Why do i keep seeing this happening ?????

[Tybalt]

There's a question on my mind that has been turning and building on allot of post I read.
(because this seems to happen to me.....i Would first like to say I'm not trying to bash any one or single any one out I'm simply trying to be a supportive person coming to you all with a concern)

Why is it that so many posts are about hiding?? How to hide, close calls almost getting caught, or the inevitable "I got caught". Believe me I know what fear is and I'm taking it into account here, I understand being bound by fear. However I find it strange (and this is the truest nature of my question here) that so many people hide from S.O's and family, granted I'm not to close with my family, but shouldn't those closest to you be your refuge from all other things in this world.

On top of all that, love built on lies and secrets is no love at all, If it were well Id be a perfect wife wouldn't I? I could have a relationship with just about anyone I chose because I wouldn't ever tell them about myself and if they asked I could just lie.

Then this cycle ends on so many posts with disillusionment, broken hearts, and devastation. When it could have just been avoided, in the first place. Its kinda a F'ed thing to do to some one you love.

I understand I'm a GG and some might say I don't know the first thing about being a man in this world with a taste for pretty things, but what I do know is I have spent my whole life outside the main stream and definitely no where near any social norm, and I know a Farley large sum about psychology and sociology, so I'm often concerned when I see self destructive cycles repeating and not being corrected. I'm not saying you got to go out in the world and shout from the tallest tree your a cross dresser I'm just thinking you should be honest with your lovers and such

To sum this up, I would like to add a side note to those who have done this and say thanks ;) ya all rock my socks,

so next time your running to a bathroom for a washcloth because you just herd a car pull up in your drive way, your only hiding a wonderful chapter in your life from some one you love and care for, and if its going to ruin your relationship , consider the strength of the relationship your involved in.

IF you cant be your self who can you be?
:confused:

[Phoebe P.]

I'm sitting here dressed, watching TV, and posting on this board with my wife next to me. My parents and siblings are another matter. It's none of their business and I don't need the trouble. Life is complicated enough. If you go out in Levi's and a wife beater, no one thinks twice. Lesbians are "En Vogue". Cross dressers are not. If I walk around the neighborhood in a dress the police would probably be at my door. Discrimination laws or no.

Ostracism is not one of my favorite past times!

[Tybalt]

I agree with you In that my family are not he most loving excepting people to ever grace this earth, i think its good that you can share with your wife, and im fortunate that i live in a place where most people don't bat an eyelash at much of anything, i suppose that's a bit of why i wounder about this. I certainly do have that to my advantage.
as far as being ostracized, maybe if more people went out it would be "En Vogue"

[Phoebe P.]

My parents are VERY loving, but very conservative. I live in one of the most conservative areas in the country. It's a great place to live as long as you respect the opinions of other people. I live in a "family oriented" subdivision in the Bible Belt. I respect their wishes and don't invite criticism. "En Vogue" where I live is often flannel shirts, Wranglers, and an old ball cap!

[Edyta_C]

Interesting! I went thru a phase in dressing that was sexual. Then that passed, but I think that it was replaced for a while with the high of all most getting caught. The adrenalin flowed. Then I did it just because it felt relaxing and good. Now i feel completely different and don't really give a hoop if caught or seen. I have accepted myself as who I am (at least half girl). I was raised for nearly my first six years as a girl. Then my Dad forced a switch to go to school. I suppose it was for the best because in the early 50's it would not have gone well in school.

So I think that some of the cycles we go thru are just that, cycles. The so called pink fog cycles for many of us. But the stories of almost getting caught etc. are part of the desire for some of us at a period in our development for the adrenalin rush of it. I think probably 60 percent of the people on this forum have realized that part of them is femme and perhaps more that just part.

I hope my two cents sheds some light on your query.

Hugs Edy

[Amanda22]

Tybalt, I can't agree with you more. I'm glad you wrote it so clearly and directly.

[RenneB]

It's just something inside me that I haven't let out to anyone...'cept y'all. Even that was a long time in coming. I would find it easier if I was gay and I came out of the closest with a boyfriend. It's mainstream and besides my SO and I have had the gay chat already. I'm not but she see's no problem in anyone being gay. Now the recent incident tells me that she's not ready for this just yet... Now, if I looked like Casandra, or Cortnet, or Calperna that would be something different.

In my world, this matters.

Renne.......

[Eryn]

You bring up a good point, but from the CDers POV the stakes are very high. I love and trust my wife, but I had to consider long and hard before I had a frank discussion with her. The benefits seemed nebulous and the potential cost might be extreme. There are many stories on the forum about coming-out disasters where otherwise loving and forgiving wives can't, for whatever reason, handle CDing. Against that possibility, hiding might well be the more attractive choice.

[Ericka2]

Just love your post, just what the doctor ordered, thanks for the encouragement and you so right, what kind of loves ones will they be if they won't understand?

Love, Ericka.

[Phoebe P.]

What kind of loved one would you be if you don't understand their sensibilities? They aren't out of the mainstream. I am. I respect that and don't expect the majority of the world to conform to my desires.

I do what I do b/c I like to do it. I don't expect others to understand me. I am who I am, but I don't force it on others. I respect everyone and their opinions.

[ThiHi]

To be a MAN today, in the US, is full of rules and scripts. It's hard work, exhausting. They don't have to do it, but they do, because they feel its the right ting to do. I finally realized i'm not "the guy", not even, for the most part A guy. I've come to accept i'm "one of the girls" no matter how i'm dressed. It does matter where you live though. I couldn't be me in, say, Alabama. Which is why I don't live there ;-)

[EllieOPKS]

Phoebe - You have given as about as clear and concise answer that can be given. I have the very same mind set as you.

[sissystephanie]

My parents are VERY loving, but very conservative. I live in one of the most conservative areas in the country. It's a great place to live as long as you respect the opinions of other people. I live in a "family oriented" subdivision in the Bible Belt. I respect their wishes and don't invite criticism. "En Vogue" where I live is often flannel shirts, Wranglers, and an old ball cap!

I also live in a "family oriented" subdivision in the Bible Belt. It is a very small subdivision and those of us who have been there for sometime know almost everybody. Yes I do try to respect their wishes, But I am ME, and I dress the way I like. When the weather is warm, I often go for a walk in the subdivision wearing either a mini skirt, or a skort along with my usual panties and bra. Never once in many years have I been asked why I am dressed that way! If you accept who you are and what you want to look like, most people will just accept you. Those who feel that they "may" get caught have a persona that magnifies that feeling. They are literally projecting that feeling to the public. I know that I am a crossdresser, and I am happy with it. I just accept it and live with it!!

[Valerie Nova]

Just love your post, just what the doctor ordered, thanks for the encouragement and you so right, what kind of loves ones will they be if they won't understand?

