Confused young person seeking advise .

[christina s]

Hi everyone.

I would just like thank anyone who reads this up front, any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated. Also I apologize for my writing this is something I’m just starting to really accept so this was hard for me to type.

Like most people on the forum I started dressing when I was younger. Sneaking into my stepsisters, mom’s clothes. There wasn't anything sexual to it just liked dressing up as a girl. This ended when I was around 10; I basically stopped cold turkey without even thinking about it. It wasn't until the past couple of years that I even thought about it.

Fast forward a couple of years. I'm in high school I ballooned up after being bullied throughout middle school I decided I was going to get into strength and conditioning class. I started lifting weights religiously ,In these past four years I lost a significant amount of body fat and my strength shot through the roof and I started breaking school and a couple of national records . I was having the time of my life, this was also one of the few times my parents said they were truly proud of me.

During this time though the thought of dressing gradually came back without even looking online for anything. Then one night I googled crossdressing I found this website. And after lurking for a couple of years and seeing how good all of the girls here looked, I would just feel like a freak dressing up. Living at home while going to college isn't helping with my dressing efforts as well.

Does anyone have any advice? There's a part of me that really wants to stay where I’m at and to keep competing in powerlifting and to not lose any size I’ve worked hard to put on. Then there is a part of me that is really wanting to lose this extra muscle mass and to start dressing again without looking like a freak. I think I might actually be happier doing that but I don't want to throw the past four years out the window on an impulse. I've thought about just purging but finding clothes for my body type besides shoes has been tough.

Cliffs
-dressed when I was younger

-thought I grew out of it

- To deal with bullies started lifting weight at 15 bulked up to a somewhat lean 260 by 19


-thought of dressing started gradually coming back over the years now I can’t get the thought out of my mind ( nothing sexual I just like dressing up )

- Still likes being a guy

- I think I enjoy what I’ve done the past couple of years but I can’t get the idea of dressing ,losing weight out of my head so I don't look like jay cutler in a dress. I really don't know if i'm happy with what i'm doing right now

i"m still 19 btw

[Amelia]

Do what you think will make you happiest. There is a broad spectrum and nothing says you can't do both.

[Christy_M]

First, thanks for the cliff notes since I have add and needed the reminder...lol

Second, you might need to come to terms with who you are. I have been through plenty of years creating a macho male persona to avoid Christy and after 40+ years of trying to hide it I have finally accepted that this is who I am and who I have always been. Now, I regret most of the machismo I created. Like Amelia said, You need to figure out what will make you happiest.

Aren't there female body builders? Wouldn't that give you both?

[Haley Heather]

Do what you think will make you happiest. There is a broad spectrum and nothing says you can't do both.

Or neither.


Have you sought professional counseling christina s? If not, I would consider it, having a real person to talk with regarding any sort of troubles one may have is usually at least cathartic.

[BobbieCrescent]

Definitely don't make any important life changes on a whim. You said you'd been lurking the site for a few years, and that's good, but sometimes i think forums can have two negative effects.

The first is that we start feeling worse and worse by comparing ourselves to others, and the second is that often times you can get smothered by all the well intentioned but ultimately unhelpful 'support' from people who don't want to appear mean or rude by telling you the truth. Some people just don't look good dressed as a female. You certainly may, and you'll never know until you try. It's a harsh fact, but i believe it to be true.

Take a large amount of time to really think about your true motivations for the things you want to do, and i'm sure you'll find some of the answers, at the very least.

[Leslie Foxx]

You need to do a bit more soul searching. As long as you have a desire to stay competitive, then keep at it.... IF that is what YOU want. There will likely come a time in the future when you no longer wish to compete, then reshape yourself as you can to reveal a more femme look. Last I heard, there's no rule that says you can't do both.

[christina s]

First, thanks for the cliff notes since I have add and needed the reminder...lol

Second, you might need to come to terms with who you are. I have been through plenty of years creating a macho male persona to avoid Christy and after 40+ years of trying to hide it I have finally accepted that this is who I am and who I have always been. Now, I regret most of the machismo I created. Like Amelia said, You need to figure out what will make you happiest.

Aren't there female body builders? Wouldn't that give you both?
I'm glad there's someone with a somewhat what similar past. If I could I would try to go for a Jamie Eason look haha
http://www.myfittribe.com/files/images/Jamie%20Eason.jpg


Or neither.


