What prevents you from being your feminine self 24/7?

[AKAMichelle]

I know that many of us have no desire to transtion and that's fine. But many times we may wish to be female, but don't for a multitude of reasons. I wonder if these reasons went away would you be more likely to consider transitioning or just stay the course.

I will start it off by listing some of my reasons. I own my own business and I worry about the change affecting my business. I also worry about my kids and how they would react. If these things got resolved, I just don't know if I would be more likely transtion or not. I guess the biggest reason for that is that I know transitioning won't solve anything. It often times make things more difficult or at very least different. So I hestitate to make any decision which could hurt those that I love.

Would your passing as a woman have any effect on your decision to transition?

[Karinsamatha]

Stupid insensitive small minded people who I work with. I would like to find a place that is not a environment in testosterone overload.

[Eryn]

Michelle, I pretty much mirror your concerns, but I don't consider "being my feminine self" to mean transitioning. More femininity would certainly cause difficulties in my business and my children don't need more issues to add to their own growing pains. My family obligations come first.

[Marissa]

Michelle, I know you explained some things in your OP but I wanted to give my explaination of the two questions as I see them.

Would your passing as a woman have any effect on your decision to transition?

Transitioning is not in the cards for me since I have no desire to transition. I say desire since I don't have or ever had that feeling of being in the wrong body. So even in the 'non-existent' perfect world that would accept ALL, I still would not transition.

What prevents you from being your feminine self 24/7?

Me..ultimately it would be me..meaning that I like being a guy at times so it would have to be an overwhelming feeling of being a woman 24/7 to give that up. Now my terms of being 24/7 is expressing a fem appearance to even possibly having breast implants, but no lower surgery.

IF I could let go of being the guy, then acceptance of family and my youngest daughter would have to be good for me to do this.

Lastly, would be a much shorter time to get ready to go out the door :D I'm not a 15 minute girl..

Hugs,
Marissa

[Simply_Vanessa]

My ability to pass would definitely affect my desire to transition. It would be very hard for me to carry on if I got gawked at just for being myself. Also, my occupation of choice probably isnt the best place for a TG woman, considering all the good ol' boys clubs that will impose a glass ceiling (financial sector)

[busker]

about the change affecting my business.
Michelle, i remember reading a few years ago about a concert pianist who as TS and was going to get everything done, much to the dismay of his manager, who told him that solo concert performances for a woman would be so few that his great career as a pianist would just about be over, so there are very dire consequences to transitioning as it relates to ones career.

[Katesback]

I am going to throw in my two cents.

First of all when you mentioned your concerns (as you call them) you seem to overlook the countless TS women that have gone BEFORE you and LIVED. Yes we actually survived!

So I am going to have to say something to you that might sound harsh. Your so called concerns are really excuses!

With that said it is a difficult journey that for many is worth all the pain and suffering! You simply have to be willing to make that decision if you are TS.

Katie

[Steph.TS]

Fear, it comes down to fear, I'm afraid of my family reeacting to it, I'm afrid I may be forced to move out, I'm afraid I'll lose friends, I'm afraid it'll effect my employment, I'm afraid. if I had no fear, sure I'd be on hormones in therapy, and on a waiting list to transition, but fear holds me back.

[AKAMichelle]

I am going to throw in my two cents.

First of all when you mentioned your concerns (as you call them) you seem to overlook the countless TS women that have gone BEFORE you and LIVED. Yes we actually survived!

So I am going to have to say something to you that might sound harsh. Your so called concerns are really excuses!

With that said it is a difficult journey that for many is worth all the pain and suffering! You simply have to be willing to make that decision if you are TS.

Katie

I agree 100%. I don't feel that I have to transition to survive because I am TS. I am beginning to realize that I might very well be TS, but not at the point to transtion. If I was at that point in my life, then the reasons given would be dealt with. I would never let them stop me from transitioning if I felt the need at that point. But many people talk about transitioning like it is a choice. A TS person doesn't have much choice.

I created this post to invoke a lot of soul searching about ourselves. Sometimes without the question being asked you take the answer for granted. This is a very important question which must be asked periodically to help us with our growth as a person. I have been asking myself this question several times lately to better understand my revelations about myself. It has helped me understand a lot about myself.

