this is the year...

[Wendy me]

i have thought abought this for a long time.. played it out in so manny ways
and now know the answer .. i have been cding in one way shape or form for over 40 years, with yet a nouther year older approching soon the time has come to step it up and take a huge step forward.... ok ok lets let you all in on this .... see my wife knows that i cd ... and we have made a lot of progress in small steps to get things moveing along.... true and things have moved along so far.....

but


now i feel that i need to step things up a lot more......i have been busted with little parts of wendy nails... makeup and small things and we have delt with it and things are ok .... now i have decided that for the frist time my wife needs to meet wendy!!!!!!!!! something that needs doing...a while ago it would seam scary to me but now i think the time has come... lets get this out in the open and do it... when ??? this sunday.... now do i meet her at the door when she comes home from work ...dinner , drinks and wendy???
or after dinner go upstairs and come back as wendy...??? not realy shure but i think one way or anouther it's going to happen . why sunday?? my birthday gift to me .... no more lies no more hideing this is me........
i have some time to think it out but i feel it is something over due..........

[Julie York]

Woooooaaah there!!!


Does she know you intend to do this?
Have you discussed it with her?

I could go into lots of stuff wendy but it dpends what your answers to those two questions are.

[Stephanie Brooks]

OMG sweetie, go through some of the threads and posts on coming out to wives. Yes you need to take care of you, but you don't want to do something that can either harm your marriage or harm your chances of her acceptance of Wendy.

If you're going to give yourself the gift of coming out to your wife, spread the gift over a year. Take your time. You've been this way all of these years, what's a year to come out right? That doesn't mean it will be easy, but surprising her isn't the way.

[Raychel]

Hello Wendy,

I have given this some thought myself. Sooner or later I would like my wife to meet my other side also.

I think that what I am going to do when the time is right, I am going to tell her that the weekend is for her to relax and enjoy, No stress of kids, housework, laundry or anything. I will take care of all of that. Having made arangements for the kids to stay somewhere else for the weekend. Then I will tell her that I would like to be able to show her my other side, That would really be a joy for me to be able to pamper my wife, while I was dressed in my pretties.

i am not sure, but it just could work. :rolleyes:

[Wendy me]

Woooooaaah there!!!


Does she know you intend to do this?
Have you discussed it with her?

I could go into lots of stuff wendy but it dpends what your answers to those two questions are.


Does she know you intend to do this? no not at all....


Have you discussed it with her? not doing this.......no...

[Wendy me]

Stephanie if not now when??? over a year well i am not shure that i can or realy want to wait a year....as for the marrage well we have weathred some nasty storms over the years... and to my supprize we have made it through it all so i think or at least i hope this storm will pass as well....

[Julie York]

Read Marla's thread on coming out to your Significant Other.

Nowhere in there does it suggest the TADAAAAA!!! method.

Seriously, I am sure it is a BAD idea to shock someone like that. You have spent years creating, growing, developing your own understanding of yourself. At least you should prepare someone by talking to them first and telling them or ASKING them about what is going to happen.










(Hi is that the patents office?...Yes...It's about my patent...The Tadaaaaaa Method?....)

[Julie York]

Oh right , there you are.
I keep leapfrogging your replies.

Seriously wendy. What you should be doing, is not breathing in deeply and going....."Right! It's now or never"....with the intention of showing yourself all dressed up. What you should be doing is taking a deep breath and going "Right it is now or never.".....And sit her down and explain as best you can, like in Marla's thread, that this is something very important to you and as she is the most important person and the closest person to you , that you need to explain something very personal.

Seriously.

[jerri kelly]

hope it works out great. let us know. i hope she loves wendy.

[Stephanie Brooks]

Stephanie if not now when??? over a year well i am not shure that i can or realy want to wait a year....as for the marrage well we have weathred some nasty storms over the years... and to my supprize we have made it through it all so i think or at least i hope this storm will pass as well....
Obviously Wendy, whatever you do is up to you. I only know your situation from the things I've read here, and I was concerned. Coming out is always risky.

