i need advice from gg women

[michellejean]

i am a cd male to female :can someone help.i am married i told my wife before we married and i told her all,,,,, did not hold back.she said it was all ok.she still wanted to be married to me . now that we have been married almost 2yrs she comes to me and says she does not want to have anything to do with my life as a cd.she wants me to stop.and she knows that is not going to happen.i feel like she lied to me and it hurts bad.michellejean(mrs.highheels) +? :confused:

[monniGG]

Hi michellejean,
My husband told me before we were married also and like you guys we got married. We have been married almost 7 years and have 2 beautiful little boys but I still find it hard. We went thru the stage as well when I asked him to stop as I knew absolutley nothing about cding and thought this was possible. He found it too hard but didn't know how to tell me. I think I thought for the first few years of our marriage that he would "grow out of it" or something. But it has only been since we have talked about it alot lately that I realise it is a part of him. It's what makes him the man he is today. I have only got to a point recently where I could tell my husband that I totally accept him for the person he is but that I still don't want to see him dressed up. I don't mind going shopping with him and buying him things every now and then but at the moment I just don't feel comfortable helping him dress and I don't know if I ever will.

I must admit I go thru yo yo days where some days I am more comfortable than others. One thing that has helped me incredibly is this site. For years I have felt so alone being the wife of a cd. There are only so many times you can say the same thing over and over to your partner about how you feel. I found my partner would get very offended and take it personally that I could not understand him and he not understand the way I feel. But I now realise there are alot of us out there and if your wife ever needs to talk to someone, I think this is a great place to start.

All I can suggest is talk, whether it be just the two of you or with a counsellor/mediator. and have your wife take a look at this site.

I hope things go well.

Let your wife know that she can pm is she wants.

MonniGG

[RainyHaze GG]

Hi Michelle,

Sorry to hear that you, and your wife are having trouble. While I cant speak for all women. I know that in the past I have agreed to things that I didn't really like.

What happend after that was my feelings became repressed and that brought on resentment. Which in turn lead to fights and hurt feelings. :(

Your wife probably wanted to accept and understand your CDing for you. But could not come to grips with it herself.

MonniGG, has good advice. Talk to your wife. Be understanding and supportive of her feelings, and take small steps.

make sure she knows she is not alone.

Best wishes,

Rainy

[FionaAlexis]

Can I suggest you read MarlaGG's post.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12890

Should make it sticky again.

Fiona xx

[Marla GG]

Michelle Jean,

I am sorry you are confused and hurting.

I remember that we PMed about this a while ago. It sounds like she still has not budged on her position. Will she talk to you at all about her feelings? If you could find out exactly what is bothering her about your CDing, that might help a great deal. It could be that she can accept you as a CD, but can't accept certain things that you've started doing in the last 2 years. Or -- and I hate to say this -- her rejection of your CDing may really have more to do with other problems that are going on in the relationship. Sometimes spouses use their acceptance as a kind of bargaining chip, withholding it if they aren't getting something they want or need from you. That should never happen, as it is very destructive, but it is fairly common. She may not even realize that she is doing it.

Bottom line: this situation cannot improve until there is some communication going on between you. Counseling does sound like your best bet.

[Dixie Darling]

Michelle,

Is it possible that you may have over-indulged in your crossdressing sine the time you were married? Keep in mind that even though you were totally open and honest about telling her EVERYTHING about it prior to tying the knot, she may have had the mistaken idea that it was nothing more than a 'phase' you were going through and she anticipated that as such it would pass away in time.

I agree with the other posters here that open communication is what is needed now more than anything else. It's very important that even though she might not understand crossdressing per sé, she DOES need to understand that it is, and HAS BEEN, a part of your life for a lot longer than she's probably known you. If possible it might help her to read some of the posts on this forum and do some serious research on some reputable crossdressing web sites. There are a number of links to such in the links section of the forum as well as on some of the other sites you might want to look at.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Lulie GG]

This sounds like me 18 odd years ago, when I first found out I thought it would be OK but after a while I didn't feel comfortable.

Events are a little hazy after all these years but my SO stopped dressing at some point and I remember him getting rid of his clothes again at some point.

Cut a long story short, I have blissfully thought for all these years it had gone away to be honest I hadn't really thought about it.

For him he had been dressing and purging behind my back on and off, until I found out in May this year.

Therefore we are now facing the traumas of trying to sort our life together out.

My only advice is talk, comunicate and talk more, I am not a 100% accepting wife but I feel cheated all these years that it was going on behind my back.

I hope you both come through this

Lulie

[Khriss]

and... why would I want to emulate women ??....sooo obvious...(their hearts)... You ladies are truely are amazing!! xx"K"

[Tamara Croft]

Hiya Michelle

I'm just wondering what actual knowledge she has on the whole picture? What I mean is, have you educated her, have you gave her books to read, websites to read?? I went for 6 years more or less of not knowing what a CD was and my partner never really told me until he joined this forum last year. Even then, after I joined it, I didn't really participate. But after a while, I started reading the posts here and eductated myself. When you feel like you have no one in the world to talk to about what your partner does, it can be a lonely road for them and I know exactly how she feels, because I've been down that road.

Does she know about this forum and all the GG members??? I'm sure there are many here who would be willing to email her if she would like that, I will email her to let her know she's not alone in this world too. Just PM me and I'll do whatever I can to help you. :hugs:

[MelissaM]

Michelle - Everyone above has given excellent advice. Talking is important. Because I have a hunch that it's not the CD'ing that is bothering her - it's something else and she's taking it out on you CD'ing. Just a thought. Love your wife first and foremost - make sure she feels that she is the most important thing in your life. If she is threatened by your CD'ing then you have to re-assure her. Love her, talk to her, keep her on that pedistal. If she's confident in your feelings, your wigs won't make a difference. Good luck!