[Sophie_C]

The likely destruction of everything I hold dear and have built up in my life: family, friends, career, etc. Most people who transition lose much or all of it. And, sure people survive past it, no doubt. But are most people who transition beyond their teenage years actually able to "live" in a way remotely like they did before or desire to, in any way except being sometimes treated as a woman? Mind you, I am not condemning those who do it. I'm actually admiring them. But, in 2011 in America, it is a very, very heavy price to pay, unless you're incredibly lucky.

And, passability is very important, but unless you're 1000% (which almost no one is), you're not going to get past most prejudice. Sorry, but human beings are very visual, very physically oriented, and principle means very little in reality. If I could pull it off (which I do believe I could, with enough money), it's still maybe a 30% chance or so that it can work itself out.

This subject is very close to me because it's not news to me that I'm transgendered. I've known this since I was a kid and have actively repressed it ever since. Transition at this point is like nuking your own life. And, maybe that is what some people need. But, for some people, the price is too high.

[t-girlxsophie]

If my reasons are excuses,then so be it,The main ones for not being 24/7 is My Son,He never spoke to me for 3 months when he found out I was a Crossdresser (was the worst time) those of you with kids WILL understand that.My Wife is Accepting of me,but she still wants her man in her life.And anyway,Im not one of those Crossdressers that hates being a guy,I love guy times but I just love Dressing so much more.I have never entertained The thought of Transition either.And 24/7 isnt worth Sacrificing my family for,Now if thats an excuse then seems a pretty darn good one to me

[JamieTG]

Although my feminine desires are strong there is actually something that has an even greater pull on me. I'm addicted to excercise and I love to compete in races. I try to feminize my male body as much as possible but I would never go on hormones or do anything that would negatively affect my ability to compete at a high level. I feel lucky that I have something to keep me in check.

[Loni]

first off it would be money, sure i could find another job. probably for less money. as the type of work i do not would be in jeans anyhow. skirts need not apply.
but my face would give me away no mater how much pancake i put on.
it would be nice to have the ability to try.
as for hormones if not for family and a Dr pushing to get me on the cutting table. i would be on them now. (for a problem not related to transgendered).
i should have pushed for another Dr.

.

[Pythos]

Three letters. F.A.A. LOL

No, actually, I don't want to transition, don't want to be a woman. Now I would like to be my more feminine male self that is for sure. I would love to be able to be in a skirted outfit similar to what the GG had on today, just with variations to differentiate between us two.

But the fear is I will damage my aviation reputation, along with my overall reputation to the general public. I already am doing that wearing the stuff I do, but if I started wearing longer hair, and makeup, at my age, I would be considered a crack pot. In the end it is fear. Definitely fear of the unknown though.

[Persephone]

Great thread!

In my own case, I'm "out" or en femme to almost everyone at this point and my spouse and my son are very accepting. I have very wide ranging acceptance from my family and most friends, I'm retired, and I can be myself.

I haven't really sat down and done a second-by-second analysis, but I probably spend more time en femme than en drab. My spouse claims I'm about 85% female and 15% male, although I would tend to peg myself more like 65% female and 35% male.

There are a lot of places and situations where I am now known en femme, including places, like the exercise center and some women's social clubs, that I can't even go to en drab.

So why do I still cling to seeing myself as CD rather than TS? And why do I still bother pretending to be a guy at all?

Maybe because of lifelong training, but maybe because Kate is right and I'm living in a prison of my own excuses.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[docrobbysherry]

Michelle, "What prevents you from being your feminine self 24/7?"

Doc, "Well, I don't know that I HAVE a fem self. And for now, I seem to be quite content to dress twice a month!"

Michelle, "OK. So how do u explain your depth of involvement in dressing?"(sic)

Doc, "I have no idea, so I guess I CAN'T!"

Michelle, "Would your passing as a woman have any effect on your decision to transition?"

Doc, "I have NO thots of transitioning. However, I probably WOULD go out dressed more. But, the way I dress it WOULDN'T be to the mall or Dennys!"

[Tanya C]

Not everyone is wired to transistion even if the so called barriers were to be eliminated. Some of us are just born crossdressers, bi-gendered as it were. In my own case the reason I haven't transitioned is not because my wife or job won't let me, but because I am a mix of both genders, and I doubt I could leave either one behind.
The ability to pass well is a big plus whether you're ts or cd especially when it comes to going out in public, but that factor would hardly be sufficient to coax me into transitioning. I'm simply am who I am, a crossdresser.

