You should only go out when you don't pass!

[msginaadoll]

I know that sounds strange but that's my opinion. By that I mean that you know you are ready to go out when you realize you don't pass or may not pass and you can accept that. Gone are the crazy dreams that those around you will see you as the next great supermodel and you realize people will most likely view you as a transgender individual. That is not to say you can't look your best and take pride in yourself but it is the accepting of reality.
In many was I hate the word pass. No one knows if they pass. People may call you miss or maam out of respect or sometimes confusion. Heck I feel sorry sometimes for people who run into me.they probably go oh crap what are we supposed to call the crazy tranny. All I really ask is that I'm treated with respect!
So I guee I'm urging others to accept they won't pass but also accept that that's ok! Being a cd is kinda cool

[beth_30]

I see what you're trying to say and I think that if people were comfortable going out without feeling the need to 'pass' then we would undoubtably see many more CD'ers on our streets and humanity would be all the better for it.

However, to a certain extent, I want to 'pass' as female; even at a glace from a distance - someone might think 'oh wow that woman's rather tall' but the key word would be 'woman'. I put some effort into how I look when I go out and I'd like to be appreciated :)

I know I don't pass all the time - no-one does - and getting over the fear that someone will see 'me' is how I got over the fear of going outside.

But your half right when you say "being a CD is kinda cool" - I'd go one further and drop the 'kinda' ;)

[Comet]

So if you think you look good enough that you might pass ... you should stay home?

I say go out when you're ready, passing or not!

[Joanne f]

:) That is as bad as saying you should only go out if you do pass :), it is a mixture of both but in a sense it is the ones that don`t really pass that will make it more acceptable in the future as something cannot be accepted unless it is seen , but to be honest you look very passable so you really have no problems with that issue.

[AllieSF]

I totally get what you are saying Gina. If you can accept that you do not really "pass" partially or completely, that means that you have accepted your "look", and if you want, then by all means go out and enjoy life in the real world. It is a really great place to do a lot of "firsts" en femme.

[Cynthia Anne]

I go where I want and when I want and I know I don't pass! I could care less about 'passing'! As long as I'm happy I just tell the world: 'If you don't like the way I'm liven you just leave this long haired country girl alone!

[sissystephanie]

I used to go out when I could definitely pass, thanks entirely to my late wife! Now I go out dressed enfemme and don't even try to pass! No wig and no makeup!! Just a guy with a shaved head wearing a skirt and top over lingerie! That is me and if you don't like the look, don't look at me!!

BTW, Ms Gina, in my humble opinion you do pass!!

[Julogden]

Hi Gina,

Yes, I think I know exactly what you're saying. I think I'm finally at that point at the age of 59, slow learner I guess.

And the world has become a more tolerant place in recent years, and that's encouraging me to look at starting to spend time living the way I've wanted to all my life.

Carol :hugs:

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

I go out of the bedroom doorway into the lounge room, then out of the lounge room into the kitchen but never pass through the front door. Why? because a woman's place is in the home.

[docrobbysherry]

So, I guess your saying I should go out dressed like my avatar, Gina? In fact, in ANY or ALL of Sherry's crazy outfits? Because I could NEVER pass in ANY OF THEM?

Is someone confusing, "passing", with, "blending"?

Care to add an asterisk * to your post? Lol!

[rocketscientist]

Gina, I totally understand what you're saying. If the the only girls that went out were fully passable, the general public wouldn't ever see "us", so they could never have a basis to even form an opinion of cd'ers. They need to see us out and about doing normal activities. I think the important thing is that we are comfortable being seen as transgendered individuals, and not as natal females 100% of the time. If we go out and always put our best foot forward(regardless of passability) we will show them what to think about us. Remember, you might be the first cd'er those people have ever seen. Though it may not be fair, their experience with you might form the basis for their opinion of ALL cd'ers. And if they never know we're there they will never know they "accepted" us already!:doh: Gina, thank you for another thought provoking post. I always seem to be able to sympathize with your point of view. Hugs, Tonya:battingeyelashes:

P.S. Did you ever buy Diaperman that drink? I always wondered.:heehee:

[msginaadoll]

First of all thanks for the kind words ladies! I am not always clear with my thoughts so... What I was trying to say was that I believe you are ready to go out when you recognize others may see you as cd or transgender. Sure you may pass or not.. But in the end it doesn't matter because you are still you and you are ok with it. It was really hard to me when I realized I wasn't fooling people and I wasn't passing as a woman.
Boy that first sir was like an icepick in my chest. But then I realized something cool. I wasn't fooling anyone but they were still treating me with respect.to me that was more important than anything. In fact non passing was freeing. It meant that I could still try to look my best but I could let go of some of the fear. It meant for me I could talk to sales associates about being transgender and my makeup needs, etc. It opened the door to some interesting conversations. Sorry for the long post... And diaperman if you are out there love to talk to you about your lol ole hobby. Maybe we aren't so different

[kimdl93]

Interesting turn on the typical question. I know I always have viewed the question of going out fully en femme as a matter of whether or not I could blend in discretely. But, you've given me pause. I haven't hesitated to go out wearing lip color , mascara, a woman's top and 3" slides...so its not like I"m hiding my gender ID from anyone. So would it be all that much different to add forms & bra, some more make up and a skirt?

[Chickhe]

I'm 100% in agreement. You should be prepared for this case when you go out. I you do happen to pass then its icing on the cake. One thing going out really forces you to do is consider reality vs fantasy...it is a good exercise even if going out it not your thing.

[t-girlxsophie]

I tend to agree,going out with the fear of not "passing" can sometimes cause more anxiety and worry,than If you go out without a care,and just go out to enjoy the CDing experience

Sophie

[Donna tv]

Well ladies thanks to all the encouragement i am now a member of the out in public society. Very nervous at first til yu hit that garage door opener and your on your way. Totally dressed wig, make up, nails done, skirt, boots, basically an everyday womans look. Did not get 100 yards on my street thank goodness cars coming the opposite way flashing lights for radar ahead. Once that was over the butterflies went away and it was me and the highway. Awesome experience I felt very confident on how I presented myself. That was important to me. Best part I went and just did a little window shopping and in the parking lot walked right in front of a contractors truck with three guys and one greeted me very nicely. I kinow there are many stories like this in here I have reading them for years. You enjoy and envy the girls out there doing it but when its your story its that much better. Looking so forward to the next time. Thanks, ladies

[Amanda22]

I've recently come to the same sort of "conclusion", for myself at least. If I obsess about passing, I only draw attention to myself, which invariably outs me to everyone around me. So here's what I do: when I'm getting ready to go out, I spend as much time as necessary to look my best, including the best makeup application I can possibly muster. I also choose clothing that is totally appropriate for my age and season. When I step out into public, I hold my head high and know that I totally belong. It is at that moment that I'm not worried about passing. I have to be stronger than to worry about that. It is liberating and believe it or not, it doesn't bother me a bit to be "read." Recently, while dining in a very nice restaurant with my lovely wife, the waiter addressed me as "sir." I sensed he winced, perhaps thinking he screwed himself out of a tip. For the rest of dinner, he was very courteous and addressed me as "ma'am". That was very, very satisfying, because it was such a show of respect. Let's be realistic about this. How many of us actually venture out into public? I didn't until a few months ago thanks to the wonderful encouragement of Rachel Morley and others on this forum. The general public just isn't expecting to see someone like us. For them to not miss a beat and address us as the gender we're presenting is something I find quite remarkable.