Love, Ericka.
My mother found a bag of my clothes and told me she never did anything to deserve this, that I am so selfish to be hurting her like that, that I am living in darkness, that she thinks my past drug use may have messed up my brain and made me start doing this, and that I need to turn to God. On one hand I know she's batshit crazy when it comes to anything sexual. On the other hand, she's my freaking mother. She was just so sad. I couldn't help feeling awful.

[Xandria]

tybalt
this deserves post of the year.

[Cynthia Anne]

Dear Tybalt: I hope I explain myself clearly! Ninety seven percent of the people on earth are taught right from wrong between the age of six months and five years of age! Even though we know what we are, parents nor anyone knows what our feelings are, our minds tell us we don't agree with what we have been taught! I feel that we hide because that's not right (in the eyes of our loved ones!) They can't except it because THEY were taught it's not right or normal. They can't except something that they see as wrong! We are afraid of letting them know how we feel because we don't know how they will react! HUGS!

[docrobbysherry]

----------------------------On top of all that, love built on lies and secrets is no love at all, If it were well Id be a perfect wife wouldn't I? I could have a relationship with just about anyone I chose because I wouldn't ever tell them about myself and if they asked I could just lie.

----------------------------Then this cycle ends on so many posts with disillusionment, broken hearts, and devastation. When it could have just been avoided, in the first place. Its kinda a F'ed thing to do to some one you love.
---------------- Farley large sum about psychology and sociology, so I'm often concerned when I see self destructive cycles repeating and not being corrected.
-----------------------------------IF you cant be your self who can you be?


Love ISN'T built on lies and deception!? How about THESE? See how your "honesty" works for u!:straightface:

"Honey, does this dress make me look fat?"
"I found a large candle under the bed with $100 price tag on it!"
"Do I smell booze?" "Oh, I met the boys for ONE beer after work."
"Do u mind if my mother and sis come stay the weekend?"
"The boys r going out to Lake Las Vegas for some fishing. U won't MIND if I go?"
"Honey, why is there a $50 charge for porn on our latest cable bill?"
"Sorry dear. I'm NOT in the mood tonite! No, I think those pounds you've put on r kind of CUTE!"
"Sorry dear. I'm stressed from work and Big Tom just can't seem to perform tonite! I promise to COMPLETELY satisfy u next time!"
And finally: "I find my dressed image in the mirror to be more exciting than U R!"

Complete honesty in a relationship would END most before they started!:sad:



-----------I am fortunate that i live in a place where most people don't bat an eyelash at much of anything, -------------

And, where would THAT be? Frisco? New York? Stockholm? Mars!?:eek:

[AKAMichelle]

Your reasoning is pretty much why I quit hiding things from everyone around me. Now my close friends and family know. I have been very fortunate to have been accepted for me.

[Sophie86]

"Honey, does this dress make me look fat?"

Well, sure. But that's not really the same, is it?

It's not that I'm an advocate of complete honesty. I think it's a question each person has to wrestle with individually. I will just say that being out of the closet is better than having to hide, but having to hide may be better than being out of the house. If you're having to lie, though, don't kid yourself that it's a white lie akin to hiding your true opinion of her weight issues. You're keeping a deep, dark secret from her, and if you're right about the necessity of lying, then there will probably be hell to pay if/when she finds out.

[busker]

[QUOTE=sissystephanie;2432252 Never once in many years have I been asked why I am dressed that way! [/QUOTE]
Stephanie, since you have breasts and wear a bra, as you have often mentioned,, is it possible that people think you are a woman occasionally dressing as a man, and therefore don't take exception to your dressing? I have to admit, that I am always surprised that you are not hassled in such a small town in GA. [Isn' that Jimmy Carter territory?]

[dsweet]

To be a MAN today, in the US, is full of rules and scripts. It's hard work, exhausting.

A(wo)men! Men get to do nothing exciting or involving public display of emotion or sensitivity without being ridiculed. Had I originally been born a woman, perhaps I would not feel the need to cloak my sensual/caring nature with boring male placidity.. But being that I am single (and heterosexual), there's just not anyone on a daily basis that needs to know. When I meet the right woman for me, I will make sure that she is aware of my inner nature & outer habits before we get the ball rolling in a semi-serious direction. :)

[Frédérique]

Why is it that so many posts are about hiding?? How to hide, close calls almost getting caught, or the inevitable "I got caught". Believe me I know what fear is and I'm taking it into account here, I understand being bound by fear. However I find it strange (and this is the truest nature of my question here) that so many people hide from S.O's and family, granted I'm not to close with my family, but shouldn't those closest to you be your refuge from all other things in this world.

If we lived in a world, or in a time, when gender-unspecific behavior was encouraged or even championed, rather than the current polarized era, hiding would not be necessary – are you aware of your immediate surroundings? Since we are in the MtF section, I’ll talk about this little corner of the wonderful world of crossdressing. I seek to be non-male, or non-masculine, via my choice of clothing – these days, this is not an accepted practice in a world of “us or them” mentality…

Needless to say, if a male wishes to be anything less than male, he has to hide his alternative proclivities from his peers (and family) for reasons of survival. It’s a sad state of affairs, but isn’t personal safety a worthwhile cause to pursue, i.e. “looking out for #1?” In a similar fashion, the crossdresser may seek to diminish the effect his behavior (or inherent characteristics) may have on those around him – this is another reason to embrace a clandestine lifestyle. MtF crossdressing is not accepted by the majority, barely tolerated by a dwindling minority, and not understood by nearly everyone. Is it any wonder that you have to hide your love of femininity (and effeminacy) away from prying eyes? Get real…


IF you can’t be your self who can you be?

Sounds good, but you can be yourself AND hide, in case you didn’t already know. What if you can ONLY be yourself by hiding your penchant for crossdressing? After all, the incorporation between the genders (one may seek) may require a certain distance from the world at large. Tell me – are you comfortable with yourself, or do you require the approval of others? In my case, I can be ME, and nobody is the wiser. Hiding can be a positive thing, while confrontation is the antithesis of the mental peace I seek for myself…
:straightface:

[Tybalt]

"Honey, does this dress make me look fat?"
"I found a large candle under the bed with $100 price tag on it!"
"Do I smell booze?" "Oh, I met the boys for ONE beer after work."
"Do u mind if my mother and sis come stay the weekend?"
"The boys r going out to Lake Las Vegas for some fishing. U won't MIND if I go?"
"Honey, why is there a $50 charge for porn on our latest cable bill?"
"Sorry dear. I'm NOT in the mood tonite! No, I think those pounds you've put on r kind of CUTE!"
"Sorry dear. I'm stressed from work and Big Tom just can't seem to perform tonite! I promise to COMPLETELY satisfy u next time!"