Ultimately you have a good sense of how your wife is likely to react. Preparing things over the course of a year may not make sense for you two. Introducing her to Wendy could be stormy regardless of how you do it. Maybe for you, coming out quickly makes the most sense!

In any case, I wish you the best!

[Stephenie]

Wendy, Sit down and have a drink. Think about whatyour planning. As I have never shown anyone Stephenie in person I can say much but You need to rethink this. Maybe talk over dinner and tell her that you want her to meet Wendy. Just rethink things through first. Wish I had before I told my wife about CDing and I'm glad I didn't tell her Stephenie's name.

[Marla GG]

Wendy....I know how badly you want to get it all out in the open girlfriend....but!

Okay I won't tell you to read my sticky -- it is way too long and boring -- but seriously you need to ask her if she is ready to see Wendy before you do this. Maybe ask her if she would like to see a picture of Wendy first. Tell her how important it is to you and how you need to feel you can be yourself with her.

If she says no, well.....then you can be pretty sure that that surprising her would have been a bad idea.

You have been making great progress with all those baby steps...so don't blow it now, okay?

[Wendy me]

ok perhaps yes i should sit her down and go into a long talk with her, realy i have tryed to find the right time , the right words .... but i just can never get them to come together at the same time ...if the time was right for some reason the words just could not come out right... and when i had all the right things sorted out the time was not right...this woman i love to no end.. she is my life...the person who knows most of abought who i am but yet we dance around something that is there but we just never seam to get out....just blows my mind that this is the only thing i just can't fully share with the most important person in my life....

[Stephenie]

I know how you feel about having the most important person in your life not a part of something so close and important to who you are. But think of her when you talk to her about it and how best for her to learn about and meet Wendy.

[Natalie x]

Wendy, once done, however you do it, it cannot be undone. Just because you have weathered all the storms so far, doesn't mean it will work this time.

Ok, worst case scenario ...

1 You do the TADAA!
2 She freaks out, runs crying from the house
3 You get a letter from her solicitor

... could you handle that?

If the time is right for you to do it, then do it, but don't destroy your future for the sake of a few minutes preparation.

Good luck with it

Love, Natalie

[Marla GG]

How about writing her a letter, Wendy? Then you could get it all out and say what you mean, and give it to her at a good time, too. There is nothing wrong with that, especially if you are there in person to answer her questions and help her deal with her feelings afterwards. Just a thought.

[Stephanie Brooks]

Wendy,

None of us are saying not to do it. We're saying do it in a way that minimizes the risk to your marriage.

I'll be offline for awhile, online later tonight. Hang in there!

[Wendy me]

ok now i am seeing that this might not be a real good plan..... in thinking abought it ..
it seamed like out done and lets deal with it ... seeing the responces that have come up ... and i do listen to you all .as sometimes something that seams right is not so right
ok this is what i think i will do ... dinner, drinks....(hold the wendy) and just say ...."look dear there is something we need to talk abought...something we have been knowing abought but never realy talked abought ..it's my dressing you know abought it and i think it's time we talk abought it openly as this is something i feel needs to be done. " then see were we go from there....better plan??

[Fiona K]

Wendy,
Not to gang up on you but the "tadaaaa!!" so succinctly coined by Julie is too scary to think about. You're probably right about the "about time" but talk to her first. I did that for a long time when my wife ASKED to meet Fiona and though it didn't go too well I wanted to be sure she wanted it.

Take it slow but please don't spring it on her!!!
Fiona
xx

[Stephanie Brooks]

Wendy,

That sounds as if it's a much better recipie for success.

(hold the wendy) :p You nut!

[Julie York]

I think you are on the right track wendy.
Thing is we know it takes a LOT of courage to confront this thing and to make yourself so vulnerable which is why it is the normal instinct to sort of "tool up" and go in all guns blazing. But , the approach is wrong, not the courage and the determination. I am completely behind you with the deep breaths lets do this....But the "Let's do this" part is what we (well everyone trying to help) should work on.
I think a letter is a good idea and thought of that myself, because it removes you from the genuine desperate emotion of it all. But I also think, that you and your wife know each other well enough, that she will understand you, no matter how it comes out if you are sincere. It's the honesty of it, not the clever wording that reaches home. It's showing that you are sincere and that this is important and hurting that gets through to someone even if they don't really understand at first.

