A new beginning

[Stephanie Clarke]

My story is probably like many others on this site. I can recall dressing in panties probably as far back as 12. It felt right but socital norms caused me to be ashamed of it and suppress it. I grew up, went to school and built a life. Fast forward 28 years and now I am married with 3 boys and a business. My wife has.known about my dressing for a few yearsl as she has found items of mine but I always brushed it off. I always associated my dressing with a stress relief but it always came back. Now for the change. Last August my wife told me that she no longer feels "that kind of love" for me and so we move forward. What hurt me the most was that she said this to me just days before we went on a family holiday to Disney with the kds and my inlays. It was hell. As we move forward with our divorce I now know that my dressing is a part of me that I don't wish to give up and this acceptance has lifted a weight off my shoulders. I will find a therapist and talk to them but I know in my heart that Stephanie will be a part of my future. My boys will still love me, th sun will still rise and if my wife doesn't change her attitude she will drive the kids away from her which is Ok with me. Here's to better days to come.

[Rianna Humble]

I'm sorry you had to have that just before your family holiday and I sincerely hope that neither you nor your wife use the choildren as pawns in this.

What isn't clear to me from your post is whether this has caused you to conclude that rather than being a cross-dreser you are in fact transsexual?

Your post seems to sugegst that up to this point you were happy being a male who occasionally dresses. Am I right about when that changed? I think that you are right to find a good therapist who has experience with transgendered folk. Whether or not transition is on the cards, this can help you to find balance in your life.

It is an unfortunate fact that if you do decide that you need to transition you may have to be prepared to lose everything including your business. You may be one of the lucky ones who doesn't lose it all, but the possibility needs to be weighed in the balance.

[Nicki S]

I am sorry to hear about your marriage. I went thru the same thing 4 years ago. I will admit that when it started, it was the most miserable event that I ever went through. Now I enjoy being a single person and have feelings of relief. I enjoyed being married and having 2 kids, but I really enjoy the new lack of responsibility of being the "provider".
Keep your chin up and keep your thoughts positive. You too will make it through this and before you know it, you will be enjoying life again.

[RenneB]

And this is the type of story that worries me about coming out. I think my SO suspects but we've never had "the talk". Although many of my girlfriends here suggest it, I'm just not to the point where I want to lose half of what I've worked my entire life for.

I'm sorry that you SO reacted that way....

Renne....

[Stephanie Clarke]

Don't feel too sorry for me. It truly is a new beginning. For the last few years things have not been that good as I have not been true to myself. What she had discovered about me was always looming in the background and when she was in a pissed off mood wham she would play that card. As we move forward I now have a life where I can allow myself to enjoy Stephanie and not worry so much about what my wife....exwife will think. Only when I am true to myself will I be happy. I am going to see a therapist who specializes in GID and probably get some professional confirmation of what I truly feel about myself... that I am TG/TS. Rianna, I would never use my children as pawns, there happiness means more than anything to me and I feel that they love me unconditionally as I do them. My wife has a negative attitude and anything bad that happens between them will be her own fault but I will not plant any seeds.

[Melody Moore]

I can only wish you the best of luck with everything Stephanie and I think you have a better idea about
who you are now. It seems to me like you are going through something similar to what I went through &
are only freeing Stephanie from the constraints that kept her caged up for so long. I have had thoughts
about transitioning since the age of 15, but the expectations put on me as a male & in life in general along
with my relationships stopped that from happening. Once I realised I had to live my life for myself and not
other people then the need to transition become so much more important. Once my kids reached adulthood
and I got out of a difficult relationship what was holding me back, there was absolutely nothing to stop me
going forward. My kids are struggling to accept it after being their father all their lives, but they are adults
now and therefore should be old enough & mature enough to cope better with it. I split up with the both of
the mothers of my kids along time ago and went through the bullshit with being a part-time parent. I never
ran the kids mothers down to the kids, however both mothers did run me down to my kids. As I said I know
my kids are struggling to come to terms with my decision to transition but I am sure when they are older they
will realise how much integrity and honestly I really do have & why it is so important to live as my true-self.

I would lay money on the fact that your wife will more than likely do something similar and run you down &
make accusations like you were never a 'real man' Duh! But isn't that stating the obvious? LOL But this is will
most likely be the way she will try & twist things around & try and portray you as being crazy to your children.
I have seen other trans-friends go through it as well. So just be aware that this is a likely scenario you might
have to deal with. But if you are true to yourself & do the right thing by yourself and everyone else around you,
then I believe that Karma will sort the rest out eventually. So I hope these issues don't hold you back & that you
stay strong and focused from here on out. Due to the fact that you are already seeing a therapist, I believe you
are going in the right direction to start with.

So as I said... Good Luck & I hope it all works out. :hugs: