last post, anxiety too much

[GingerLeigh]

Hello all,
This will be my last post. I'm going through some terribly turbulent times right now. My mind is unraveling as I type this. I can no longer convey just how I feel by posting. There are some of you out there that actually care and many that really don't. That's just the way it is I guess. My lot in life.

I am going to seek a therapist. The anxiety attacks are getting bad. I think depression is peering around the corner. I can no longer actively carry on in this forum, it's just another thing I'm hiding from my wife and I end up typing things I can't possible expect help on. I am truly alone. I emotionally writhe in conflict but am unable to tell my wife anything it's all "smooth sailing" outwardly, but probably not for long.

There are those that say "just tell her", well I may want to but I just can't. This advice has caused me part of the conflict I feel. I agonize over this every day. I love my wife, and I hate myself. Everyone seems to know about my other side but my wife. At least she hasn't heard it from me if she does. I suspect she's been lurking here, I'm seeing boogeymen around the corner...paranoid? God I hope not. Like I need something else to worry about.

I'm sorry, I really must go. I can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do except seek real professional help. Lurking is about all I'll be able to do. I'll check in from time to time. Maybe when I get my mind straightened out, I'll return.

Ginger

[RenneB]

Ginger, I know what you're feeling girl. I go through the same conflict everyday. But it's just how I deal with it. I find outlets like shopping online and chatting with this group. I am by far the last person on this planet to give any advice, but I do take one thing into consolation. When I am in a prediciment, I think back to what a good friend of my used to say, "this too in time shall pass". Just give it time is what I use.

I've been on this rock long enough to know that no one gets out with all there stuff. So I enjoy each day that the good Lord has given me. Wearing the comfy clothes is what makes it all better.

I look forward to hearing more from you.

Renne...

[Christy_M]

I can't possibly imagine the pain you are going through right now. It must seem like one of the worst feelings in your life. I have had similar feelings and still carry some of the guilt, shame and self loathing that makes me feel like my life is unravelling. I have found there are many of us here who have been in that same boat with you. It seems like the hardest thing to deal with and without some form of release it might feel like there is nothing to do. Seeking therapy is a great step. you can talk about these feelings without fear of anyone else knowing. Whatever you do, make sure the therapist has experience with TG issues.

Please know that I care about how this turns out. I totally understand the issue around hiding all this from your wife and figuring out how to balance both lives and you have to know that it will get better. As new generations of TG people gain more and more acceptance, we get to watch in awe and excitement as they develop into the beautiful people we rarely got the chance to become.

Hugs,
Christy

[Marissa]

Ginger, it seem you have given yourself the best advice that anyone can offer..to seek professional help. Even though to some its easy to offer the "just tell her" advice but they are not in your shoes. Also, just because some may not always responds to particular topics, does not mean they don't care. Some may not have any experience in that area and it would be unfair to say anything.

You have your priorities straight which is great. You are thinking of your health, your wife, and the well being of your marriage..so don't worry about this site, it will be here if you need that support again.

Wish you the best in all..and hope things turn in a more positive light.

Hugs,
Marissa

[Gina X]

Ginger I'm sending you a PM

[Tina B.]

Gina I'm sure we ALL wish you better days, I suffered some mild depression in my younger days, but what you describe sounds much more severe, get that appointment as soon as you can, talking with a pro should help, and there are drugs that can help with a lot of whats going on, and give you time to figure out how you are going to deal with all of this, after all that's what you need to do, learn to live, and like yourself. A pro should be able to help you learn there is no reason for guilt, your not doing anything wrong, or hurtful. Good Luck!
Tina B.

[Jilmac]

Poor Ginger, I can feel your pain, may I make a suggestion? Please try to seek out a therapist who specializes in transgendar issues. It may be beneficial to talk to someone in the field who can offer compassion as well as helping you sort out your feelings of angst. Perhaps a good therapist can help you be more accepting of yourself and in time you will be able to face your wife with the truth. Good luck, you will be in my prayers.

[Julogden]

Hi Ginger,

I'm so sorry that you're going through such torment, and I hope you can find a good therapist who will help you through the dark times.

Work on your issues, and you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. It will get better!

Good luck!
Carol

[Sophie86]

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I hope you follow through on seeking counseling. It helped me tremendously. Good luck, Ginger! Pop back in when you can, and let us know how you're doing.

[Stephenie S]

Ginger. What good advice you are giving yourself. Good luck, girl.

S

[katesometimes]

Ginger, take care of yourself. We will be here for you when you are ready to come back.

[Cynthia Anne]

I know there's more people who care than just a few that show it! You get the help that you need and take good care of yourself first! I will be standing in line to welcome you back! MANY HUGS! Cynthia Anne;

[Jamiegirl1]

Hi Ginger,I feel like you in alot of ways,hiding CDing from my wife,I used to let the guilt really bother me,and I hated myself for it.....this forum has helped me realize that there are thousands of us CDers around the globe,we didn't choose to be this way,we were born this way,I started dressing long after I was married.I cannot tell my wife,she would leave,after all,she married a man.....I have accepted who I am and am happier with myself now and enjoy dressing,I do not feel guilty anymore.I would hate it if she found out,but I cannot tell her..........I hope counseling helps you,but just know that you are not alone,alot of us have gone through hell in our struggle with CDing........Jamie

[Nigella]

Whilst I appreciate that members will want to offer their support to Ginger whilst she is going through this difficult time, there is no reason to leave this thread open as she has already said that she will be taking a holiday from the forum, she may be able to view PMs via an e-mail, this may be the way for you to offer your support.