Hope that helps.

[Rachael Warren]

Wendy, whatever you do you will have my complete support, but you need, as the others have suggested, to think a little more.

As you know, I have allready been through this situation, and it is something I never want to do again, the hurt it can cause on both sides is imense, I am very lucky because it has all worked out for me.

Freya is here if you have anything at all to ask her, as of course am I, we have both been there and I would spare you and your wife the pain of getting it wrong.

Small steps, is good advice, maybe you should get your wife to talk to Freya or one of the other GG's here before you take the bold step, this will depend on how much she allready knows about you.

I wish you luck, I know how you are feeling, it's a burning desire that won't go away. I couldn't keep secrets from Freya, this one was crippling.

You know where we are, don't be a stranger, call!

Huge Manx Hugs, Rachael. :) & :) Freya

[sportschick]

Wendy,

Marla and others I believe have it right..and I WOULD read her post on coming out to SO..I would also try to talk to some of the other GG's here, including Kathy GG, who seems to have a broad perspective on all things CD, and is also married to one like the rest of the GG's here. If your wife is receptive after reading your letter or email( which you might prep her for as well), getting her in contact with some of the GG's here and giving her time to digest all of their input might allow you to gradually let her get to know you as Wendy, and eventually get where you want to be. Springing it on her is kind of the nuclear option, which could lead to a total core meltdown and the loss of all you hold dear. Not that it's any of my business, but if you love her as you say, you owe it to her and your marriage to take baby steps.

[Natalie x]

ok now i am seeing that this might not be a real good plan..... in thinking abought it ..
it seamed like out done and lets deal with it ... seeing the responces that have come up ... and i do listen to you all .as sometimes something that seams right is not so right
ok this is what i think i will do ... dinner, drinks....(hold the wendy) and just say ...."look dear there is something we need to talk abought...something we have been knowing abought but never realy talked abought ..it's my dressing you know abought it and i think it's time we talk abought it openly as this is something i feel needs to be done. " then see were we go from there....better plan??
That's better, honey.

(phew!)

[monniGG]

Hi Wendy, well what you are thinking about doing for your wife my husband did to me a few years ago. He suprised me when I came home from work and he answered the door as Danielle. I knew that he cd'd but never knew any details. I won't lie it was a total shock for me to see my husband in some of my clothes and others that he had purchased himself. But I must admit that I pretty much had my head stuck in the sand about his cding and if he had of asked me before hand I would have said no.
My husband does cding mainly because of the sexual satisfaction and that day was hoping to introduce Danielle into our sex life. That was the only thing I could not handle. And a few years on I still do not like the thought of Danielle in our bed.
I have not seen Danielle since, even though I know my husband would love an afternoon of me doing his makeup and nails etc. I don't think I am not ready for that now. And having two small children does not help with privacy!!!! But I would never leave my husband for introducing Danielle to me as I feel that if he can trust and love me enough to show me his most hidden secret and desires that should only make us stronger. I may not have seen Danielle since but we do talk alot more about his cd'ing and I am ever so slowly understanding all of my husband. This site has helped me unbelieveably as I no longer feel alone.
But as every cd is different so is every GG. I honestly hope that you do introduce Wendy to your wife as I know I had alot of images in my head of what I thought he would look like and at least now I know.

Good Luck, I hope everything goes well and we hear good news from you soon.

MonniGG

[ChristineRenee]

This does sound like a much better plan sis. You know that I am always here for you too...and you know how to reach me. Best of luck of course...but I have a feeling that all of this is gonna work out just fine.;)

Love you sis!:hugs:

[uknowhoo]

Wendy dear, I'm so glad you reconsidered.