[Kate Simmons]

Nothing really prevents me. I'm retired, don't have to prove anything to anyone and can pretty much do what I want. I just choose not to go 24/7. Passing or not has lttle or nothing to do with that.:)

[Gaby2]

I don't know if anything "prevents me" considering transition, Michelle.

Thinking about crossdressing like this is all so new for me.
Even reading the reactions so far to your OP and especially your soul-searching comments widen my perspective on transgender no-end.
Every time I take the time to log in, the sheer kaleidoskope of people and their stories fascinate and interest me.

The sexual aspect had always dominated my crossdressing.
Since joining this site last Summer the sexual aspect has become part of a much more complex and rewarding experience.
At the same time the sexual aspect hasn't diminished.

My crossdressing is extremely important for me, though I'm mostly happy with me in public as I am... however I can't deny that privately I feel better dressed as GGs dress.
When I make the effort to dress, it's because I want to feel and, dare I say, look well!
Dressing has heightened my awareness in casual drab and there are times now when I'm ashamed of how I present myself in guy-mode.

Dressing (and not necessarily passing) in public seems to me to be a right like freedom of speech - a right which I don't exercise because it isn't important enough for me yet.
If it becomes more important for me though, then I know I won't be afraid or need excuses.
At the moment, I'm happy to have the freedom to think what I want.

Would transition allow me more freedom?
I wouldn't exclude that thought anymore.

Better do some work now, Gaby

[erickka]

I keep me from transitioning. I have built a comfortable life over the last 50 years, and I feel that there is no reason to change that. I am very happy with being able to have"the best of both worlds."

[dawnmarrie1961]

Michelle,
I've never let anything stand in the way of being myself. The only big obstacle I have to get over is "me". This was probably not such a good idea when my children were younger because it caused them a lot of problems in school. In hindsight it would have been better to have taken it slower with my transition. But my children learned a valuable lesson. "Don't judge a book by its cover." I worked as a self employed computer technician for years and never had a problem with my customers. Well, maybe a few, but they quickly realized that it didn't affect my ability to troubleshoot their systems.

[linda allen]

For me, I don't think there is a "feminine self". I'm pretty much a guy who likes to pretend to be a woman. I would like more freedom to do that but the fear of what my wife, my children, my family, my friends, and others would think and say is what's holding me back.

With a lot of help (forms, hip and fanny pads, wig, makeup, body shaving, etc.), I could probably pass for a female. Not a great looking female, but a female. So if I were to transition, I would be a "not great looking" female.

If I could trade bodies with a good looking female for two weeks, I would do it without a second thought. Transition with my body and all the problems it would bring - nope.

But, there is a wide range of people on this forum so whatever works for each of us, best of luck.

[Sara Jessica]

I know that many of us have no desire to transtion and that's fine. But many times we may wish to be female, but don't for a multitude of reasons. I wonder if these reasons went away would you be more likely to consider transitioning or just stay the course.

Simple. As a self-described middle-pather, the potential for destruction of family, friendships & career is quite a barrier to my being able to transition. My children are in school and I'm not looking to make their formative years more difficult with such a burden as this.

When one has grown up as I have, educated on what it is to be TS by virtue of what is seen on television and read in psychiatry journals in the college library, the entire TS experience seems like a place where you're utterly alone. So you press on as society has programmed you, marriage, children, career, etc. And with that comes a heap of responsiblity that compels me to fight off the daily/hourly/by-the-minute desire to transition. Like I've said before, these are the cards I have in my hand, even if I pulled many of them from the deck myself.


Would your passing as a woman have any effect on your decision to transition?

One thing I try to keep in perspective is just because you think you can doesn't mean you should.


My ability to pass would definitely affect my desire to transition. It would be very hard for me to carry on if I got gawked at just for being myself.

Excellent perspective Vanessa. If one ventures out into the real world on a part time basis, the gawking pretty much ceases when the girl comes off. Transition and you are potentially faced with this for the rest of your life.


I am going to throw in my two cents.

First of all when you mentioned your concerns (as you call them) you seem to overlook the countless TS women that have gone BEFORE you and LIVED. Yes we actually survived!

So I am going to have to say something to you that might sound harsh. Your so called concerns are really excuses!

With that said it is a difficult journey that for many is worth all the pain and suffering! You simply have to be willing to make that decision if you are TS.

