me they work pretty good. Jeannie is kind of not into to work.

Jeannie

[Phoebe P.]

Thanks Jeannie! I'll have to look into them! There's a Sally very close to work.

[Stitch]

Read this! Read it again. A woman's point of view can be enlightening. Pay attention. This really has nothing to do with nails, and everything to do with CDing.

I have often said that if you want to CD with the acceptance of your wife you have to make darn sure that you are fulfilling your manly duties in the bedroom. She has to KNOW that you are always her MAN. If you can do this, the rest will often fall into place. Notice, please, that I said manly duties. That does NOT mean having sex when you are all dolled up in panties and heels. It means MANLY duties.

Women are kind and considerate. We love our men. We can forgive most anything as long as we have our MEN. If your wife even has a hint that you are not her man, you can start to say goodby to that relationship. If she feels secure in the bedroom, you will find her surprisingly accepting of other activities.

Stephie

And wow! 3333 posts?

Sorry to rain on your parade. :strugglin I wasn't implying it was to be with being a man, what I meant is much simpler than that.
I have been told by my gay friends I'd make a terrible lesbian as I have talon like nails. Its just a fact which comes with the territory of entering into an intimate relationship with a women, no matter the orientation. Long nails + Intimate parts = much pain and discomfort. :Peace:

[ReineD]

Women are kind and considerate. We love our men. We can forgive most anything as long as we have our MEN. If your wife even has a hint that you are not her man, you can start to say goodby to that relationship. If she feels secure in the bedroom, you will find her surprisingly accepting of other activities.

Actually, Stephenie, most of us who are in relationships with TGs need to change our definitions of what a "MAN" is. We really do need to let go of the stereotypes.

[Phoebe P.]

Actually, Stephenie, most of us who are in relationships with TGs need to change our definitions of what a "MAN" is. We really do need to let go of the stereotypes.

Trust me the bedroom is not a problem! :) I agree with Reine wholeheartedly!

[kristinacd55]

Trust me the bedroom is not a problem! :) I agree with Reine wholeheartedly!

Lol. Phoebe, my dear, just latch on to Reine's advice and you'll do just fine! I call her the Ann Landers (hope ur old enough to know who she is lol) of this forum!

[Phoebe P.]

Lol. Phoebe, my dear, just latch on to Reine's advice and you'll do just fine! I call her the Ann Landers (hope ur old enough to know who she is lol) of this forum!

I agree wholeheartedly! She is a voice of reason. Unfortunately I am old enough to know who Ann Landers is!

[ReineD]

Lol. Stop it! I get it wrong a lot of times. :p

And yeah .. I'm old enough to know Ann Landers too. :sad:

[5150 Girl]

My ex knocked me down, sat on me, (all 230lb's of her) and cut my nails herself.

[Stephenie S]

No need to apologize. It's my parade and it can do what it wants.

My point is still important. Most women marry a man. If they wanted a woman, they would be a lesbian. Most women get upset when they think their MAN is changing into something else. For most women that's a deal breaker.

If you can maintain your identity as a man, if your wife has NO doubts what so ever in that department, you will find women a LOT more willing to put up with a little CDing every now and then. On the other hand, asking your wife to make love to you when you are "dressed" is a complete turn off for many.

I don't have a boyfriend right now, but I can tell you this. Finding out he wanted to be a woman would end that relationship right there. I want a man. As long as I knew he was secure in his identity as a man, if he wanted to wear panties now and then (as long as they weren't MINE), I could live with that.

JMHO guys,
Stephie


Actually, Stephenie, most of us who are in relationships with TGs need to change our definitions of what a "MAN" is. We really do need to let go of the stereotypes.

And knowing the prevalance of stereotypical beliefs in our socienty, your point is?

It would be nice. You are right. But geez. We read all the time on this forum, "How can I get my wife to accept me?" The fact remains. MOST women marry a man because he's a man. As long as you can maintain that identity, most women will accept a lot.

Listen to this conversation in the breakroom.

"OMG. Did you see Dr Phil this morning? There was a guy on there wanted to be a woman! I would divorce my Frank in an instant if I found panties in the dryer"

"Oh yeah? Well my Harry likes to put on my panties sometimes. But when he gets me in the bedroom, Look Out! He's all man."

Hypothetical, of course. I made it all up. But it could happen. I have certainly been part of enough round the table chats to be able to imagine it actually taking place.

Yes, I would love to end those popular beliefs. But how? I hold them myself.

Stephie

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Phoebe, Do like I did I started scratching my wife's back for her and she stopped complaining about my nails.

Orchid

[ReineD]

My point is still important. Most women marry a man. If they wanted a woman, they would be a lesbian. Most women get upset when they think their MAN is changing into something else. For most women that's a deal breaker.

Stephenie, it's not as black and white as you make it out to be, i.e. either a person is a man or a woman. These are the stereotypical views. There are people for whom gender is not quite so cut and dry, and the GGs who become OK with being in a relationship with TGs ultimately come to understand this.

In your post, you describe a GG's journey when she first finds out. It is natural to struggle with changing prior definitions of gender and sexuality. But you should also take a look at the hundreds of posts here from the CDers who have supportive wives.

I deconstructed my own definitions at first by removing the notion of gender out of the equation entirely, while I was redefining my prior stereotypical views. I realized that the being that I love has an essence that transcends any gender, and this is what I focused on. Now the notion of gender is back into my definitions again, but it is much more fluid than it was before.

I know it might be difficult for you to understand this, since because you are TS, you do fit into the binary definitions of gender, as do cis-genders. But we have an entire forum of people here who do not.

I agree, perhaps "the majority" of women would not be able to accept the CDing. But, it is only a minority of women who do face the reexamination of gender stereotypes and these are the women who are married to TGs, and who wish to stay in their relationships :)

[Phoebe P.]

I filed them to a manageable length and she's fine now. I say again, the bedroom is fine. I'm all man in the boudoir (even though I just used the term "boudoir"!). I don't want to be a woman, but I'm definitely not like other guys.

[Stephenie S]

Stephenie, it's not as black and white as you make it out to be, i.e. either a person is a man or a woman. These are the stereotypical views. There are people for whom gender is not quite so cut and dry, and the GGs who become OK with being in a relationship with TGs ultimately come to understand this.

In your post, you describe a GG's journey when she first finds out. It is natural to struggle with changing prior definitions of gender and sexuality. But you should also take a look at the hundreds of posts here from the CDers who have supportive wives.

I deconstructed my own definitions at first by removing the notion of gender out of the equation entirely, while I was redefining my prior stereotypical views. I realized that the being that I love has an essence that transcends any gender, and this is what I focused on. Now the notion of gender is back into my definitions again, but it is much more fluid than it was before.

I know it might be difficult for you to understand this, since because you are TS, you do fit into the binary definitions of gender, as do cis-genders. But we have an entire forum of people here who do not.

I agree, perhaps "the majority" of women would not be able to accept the CDing. But, it is only a minority of women who do face the reexamination of gender stereotypes and these are the women who are married to TGs, and who wish to stay in their relationships :)

Put that way it's hard to disagree. You make a good deal of sense.

I thought once that I might enjoy the fruits of such a relationship but it was not to happen. I suppose I carry the bitter burden of some disapointment. I hope that I can someday put it down. I will be a better person when I do.

Stephie

[Phoebe P.]

Put that way it's hard to disagree. You make a good deal of sense.

I thought once that I might enjoy the fruits of such an arangement but it was not to happen. I suppose I carry the bitter burden of some disapointment. I hope that I can someday put it down. I will be a better person when I do.

Stephie

Not sure how old you are Stephie, but if you saw me on the street, you would probably think I am a good looking man. If you got to know me you'd know I like to work out when I can, play with my dogs, play golf (when I can), I live for college football (ROLL TIDE!), Love to watch the Braves, but I also love to cook, watch touching movies, and have empathy for people, and don't like to hang out with guys who want to drink beer and ogle women. Just not my scene.

I'm very relaxed in my makeup and my dress and my best friend and the only person that truly matters to me apart from my parents, is my wife.

[busker]

. But you should also take a look at the hundreds of posts here from the CDers who have supportive wives.
With all due respect, I'm going to have to REINE on your parade (I couldn't help myself). If you look at the current 3-question thread, I think you will discover that most wives are not all that accepting, and I doubt that 100 would be found here. It often sounds like there are a lot of accepting wives, but enough reading of the threads and it becomes clear that A LOT fall into the category of acceptance but not wanting to be involved. The few wonderful stories have overshadowed the not so wonderful reactions of many others. I was surprised to see that coming out more and more throughout many different threads. you are one a few understanding and accepting persons here which is why you are still the brightest (in all senses of the term) star in our firmament.

[ReineD]

I thought once that I might enjoy the fruits of such a relationship but it was not to happen. I suppose I carry the bitter burden of some disapointment. I hope that I can someday put it down. I will be a better person when I do.


:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

There is someone out there for you and you'll find love. I'm sure of this. :)


If you look at the current 3-question thread, I think you will discover that most wives are not all that accepting, and I doubt that 100 would be found here.

I don't know why some threads attract the notice of CDers whose wives struggle, and other threads are filled with accounts of positive results. Maybe it is in the way the original post is worded. Also keep in mind that age may well have something to do with it, if you consider that older CDs who grew up without the internet were more likely to not disclose the CDing to their wives until much later, in which case the wife is dealing with trust issues in addition to having to redefine gender roles.

It's hard to determine an exact percentage of women who are accepting vs. those who are not. But, if you look at the GG intro thread, there are many more who join here with positive attitudes than otherwise.

Three last points ... a member may well post his difficulties with his wife's level of acceptance because at that time he is seeking support, but then things improve and he won't necessarily come back here to tell us that things are better. Second, regarding your point about a wife tolerating but not supporting: I agree this is not ideal for some people, but remember that some CDers prefer to not have their wives actively involved. There was an entire thread about this and I gather this is how some CDers keep it all in balance for themselves. And last, who is to say that if a marriage ends when there is CDing involved, there are not a lot of other issues as well, that have nothing to do with the CDing?

All I'm saying is that I see the glass half full. Perhaps you see it as half empty? :)