I'm, sure you'll keep us posted on developments.

And we all send fondest wishes for a very Happy Birthday.

hugs,

Tammi

[Jenny Beth]

There is a lot of good advice here Wendy and I don't think I can add much. One thing does come to mind though and that's to sit her down and tell here how you feel about yourself inside and how it's been like that forever. Keep the clothes out of it for now and let her know she means everything to you. How she handles you hiding this from her is going to be the bigger issue. I wish you luck sis.

[Adrianne]

ok now i am seeing that this might not be a real good plan..... in thinking abought it ..
it seamed like out done and lets deal with it ... seeing the responces that have come up ... and i do listen to you all .as sometimes something that seams right is not so right
ok this is what i think i will do ... dinner, drinks....(hold the wendy) and just say ...."look dear there is something we need to talk abought...something we have been knowing abought but never realy talked abought ..it's my dressing you know abought it and i think it's time we talk abought it openly as this is something i feel needs to be done. " then see were we go from there....better plan??

Wendy that sounds like a better plan, i hope everything goes well for you and makes your birthday perfect. I wish you all the luck. I wish you a :bday: a day early.

Kisses Adrianne.

[Olivia]

Well Wendy, I can't add much to all the good advice you've already been given. Everyone's situation is somewhat unique; no two of us here deal with exactly the same factors. You know her better than anyone in the world I suspect, I sure feel that way about my wife, Jackie. She knew I crossdressed way before we were married but it was many, many years before she saw me dressed up. But you know what she finally said? This is your home too; you deserve to be comfortable in it too. She loves me so much that she accepts the fact that it makes me feel better, more myself, however we express it, that I can dress however I want at home, whenever I want. Of course it helps that I've come out to our kids. That removed the final "roadblock" you might say. Would she prefer that I didn't cd? Probably; hell, I'm sure of it! But, that old thing, LOVE, gets her past that fact.

Maybe your wife will start to feel the same way. Obviously there is a lot of love in your marriage. Love is a powerful thing; it does overcome so many obstacles in life. It might just overcome this one too. You deserve to be at ease at home; we all do. It requires a little compromise and consideration but even with a hesitant wife, it can be done. Good luck to you, my sister. I hope your wisdom prevails AND love conquers all. Please keep us informed as I bet many here will learn and be inspired by your experience. Later girlfriend, Olivia.

[KELLYANN]

hi there WENDY. does your wife have even an inkling that you dress? maybe to go slow instead of blurting it out. you know her, do you think she would go apeshit, or be more understanding? of course thats your call. maybe some subtle hints here and there. ie. tell her how nice she looks in that skirt top whatever! and say i bet that feels good. work from there. wish you the best. you look very good WENDY! also, your BUT is very big. (sorry couldn't pass that by) toodles keep us informed. :itsok:

[KatieZ]

I would tell her how much she means to you and that you truely love her, and how your cding is also a big part of who you are. That softer side of you is part of who she fell in love with. It would mean so much to you if she would CONSIDER meeting Wendy. Don't rush her. Have some good information about crossdressing available for her to read should she so desire. I told my 2nd wife about Katie on our third date. I explained how important Katie was to me and let it go. Her reply was that was fine but I don't want to see her.She would bring the subject back up from time to time and I answered her questions but did not force or rush anything. After about 3 months she surprised me with a nightgown and things progressed from there. What I am saying is give her time to work it out in her mind. Once she understands that is who you have always been and always will be she will be more accepting of Wendy.

[Tamara Croft]

I totally missed this thread... sorry wendy. But I just want to say that your last post was a totally better idea. Sitting her down and talking it through is a much better plan. I think showing her wendy would be too much of a shock, even though she knows you dress. Good luck with this tomorrow and :bday: for tomorrow too :balloons: I hope your day is very special, you are one very special lady to me :hugs:

[Julie York]

Yeah HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR....erm...what day is it?


And do tell us what happened!!!