as a matter of fact I am in a perfectly honest relationship, like...
"yes you look fat take that off"
"Do u mind if my mother and sis come stay the weekend, "yes ill be at my brothers house have fun...
"we can make money by selling other candles out of the candle under the bed "
see the problem with this is you have no idea what i would say to these quotes
but you have a false assumption of my personality in you head
and so on, sorry I upset you and you think me naive. haven't kept any secrets from any of my partners in a long time, I learned that lesson years ago. guess you and I just live in different worlds. :D


To be a MAN today, in the US, is full of rules and scripts. It's hard work, exhausting.They don't have to do it, but they do, because they feel its the right ting to do.
Funny side note to you, most of my jobs have been what most would call boy jobs, I've worked on docks where i was the only girl and i kept up just fine with all the boys. I have also worked in a casting shop (my first job with hotness) i never lost a beat, but i can girl it up like no ones business :D

[Kaz]

Tybalt,

You raised a very serious issue... it will bring responses that are both constructive and defensive, after all, you have effectively challenged what many here are doing. many will feel defensive and say nothing.. some will articulate their feelings. It is a very big thing to accept and not reject how others feel.

we all live in the same world, but in micro-cosms. What is acceptable in San Fransisco may not be acceptable in a small town in Northern England... we all have constraints to deal with. I am about to take on a mentoring role with a work colleague who has decided to come out and live his loife how he wants to. He now wears feminine clothes and makeup every day at work. He is quite a rugged looking guy and so does not look like a woman... but he is who he is and I am trying to help him through this transition and acceptance.

Is everyone accepting of this? NO they are not. This is the reality. So living a lie is about knowing this fact and being scared to do it for fear of rejection. In some countries, being out could cost you your life...

[crusadergirl]

I like that quote if can't be yourself who can u you be. Don't know why i hide who i am its not fear anymore just never have time to be me got other things that come first.

[2SpeedTranny]

My mother found a bag of my clothes and told me she never did anything to deserve this, that I am so selfish to be hurting her like that, that I am living in darkness, that she thinks my past drug use may have messed up my brain and made me start doing this, and that I need to turn to God. On one hand I know she's batshit crazy when it comes to anything sexual. On the other hand, she's my freaking mother. She was just so sad. I couldn't help feeling awful.

Whoa. Do you live with your mum?

I think if I were in those shoes, I'd be finding a way to move out by tomorrow. But if not... eh... why worry about it? Family is blood, to be sure, but you didn't get to choose them in the way that you get to choose your friends. I don't think it's any great sin to sort of distance yourself a bit from family members you don't get along with. There's the old adage, "treat your family like friends, and your friends like family." Most often, folks become closer to their friends than their own families.

I have relatives who, somewhat understandably, are upset that I don't communicate with them much. It's not that I dislike them... but that I just don't have anything in common with them, and choose to associate with people who share common interests instead... not to mention the fact that we live a thousand miles apart anyway.

Anyway... point to all this... sorry your mom is kinda crazy. Mine is too, but in a different way. Guess it happens. Don't let it get you down. Just move on.





And, where would THAT be? Frisco? New York? Stockholm? Mars!?:eek:

About 15 miles from me... and nowhere near any of those places.

I find it odd that you think like that. I've been around Orange County quite a bit in my life, and as a place -- well, there, the whole LA basin -- it's a freak show. I can't think of anything you can't get away with there, except maybe being too pale in Compton after dark.

[dominique]

The reason you see a lot of this is that we're just plain scared of admitting to our wives, s.o. and knowing what might happen in the long term. I know some have great wives who support them but I guess the people you're talking abt know their wives will hate the idea of them dressing.

[Kate Simmons]

Mostly for many hiding is easier than addressing the truth. In the end, though, it will come out one way or the other.:straightface:

[Mary Morgan]

I knew I was different as a very young child, about 5 as I recall, and I knew that I must hide this early on as well. I do not know how I knew but I did. And when I would get caught by my parents I was punished in the manner of rural children of the fifties, with a belt. As a teenager, I was dragged to the family doctor and humiliated after one occasion. It did not stop me nor could it, but it made me a bit cynical about how others would see me. I would say that it is my tendency as a result to be a bit withdrawn, suspicious of others, and guarded. Suffice it to say that I have spent a lifetime "protecting" my wife, children. parents, job, church, you name it, from this very big part of me. Today my wife knows, my children know, some of my friends know, none have run screaming from my life, but it is a different world than the one of that youngster in the early fifties. I wish it had not been so.

[docrobbysherry]

[QUOTE=Tybalt;2432387]as a matter of fact I am in a perfectly honest relationship, like...
"yes you look fat take that off"
"Do u mind if my mother and sis come stay the weekend, "yes ill be at my brothers house have fun...
"we can make money by selling other candles out of the candle under the bed "
see the problem with this is you have no idea what i would say to these quotes
but you have a false assumption of my personality in you head
and so on, sorry I upset you and you think me naive. haven't kept any secrets from any of my partners in a long time, I learned that lesson years ago. guess you and I just live in different worlds. :D

Mars and Venus maybe, Tybalt?
I'm wondering how u would respond to your CD partner's HONEST revelation, "I find my fem image in the mirror more exciting than u"?
I LIKED your other replies, by the way! And will admit to being jealous of ANYONE whose relationship can survive with that much honesty! Congrats!

[Pythos]

I only hide from my mother, and my aviation job. I am quite open with my friends, my GG, and my non aviation job.

That being said, I know I am limiting myself in what I can do in life, and who I meet because of the styles I wear. I refuse to put on a man's suit, or "male" outfit for any other reason than I want to. Unfortunately, and I have been saying this for years, I am one of the few that actually tries to get out there and push the boundaries of style freedom.

Jive (a member here ) is another, along with many here and on other sites.

The problem is, because what I do is odd in many people's eyes, I am considered "unfit" for certain things...which is just stupid thinking. How does my wearing leggings in place of jeans make me unfit? I'll tell you what. The few times I have flown wearing leggings I felt LESS encumbered by what I was wearing.

What we really need is more GGs that like our styles. That encourage the ideas of men having as much levity in the types of clothing and styles they can wear AND NOT be rejected by these same women. Much like how men have not rejected women for dressing very male over the past half century.

I for one hide from my mom because I just don't want to put up with the bigotry. She knows of my leggings, and tolerates my hair. She has never seen my more wild goth style (she hates Goths and the fact I fall in that category, mainly due to her listening to the mainstream media at the time of the Columbine shootings, but failed to hear 10 years later when both the police and the media admitted to linking those two Neo Nazis to Goths)

I hide my skirts however just due to how polarized our society has gotten since 9/11. It is finally subsiding, but still it is a bit too frightening with how some people act. But that does not mean I don't get out in them. I do. And I wear leggings regularly.