[okanaganheather GG]

Hello Mrs. HighHeels,

It sounds as if a painful time has come for you both in your marriage. I am saddened to hear this.

As for help from a GG, what I have to offer is a few thoughts:

- Let her know you are hurt, but that you are also willing to do whatever it takes to work with her! With some more chatting, both of your needs can be met in the CDing part of your life.
- If she is requesting space, then ask her "how can I give it to you?" Find out (in a gentle, loving manner & tone) EXACTLY what she needs/wants/is feeling/is thinking. Assumptions here could cost you both everything. And listening and knowing her answers might get you to the solutions you both desire.
- I want to say GOOD FOR YOU for loving yourself and your relationship enough to be honest in the beginning; and to ask for help now.
- My guess would be she needs you to hear a few things about your Cding or your behavour she is afraid to spill...and is need of some major face time with you about it. Maybe it is time to take her to a secluded, private outing and give her some love and attention; and let her know you want to hear her & work things out - for the best for each of you! IT IS YOUR MOVE now after she said this to you!
- take a deep breathe and Thank Goodness that you have a wife who has NOT abandoned you, but is asking to renegotiate her boundaries and relationship with you...she accepted this part of your life before, and she will do her best to continue to be with you - Mrs. HighHeels...she DID marry you! I pray that that DOES show she is commited.
- feel your feelings, share them at an appropriate time; and move on from here.

Do let us know what happens from here, and if you need anymore help...that is what this site is for!!
ALL the BEST! ;)

[Cheery GG]

I would like to agree with Tamara.....most of us 'gg's' have been in the same or similar situations.....communication and education are the key i think.

Without trying to have an understanding of why and how its really difficult to know where to start.

Try to guide her to some websites or this forum. The support i have received has made all the difference to my relationship with my SO, just knowing that others are out there who are going through the same this is a massive relief. Please also try to communicate. She will probably have good days and bad days with it, we all do....even now....But please be patient and try to tell her that this is nothing to do with your feelings for her, she may be feeling jealous, intimidated and hurt.

I wish you all the best of luck on your journey, this is a good place to start.

Cheery
xx

[Clare]

I have only got to a point recently where I could tell my husband that I totally accept him for the person he is but that I still don't want to see him dressed up. I don't mind going shopping with him and buying him things every now and then but at the moment I just don't feel comfortable helping him dress and I don't know if I ever will.
... and that's perfectly wonderful of you of you Monni.

We all have our limits of understanding - both the XDR and the SO! If you can both reach a level of acceptance, all the better for each of you.

Christine

[AngGG]

i am a cd male to female :can someone help.i am married i told my wife before we married and i told her all,,,,, did not hold back.she said it was all ok.she still wanted to be married to me . now that we have been married almost 2yrs she comes to me and says she does not want to have anything to do with my life as a cd.she wants me to stop.and she knows that is not going to happen.i feel like she lied to me and it hurts bad.michellejean(mrs.highheels) +? :confused:


Everyone is right, we all go through these phases. When I have a problem it's usually not with the cding itself but how I am feeling emotionally at the moment(sympathy needed for those "fat" days when nothing fits right ;) ). I truly believe that communication is the key. Activly listening and understanding what your wife needs and trying to meet those needs is extremely important(this must go both ways). I am not saying to stop cding but maybe the two of you can work out times/days when it is ok, maybe have some kind of signal when it is absolutely out? My sweetie asks me almost all the time when it is more than a nightie and 99.99999% of the time it is not a problem, but when it is I have learned to speak up and say so.

Remember that her feelings and fears are not wrong...they are hers and she is entitiled to them, just as you are...but communicating those feelings and fears, having them really heard, acknowledged as valid and accepted, then working on an agreement that is mutually accptable...I believe that this is the key.

Good luck to you

[michellejean]

hi all :this is michellejean (mrs.highheels)to start with i do want to thank each and every one of you who tried to help.you all made good since.and for that i want to thank you all SO MUCH from the BOTTOM OF MY HEART. now ,,,,oh what a difference a day makes.in this case it has been about two days.this afternoon my wife and i were going shopping (for her not me )and this is what we both wanted to do . new work shoes for her and dress shoes as well. as we were going in to town(we live on an island and there are no malls out here )any way ,,,,she told me as we were rideing a long that she was sorry that she said what she did about my cding.and she knows that i can not change and please just forget it and if i want to dress do it and it is all ok.....she has given it alot of thought and we are going to stay married.and she knows i have to have fun around the house as a woman.and if i want to go out with a nother cd woman please feel free to go when she is at work and have a good time when i am out and she said she wanted to tell me that when we played(bed room)that i was too big for her and not that i was to rough because i was so careing and i cared enough to not be rough with her( and this is true i am so sub. when it comes to g.g. women.and i would not hurt my SO or any other gg woman for any thing...she said that untill the doc can get things worked out go have fun with another gg or cd woman.and she said she did not know how long it would be if ever,,,but she knows that i need what i need.but she wants to stay married to me and ask me too for give her and i did ....and i all most lost control of the car.and we both cried and it looks like things are going to work out.and i am so happy and and she did tell me she had read what some of you had said.so i guess it helped.again THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH...MICHELLEJEAN(MRS.HIGHHEELS)