Katie

I take exception with much of what you said Katie. Everyone's situation is different. My reasons listed are far from excuses. They are the reality of my life. And I put one of your sentences in bold for emphasis because of it's implication... "if you are TS, you simply HAVE to be willing to make that decision???" No, you made the decision that you felt you had to make and I in turn must live on the path that I am on. Transition doesn't make one a woman, it's what's in her heart. I'm content in knowing my heart is pure in that respect.

Transition is courageous in it's own way, no question about it. But as I have been told by others who know me and have been witness to the joys of my femininity along with the torment it often brings, it takes just as much courage to consign one's self to an existence in a compartmentalized world, trying to balance two lives and two genders.


The likely destruction of everything I hold dear and have built up in my life: family, friends, career, etc. Most people who transition lose much or all of it. And, sure people survive past it, no doubt. But are most people who transition beyond their teenage years actually able to "live" in a way remotely like they did before or desire to, in any way except being sometimes treated as a woman? Mind you, I am not condemning those who do it. I'm actually admiring them. But, in 2011 in America, it is a very, very heavy price to pay, unless you're incredibly lucky.

And, passability is very important, but unless you're 1000% (which almost no one is), you're not going to get past most prejudice. Sorry, but human beings are very visual, very physically oriented, and principle means very little in reality. If I could pull it off (which I do believe I could, with enough money), it's still maybe a 30% chance or so that it can work itself out.

This subject is very close to me because it's not news to me that I'm transgendered. I've known this since I was a kid and have actively repressed it ever since. Transition at this point is like nuking your own life. And, maybe that is what some people need. But, for some people, the price is too high.

Well said Sophie, 3 paragraphs which go far to show that those who choose not to transition for such reasons are not making excuses.

We did not choose to be TS but we are able to make educated and rational choices about how we live our lives.

[Vanessac48]

It was fear for me, but once I made the decision to be a woman full time, I have become one pretty much 97% of the time

[kimdl93]

In my situation, its a shared choice, shared between my wife and I - but an evolving choice. I'm still a bit shy about going out in public...less so, but that's changing as I mature. My wife accepts and supports me at home, and is ok with my rather androgynous public attire. But neither of us is comfortable yet in revealing this part of our life to the kids. Like everything else, that may change.

[Marissa]

I am so happy to finally see a thread where many are standing on their beliefs or decisions to express where they are in their lives right now: no desire to; not wanting to; not ready to; and can't 'transition'. In some of my posts, I make reference to those who say "accept who you are and begin the journey", well I have and it stops where I am now. Accept it.. :)


I am going to throw in my two cents.

First of all when you mentioned your concerns (as you call them) you seem to overlook the countless TS women that have gone BEFORE you and LIVED. Yes we actually survived!

So I am going to have to say something to you that might sound harsh. Your so called concerns are really excuses!

With that said it is a difficult journey that for many is worth all the pain and suffering! You simply have to be willing to make that decision if you are TS.

Katie

Sound harsh? okay..maybe.. how about it sounding 'unaccepting'??? Why can't we define our reasons as 'concerns' and leave it at that? Why do they have to be 'excuses'?

You have made the journey and it seems one filled with pain and suffering..sorry, but the fact you made it is commendable, let others see that as a means for success if they are TS and willing to make the decision. But not all are willing or ever be willing. Let their thoughts and opinions be heard at the level they choose.

Marissa

[Julogden]

For me, as stupid as it sounds, I think it's fear of looking ridiculous. I'm 6'5" tall and heavy. I know I won't pass, but that actually doesn't bother me as much as being concerend about being laughed at. I have self-esteem issues, had them all my life. I received a couple beatings from adults due to my crossdressing when I was very young, and the resulting shame has been hard to shake off even as an adult.


I am going to throw in my two cents.

First of all when you mentioned your concerns (as you call them) you seem to overlook the countless TS women that have gone BEFORE you and LIVED. Yes we actually survived!

So I am going to have to say something to you that might sound harsh. Your so called concerns are really excuses!

With that said it is a difficult journey that for many is worth all the pain and suffering! You simply have to be willing to make that decision if you are TS.

Katie

We aren't necessarily talking about being TS here. Not everyone who lives or wants to live 24/7 is a TS. And "so called" concerns? An individual's concerns may be very valid, who are you to say otherwise?

