And then there were two

[GingerLeigh]

I told my dad about my crossdressing a while back, now I finally told my mom. It was easier to tell her than I thought, and she said pretty much the same thing as my dad did. She had no idea. I guess I kept it well hidden from them.

It feels so liberating to tell someone I love. I wish I could tell my wife.


Ginger

[AKAMichelle]

That will the toughest one to tell. Someday you will have to go through that door or realize at some point that you are living a lie. I hope that when you do choose to tell your wife that it goes well for you.

[RenneB]

That day may come for me, but if it doesn't so far that's fine. Due to financial reasons, I need to stay in the will. Coming out to my folks might change that. I know that money isn't everything but the alternative is pretty bleak...

Ultimately, I'd like to be able to ask the question and if I don't like the reaction, I can get them to forget I ever asked the question....

Renne (.)(.)

[sissystephanie]

I will have to agree with Michelle! Telling your wife will be difficult, since as Michelle said you are living a lie right now. Just make sure that she knows you love her as a MAN and always will!! Woman marry a man, and expect that he will remain a man. Crossdressing can throw them off, unless you show her that you are still the man she married regardless of what you are wearing! Good Luck!!

[teri50]

It is good to be honest with your parents, but you must also show the same courtesy to your wife...It would only be more difficult if she found out be over hearing your folks talking about you someday...Wish you all the best...It will take a lot of courage, but it has to be done...

[Cynthia Anne]

I agree with Teri! Somehow someway before it's to late!

[BLUE ORCHID]

the longer you wait the harder it gets.

Orchid

[LeeAnnRose]

Even as a more recent member I think I have to agree on the advice you are getting. Let your wife know asap. While I would have no need to even consider telling my parents my wife was an absolute when I became sure this was something that was not going to go away. My wife is the ONLY family member that knows, and right now I think I am ok with it staying that way for a while.

[naye]

I haven't be able to tell my mom, neither my girlfriend, I really want to do it but I feel so scare and shame about hurting the two persons that I love the most in the world, or even being rejected by they, specially by my girlfriend because I know my mom wont reject me, but I know it will hurt her too.

[GingerLeigh]

Well, after discussing it with my parents the general consensus was that it would be a mistake to tell my wife. What do I gain...

1) A clear conscience.
2) Freedom of action.
3) Unloading a burden I've carried since I was 4.

What do I lose...

1) Her respect.
2) My marriage (probably).

What does she gain....

1) Now knows EVERYTHING about me, warts and all.
2) A part-time girlfriend that she likely doesn't want.

What does she lose...

1) Her respect for her husband.
2) Her peace of mind, will I take it to another level later?
3) Her marriage (probably).
4) What she believes to be a good father figure to her children.

Can I stop? I can certainly try, I have but always failed. I become miserable to live with. Unless I'm willing to take drugs to deal with what I think is depression, I must continue to stay the course.

I know that there are many out there that think I'm all wet, and that's OK. I know there will be many out there that will reply how rotten I am. I'm not really liking myself for the deception, but I believe we both have too much to lose by me telling her. I hurt nobody but myself by locking it away in the closet. Her not knowing hurts her less than her knowing. That's my take anyway, and my parents agree.

Ginger

[PretzelGirl]

First off, this has to be a decision that you are comfortable with or your ability to deliver it and deal with questions and outcomes will suffer. So I am not saying you should tell her, only you know for sure. But a few tidbits to think about.



What do I lose...

1) Her respect.
2) My marriage (probably).


I would say these are assumptions. Are you sure you would lose her respect? Some or many of us say that we got more respect because our wives admire us for being us and not hiding it. Admittedly, you can't know which way this would swing ahead of time unless she is openly against TG. As far as losing the marriage, maybe you know or maybe your glass is half empty. Only you really know for sure.



What does she gain....

1) Now knows EVERYTHING about me, warts and all.
2) A part-time girlfriend that she likely doesn't want.


I think people in a marriage should know everything about each other, warts and all. But maybe that is just my perspective of a marriage.

Do you know she doesn't want a part time girlfriend? Anyway, there are so many other outcomes there. My wife and I enjoy each other whether I am in drab or drag and I am not ever her girlfriend. Others have wives that say "fine, just not in front of me".



What does she lose...

1) Her respect for her husband.
2) Her peace of mind, will I take it to another level later?
3) Her marriage (probably).
4) What she believes to be a good father figure to her children.


Again,these all seem to be the glass being half empty. Are they possible outcomes? Certainly. But but watching messages here, I know all four aren't true for many here.