Have you sought professional counseling christina s? If not, I would consider it, having a real person to talk with regarding any sort of troubles one may have is usually at least cathartic.
I've honestly thought about it . But being in oklahoma i'm afraid that i would be burned at stake . Also i don't know how i could pay for it , i can barely afford Gas and groceries as it is and i don't how i could do it without using my parents insurance

[busker]

Christina, I'm going to go against the grain here and suggest that you should just follow the "guy" stuff. Someone one this forum referenced a Spock quote that goes something likethis and may be appropriate: "the wanting is sometimes more important that the having". Since you are lurking here for a while, you may be just feeling a little left out and the dressing thing is not all that important now and may not be in the future, there are a number of people here who would say that they would just love for the Cd thing to go away--it complicates life, and relationships, cd'ers have troubles with thir spouses or significant others, and it can just be a pain in the A$$.
The other thing that you mentioned is that you are 260 and I guess in your early 20's. Are you going to be satisfied in the closet? Could you really blend in if you lost some pounds? Maybe you do have the "curse" but my vote would be to carry on with what seems to be a successful life so far, come back in a year and see how things are if you still have a hankerin". Store your clothes somewhere just in case. Being a Cder isn't exactly a great life generally speaking..

[christina s]

You need to do a bit more soul searching. As long as you have a desire to stay competitive, then keep at it.... IF that is what YOU want. There will likely come a time in the future when you no longer wish to compete, then reshape yourself as you can to reveal a more femme look. Last I heard, there's no rule that says you can't do both.
I know there no rule saying you can't do both , but with how big i am i can’t find clothes that fit decently also i still think part of the fun is actually looking somewhat decent (you look great btw). As you said though this is something i just need to think about


..

Thank you for giving a different perspective

. Most people I know say I do have a gift for powerlifting so it would be a shame if I just quit and threw it away ,but I don’t want to be the person who snaps one day because they suppressed a part of who they are. While I understand the “life “ of a crossdresser isn’t great I just want to be able to accept who really am . Maybe your right , I should just keep this in the closet till I’m done with my lifting career and try to find some clothes I would look decent in

[Eryn]

Considering how big you are could you ever get back down to a size that you find acceptable for CDing? That might be an difficult thing to achieve and perhaps impossible. Sometimes you just can't have the ideal you might want so you have to go for the compromise situation.

Luckily, you're young and have a long time to sort this out. Don't do anything rash.

[2SpeedTranny]

I'm going to take a little different tack here. Powerlifting is pretty hard on a body. In essence, you're asking your body to do things it would never normally be able to do. Consequently, this gives rise to a wide range of potential health problems down the road. It's something young athletes rarely, if ever, are told about or think about.

That, in my opinion, is what you should be considering when deciding whether or not to continue down that path: your own health and well-being, not how you look in a dress. It could be worth it, but that is entirely up to you.

[docrobbysherry]

Christina, I'm OLD! I didn't go straight from being 20 to 60 without a LOT of varied life experiences and personal direction changes! Few do. And, neither will U!

I suggest u relax and concentrate on what's MOST important in your present life. That would be getting an education. After u leave college, your life will change completely! Like it or not. Then, u will have to pick a career direction. If you're going to be a steel worker, u may need your strength. If u work in an office, you'll HAVE to lose weight or start melting at your desk!

While we would ALL like to resemble Jamie, very few of us have hot fem figures. So, u don't need one to dress! Have u tried working on dressing facially? Makeup and a wig? If u try dressing in ways u CAN and don't enjoy it, QUIT! U can always come back to it later! At your age, u have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD! Relax, and enjoy your journey!

[Phoebe P.]

You have a LONG life ahead of you. I know when you're young, it doesn't feel that way but when you're older you'll understand. You have decades to dress how you like but only a few years to do what you are physically gifted to do. I always wished I could play college football. I didn't have dreams of the pro's just college. Well, I didn't make it. You have a precious gift for a short period of time in your young life. Use it to your advantage. Talk to everyone you meet. Contacts are invaluable. Keep a "little black book" or ask for and keep business cards. You have a gift. Use it.

When you're in your elder years, you can wear whatever you want. Don't fritter away what God gave you b/c you think pumps MIGHT be better than tennis shoes!

[christina s]

Christina, I'm OLD! I didn't go straight from being 20 to 60 without a LOT of varied life experiences and personal direction changes! Few do. And, neither will U!

