I didn't purge

[xout101]

Hey everyone, I went through a bad breakup with my last girlfriend over CD-related issues, and I went through a pure-drab mode for about 5 months just to see if that helped calm my nerves over the issue. It didn't. But what kept me from going crazy was I kept all the clothes in a nearby chest of drawers where they always had been. It was pretty simple to ease back into the mode without feeling weird. Purging, on the other hand, always meant that a) I would have to re-purchase all my clothes again and b) I'd have to go through another life-shift back to CD-ing. Thanks to all who posted about purging in the past and why not to do it. I'm getting back to my old (CD) self, which feels good. Great to see the forum still kicking and thanks again for all the support!

[Comet]

Welcome back! Aren't you glad you didn't purge now? Even when times are tough for you, you've got support here.

[prene]

My last gf broke up with me also because of my cding.

Nice to have you back ... you are not alone.

and I am not either lol

[Cynthia Anne]

Now that's what I call using common sense! It's gives a girl a warm feeling knowing 'the' forum has helped someone! Hugs!

[Tina B.]

And how does that help all the girls that shop at the thrift stores? Welcome back.lol!
Tina B.

[Julogden]

Sorry that your relationship didn't last, but congratulations on not purging! Now get to work and don't let anyone throw you off being your self anymore.

Carol

[Elle1946]

As others have said welcome back, you are who you are and enjoy.

[kimdl93]

a lesson for any of us who may be contemplating a purge. Put the stuff away, don't throw it or give it away. You'll most likely need it soon!

[Kelly DeWinter]

Welcome back, it would be nice to share a bit about your story, why you broke up, how did it end, are you still friends etc. Sometimes just sharing can help others.

[suzy]

Glad to have you back and in the groove again....let's not waste any time....too much has passed as it is!

[xout101]

Thanks for your interest. I'll try to be as concise as possible. It might be something many of you girls/guys can relate to.

I broke the news to her about 3 months into the relationship. She came from LA originally and always thought of me as a manly man, so she didn't take to it very well. It was something of a struggle. In general I felt more secure in public around her, but sometimes she'd react negatively, implying she was embarrassed because she saw her friend while we were out together, etc. I had a hard time trusting her to be accepting all the time. So, naturally in this state you tend to open yourself up to female friends who will always accept you. One comes along, you grow closer to her, there's suddenly friction in your real relationship, and when there's a minor disturbance in the relationship, that female friend is there for you in your vulnerable state.

So after that episode, I took it pretty hard. I cut my hair, grew a beard, etc. In the past, that would alleviate the feelings pretty quickly, but this time it didn't. I hadn't just gone through 'feelings', I had actually gone out dressed how I always wanted. You can't just eliminate that through a purge. If you've never acted on it, then purging might be an option, but that's probably not this audience. Not purging allowed me to ease back into my comfort zone without feeling like I was taking an uncomfortable leap.

My lesson was two-fold: 1. relationships work better when started with the right 'software' (honesty) and 2. purging loses its effectiveness once you've taken real action with CDing.

[Tina B.]

Xout, it sounds like you have given this a lot of thought, but in my opinion, Purging never did have any effectiveness, everybody seems to do it at least a time or two, even those that have never been out, or plan on going out. As John Lee Hooker said "The boy's got it in him, and it's got to come out". He was talking about the Boogie, but it's the same with The Trans feelings. In or out of love, sooner or later, YOU.
Tina B.