Carol

[kristinacd55]

My daughters not knowing mainly......I think my wife would get used to it eventually. I don't plan on transitioning with SRS but would consider HRT someday.

[PretzelGirl]

This is one of those questions that you can throw out a canned answer real quickly. So I took a few minutes and closed my eyes and dwelled on it.

Well, first a common answer is usually work. That is the primary one I would normally give. But recently I was out and twice ran face to face with someone from work. How did I handle it? Well, I paid attention to them to see if I was out once I saw them at work, but I never stressed and didn't get worked up over it. It has made me think about whether I am worried about work anymore. I don't want to just tell them though, but maybe I don't care anymore if I am caught.

Then there is the family. My wife and two daughters know. That leaves a son on the east coast and then brothers, sisters, mother. My mother is the only one of the bunch that would be rough. But she doesn't live near me...

I guess my biggest reason not to is like Tonya's. I still have two sides to the coin. While I might say it would be neat to dress 24/7, I realize that it might be short lived. There is a guy side to me and he still needs his time.

Ask me again next year and we'll see what the answer is.

[christinac]

As I have stated in other threads, the main reason I haven't gone en femme full time is because I too am self employed and the majority of my clientele are not and are very openly not tolerent of the gay, bi, or transgendered. As it stands rightnow because of the economic slow down I am just barely, by the skin of my teeth, one step a head of being homeless and cannot afford to lose anymore customers right now.

[Kathi Lake]

I could expound, expand, and put more words to paper that you'd believe about this subject (those of you that know me are likely nodding your heads and smiling right about now) but it all boils down to one concept. My answer is simply this; By transitioning, I wouldn't be any more me than I already am.

Kathi

[sissystephanie]

I would very definitely have to agree with Kathi Lake. And yes, Kathi, I was smiling as I read your Post! One of your shorter ones! I was born a man and still am a man no matter what type of clothing I wear. I have no desire whatsoever to actually be a woman, so will never be in transition! I am me, and always will be!!

[suchacutie]

Simple, I don't want to be 24/7 permanently. I would enjoy longer blocks of time in one gender and the other (3 or 4 days sounds about right), but I enjoy both of my genders too much to be without one of them. As to why I'm not currently in that situation, it's called making a living. I'm not about to change jobs since they pay me for enjoying myself completely every day. Can't get better than that. Retirement might be interesting, though :)

tina

[Ediosa]

Transitioning is not even a thought for me. I like being both sides of me. I don't even worry about much of many of the concerns that everyone here has. If I wanted to transition, I would've done it right now. I just don't want to. I think I look good enough to go out and do what I want to. I wear what I want to and feel like I can get away with it. I'm not worry about it. One thing that I also hate about transitioning is the amount of work to get ready. It takes me around 30 minutes now, if I want to get it done, but it's still a lot of work. I'm a guy and I'm lazy most of the times. I guess that is why I'm not transitioning...to much work.... ;)

Now in a perfect world. I would transition if the following would happen. I, by some miracle started growing think, luscious hair on my head. I am talking hair that will make Cindy Crawford jealous. It would have to be nice and long, maybe around my middle back. Next, I would have to lose 35 to 40 pounds. Now, I know I am capable of pulling that part of, but I am talking about losing my big shoulders, arms and everything around my waist. If I had a waist that looked like a models waist, I just might. I will also have to have a butt and hips like a women's body. If I had all of that, I think I will transition. Put it will have to take a miracle for the hair part to happen and the waist thing to happen. That is basically what I will need. Oh, plus a couple of million dollars so I don't have to work and I can SHOP!!!! :)

[Stephanie47]

I enjoy being a male. I enjoy being en femme. Would I transition, if I could pass. Hmm!! I can never pass. I do not think I would enjoy being en femme in an environment where I would encounter hostility every day. I do get to be en femme 24/7 for seven to ten days every year, so I do know what it feels to be "like" a woman for a long period. It became natural. I had to think about the dress and undergarments for the day. I did all the chores around the house. It feels so natural. What is missing is social interaction with the general population. If I were not six foot and 200 pounds, but, rather five foot seven, and had social interaction with accepting people I would consider being en femme forever. Part of being en femme for me is the peace and tranquility it brings, so a hostile environment would destroy the reason for being en femme.