I suggest u relax and concentrate on what's MOST important in your present life. That would be getting an education. After u leave college, your life will change completely! Like it or not. Then, u will have to pick a career direction. If you're going to be a steel worker, u may need your strength. If u work in an office, you'll HAVE to lose weight or start melting at your desk!

While we would ALL like to resemble Jamie, very few of us have hot fem figures. So, u don't need one to dress! Have u tried working on dressing facially? Makeup and a wig? If u try dressing in ways u CAN and don't enjoy it, QUIT! U can always come back to it later! At your age, u have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD! Relax, and enjoy your journey! right now my main goal is getting my CPA in a couple of years so at least im doing something right haha

I think you're right though . Maybe i should stop being so self conscious and just dress ! I have a interesting life ahead of me , and i'm surprised how welcoming everyone was . if i would have posted this on any of the lifting sites i post on i would have been ran out of town...

[Amanda Stubbs]

I see no reason why you can't continue to enjoy your sporting prowess and still enjoy your alter ego.
I, myself, have been very involved in sport. I've played Football and Cricket at county youth level and also represented my schools at Rugby, Athletics and Swimming. I only gave up Cricket a few years ago.

I still found plenty of 'me time' to dress privately. I'd arrange things so I could. At 19yo, I realise the hectic pace of life. It doesn't get any easier the older you get. You must make time to fit it in, your 'inner-self' will tell you when you need to dress. Address the urge when needed and get on with your life. Later in life you find the time to develop a female image. If like me it's what you still want. I suspect it will be.
The most important thing is to be honest with with yourself and your partner when you have one.

[david]

hi cristina dont ever think of giving up on how you feel inside it is not worth it.i shoud know i finally took the step when i finally realised what i was inside a female. i told my wife and i was frightend in case she wood leave me but she understood and after visiting a sex clinic it was made clear that this was in fact how i was ment to be.she actually came to the clinic with me and it was fully explained to her.i dress in my clothes which she bought for me so believe me when i say do not give up be the person you really feel inside. yours davinaxx

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Even though I do not power lift (kind of more in the body scultpting area) I understand the dilema that weightlifting can cause with being TG. What has helped me is that I no longer fight my desire to want to bulk up. I embrace it as being who I am as a person, and yes this is my girl side that likes being bulky. The only restrictions with the lifting are if tops become too small or I can no longer fit into them it's time to maybe do a little bit more cardio as opposed to weightlifting. Or I will lift lighter weights. One last bit of advice, always remember.

MUSCULAR GIRLS ARE PRETTY!!!!!:)

[Raindrop]

Well I weigh in at about 185lb (about 10% body fat) and I'm only 5'7", I consider myself a bodybuilder and love it. I love posing whether it be guy clothes, girl clothes or naked! I love my body, if you have more of a powerlifting physique than bodybuilder then maybe it would be wise to hit more cardio for less around the mid-section? Sorry if this is a stereotype but dont powerlifters tend to have higher body fat percentage? Reducing this would allow the the shoulders to seem broader and the thighs larger accentuating the narrowness of the waist, also squats are great for the bum! A bodybuilder tip to get a narrow waist is NOT to train the obliques.

I also do muay thai as part of my cardio and do knuckle press-ups on uneven concrete! So embrace the male and female aspects of yourself, theres no need to decide! Do both! Ying and yang, anima and animus, everything or nothing - is that not inner peace?!

At my peak before a slipped disc I was lifting 195kg deadlifts, 210kg squats and 122.5kg bench with a 30" waist and 16" biceps, as for clothes i always have trouble if I try tops unless they're sort of stretchy but if you have the bodybuilder pysique then girls jeans are the best! Ever notice how you cant wear guys jeans as they are too loose at the waist and too tight at the thighs? I go for stretch on the thighs (and arse) which flare out at the bottom, I even wear these out as a guy and ive had a few complements!

As I said I have a slipped disc so remember the health aspect as mentioned earlier!

Im 23 by the way

[Raindrop]

I just realised after the Jamie Eason comment you put haha, I always do this as I feel lol is a bit well "gay" hahahahaha and not me! I dont feel comfortable using "lol", maybe its just because of its over use? I always never use smiley faces for the same reason.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Question?

Do you dress so you can go out as a woman, or because you for whatever reason just want to dress?

Unless others are going to see you... so what if you have muscles?

Balance is very important in life. Know what you do stuff and then make informed decisions.