But we need women like the OP to be a champion for most of us. We need women to give a chance in the dating scene, for those cds or alternative dressers interested in such relationships. I once again have read of a female involved with some punk male that is beating her up. What gives. They stick with abusers, but run away from guys that like certain styles.

Makes no sense to me.

[docrobbysherry]

---About 15 miles from me... and nowhere near any of those places.

I find it odd that you think like that. I've been around Orange County quite a bit in my life, and as a place -- well, there, the whole LA basin -- it's a freak show. I can't think of anything you can't get away with there, except maybe being too pale in Compton after dark.

So, u ALSO live in this secret unnamed all accepting nervanna near Tybalt, 2 Speed? Well, I can understand wanting to keep it a secret! Otherwise, all the rest of us would move there! Lol!

And, you're familiar with the OC where I live? Then, u know that over 16 million folks live in "the basin"? And, the communities there r as different as Beverly Hills from Compton? Yet, they're only about 20 miles apart! And, NEITHER ONE is in OC!
If u saw "freaks" here, it sounds like u were in Hollyweird or Longbich. Neither of which r in OC either!
If u spent much time in up tite, conservative Newport, where I live, you'd understand!

[kimdl93]

It seems to me that people hide, deceive and deny this part of themselves for entirely valid reasons. I mean, it is completely understandable that a person might prefer to avoid the risk of embarrassment, ridicule, being ostracized or abandoned, fired or physically harmed. Maybe some adrenaline junkies for a time enjoy the fear factor or maybe have some subconscious desire to be "exposed". But by and large the motivation is fear of the KNOWN as well as unknown potential consequences.

That being said, about the only way to put that fear behind us is to come out as far as circumstances may allow. Realistically, for many, that doesn't offer much hope for anything but a life of hiding.

[Tina B.]

I find it funny, that a person can come into a room full of strangers, and give advice on how they should all live. I'm out to my wife, but to no one else, I don't feel I owe it to anyone else. And for those that are married and afraid to come out, because of the potential for damage that can result, who am I, or you to tell them how they should handle a thing so outside the norm. I've heard this type advice many times, but not once has the person that is giving that advice offered to pay child support, or hire them if they lose their job. No one of us here, can be sure what environment that others live in. Not all wifes, girlfriends , mothers , fathers, sisters, or brothers will be understanding and excepting. Are you ready to tell people to just write off their families? Some religions refuse to understand, and accept us, I won't tell anyone the should forsake there God, will you? I glad openness works for you, but it's not for everyone, and making those in hiding for there own personal reasons feel pressured about that need to hid, is just wrong. If you feel you can, I agree, you should, but if you fear the destuction of your live, I understand that fear. (Just my two cents worth but have it girls)
Tina B.

[Lissa Stevens]

Tybalt, what you don't understand is that we have to be able to accept and love ourselves before we can be honest with others about our femme side. We grow up being told that being a CD or TG is wrong. Our families won't accept this side of us. It's no different than what gays have gone through . How can we accept ourselves when no one else will? I am not saying you are totally wrong. I feel terrible keeping it from my wife but I know how she feels about CDs and TGs. Should she be accepting? Yes. Will she be? Most likely not. No matter are differences on the subject I do still love her and don't want to lose her. I keep up the charade because it is a part of me I can't let go. Will this cause an implosion if/when she discovers it? Oh yes. That is something I will just have to deal with then.

[il.dso]

I fully respect the content and spirit of the post from Tybalt.
Just wish it were as seemingly easy and uncomplicated as she discusses this
very challenging, personal and profound subject.

[Debra Russell]

Tybalt -- We all live in our own REALITY! I'am glad you understand yours so well ! Believe me I also have an educated background, as well a lot of us do here -- you sum it all up so easy and as explained in the other posts here it's not all that cut and dryed, if it was this forum probably would not exist!

[GingerLeigh]

There are clearly two camps here. Some tell, some don't. For those that tell and survive, good for you! That's awesome. However, it seems to me that the place is littered with those that told and everything fell apart. Don't condemn those that don't tell. I'm not a liar by nature, I hate the fact that I'm keeping something from my wife. However "we" have more to lose than to gain by my telling. Will she find out? Only if I'm really stupid and not careful. All I can hope to do is to soften her to the idea that I may like this kind of thing.

So yes, I should have told her at the get go. I didn't, and now I have to keep my little secret to myself. My bed, I must lie in it. Call me what you want but I think it's unfair to wave a scornful finger at anyone here. If I get caught well, then I guess I must cross that bridge when I get to it. Everyone here knows why we keep it a secret. Don't try to impose values or beliefs that it's best to tell. It isn't always the case. I'm doing what I can, and someday she will know. Blurting it out now would be catastrophic for my entire family, and condemning anyone for that decision to not tell is just wrong.

[JulieC]

but from the CDers POV the stakes are very high.

The OP is spot in in a number of ways. I would like to respond by way of qouting Eryn above.

Yes, the stakes are very high. Extremely high. But are we victims or do we make them that way? We can't readily answer that question in broad spectrum.

A young man, early 20s, has been wearing women's clothes since practically his first memories. He knows he's different, and doesn't really understand himself. What he does know is that society laughs at transgendered people as freaks. They're the downtrodden absolute minority that everyone can 'safely' make fun of. Comedy sketches, movies, sitcoms, magazines, radio; the hatred of transgendered people is everywhere. For any one positive portrayal of a transgendered person there are a thousand negative.

This young man wants what many want; acceptance in life, a place to be, a career, perhaps a family, a place to call home. All of those things are fundamentally threatened by being transgendered. Where do you begin to seek acceptance? Progammed by society from an early age to think ill of yourself for being transgendered, you beat it into temporary submission, you purge, you hide, you attempt suppression. None of it works. If there were positive models to follow, to learn from, perhaps the journey to self acceptance would be easier. But, it isn't. Instead, we start from a default case where we are the hated.

The young man begins a relationship with a woman who is his dream. Wonderful in every respect, he actively wonders if she would ever accept him in women's clothes. It's deep, unbending curiousity but equally sacrilege to speak of it. He fears losing her, and not just her; will she tell his family? His friends? His co-workers? Will he lose what he already has? So he gets married, and a while later buys a house with his wife. Soon, they have a mortgage, two car payments, one young child and another on the way. The house of cards is getting taller and taller and taller. The consequences of discovery always deeper, and deeper, and deeper. Everything in life this young man has worked towards stands to be lost due to discovery of this one, single aspect of himself; one he has grown accustomed to hiding, accustomed to doing only in shadows, behind closed curtains, away from any spotlight.