[Kendra Sue]

I agree with you 100%. I feel I have the best of both worlds. It is agreat way to relax. Kind of stepping outside yourself.

[Cheryl T]

At the moment work stops me from 24/7. Were it not for that I would seriously consider it. Not sure where it would lead and if I would consider transition, but then again since it's not in the cards I'll play the hand I have.

[RachelF]

Although I love to crossdress I do not feel the urge to become a woman (at least at this point of my life), I really does not feel exactly a woman inside a man body as I read happens to some girls here. But if society would be more accepting, I think I would be dressing more as a woman than as a man. Under current society, I am afraid to deal with the children and friends, expose the wife to society pressure (she already knows, but I CD only in our bedroom), and it would affect my work for sure. But it will be nice if society changes ...

[JohnH]

I am considering HRT in the future but no SRS in any way. I feel that I'm halfway female with my breasts and hips (wide pelvis) so I have no problems wearing dresses. If I took hormones and got larger breasts I would want to wear suits to church to minimize the appearance of the breasts.

So Sunday mornings would be the time I would want to be in male mode, at least initially. I do NOT want to compromise by bass voice by trying to sing like a GG. I am figuring out how to speak like a woman without harming my voice.

For the most part my feelings alternate between feeling feminine and not being concerned about gender. I could not give a rat's a$$ about being macho.

Johanna

[JulieK1980]

I definitely fit the profile of TG, and identify as such, but for me it simply isn't the choice I choose. I guess I'm lucky, for me it isn't a life threatening crisis to not transition, and for that reason, I see no real need to put my kids through that. It's always an evolving choice, but I don't honestly see it in my future.

I'm sure if I did choose that path, I'd come out on top, but it would add a massive amount of stress to my life, and the life of my family, (The latter being something that has a major impact in my decision.)

Perhaps in my next life I'll get to be who I am on the outside as well as inside.

[Loni]

i would love to live as a woman (24 - 7 - 365) for a year or two.

but i need a job, no way could i do said and dress, sure there are some laws and the company would not be the problem any how.

.

[Princess Chantal]

I've been in a position for several years that I could become 24/7 without any of the common clashing issues;
Employment: my employer welcomes and respects the diversity of their employees.
Family & relationships: my partner, friends, parents and family are not only open-minded individuals but are also quite educated about transgenderism. BTW I had no influence on my parents and family's engagement of transgenderism as I haven't told them about my crossdressing tendencies. I have no children (that I am aware of) to worry of exposing my crossdressing towards.
Public opinions, behaviors, and need to "pass": Hasn't had much effect on me since I took my fifth step out of the house. Why add stress to my crossdressing, when it's supposed to be fun and relaxing?

Why haven't I hopped in the 24/7 pool......
Too much of a good thing......... may do harm to my passion for crossdressing

[Wendy Lynn]

For me, it is that I am not satisfied with the look of my face. I think my body is feminine looking while dressed, but I would need more money than I have to change my face enough to be pretty!

[EllieOPKS]

Michelle, I am in the majority as far as the things that are important to me and at stake for transitioning; family,friends, career etc.

But another very important reason I would not transition is I am happy with being who I am. I like my male side Eli, being a father, being a brother, a husband, a best friend to my buddies. I also like my female side Ellie. I like the clothes, the feelings, the ability to see myself in another light, the friends. I enjoy things that girls have always enjoyed. I enjoy transforming from Eli to Ellie. Transition to me would mean giving up a part of me ( Eli ) without any really justifiable gain.

Ellie (at the moment LOL!)

[Avana]

I just wanted to say that I am TS, and I made the decision to transition and started living full time (and by that I mean I never acted/dressed/presented myself as anything but what I felt I was inside) on new year's day this year.

Previously I had felt that I'd never transition due to a laundry list of excuses:

- extreme height/passability
- presumed hostility from the world
- loss of friends/family/social life
- loss of job/inability to procure a new job
- prohibitive costs
- loss of sexual function

i realized that many of these reasons were merely excuses that belied a deep seated disbelief in myself stemming from fear and insecurity and over-reliance on a sham of an ego that i had propped up and reinforced my entire life in order to hide my true self from the world. whether or not i was transitioning, i always felt out of place in the world, and i thought I might as well at least start having some fun, being myself.

some of the other issues, like loss of sexual function are sort of sacrifices. but i don't really see them as losses or destruction of any sort, but rather change: transmutation. My sexual energy and force hopefully transmuted into creativity, which, as a designer by profession, could be rejuvenating. I hope to give sex much less importance in my life.

in terms of cost, I reached out to the community and I was able to find counseling through a community center for very low cost, free medical/endo work (i start hormones next week!), and i've even been able to have laser hair removal for free simply as a result of networking and being open with people about my situation and goals. i'm sure there will be other costs, and again it's kind of a sacrifice. However, I can turn it around and see it also as a motivator for me to expand my business to get that extra cash!