Em

[TGMarla]

Look, there are a small few of us who are really pretty, and a whole lot of us that make do with what we have to work with. Most of us realize that we'll never be pretty girls, and we dress as best we can and allow our imaginations to do the rest. Most of us will never really pass. If you drop the weight training, and lose what you have gained, you'll regret it in the end. Just as crossdressing is a lousy reason to divorce, it's an equally lousy reason to give up a life pursuit. You're in great shape. Don't lose that just so you can wear pretty dresses. What will you really gain in the long run if you stop the weight training? You'll have to fill the void somehow, and filling it with crossdressing is a slippery slope that you may come to regret, dislike, or even resent in the end. Stay in shape. Keep up with the body building. Toss in some lacy underwear if you need to. But don't chuck it all in the trash just so you can fit into a size 12.

[Julogden]

. Most people I know say I do have a gift for powerlifting so it would be a shame if I just quit and threw it away ,but I don’t want to be the person who snaps one day because they suppressed a part of who they are. While I understand the “life “ of a crossdresser isn’t great I just want to be able to accept who really am . Maybe your right , I should just keep this in the closet till I’m done with my lifting career and try to find some clothes I would look decent in
Hi Christina,

First of all, ignore those who think you can't get rid of the muscle in order to achieve a feminine look. I've seen photos of girls who have been into bodybuilding and sports who have done it. If you want to do it badly enough, you can do it.

And also ignore those who tell you that it would be a shame to give up your lifting. If it isn't what YOU want, then you're wasting your time with lifting. Don't do it because you think it's what you're supposed to want. I fell into that trap in high school. Because I'm tall, I let others sway me into going out for basketball, and I really didn't like it, but I did it because I thought that I was supposed to want to do that, so I tried living up to what others told me I should be instead of who I knew I was.

If you have access to a therapist who specializes in transgender issues, you might want to see what they can do to help you figure out what you want to do. I urge you very strongly to NOT wait another year, life is surprisingly short, you'll see that very clearly when you're older, don't waste a second of it.

Carol

[JamieTG]

I agree with Emily. We come in all different shapes, sizes, and interests and having balance in your life is very important. As long as your not obsessed with dressing to pass in public there is no reason that you can't be a powerlifter that crossdresses. If you have the desire and passion to compete right now then you should go for it. I'm TG and have been competing in running, bicycling, and triathlon events for almost 30 years. I feel lucky that I have this other interest to keep some balance in my life.

[marissa_sissy]

wow. Dont be sad. I have had to learn that over the years. This is something that we all do for enjoyment. Mine is mostly sexual, but the urge to dress is still the urge to dress.

I too come from a positive family and am a retired professional athlete. I dread anyone in my family circle even remotely finding out. (not including my wife who knows, and has fun with it with me) I understand. You seem to be doing a fine job, but at that size, you must have a hard time finding sexy clothes that fit. lol.

I was in a very masculine sport, and secretly dressed for a very long time. At times it helped releive the pressure of big events. Of course I did not want to be found out, but what you do privately is your own affair. Good luck.

[Loni]

just enjoy who and what you are. at 260 can you loose some of it?
but take it slow and easy try underdressing for a time. buy a skirt and a couple tops, at some time in the future. just try to keep out of the pink fog.
read up on cross dressing (not the porno sh1t). get real world info, search in your area for a support group.
one must crawl before they can run a marathon.
learn makeup, how different clothing works for different body types. take care of your skin and face.

Loni

[kimdl93]

I played hs and college football at defensive end and to this day, I'm something of a gym rat. I've cut back on the heavy weights, but still like to maintain muscle tone and overall cardo fitness. As a result, my shoulders are probably a bit of a give away. Still, I don't dress (completely) in public and I like the way my clothes fit and look (other than my waist still needs work!) Don't sweat it. wear jackets or loose sweaters to cover the arms and you'll look fine!

[Tricia Lee]

There was a female body builder on TLC's "What Not to Wear" a while back. Here are some links to the show that might give you some inspiration:

http://videos.howstuffworks.com/tlc/39869-what-not-to-wear-so-big-video.htm
http://www.sidereel.com/What_Not_to_Wear/season-9/episode-24
http://blogs.discovery.com/tlc-what-not-to-wear/2010/04/shopping-list-victory-for-vikki.html

[AmandaM]

If you like the power-lifting, do it while you can. Just get some clothes, etc. that you can wear in private, etc. since you won't pass right now. As you get older, you can think about trimming down. I wouldn't give up one for the other if you like both. Unless you're a transsexual or something.

