So confused!!!

[Jessica86]

Had some problems with my wife a few weeks ago. Basically, she flipped out at random, saying she doesn't approve of my crossdressing. Well. Its been two weeks since I've dressed. This morning, she takes my phone and goes through it while I'm asleep. Needless to say, she found a few pics I was planning to show her. I told her I saved them on my phone, so I think that's why she went through it in the first place. Needless to say, I had a few pics of september carrino in there too. She was more mad about the september pics. Hey, we are guys, we share stuff like that. So, anyway, she has been joking all day about stuff, saying she is jealous of my makeup. Then, she calls me at work, and says we should hang out while I am dressed.....in public....which she first said was off limits. I am so confused. I told her we should have a movie night, or a dinner at the house first. She says she would like to see if anyone recognizes me. What is she thinking? Just two weeks ago, she flipped out, and now, we are back to square one. I didn't mention anything for two weeks about dressing, and she finally brought it up. At first I thought she was playing a joke on me, but guess not. Just hope it all stays for the good.

[Xandria]

i would say definitely dont push it for right now. let her control the pace.

[Eryn]

Well, it certainly is exciting, but perhaps it's time to think of the long picture. You certainly don't want her attitude changing back and forth on a weekly basis. You might want to consider a sit-down and long talk before you take advantage of her current attitude.

[2SpeedTranny]

Hmm... perhaps your wife is --

Oh, excuse me, must be politically correct -- "bi-polar."

Does she get this way about other things? On again, off again... hot/cold?

[ReineD]

Needless to say, I had a few pics of september carrino in there too. She was more mad about the september pics. Hey, we are guys, we share stuff like that.

What is september carrino?

As to the rest of it, I agree with Eryn. You and she need to have a heart-to-heart. Ask her why she changed her mind. And while you're at it, ask her if there is anything she is afraid of and does she need any reassurance from you about anything? Is there anything she doesn't understand? But whatever she brings up, be truthful. It will be much easier in the long run, even if it is difficult right now.

I don't know your wife, but I can look inside myself and tell you why my emotions might yo-yo like this. First, a part of me would want to be supportive because I love my SO, but then I'd question everything I know about him and wonder if I'm losing him. I'd wonder if I am becoming secondary to the CDing in his eyes. So I'd be upset when I was alone and see everything in a dark light. There would be a lot of conflict internally, and this is why I'd be OK with it one minute, and not the next. My definition of the CDing wouldn't be the same as his, since he understands it internally, but the clues I'd have is what I see: a SO who reaches out to others for validation, and not to me, and who seems to enjoy doing so much more than he seems to enjoy being with me.

OK ... I don't feel this way about my SO, I've come to terms with it all, but there were some years when I seriously questioned his commitment to our relationship. He used to tell me that I didn't get him. It wasn't him I didn't get ... it was the trans aspect of his personality that was so foreign to anything that I had encountered before in my life, even though I was desperately trying to support everything he is. If that makes sense.

Anyway, do talk to your wife and ask her lots of questions. And listen to her with all your heart. And if you see that she is upset, just be a sponge and absorb it all, and then hug her and let her know from your heart how you feel about her. Don't be a wall, and let her pain bounce off you right back to her again. Don't become defensive.

This is a somewhat dramatic way to explain it, but it's the best I can do. lol

[Gaby2]

What is september carrino?

As to the rest of it, I agree with Eryn. You and she need to have a heart-to-heart. Ask her why she changed her mind. And while you're at it, ask her if there is anything she is afraid of and does she need any reassurance from you about anything? Is there anything she doesn't understand? But whatever she brings up, be truthful. It will be much easier in the long run, even if it is difficult right now.

...

Anyway, do talk to your wife and ask her lots of questions. And listen to her with all your heart. And if you see that she is upset, just be a sponge and absorb it all, and then hug her and let her know from your heart how you feel about her. Don't be a wall, and let her pain bounce off you right back to her again. Don't become defensive.

This is a somewhat dramatic way to explain it, but it's the best I can do. lol

Nice remarks in all by Reine.

I only ever said the "wrong thing", when I tried to talk directly to my (previous and uninformed) SOs about my cross-dressing.
I always believed I was being truthful, but I kept mixing up my problems with theirs which led to more misunderstandings than before. Misunderstandings have a habit of taking a negative course of their own.

Does your wife know of this site?
It might be helpful if she could talk to other GGs directly.

And by the way, is it o.k. for her to take your phone without you knowing?

Just a few thoughts on my part,
Wishing you both all the best! Gaby

[Maria in heels]

I agree with your wife....just let her do things at her own pace, and if you are comfortable with what she is offering, then take a deep breath and go with it. She may want you to go out in public, because this is a BIG FEAR of hers, and if you don't get that many stares, she may actually be a bit relieved and start to relax about your dressing more than she has been telling you. Its as if she is taking a deep breath and jumping to see what will happen. You notice, she said that she would like to see if anyone recognizes you...