As far as losing family/friends/job, i basically had to approach the situation as if I'd have no one. I am independent, psychologically healthy, talented, and I have a supportive SO, so this was my base. I think before anyone makes a transition he/she needs such a solid base, because I needed to accept the possibility that I would lose all of my other support structures in the transition.

As it turns out, coming out as trans to everyone in my life and 'living 24/7' actually had no negative repercussions - it was all extremely positive.

Friends - my best friends are even better friends. In general I feel that I connect to people better and am more personable, attractive, happy, and loving. I've made more friends in the 3 months I've been out than I did in 2 years prior to that. Maybe I have always made good choices about who my friends are, but either way, you find out who your true friends are, and the rest don't matter, and that's the truth. It's really all in your head, because at the end of the day, you spend 100% of your time with yourself, and most of that time lost in your thoughts, fears, hopes, etc.

Family - I came out to my parents first. I was very sincere, open, honest, and thorough about my gender ID, and this helped a lot. Being independent and stable and having that kind of respect from my parents also helped. They never questioned my decision, and I gave them very little room for doubts, and very open with my communication. My relationship with my parents has now reached another level. I have nothing to hide from them and as a result we have become very close.

Work - I came out en masse to all of my facebook friends. The result was pretty astonishing. I received many personal messages with sincere well wishes, made a bunch of new friends, reconnected with old friends, and got a ton of compliments as well! This step in particular was very important to me on a personal/spiritual level, because it forced me to shatter the image of myself that I had created/maintained and presented to friends, acquaintances, and coworkers my whole life. It was deeply liberating. All of my life I had always secretly felt that I was a coward because I was never willing to put everything on the line for my dreams, and now I can say that this is the bravest thing I've ever done, and there is nothing I feel I can't do.

A side note about my work situation - I've been a really independent person my whole life. I studied what I wanted to study, my way, and I got what I wanted out of school. Then I got a job doing something different, because I decided it was what I wanted to do, eschewing my degree. As a architect (which is what I went to school for) I had experience working in the corporate design world and also the high end boutique design world, and quickly realized neither were for me (especially after I got fired), and I spent some time working for myself before moving upstate back to my alma mater town (ithaca, ny) where I found a job with a very free-spirited graphic design firm and quickly became the lead designer there. The whole process was a soul-searching one which resulted in positioning me where it made sense. So when my boss, who is a facebook friend, found out I was trans through my posting, he immediately e-mailed me and showered me with support. So in a way I'd like to say I've been fortunate, but part of it is simply listening to your heart and striving for harmony in all aspects with no fear.

My ultimate goal is harmony and unity in all aspects of my life. The world 'health' itself shares the same ancient root word as 'whole'. Life in the closet was schizoid, neurotic, and unhealthy. But while I have made some healthy choices in my life so far, I'm super lucky to have been born to such amazing parents who raised me to be independent, and to them I owe all of my happiness and success thus far.

In summary, and this is more just my general observations that can be applied to any life experience, not just the trans experience:

1. Always listen to your inner voice. If you can't hear it, try to silence the noises in your life that drown it out.
2. if you do listen to your voice and it demands change, of any sort, don't be afraid to make changes to follow it. One loss can be another gain, and a sort of death a sort of rebirth. Position yourself for personal growth.
3. Reach out to the community. It helps a lot that I am in NYC, but I didn't grow up here, or go to school here, I moved here because I knew I was different and needed to be in a place where I could thrive.
4. Don't be a victim, don't be ashamed.
5. Be honest with yourself and everyone. Some doors may close, but more will open.

Honestly, I don't think that there is any good reason anyone should ever not be themselves. And there's nothing shameful or destructive about being trans, and by hiding in the closet people only legitimize the myth of shame. It's my personal belief that life isn't worth living unless you are always prepared to give it all up for what you truly are. If you have a family or job and that allowing you to be who you truly are and there is no other diversion (ie a trophy wife, social expectation, job that supports decadent lifestyle etc), and that is the strong part of your identity, then by all means do that and do it to the furthest point of realization possible.