As society evolves, and understanding of transgender issues slowly evolve with it, the room for acceptance in society begins to grow as well. As that growth happens, so too does the trail of self acceptance become shorter.

It is too easy of a crutch to say society is to blame for CDers being in the closet. But, there is some veracity in that statement. It is a blend of many factors that contribute to a situation where a CDer has been married for years to a woman who has no idea of the true nature of her husband. There is no easy pealing back of the layers to get to the truth. Everything, every last bit comes crashing out in one fatal to all but your own life blow. It's living a life standing on the precipice, knowing that if you just don't step backward, and resist looking over your shoulder at the abysmal depth behind you, time will wend its way forward.

All it takes is one tiny, teensy little nudge and the entire construct of our lives comes crashing down in a hideous, heart and gut wrenching moment.

I never advise a married person to tell their spouses. It's something they have to work out themselves. I wish all of us could tell our spouse, and think we'd all be better off ultimately if our spouses knew. But, once married the equations are unpredictable.

I do think that any CDer owes it to a future wife to inform her of the full magnitude of his transgendered nature. But, I also know that finding enough self acceptance to be able to be so candid is very, very hard. For me, it took about 15 years of dating various women before I finally reached a point where I wasn't going to accept not telling. I got engaged twice before then, though both relationships didn't pan out. Neither fiance knew. I couldn't bring myself to accept me, much less ask anyone else to accept me.

My now wife was told when we'd been dating a few months, and long before we got engaged. She didn't go running for the hills, instead buying me pantyhose a few days later. We've been married for several years now, and we have no secrets. I'm one of the apparent minority that gained enough self acceptance to tell before ever getting married. But, I was also lucky in that respect; I DIDN'T get married to the first two women I wanted to marry. Had I done so, I might be posting here as a husband with a wife who does not know.

[Valerie Nova]

First off, JulieC, thank you for that. You very eloquently have described what I'm sure many of us have gone through, or at least are starting to go through.


Whoa. Do you live with your mum?
Yes, and I'm in my late 20s. Believe me, I would move if I could. Less than a year ago, I made the stupid mistake of getting caught at an international border on a drug possession charge. If that'd been anywhere else, it would've been maybe 6 months probation, but because of the international thing, it became very, very serious, and is a matter for the US Federal Courts, which tend to drag cases on forever. So I'm court-ordered to live with my parents and not move. Believe me, it sucks.


I knew I was different as a very young child, about 5 as I recall, and I knew that I must hide this early on as well. I do not know how I knew but I did. And when I would get caught by my parents I was punished in the manner of rural children of the fifties, with a belt. As a teenager, I was dragged to the family doctor and humiliated after one occasion. It did not stop me nor could it, but it made me a bit cynical about how others would see me. I would say that it is my tendency as a result to be a bit withdrawn, suspicious of others, and guarded. Suffice it to say that I have spent a lifetime "protecting" my wife, children. parents, job, church, you name it, from this very big part of me. Today my wife knows, my children know, some of my friends know, none have run screaming from my life, but it is a different world than the one of that youngster in the early fifties. I wish it had not been so.
Somehow, I managed to make it all the way to college and on from there, without ever getting caught. Even now, I can tell where people are anywhere in my parents' house by the noises the house makes. I ended up building an image of myself that I projected to everyone, and then lived my whole life as this projection. Although that sounds like it sucks, it was actually quite nice. Fake me was mostly the same as real me after all, and was far more popular and accepted than real me ever could be. The only compromise I had to make was hiding a large chunk of my personality from everyone in my life. Of course, being so used to hiding things from people made me a dishonest person by necessity, and this dishonesty ended up spilling over into other aspects of my life too. Eventually, this image of myself became cracked, and people who were close to me started seeing what I was really like. And I was right, they were freaked out. Whatever.

[KayleeDahl]

I ended up building an image of myself that I projected to everyone, and then lived my whole life as this projection. Although that sounds like it sucks, it was actually quite nice. Fake me was mostly the same as real me after all, and was far more popular and accepted than real me ever could be. The only compromise I had to make was hiding a large chunk of my personality from everyone in my life.

There have been so many thoughtfull posts, on both sides of the issue. The quote above descibes my life to a "T" (no pun intended). And while I don't have too much extra insight into what has already been said, I think that many of us here who have been quiet up until now have done it out of our own belief of the need for self preservation, and preservation of those who are dear to us. I don't think its fair for a cisgender person to come along and say "this is what I would have done if I were you", but at the same time, i do feel it is important for us to understand what our deception (whether for good intention or not) does to those around us.

In truth, we are doing them a dis-service, never letting them know the wonderful beings that we are. I'm hoping one day to finally find the self acceptance to be able to bring my true self to those I love.

Hugs
Kaylee

[Cassandra Lynn]

I've felt the cold steel of a knife being twisted in my guts from 2 non-accepting ex wives, and pledge to never feel it again. Next time around (if it ever does happen) i'll be up front at the right time.
Till then i'll read along to these posts and take what i can from them, but like Tina B. said, i feel it best to stay out of other folks personal lives. The sad, sad "i told her/them just like you all said i should and now i lost my wife, home and family!" stories have happened here too many times.

Cassie

[Chastitycd]

At my own risk im gonna weigh in on this with my opinion. Please understand that what I say works for me and like minded people and will not work for everyone, but its how I feel. Ive said this many times here before, we are given one life to live. Why would you want to live your life being unhappy in the times when you have control over it? That said, most CD'ers begin young, and know about it most of their life. Why in the world would you marry someone either without telling them or planning to come out to them later? This is insane! If CD'ing makes you happy and your SO cant accept it then why would you want to marry this person. I understand that marriage changes people but you cant marry someone hoping to change them later. If you say you want to marry this person and knowing she wont accept you or you just dont tell her then why cry and complain about your misery cause you have to hide this and live a lie or when you do come "out" she leaves you? I say if you dont tell your SO before your married and things go bad later its your own fault and you either have to live with it or get out and correct it. Im not trying to be mean people, but you have to realise one day were all gonna die and I shudder to think that I may wake up one day at an old age and realise ive wasted my life only getting to be happy 50% of the time because I lied to my wife all those years. Hence the reason my wife knew about this before we even met. All im saying is if CD'ing means this much to you then find a way to live your life doing what makes you happy. If your SO isnt gonna accept it and let you be happy then find someone who will, they are out there! The only time I can see bending my thoughts is work. Unless you come from wealthy family or win the lottery, you have to make a living for you and any family you may have. Some of us including my myself live in At Will Employment states. That means you can be fired for no reason at all. Currently in my state we have almost 16% unemployment rate and growing by the day. So you take all this into account and add that I live in the bible belt of the south and that I work in a "male only" labled profession dont think for one second that I wouldnt lose my job if I went to work as Chastity. So I have to hide Chastity sometimes and to me those times would be acceptable to anyone, but the time in my life that I can control i do whatever I can to stay happy and my wife is right by my side. I know im probably gonna get flamed for something ive said here, but this is how I feel and being open and honest with one self is what this forum is all about.

