Wedding shower.............................

[janelle]

Good evening all; yesterday I received an invite to my nieces wedding shower, my first as the real me. I was so happy & full of joy that i was either walking in the clouds or soring like an eagle. That made for a super day yesterday & most of today. But alas, I get an email & then a call asking me NOT TO COME!!!!!!!!!! My heart sank & the joy is all gone now. I am very glad I am going to bed very soon so I will not have time to dwell on this bad news & get depressed, but, IT STILL HURTS VERY DEEPLY. :sad::sad::sad:

Thanks for letting me share this as now I will not keep it inside me & put me back into thinking doing something stupid. This is a wonderful family here & I thank each & every one of you.

Good night all & have a super weekend.
HUGS..........................Janelle

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[Haley Heather]

You can have the longest hug from me that you want.

[Nick2Nikki]

!

You niece asked you not to come? Did she tell you why? I can't believe she would do that to you. I'm so sorry!

[Michelle.M]

What the ...? Who invited you? This surely wasn't the same person who asked you not to come, was it?

Oh, my heart simply aches for you. Really.

[arbon]

Hi Janelle

You are invited then uninvited? :sad: Not nice. Very sorry to hear about this. It is unfortunate that people need to make such a big deal out of it.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

sorry janelle..that was not nice of them...

[Steph.TS]

that stinks, it remonds of the maturity of high school students, if it was the same person then only 2 rationales I can see 1. they invited you only to uninvite you (see my comment about high school maturity) or after they invited you some one pressured or persuaded them to ask you not to come for whatever reason. regardless, if I was in your shoes I'd treat myself to dinner/movie possibly on the day of the shower, just enjoy yourself, and try to be happy again.

[juligirl1984]

you sure its because of you going as you? maybe they do not have the budget they planned on having? idk STILL very very rude to do that to you. I feel for ya. Ive been let down a lot by my own sister once I told her about the real me.... It really does hurt and makes me sad for you. its ok, go have fun doing something else!

[Inna]

I know it will sound like an old record you have heard times before. This too shall pass!
We want to be accepted for who we are, yet time and time again rejections galore push back and strike fear and sadness envelops our being. This too shall pass!
We built from scratch and it feels like at any moment our life can be blown to pieces within an instant. This too shall pass!
We doubt, then pick up the pieces to fall apart once again and fall into doubt again. This too shall pass!
We lose our hope and lose our faith in life fulfilled, but need to be reminded constantly by our sisters and brothers that there is only one truth, only one peace, and only one beauty, YOU and your spirit. Baby, there is a reason for your life taking you wherever you are going, you may not feel it is just nor pleasant but believe me this feeling too shall pass and you will see the wisdom in all its glory. Love ya, Alexia.

[AKAMichelle]

Sounds like another family member doesn't want you there. The way I see it the niece invited you. So go and hold your head high.

[Sejd]

This is a fact that i've had to learn. Strangers are tolerant, but your own family may most likely not be!!!!! You are wonderful for who you are. Celebrate your uniqueness and light a candle for the task of enlightening your loved ones. Have faith.
HUGS
Sejd

[janelle]

Thank you so much for the love you are showing me here. That hug is just awesome & thank you for that too. Yes it was my niece who said she did not want me there. Her sister in law & the bridesmaids are the ones that sent the invites out. I also know it is because I am now female, she believes I am sinning big time even tho I have tried to talk to her that God only wants to know what's in my heart. Why do people have to be so narrow minded??????? No reason was given but because of her beliefs & what I am doing is wrong that is why. She doesn't want her friends to know there is a freak in the family I guess. STILL HURTS LIKE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am hoping to treat myself to a nice beauty day if possible. If its would not be for the love here, That river coming home from work looked very inviting.

Thanks again everyone...............I love this family here, HUGS N KISSES.............................jANELLE

[AKAMichelle]

I didn't understand at first who called. I am so sorry for you that it happened this way. Hold your head high and go forward. You have no reason to feel ashamed of who you are.

[Tara Lutschich]

Hi Janelle, Big HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSS. Just know you are you and don't let the world let you feel bad about you. Go to wedding for you or not go for who they are or something like that. Thier choices have nothing to do with you, it's about them. Seems respecting thier needs may be best for thier immediate needs. Me not knowing it's sounds like you are Janelle out to all, that is a good place. Live Janelle.

[Chickhe]

Go anyways and stand up, make a speech and tell everyone how happy you are that she supports you even though you are transgendered... and be the life of the party!

[Zenith]

Take the money you would have spent on a nice gift (their loss) and have that day of beauty, maybe a dinner or lunch too, with a good friend maybe a sister? :D

[Cherry Lynn]

I agree with Chickie. Go and show them you are a person like anyone else.

