It Just Gets Better and Better

[melissacd]

This is an update for any who are following my progress. I have been taking many steps to help me answer the question of how I want to live my life. I have been out of my 25 year relationship now since Jan 2008 living in places where I could fully be myself. I have gotten rid of all of my male clothes and live much of my life dressed femme. I have joined TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) and attend femme and they have accepted me so fully that last week they wanted to vote me in as the chapter president, I declined as my life is too busy at the moment but agreed to be a helper to the leader (it just felt amazing to be so embraced by a group that they felt they could ask me to do this). The girls in the chapter have been so amazing to me and in the process I have lost 32 pounds and actually got in to a size 10 dress the other day.

My successes with TOPS led me to try new bold steps and so I joined a women's group in my town, a women's group in a neighbouring town and a few other specific interest groups all of which I attend as Melissa. In all cases they have accepted me as Melissa and in fact have never asked me any questions about my transgenderism, they just accept me, matter of fact, into the group and that is it, I participate and they make me feel just as welcome as any other member. In fact this week-end I am hosting a pot luck for the local women's group and 10 ladies have accepted the invite and are attending.

One of my big personal questions in how I live my life was whether I could be comfortable living full time and while I have not quite reached full time I am quite close. I figure that in order to do this I have to be able to do all of the normal things - go shopping, go out public entertainment venues and also to socialize in ways where there is no hidden sales agenda that requires them to be politically correct or nice to get that sale, so getting out in to normal social settings is, in my mind, a must and so that is what I have started to do.

My girlfriend thinks that I am weird to do these things as she knows that I am comfortable in going out in public femme, but to me it is an important social experiment and a way to learn how to socialize with women as a woman and in point of fact it is the only way that I can see how I could ever answer the question of whether or not I could go full time.

I still have the issue of how to come out at work, however, I know that they have a very trans friendly HR policy so when/if I decide to take that next step at least I know that I will have the protections of corporate policy and local human rights laws.

It is all very exciting and very scary at the same time. For all of the troubles and trials and pain and tribulations and losses of the past few years it has also been the most exciting, wonderful and evolutionary process I have ever been through and if I had to do it over again I would.

Huggs
Melissa

[Cynthia Anne]

Sounds like you are happy with your life! My question is! If you are not out at work, than what do you wear to work if you have got rid of all your male clothes!????

[melissacd]

Good question Cynthia. I wear t-shirts (most days) and pants, but they are all womens' styles and colours. I wear ear rings most days. My hair is long and I tie it back. I wear women's doc martin's and with my skinny jeans they are obviously women's but no one says anything. My winter coat combined with my women's winter boots and gloves always gets the response when I am at a store or restaurant of - how can I help you m'am. So although I am not out at work I suspect that they have either already figured it out and won't be surprised or think I am an eccentric and won't be surprised or both and won't be surprised ;)

Thanks for asking.

[kimdl93]

it sounds like most every aspect of your life is moving in a positive direction. Now, about that GF...aside from thinking you're wierd, how is she handling the changes?

[melissacd]

I give my GF a great deal of credit. I was very clear up front who I am and where my life is possibly heading and she has been very accepting of me and my lifestyle. She has also been clear that if I do go to a 100% femme life style that she will remain friends but the relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend is over. I respect that in her. The ball is in my court as to how far I take this and what I am prepared to lose in the process, however, I have gone through so much so far in this that while I love my GF very much I also know how devastating holding yourself back can be and I cannot allow that to happen again. We both know the stakes here and we both work through this a day and a step at a time. I may find a place in my journey that meets my needs while not requiring me going 100% (hence the reason that I push the envelope this way so that I can learn what train station to get off at), however, I may find that the only place that will truly meet my needs is living 100% femme. Now that being said, I already know that I do not want to go on hormones, have FFS or SRS so that part is clearly off the table. This is purely about living a life where my expression in this world is femme. We will see where this all goes.