On another note, she really should not have gone thru your phone, but guess what....its a phone which you have and is always on the table ... also, I have to ask as well...who/ what is September Carrino, and why is she mad about the pictures?

[erickka]

Unfortunately, it is a woman's perogative to change her mind. I also say don't push the issue. Let it go at her pace and just see what happens. GOOD LUCK!

[Megan Thomas]

September Carrino is a big busted model. Google is your friend.

[Samantha Scott]

She may want you to go out in public, because this is a BIG FEAR of hers, and if you don't get that many stares, she may actually be a bit relieved and start to relax about your dressing more than she has been telling you.

I agree with Maria, it sounds like your wife is facing her own fears. Maybe she initially thought that it was a 'faze' but after seeing the photo's and realising you are still dressing she may want to try to understand it more and that may include going out more together.

Then again she may want you to get recognised, be embarrised and maybe think that this will stop you dressing....which we all know won't happen. Enjoy the ride.

[Cynthia Anne]

Your wife sounds like Missouri weather! It changes fast from one extreme to the other! I agree with the other ladies! Let her take the lead! Hopefully things will work out to the good for the both of you! Hugs!

[Sometimes Steffi]

There may be 2 things going on.

1. You might have looked quite passable, maybe even beautiful in the pix
2. If you have busty girl pix that you're sharing, you're probably not gay, which could be a big fear of hers

On the other hand, this could be a trick to "cure" you with public embarassment

[ReineD]

September Carrino is a big busted model. Google is your friend.

OMG, those pics have got to be doctored! Does anyone have boobs like this? :eek:

Anyway, as much as I understand you admiring her, um ... assets, I also understand why your wife was miffed. I've become annoyed with my SO admiring other women's assets too. lol. I think that's pretty well a universal reaction from GGs. It's a Mars/Venus thing. :)

As to her proposal to go out with you dressed, I agree with you that it might be best to have some evenings alone at home first, so that you can both be sure that she is OK with it.

Trust me, it's no fun to go out and then have a melt down in public, which did happen to me in the first few months with my SO. Honestly I didn't want to spoil the evening; it's a long story and there were a few things leading up to this, but things were going a bit too fast for me and like your wife, my insides were like an over loaded circuit board. Even though I was determined to make this a perfect evening, my emotions got the better of me. I didn't exactly melt down in public; I had the presence of mind to leave the building first, and then start sobbing outside on the sidewalk. Then it all came out: "You don't love me, you'd rather be with a lesbian than me, if I were out of your life you'd be relieved because then you'd be free to do what you want", etc. It wasn't pretty. But thankfully, my SO was a peach. She just hugged me and told me how much she loved me. And then she said that if ever I had feelings like that again, to just tell her so that she could revert to guy mode because she cared for me so much more than the CDing. I was surprised to hear this, because I had convinced myself that the opposite was true. We talked in the car for awhile, and then everything was right again. But as soon as I knew that she cared how I felt, all the uncertainty went away and I never had a break down like that again. This was almost 4 years ago. :)

I've told you this story, in case it might help with your wife. :hugs:

Edit
I have an idea. Why don't you arrange for a girls'-night-in candle light dinner at home, with a nice bottle of wine? You arrange everything: get yourself ready and then do the cooking yourself or get take out, set the table, light the candles, get some flowers, all while your wife has an afternoon out with girlfriends, or at a spa or something. Tell her to keep herself busy for a few hours while you dress and prepare a surprise romantic dinner for two, and then she can be wondering what it is you are planning while she's out. Then when she comes back, enjoy the dinner and a nice, romantic evening at home.

I think this would be a pretty good way to break the ice. :)

[Gillian Gigs]

Your words are,"basically, she flipped out at random". I have never met a person, other than a nut case, that just flips out at random. To me the question is, what has she been brooding about before the flip out? A little communication, and sharing of feelings may bring it out. I have seen my SO brood over something that I had forgotten about, and then get slammed with it 3 or 4 days later. I would say that something has gotten the emotions to run in high gear. Walk carefully until you get to the bottom of why she is feeling this way.

[kimdl93]

We often read about the emotional rollercoaster ride that our SO's experience. I think Reine's example shows how even the most supportive, reasonable, rational among us can be surprised by her reaction in a given moment. Great advice from the collective intelligence - talk, or more importantly listen. Let your SO lead the way, find a comfort zone, and allow her to have those moments - you know you have them too!

[flatlander_48]

I didn't mention anything for two weeks about dressing, and she finally brought it up. At first I thought she was playing a joke on me, but guess not. Just hope it all stays for the good.

After the earthquake Grasshopper, you must allow time for the tremors to subside...

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jess, The ball is in her court now don't rock the boat or you may be thrown overboard.

Orchid

[Fab Karen]

As Reine is saying, communication goes a long way. Regardless of being a CD, it's amazing the number of couples who don't actively talk & LISTEN to each other.


"OMG, those pics have got to be doctored!"
( looks ) yep, boob job. If she keeps them that long, ( guessing her age) she'll regret it in say 25 years.