Chastity

[Eryn]

...That said, most CD'ers begin young, and know about it most of their life. Why in the world would you marry someone either without telling them or planning to come out to them later? This is insane! If CD'ing makes you happy and your SO cant accept it then why would you want to marry this person.

Chastity, I'm going to snip out this little bit of your excellent post and comment opon it.

Some of us have had "the urge" from a young age but have not been able to act upon it due to the fact that we considered it a perversion. We buried it as deeply as possible and covered it with a layer of macho if it started to peek out. We went through our 20s, 30s, and 40s knowing that we have this odd interest but shame and embarrassment cause us to keep it hidden. We get married to wonderful people and the urge is still buried as we busy ourself being good spouses and parents.

Suddenly, for whatever reason, things are forced to a head. Frustrations build up, emotions swell, or we simply become better educated and our female side starts coming to the front.

Yes, we've been deceiving our spouse for a long time. In fact, we've been deceiving ourselves for a long time as well. Since we've buried our CD tendencies to the point where we didn't acknowledge them to ourselves it is not surprising that we managed to get married without telling our prospective spouse about it.

Now it's decision time. Do we risk telling our spouse of 10, 20, or 30 years about us? Will she believe the scenario above? Will the experience be one of love and acceptance or one of revulsion and rejection? It could go either way and there are ample examples of both in these forums.

I decided to tell, with very positive results. Had my wife been a Bible-thumper or anti-GBLT I would not have. One solution does not fit all, particularly when you're juggling emotional dynamite.

Eryn

[Fab Karen]

The closet fetishists get word of this site & flock to it.

[dawnmarrie1961]

You are absolutely correct in your observation that some of our fellows CDs seem to put themselves in the position of imminent discovery by their loved ones on a repeated basis.
Because the behavior of cross-dressing desires acceptance to establish itself as dominant the fear of non-acceptance constitutes a phobia that the Individual is not yet ready to deal with. That keeps them in the closet until they either build up enough self-acceptance to step out into the light on their own, or screw up and get caught. The crux of the situation is that detection is always inevitable. No matter how careful the person is he or she is going to be out in the spotlight sooner or later. (Funny . I’ve noticed this forum doesn’t have a specific section dedicated to FTM cross dressers. They are included in the Transmasculine area. I guess that’s because a woman wearing a man’s clothes isn’t considered out of the ordinary by our male dominated society. It’s considered erotic to the male and is therefore accepted. Interesting. )
I’m not going to go into a lot of details, that information is around here somewhere if you want to look for it, but you are again correct that lies and secrets can cause the demise of an otherwise happy marriage.
It is always refreshing when a GG comes in here and tells us what she sees from her perspective. It can teach us so much if we are willing to LEARN.

[JustineFallow]

Why am I not open about CDing? Simple answer: For only the very few people in my life who know, it's not a "need to know" situation by a long shot. In the case of my mother, she knew because, in my teen years, I wasn't handling her clothing with as much discretion as I thought; it now affects our relationship not one whit. In most cases I volunteered it because it was pertinent to a topic under discussion and I thought they could handle it (I was right in every case), in others it was because they were romantic prospects who deserved to be informed. For everyone else, I fail to see how it would be relevant, regardless of how they might react upon my telling them.

[NicoleScott]

Honey, does his dress make me look fat?
Yes, you look fat. Take that off.

Alternate response (also not recommended):
No, it's your stomach that makes you look fat.

[Phoebe P.]

Alternate response (also not recommended):
No, it's your stomach that makes you look fat.

LOL!!! That is too funny!!!

[Marissa]

I know the intent of the OP was not to be so cynical or niave, but that is how for many how it will be read.

For those who took the leap of faith, either by choice or by circumstances and survived with all intact or lost some but recovered, you should be commended for that. For you who live life with all the freedom of expression, again, you should be commended. But don't let that cloud your minds that its the same for all others..the price and the freedom may not be valued the same to another.

For anyone who has the mindsight of the OP, should be led to this thread and read through its entirity, especially postings such as TinaB and JayC's. They represent reality of many.

I am out of the closet but mainly limited to my own home. A little over a year ago, I sat my two adult daughters down for 'the talk' but unfortunately (or fortunately) my ex-to-be decided to break the news to them in an attempt to hurt me. It was not the cause of the divorce. But, alas, it did not have the effect she was looking for. So it came down to I live in my home as I desire, my daughters are adults and can decide what to accept or not. As far as the rest of the family, I have not told and doubt I will. None live close enough so the necessity is not there. And no, I'm not ready to step outside in the light of day. Again, that may or may not come in time.

Hugs,
Marissa

[2SpeedTranny]

And, you're familiar with the OC where I live? Then, u know that over 16 million folks live in "the basin"? And, the communities there r as different as Beverly Hills from Compton? Yet, they're only about 20 miles apart! And, NEITHER ONE is in OC!
If u saw "freaks" here, it sounds like u were in Hollyweird or Longbich. Neither of which r in OC either!
If u spent much time in up tite, conservative Newport, where I live, you'd understand!

Well, yes, you are correct, and I was aware that Compton is not in OC. ;) I did grow up in SoCal, and I tend to see it as a little more monolithic than you do perhaps. It's a weird thing. I never noticed much going from Anaheim to Torrance... but head the other way to Garbage Grove and there's a bit more of a noticeable difference, shall we say! So, I know what you're getting at. I just think the incredible cosmopolitanism of SoCal in general should give one more leeway to be different... it takes a lot more to stand out in that crowd.

And by the way... up til I left CA, I did spend summers at Newport. ;) That was on the beach though, so I will admit my experiences there may be a bit different than yours if you live there. (Admittedly, I laughed when I read your use of the word "conservative" to describe anywhere in California. :D )

One feeling I always got in CA is that people are more insulated from each other than they are in say, the Midwest. People in CA don't know their neighbors, and don't care to. They don't have friends so much as acquaintances. People are shallow, quick to judge, and overall less friendly. I know I'll get some upset responses from Californians for saying that, but that's my experience from having lived there, and in places much different; contrasting them. YMMV.

[Cassandra Lynn]

.
People in CA don't know their neighbors, and don't care to. They don't have friends so much as acquaintances. People are shallow, quick to judge, and overall less friendly. I know I'll get some upset responses from Californians for saying that, but that's my experience from having lived there, and in places much different; contrasting them. YMMV.

Then they move up here to get away from it all and give us a dirty look when we speak to them, hold a door open for them, or welcome them into the neighborhood.:eek:
Oh well, as long as they keep bringing their money, we'll leave them alone.