There are any number of changes one can undergo that affect family life - divorce, relocation, career change, etc., which people routinely undergo. Gender change is no different except that it's accompanied by institutionalized transphobia.

"For me there is only the traveling on the paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge for me is to traverse its full length. And there I travel—looking, looking, breathlessly."

and here's an acapella from a dance song i like that's relevant:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEWsstTK5Fc

[BeckyAnderson]

I have no desire whatsoever to transition. I am quite happy being who I am. The ability to express my feminine side gives me a great deal of satisfaction and comfort. Even if all barriers were removed today I wouldn't dress 24/7/365 because I enjoy both needs equally. If I had the power to change anything it would be to have the ability to dress/come and go anytime I wished. For that to happen I would need the acceptance of those I hold dearest, family and friends.....I don't have that. Life is tough enough as it is and I'm not willing to jeopardize my 41 year marriage, my family or friends for my needs. Until I have their blessings I'm a guy today and a girl when I can be. Hugs, Becky

[Jmichelle60]

I still have teenage daugther at home who brings her friends over all the time. I know it won't last for long and soon I'll miss the days.

[2SpeedTranny]

Public opinions, behaviors, and need to "pass": Hasn't had much effect on me since I took my fifth step out of the house. Why add stress to my crossdressing, when it's supposed to be fun and relaxing?

Why haven't I hopped in the 24/7 pool......
Too much of a good thing......... may do harm to my passion for crossdressing


I think it goes to the old human flaw of wanting what we don't, or can't, have. Envy.

Everyone wants something more than what they have. The closet CD wants fresh air; the timid gay-bar-only CD wants to go elsewhere; the one with the pretty face hates his legs; and on and on it goes.

And lemme tell ya... this forum is a reeking cesspit of envy. How about the incessant whine about how women can wear whatever they want and men can't, for example? I think that's a crock. Where I grew up, girls most certainly did not get to wear what they pleased. Their dress rules were stricter than the boys'.

The Catholics say envy is one of 7 deadly sins. Well, I'm not Catholic, nor particularly religious of any variety, but it's pretty easy to see how envy made the list. It's one of the worst parts of the human character. (As I've pointed out before, I think fear is the worst, but it didn't make the list. Without fear, there couldn't be much of a church.)

To veer this back on track...

You, Princess... and a handful of others in which I'll include myself... have discovered that happy place where you can have more than what you have, but have no need of it. It's not a physical place, nor possessions, or anything else tangible. It's in your soul.

[NathalieX66]

First to answer the original question:
My male clothes are my busines clothes, ans my female wardrobe is my social clothes.

Now.....What stops me from transitioning?........My masculine self.

The reality is that I would actually do it. I have thought it about it many times, and by actually making such a transition I am willing to put up with the baggage to do so, in terms of the social, family & financial aspect....It can be done. There's only one wee llittle problem in doing such a thing.........murdering someone. That someone is my male persona. It makes no sense introduce a new woman in this world by killing off the man which happens to be me.

I can't be a man only, and I can't be a woman only....so I' ll be both.

[Openminded83]

Well . . . I am trying to not prevent it as much lately. But when I get depressed or especially if I get mad I feel like the ex-military side of me starts taking over more or less. I am doing much better at it though and feel a lot more comfortable and content being more feminine.

[Kendra Sue]

Love the song "Man I feel like a woman"

[Lucy_Bella]

Said it before snd I'll say it again..If I was a TS .There is no doubt in my mind I would ..But I am not a TS , I have a male side still just as strong as ever..It would be my luck if I did transition to dress like a male in the closet ..

[Billie Jean]

Don't want to be. I like both personas. Billie Jean

[steph1964]

I am still "in the closet" so the fear of people finding out prevents me from dressing 24/7. I don't get the opportunity to dress very often so the ability to dress en femme all the time sounds great. But I may not feel the need to crossdress every day if I was able to when I wanted. But a full time pedicure would be nice.

[LynnInDenver]

For me, it's partly work reasons, and partly that I don't feel the overreaching desire to dress every day. Like most everyone, much of the time I prefer to just throw just any old thing on.