[Lady Jayne]

How about writing her a letter, Wendy? Then you could get it all out and say what you mean, and give it to her at a good time, too. There is nothing wrong with that, especially if you are there in person to answer her questions and help her deal with her feelings afterwards. Just a thought

Wendy I think you should listen to Marla and it seems to me You have already wrote the letter, or at least made a good start.


ok perhaps yes i should sit her down and go into a long talk with her, realy i have tryed to find the right time , the right words .... but i just can never get them to come together at the same time ...if the time was right for some reason the words just could not come out right... and when i had all the right things sorted out the time was not right...this woman i love to no end.. she is my life...the person who knows most of abought who i am but yet we dance around something that is there but we just never seam to get out....just blows my mind that this is the only thing i just can't fully share with the most important person in my life....


Oh yes and happy birthday for sunday!

[Julie York]

How did it go? How did it go? Huh? Huh?

What do you mean it's the middle of the night there!

[Wendy me]

julie it's only 9:26 am here wife at work now so latter today ...don't worry i will up date everyone...

[Stephanie Brooks]

Good luck Wendy!

[Raychel]

I am sitting on the edge of my seat, Hoping for the best outcome. :D

[Adrianne]

Good luck Wendy.

Adrianne.

[Di]

Wendy, Hon sorry I missed this post I love your second idea...and I,m wishing you the best outcome......Love and hugs to ya birthdaygirl

[Wendy me]

ok quick update (more latter) .........well after dinner i was all set to have the talk with her ....then she said we were going to have freinds stop over (timeing) ok so not now latter.....well the freinds...left abought 11pm.....deep breath ok let's get ready to...she calls me upstairs....honny i got something for you......let's say we had a real good time......now getting late we snuggled up and comfy....deep breath ok lets do this i thought ....so i say " honey i got to tell you something.....i like to wear womans clouths...i am a crossdresser" she stopped me... said "i know gave me a kiss and said can we talk abought this someouther time??? i know we need to talk abought this but please not right now..........." so thats were we are right now....kinda just a bit well almost frustrated in a way .... but in a nouther way relived she was calm and not upset so i think that we opened the door to get things out more....and now so glade i did not use the tadaaaaaaaaaa meathod but at the same time hoped to get a lot more progress.......

[ChristineRenee]

Well...as they say timing is everything sis. Yes...I think you did do the smart thing by not doing the taaaadaaa thingey on her. Sounds like she is prepared for "the talk" about this honey...but perhaps more at a time of her own choosing. I know that you are anxious to get on with this, but it sounds like she wants to await until the time is more appropriate for it. Be patient there sis...something tells me that it will very much worth the wait for you!;) :hugs:

[Adrianne]

Hello Wendy, take your time love, looks like your wife wants to talk and let her say something to you. I wish you the luck as you bring Wendy out more.

Love Adrianne.

[Stephanie Brooks]

Hi Wendy!

Okay, it wasn't as you might have planned, but her reaction seems fine.

Probably isn't the case, but you know what would be weird? Maybe she's already on some other forum and has worked out some of her questions. You've given her signs along the way.

Looks good so far. :thumbsup:

[Rachel_740]

ok quick update (more latter) .........well after dinner i was all set to have the talk with her ....then she said we were going to have freinds stop over (timeing) ok so not now latter.....well the freinds...left abought 11pm.

Wendy,

I missed this thread, but I'm sure your glad you didn't surprse your wife with Wendy when she surprised you with your friends coming over.

Anne

[Julie York]

"Ooh hello! I forgot to tell him you were coming round....I'll just see if he's..."

"TADAAAAAA!!.......Oops!"

[sportschick]

That would have been really cute, a real "beam me up Scotty" situation!

[ladyfydiana]

Wendy I hope things work out for you and your wife.Hang in there and take things slow.Good Luck.

Diana

[Natalie x]

Hey, Wendy, the timing was right, in the end.

You had just shown your wife you still have all the "right" urges, and demonstrated how much you love her, then "oh, by the way, I crossdress ..."

I would call that an A1 result. Great news, Wendy. Now all you have to do is answer all the questions (he he).