Cassie

[Eryn]

Then they move up here to get away from it all and give us a dirty look when we speak to them, hold a door open for them, or welcome them into the neighborhood.:eek:

That's because everyone in Idaho dips snuff, drives old pickup trucks with rifles in the rack, and smells like the fertilizer they put on their potatoes.

Be careful with your broad brush. There are good and bad people in every locale, mostly good.

[Cassandra Lynn]

That's because everyone in Idaho dips snuff, drives old pickup trucks with rifles in the rack, and smells like the fertilizer they put on their potatoes.

Be careful with your broad brush. There are good and bad people in every locale, mostly good.

My apologies Eryn, i meant it in the same jest as the previous posts, i can delete if you'd like?
:D
For the record though: quit chewing a few years ago, truck is new, the rifles and all but one handgun are locked in a gun case and "our" potatoes get shipped out of state. But i do love the smell of fertilizer in the morning, it smells like........farming. Kinda like Cali does. :heehee:

Cassie

[LilSissyStevie]

That's because everyone in Idaho dips snuff, drives old pickup trucks with rifles in the rack, and smells like the fertilizer they put on their potatoes.

I live in So Cal and that sounds a lot like my neighborhood. Except, only the women dip snuff up here. The men chew loose leaf or plug tobacco. There's nothing more feminine and girly than that Skoal ring in the back pocket of some tight Wranglers. Oh, and we have to hide our mini-14s under the front seat of our pickup trucks.

[Eryn]

My apologies Eryn, i meant it in the same jest as the previous posts, i can delete if you'd like?

Naah, it's all good. I probably should have put a smiley or two in there myself. :)

Hugs, Eryn


I live in So Cal and that sounds a lot like my neighborhood. Except, only the women dip snuff up here. The men chew loose leaf or plug tobacco. There's nothing more feminine and girly than that Skoal ring in the back pocket of some tight Wranglers. Oh, and we have to hide our mini-14s under the front seat of our pickup trucks.

What a lot of people don't realize is that stereotyping Californians is like lumping New Yorkers and Carolinians together. California is a big state and has an incredible range of terrain, climates, and citizenry. It should really be 5 states!

[Gocaps14]

I feel my wife would like me more if I were gay, she loves gay people. She is not accepting of crossdressing.

[irmichelle]

Ahhh! Me too! Only my wife and I are both on our own computers in the living room. I have been married for 30 years and one thing that has really sunk in with me is always be honest. It's no bed of roses sometimes but it's all worth it.

[Amanda22]

This is a great thread. My emergence from the "closet" resulted in the best imaginable outcome: complete support from my wife. Believe me, I thank my lucky stars every day for this. But, it's tempting for me to say that everyone should reveal all. Everyone's relationship with their SO isn't exactly like mine. They're all different and each situation contains risk. As others have said, it's probably a fair statement that each of us knows our situation and can gauge the risk better than anyone else.

I do believe that if a person is a crossdresser and is in a new relationship that they envision having a long-term future, the right thing to do is to come clean about our need to dress. That doesn't help those of us who married and then realize we're carrying this huge secret burden. I disclosed crossdressing to my wife two years after we married. I didn't have deceptive motives. I honestly (naively) thought the need to CD would disappear now that I was with the love of my life. It didn't. I was just extremely fortunate that all worked out for me.

[GG Kathy]

I have to say for me personally, I would have preferred her to tell me than finding out about it myself.

[ReineD]

"I found a large candle under the bed with $100 price tag on it!"



"we can make money by selling other candles out of the candle under the bed "

Um ... can someone please explain what the $100 candle is about? And it can make candles of its own? :idontknow:

[Phoebe P.]

Not sure, but if I can find a candle that procreates at $100 a pop, I'm going to retire!

Talk about the Golden Goose, err candle... :o

[docrobbysherry]

Honey, does his dress make me look fat?
Yes, you look fat. Take that off.

Alternate response (also not recommended):
No, it's your stomach that makes you look fat.

I made ONE remark to my ex about her dramatic weight gain. She never forgot or forgave and mentioned "how much I HURT HER" at every opportunity for years until we separated!

U BET it's NOT recommended, Nicole!
"The truth? U can't HANDLE the truth!",Jack Nicholson!


One feeling I always got in CA is that people are more insulated from each other than they are in say, the Midwest. People in CA don't know their neighbors, and don't care to. They don't have friends so much as acquaintances. People are shallow, quick to judge, and overall less friendly. I know I'll get some upset responses from Californians for saying that, but that's my experience from having lived there, and in places much different; contrasting them. YMMV.

Of course, you're RITE about that, 2 Speed! Because people come here from all over the world! Many stay for awhile, then move on, or back "home"! So, the people u see around changes all the time!

However, it's different for me! I grew up here when it was a SMALL TOWN! Like those mentioned in the posts above! Everyone knew everyone else. Everyone let their kids go where ever and no one locked their doors! I STILL run into folks I went to high school with here! They know me and my family! Altho us "locals" r usually LOST among the bijillion new comers, it happens often enuff that I don't DARE go out dressed here!

In fact, I just came back from a meeting of my high school reunion committee. If u met my classmates, you'd KNOW how conservative this place can be!

[Tybalt]

phew so many posts, so little time:daydreaming:
( im only on page 2)
perhaps a bit of Q&A might solve some questions
Raised by a , single parent who was not often around, my godfather who is 56 now did a lot of caring for me in my adolescent years. he instilled me with many of the views i have today he grew up in the closet and back then as most people know you were NOT OUT and if you were it was dangerous. as i got older I herd lots of the the stories of his life and I have had a fare share of my own about intolerant people and what they do when they don't like who you are, I have scars both physical and other wise as evidence. But I grew up, strong mind, strong heart.
and well as for my views, they can be summed up neatly in one of my fav quotes "what is this but my reflection, who am I to judge or strike you down?"




Mars and Venus maybe, Tybalt?
I'm wondering how u would respond to your CD partner's HONEST revelation, "I find my fem image in the mirror more exciting than u"?


docrobbysherry,
im truly enjoying your posts they may not share my same view point and I may not agree with you, but I can understand you points and you are very well spoken on them, my answer to you is this, If my partner was to say this to me, i would ask them why? and given the answer take it from there, perhaps the relationship would end. there are to many factors and variables in your question for an out right answer sorry im sure there's a Freud joke some where in there.


So, u ALSO live in this secret unnamed all accepting nirvana near Tybalt, 2 Speed? Well, I can understand wanting to keep it a secret! Otherwise, all the rest of us would move there! Lol!!

aha nirvana,
Nirvana is a state of being not a place on the physical plane any one can be there :D


I find it funny, that a person can come into a room full of strangers, and give advice on how they should all live. I'm out to my wife, but to no one else, I don't feel I owe it to anyone else.