[sandra-leigh]

It will be an event for your niece, and if she was upset enough to un-invite you the same day you got the invitation, then going would ruin her event for her. I couldn't do that.

If her sister in law or her bridesmaids say to her "Gee, I had hoped your aunt Janelle could be here", then the point will be made to her without it needing to consume her attention for the whole event. I know it would not be anywhere near as nice as going yourself and being treated just like everyone else, but you gain acceptance by taking the high road, not by trying to force acceptance on people.

[janelle]

Sandra, that is what I am hoping for. Yet on the other hand, my shrink tells me I worry about everyone elses feeling( me not going) Than my own. Just don't want to upset the family members that already accept me & treat me as me. Hope this makes sense to everyone. Thanks

[Shelly Preston]

I am so sad for you that she made that much of an issue she had to uninvite you

I dont agree with those who say you should disrupt her day

However I would be tempted to write to her sister in law thanking them for the kind invitation and explaining your niece has uninvited you

It wont take away the hurt but you may feel a little better


:bh:

[AKAMichelle]

It sounds to me that she uninvited Janelle from the wedding shower only. So I think I would take Shelly's advice and write to the people who did invite you and tell them what the niece did. Then go to the wedding and have fun.

[janelle]

NO I was told in around about way that I would ruin their day & please really think about not coming. Beside some of the people there would not understand & would pick on you & then we would feel bad. So I guess when you read between the lines, it says,"please don't come".

Going to try to brush it all off.

Thanks evryone

[JohnH]

Janelle,

Off the top of my head I would not go to any event associated with your niece's wedding since she disinvited you. I don't know how you feel, but if I were in your shoes I feel that would make a point not to associate or communicate with your niece for a good long time.

As others have said, blow the money that you would have spent on the niece on yourself.

Johanna

[janelle]

They will be on their own. Thanks everyone, you have all given me some wonderful advice. I hope & pray you all have an awesome week.

HUGS

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[Rianna Humble]

Sandra, that is what I am hoping for. Yet on the other hand, my shrink tells me I worry about everyone elses feeling( me not going) Than my own. Just don't want to upset the family members that already accept me & treat me as me. Hope this makes sense to everyone. Thanks

This is one time when you need to think about others in order to protect your own feelings into the future.

If you go along to the wedding shower after the bride-to-be has made a point of asking you not to come, there will probably be a scene. What will stick in people's mind is not "I can't believe the bride would be such a narrow-minded bigot!" rather it will be "What a cheek, she came along after being asked not to and spoiled the bride's wedding shower!". So in going along with her request, you will go up in the estimation of those who know what happened and she will go down.

I do agree with Shelley's advice to write and thank those who invited you for their thoughtfulness but point out that you will be unable to attend as the bride-to-be does not want you there.

[sandra-leigh]

If you go along to the wedding shower after the bride-to-be has made a point of asking you not to come, there will probably be a scene. What will stick in people's mind is not "I can't believe the bride would be such a narrow-minded bigot!" rather it will be "What a cheek, she came along after being asked not to and spoiled the bride's wedding shower!". So in going along with her request, you will go up in the estimation of those who know what happened and she will go down.

If you go, the people who are borderline on the issue would probably be nudged towards "She's trying for force herself on us". If you do not go, some of the people might think, "See, she knew to 'stay in her place!", but others will recognize that you were being respectful of the bride's feelings.

Of course it could be set up as a "trap": if you don't show then "she doesn't love me", "she is being selfish", and "I never told her not to come!!"

[janelle]

I am not going to either the shower or the wedding. I will send a small gift to each. I am also mailing a note to the one that sent the shower invite,thank her/them & explain what has happened & ask that she understand. You all must know, I would never do anything to ruin some one's big day no matter how much I would loved to be as beautiful as I could be & enjoy it all. I am also praying that this will be the best & the best will come from this choice. Thank you all, your all are a great part of this wonderful family here.

HUGS

[Haley Heather]

You have a wonderful winning spirit janelle. :hugs:

[janelle]

Thank you as I try very hard to do the right thing & be big about it all & not make it a "me" thing. This is a lot easier because of all the lovely people here that care. What more could any one ask.

Thanks everyone, HUGS,

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[Natalie Wood]

Janelle,

I am very sorry that you are having a hard time, or rather your family member is having a hard time accepting you. I just thought I would add this. I used to be very critical, self-righteous and un-accepting of others lives and actions in my younger years. Well I am only 37 but during the past couple years I have changed so much. I have grown and matured a lot recently I think. ANd today I find myself very accepting of others. My point is to tell you to hang in there. Don't let your heart be sad about this. Everyone has to learn and go through their own stages. Perhaps your niece will show you support and love one of these days as she grows herself inside. Hugs