[christina s]

wow. Dont be sad. I have had to learn that over the years. This is something that we all do for enjoyment. Mine is mostly sexual, but the urge to dress is still the urge to dress.

I too come from a positive family and am a retired professional athlete. I dread anyone in my family circle even remotely finding out. (not including my wife who knows, and has fun with it with me) I understand. You seem to be doing a fine job, but at that size, you must have a hard time finding sexy clothes that fit. lol.

I was in a very masculine sport, and secretly dressed for a very long time. At times it helped releive the pressure of big events. Of course I did not want to be found out, but what you do privately is your own affair. Good luck. Finding clothes is a bitch !There's not many girls out there with a 36 inch waist and a 50 inch chest ....



Hi Christina,

First of all, ignore those who think you can't get rid of the muscle in order to achieve a feminine look. I've seen photos of girls who have been into bodybuilding and sports who have done it. If you want to do it badly enough, you can do it.

And also ignore those who tell you that it would be a shame to give up your lifting. If it isn't what YOU want, then you're wasting your time with lifting. Don't do it because you think it's what you're supposed to want. I fell into that trap in high school. Because I'm tall, I let others sway me into going out for basketball, and I really didn't like it, but I did it because I thought that I was supposed to want to do that, so I tried living up to what others told me I should be instead of who I knew I was.

If you have access to a therapist who specializes in transgender issues, you might want to see what they can do to help you figure out what you want to do. I urge you very strongly to NOT wait another year, life is surprisingly short, you'll see that very clearly when you're older, don't waste a second of it.

Carol
Thank you so much Carol .

The next big thing for me is to figure if i'm still doing this for me , or doing it for other people . To the others , i'm not interested in transitioning i like being a guy i would just like to somewhat decent and not like this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkbYN0apd9U

[ashlylynn]

A - Know that there are 3 kinds of xdressers ( this does not include true transgenders - you seem to like being a guy )
--- 1 xdressing RUNS/IS their life ... ( compulsion )
--- 2 xdressing is a PART of their life ...
--- 3 xdressing is something they use to ENHANCE their life - blow off stress - have a fantasy - RELAX - etc.

Seems you are # 3

Plan a vacation to another town.
--Shop at bargain stores for boring outfits CHEAP.
--Buy your shoes, wig, cosmetics on eBay
or
---- Buy unisex shoes and clothes

Bring your camera to the motel - have a blast.
In the meantime, post some photos here for feedback.
You can censor your face if you're a little bid scared.



Lots of women have some muscle and look great ...but not THIS one ...

http://www.eatliver.com/img/2007/2637.jpg

[Julogden]

A - Know that there are 3 kinds of xdressers ( this does not include true transgenders - you seem to like being a guy )
--- 1 xdressing RUNS/IS their life ... ( compulsion )
--- 2 xdressing is a PART of their life ...
--- 3 xdressing is something they use to ENHANCE their life - blow off stress - have a fantasy - RELAX - etc.

Seems you are # 3

Plan a vacation to another town.
--Shop at bargain stores for boring outfits CHEAP.
--Buy your shoes, wig, cosmetics on eBay
or
---- Buy unisex shoes and clothes

Bring your camera to the motel - have a blast.
In the meantime, post some photos here for feedback.
You can censor your face if you're a little bid scared.



Lots of women have some muscle and look great ...but not THIS one ...

http://www.eatliver.com/img/2007/2637.jpg

Hi Ashlynn,

With your three categories of CD's, you've done some serious pigeonholing and ignored the fact that CD'ing encompasses a continuum of behaviors that blends into other classes of transgender identity, not to mention insulting some of us by labeling the behavior of some people as being compulsive just because they incorporate crossdressing into their everyday life. I won't get into your definition of "transgender" other to say that the current accepted definition differs from yours.


Carol

[christina s]

I just wanted to thank everyone so much .

Everyone's response helped me put things into perspective .So far i've decided that i'm going to stay in powerlifting since these are my prime years but im going to try and compromise by cutting down to 220ish so i can improve my chance of finding some decent looking clothes for my fem side while still competing . I just wanted to ask one more quick question does anyone have any experience with http://www.crossdresser.com/? For the time being i would rather invest in clothes that i could be confident in then buy from thrifts stores and be not really sure with how they're going to fit , look.

[Julogden]

Hi again, Christina,

I stumbled across a video tonight that you'll probably find interesting, check it out.

Carol


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlk3nNya93M&feature=related