This is a tough decision and I would never want anyone to take it lightly. If you aren't comfortable doing it, which seems to be the case, then I wouldn't recommend it as it is hard to deliver something you aren't bought into yourself. Plus it then makes it harder to react to things that come up. What we can't tell here is if this list is more your thoughts, your parents, or you all agree. Think about it as you have no clock on this. Give your wife credit too. Unless she is openly anti-TG, you may not know her true feelings. This is certainly one of those things that we may not know about our spouses.

But your long term issue is where you say you are miserable. So you do hurt her and yourself by not telling. You may realize how much and you may not. Sometimes the effects of our moods are hard to judge. If you do tell, you could hurt both of you again or maybe not. So for those that haven't told, this is always the major question. I don't believe just looking at it from the "if I tell" perspective is all to look at. What about the "if I don't tell" perspective?

Just some things to think about maybe?

[GingerLeigh]

I thinks she has suspicions about me, after all it is really hard to hide some feminine traits/interests no matter what I do. We watched a documentary on that lunatic murdering air force Col. She noted initially "what a freak..." then rebuked "OK, if he wants to wear womens panties that's one thing, big deal. Why was it neccessary to kill..." You get the picture. I think she was in her own little way trying to tell me she knows something.

Is she anti TG? She believes that TG, homosexuals et-al have something wrong with their wiring since birth. They can't help being that way, but it's "just wrong". She is very uncomfortable when I joke about CDing, I'll say something stupid like "got one of those for me?" as she puts on her panties. She gives me an odd look and changes the subject.

Regardless, I don't think her acceptance of TGs is the issue. It's a trust issue. I've hidden something very important from her and now she cannot trust me. Telling her now and not before we married has taken away her right to decide to be with me like this or not. I cannot change the fact that I kept it silent before we married. That is where the big mistake happened. I applaud those that have the guts to tell their SO's, I'm just not convinced it's worth the risk in my case. The points I brought up, some were mine, some were my parents. They agreed regardless of who thought of it.

I think my mother is having a hard time with it. She's OK with me, just feels bad that they never knew how I suffered in silence as I grew up, and what implications it may have on the security of my marriage.

Ginger

[Anne2345]

I agree with Sue, and you may not be giving your wife enough credit. You're still the same person she loves and married. I told my wife before we married, and it was incredibly difficult. In telling her, though, I had thoroughly prepared myself for all of her questions and concerns, obtained educational literature for her, etc. It was rough at the time, we had to work through all of the issues together, but for both of us, it was the right thing to do. And who can really argue against being honest? Of course, you know your wife, we do not, so the decision is very much a personal one that only you can make.

What I find amazing, though, is that if you feel you cannot tell your wife, that you were still able to tell your parents. I mean, wow, that takes courage, so you obviously do not lack in that department. As hard as it was to tell my wife, even if I had the desire to tell me parents, which I do not, I don't think I could do it.

[GingerLeigh]

I agree with Sue, and you may not be giving your wife enough credit. You're still the same person she loves and married. I told my wife before we married, and it was incredibly difficult. In telling her, though, I had thoroughly prepared myself for all of her questions and concerns, obtained educational literature for her, etc. It was rough at the time, we had to work through all of the issues together, but for both of us, it was the right thing to do. And who can really argue against being honest? Of course, you know your wife, we do not, so the decision is very much a personal one that only you can make.

What I find amazing, though, is that if you feel you cannot tell your wife, that you were still able to tell your parents. I mean, wow, that takes courage, so you obviously do not lack in that department. As hard as it was to tell my wife, even if I had the desire to tell me parents, which I do not, I don't think I could do it.

Telling my parents was neccessary. Sure it took guts, my mind is strong in many ways but not all. If my wonderful world comes apart because of this... I don't really know what may become of me, or what I would do to myself in such a terribly depressed state. This is why I told my folks. I need to know they are there to support me if I come unglued after my life falls apart. I pray it doesn't.

[Anne2345]

I am sorry to hear that you are in such a depressed state of mind. I certainly understand why. And I am sure most of us on this forum have been depressed at one time or another given our background. I know I have been there, done that, and it is miserable. But depression is nothing to mess around with. Given all that you perceive to be on the line, I wonder if relying on your parents advice is the best thing for you. I am sure that they have only your best interests at heart, but they may be too close to you and the issue. I have no idea what their background is, but mental health and advice of this nature is sometimes best left to those who have the background in it. Although they mean well, they may not be giving you the proper advice you need, whatever that may be. Have you thought about professional counseling? People make all kinds of decisions they would not ordinarily make but for their depression, and ultimately regret it. If you are in over your head, and that is definitely understandable, seek independent professional help. This forum is a great start for you, and in the short time I have been a member here, I love and respect it, and am in for the long haul, but it is not necessarily the end all be all. We are all here for each other, but you may need more than that. You have a lot on the line, and I really hope it works out for you.