Tina B,
not every one here is a stranger to me, I respect your out to your wife, that's GREAT "happy dance for you !!" as i stated in my original post, the true nature of my question was why not to your S.O. or who ever is closest to you.

[dethklok]

Tybalt that is a great quote and all i can say is this I KNOW people fear what they do not understand and many are TOO close minded to TRY to understand

[Tybalt]

Um ... can someone please explain what the $100 candle is about? And it can make candles of its own? :idontknow:
it was a reference to careless spending I think, sorry it was a rush out the door kinda reply on my part, or.... see when one little candle likes another.......you get,, extra candles???

[ReineD]

OK. lol. I thought it was about some exotic cultural ritual that I hadn't heard of, and you and Doc seemed to understand each other perfectly! :)

[Tybalt]

Reine, that is too funny for words to express.
:heehee:

[KellyG]

In truth, we are doing them a dis-service, never letting them know the wonderful beings that we are. I'm hoping one day to finally find the self acceptance to be able to bring my true self to those I love.

Thank you, Kaylee. That was so beautiful, and so spot on. I think I'm gonna cry now...

[sabrinaedwards]

I can say, after dating many women, never has one of them, have said "gee, I wish you were a crossdresser." I have dropped hints and have never had a posive response. In the work environment to admit to being a crosdresser, well that would be suicide. This site is one place where we can freely express our feminine side. Love you all.
Sabrina

[JulieC]

I can say, after dating many women, never has one of them, have said "gee, I wish you were a crossdresser."

As I've said many times here, little girls don't grow up dreaming of their knight in shining white wedding dress.

But, from everything I've seen, a very large majority of women will accept crossdressing enough to accept a relationship with someone who crossdresses.

[Patricia Jane]

What a wonderful and truthful message> I agree with all you say! Hiding is lying. Trust and respect are not built on this attitude. You must be open and honest. There can be no secrects in a marriage! That is just my opinion,but, we have been married 41 years. It is working so far!

[Fab Karen]

(Ca.) People are quick to judge, and overall less friendly.
Sounds like a description of SOME people in the midwest & the south. Calif. is the most diverse place you could find in the U.S. If you think So. Cal. is monolithic, you either didn't pay attention or were staying in one location.
Want to know the facts, ask a native ( c'est moi ).

Just as an example about this nonsense, women here will hold the door for me ( in boy mode ), and I, like many people here, say thank you.

[NicoleScott]

so next time your running to a bathroom for a washcloth because you just herd a car pull up in your drive way, your only hiding a wonderful chapter in your life from some one you love and care for, and if its going to ruin your relationship , consider the strength of the relationship your involved in.
:

There are plenty of success stories here - cd's who told their wife, fiance, or girlfriend and found acceptance and a great foundation for a trusting relationship. But there are also testimonies of cd's who for years or decades had a very good marriage which was destroyed after coming out. It wasn't destroyed by the crossdressing - that was going on the whole time. It was the coming clean. There are no guarantees of a good outcome.
There seems to be a self-fulfilling prophesy at play here. Look at the last part of the quoted post. When someone tells all to their wife and good things result, it's the coming clean that gets the credit. Trust has been maintained and reinforced. But when coming clean results in disaster, well it must have been a fragile marriage to begin with. Some continue to deny that there are simply wives who cannot tolerate a crossdressing husband.

[ReineD]

But there are also testimonies of cd's who for years or decades had a very good marriage which was destroyed after coming out. It wasn't destroyed by the crossdressing - that was going on the whole time. It was the coming clean. There are no guarantees of a good outcome.

I hear what you're saying, and obviously none of us know for certain the exact reasons why people divorce. But, 50% of marriages end up in divorce in this country for a myriad of reasons other than the CDing. Click here (http://www.buzzle.com/articles/common-causes-and-reasons-for-divorce.html) for common divorce causes, with a lack of commitment and communication being on top of the list. So, how do we know that the non-supportive wives and their husbands don't have other issues that come into play? We mostly hear from the husbands (not the wives), who say their marriages broke up from the CDing. It may well be the CDers who report this can't see beyond their own CDing as the root cause, and there are fewer marriages that break up strictly because of it than we think.

Just food for thought.

[Maria 60]

When i got married i thought i was never going to wear another pair of pantyhose again. Instead they were everywhere in the room. The first time i put on her pantyhose, the next day i told her everything from when i was 9 until the night before we got married i wore pantyhose to bed. She was very good about it and told me it didn't change how she felt about me or that iam a different person she married. She said if you tell me your a gambler, or having a affair or that you like little boys, then we have a problem but this is nothing we can,t handle. It was a chance i had to take because as many times in the past when i threw my stuff out and said, never again, just to buying it all over again, at that point i knew i could not live without Maria, and could not live life like a fugitive.

[gwenbeth]

I hear what you're saying, and obviously none of us know for certain the exact reasons why people divorce. But, 50% of marriages end up in divorce in this country for a myriad of reasons other than the CDing. Click here (http://www.buzzle.com/articles/common-causes-and-reasons-for-divorce.html) for common divorce causes, with a lack of commitment and communication being on top of the list. So, how do we know that the non-supportive wives and their husbands don't have other issues that come into play? We mostly hear from the husbands (not the wives), who say their marriages broke up from the CDing. It may well be the CDers who report this can't see beyond their own CDing as the root cause, and there are fewer marriages that break up strictly because of it than we think.

Just food for thought.

Oh I will freely admit that the marriage between me and my non-supportive wife is not ending solely because of my crossdressing or because I did not tell her until we had been married for over 8 years. It was the catalyst that started a process of discovery that led to where we are now. We did not have a strong marriage before I came out to her. every time is was bad and she would suggest that we end it, i would want to stay because I was afraid of the future. but now I can see how bad she has treated me over the years. that is why I am leaving her.

[2SpeedTranny]

Sounds like a description of SOME people in the midwest & the south. Calif. is the most diverse place you could find in the U.S. If you think So. Cal. is monolithic, you either didn't pay attention or were staying in one location.
Want to know the facts, ask a native ( c'est moi ).



I did not state what I said as fact. I quite clearly stated that it was MY opinion and MY experience. I even threw the "YMMV" in there.

I know there are nice people like you in California... but that fact just doesn't change my overall opinion of the place. I grew up there, ran away as soon as I could, and will never live there again. That's just me. I still have plenty of family living out there who like it -- for what reason I can't fathom -- but it's okay because I don't particularly enjoy their company anyway. ;)

[katrinakat]

THANK YOU Tybalt, for your insight and words of encouragement!! Nothings worst than running away from yourself!! Choose acceptance.....love yourself! xoxo ;)