An Erin has decided...

[Nicole Erin]

Hyello, long time no see yeah?

So anyways, we hear of all this discrimination with TG folks. I have decided that it is no different than any other kind.

Last sunday I was suppose to go to some dumpy-ass buffet place for my step-dad's B-day. Step-mom calls over and told my room mate about it and mentioned this golden phrase - "Make sure (Erin) wears something male looking just out of respect..." She got a lot of nerve using the word "respect" when making such a request. I mean they would not want the family to be embarrassed by their tranny son now would they?
So I went ahead and just didn't bother showing up at all. I figure I have dealt with a fair share of discrimination as it is and really didn't need to deal with it from some damned step-parents.
Besides, I just don't have any "man" clothes. Some are "prettier" than others... nothing distinctly man tho. Well 'cept for some old nasty tee I use when doing dirty work so I don't ruin a good top.

How hilarious would it have been if I showed up looking like a drag queen and calling myself "Queen Blowtifah"

F the haters and judgemental people. Dissing on us is no different than using racial slurs.

[AudreyTN]

good for you ditching on them! way to stand up for yourself. if they can't accept you for who you are, then they deserve your company in the first place. :)

[Gaby2]

I wish I could be as straightforward as you, Erin. I hate dumpy-ass buffet places, and dumpy-ass buffets, and dumpy-asses, and especially the dumpies... and still I tow the line. More power to ya, girl! Gaby

[Amelia]

I honestly don't know what I would do if I were in your position. My parents have no idea about Amelia, so I don't know how they'd treat me afterward. One would like to think that parents would accept their children, but we all know it doesn't always work that way.

Trying to put myself in your shoes, I guess the only thing I would have done that you didn't mention was call and tell them that I wasn't coming and why. At least give them the option to cave under the pressure.

[Kathy4ever]

I can understand both positions in this matter. Maybe I'm wishy washy type person. I'm for not rocking the boat. Since they know everything about you and you don't have mens cloths then I would be more on your side since this just did not happen last week. Your step mom was not respecting your feelings so I understand you just not showing up. Hope you sent a card or called atleast to wish your dad a happy birthday. Good Luck

[charlene#2]

i dont understand the step-mom and step-dad thing,wouldnt one of them not be a step?

[rachellegsep]

Its a bit a bit like my uncles only brothers sister lol. Elementary my dear Watson. After marrying the step father, the mother could have passed away , leaving the step father who later remarried. The new wife would now be a step mom. There is also several other possibilities which I won't go further into.

I would probably have done the same thing btw.

[Cynthia Anne]

Way to go girl! If you don't stand up for yourself, then who will! I'll say it again, 'if you don't like the way I'm live'n you just leave this long haired country girl alone! HUGS!

[kimdl93]

You are right. bigotry is bigotry

[toko]

It really sucks that there were conditions for only you. There should be no conditions other than dressing nice. They obviously don't understand how hard life is for you being trapped in the wrong body.

I have a step-mom (30 years) and I am a step-dad (4 years). Step-anything does not have the same love as one of your own. I'm not sure how close you are to them to invite you to the dinner at a buffet place. I have a birthday coming up and I'm not going to any buffet place.

[docrobbysherry]

Hi Erin! I've MISSED your "in your face, tell it like I see it", posts! When your relatives REALLY want to see U, they won't put conditions on! Be WHO U R!

On the other hand, my Sherry is such a shy, demure little thing. She prefers her non-controversial closet to upsetting anyone's apple cart!!

[celeste26]

They actually know your phone number and call you? With that little respect why bother even letting them know where you are? They are not your friends and sounds like they are not really family either.

[Nicole Erin]

have not seen my dad since I was too young to remember, mom is still around.
There were a bunch of people going, not just me, hince the buffet.

I think they realise why I did not show up. Some people would love nothing more than to force us in the closet.

[NicoleScott]

Nicole Erin,
I think you did right by not going. It seems that they want respect but won't give it.
I never understood why families (and extended families) get together when they can't get along. So we share some genes, but that's about all.
I have a sibling who is my best friend, and another wiith nothing in common. We don't pretend to be close friends. We are civil, and do the appropriate family interaction, but we don't force anything beyond that. It works best that way (for us).

[tiffanyjo89]

Unless it was at THEIR place, I would have went however I saw fit.

If it's at their place, a private home where they have a right to say who or what goes into it. Since it was a buffet place, a PUBLIC place where your being there is not dependent on if they want you there or not, you could go separate, eat something, take a card to your step-dad, and then say your good-byes.

I'd have done that, and then if he asks why you didn't hang around later, I'd tell him about the phone call your roommate received. He probably doesn't care that much about your manner of presentation as much as your step-mom. Let me guess, she's a middle aged / elderly woman who is involved with some social related stuff and cares entirely too much what people think of her and her family (be they step-family or natural family).

At the very least I hope you called your step-dad and explained the situation to him afterwards, letting him know that you wanted to come, but you wanted to come dressed up how you wanted to, and didn't appreciate the tone of your step-mom's "demand for respect."

[JulieC]

Said to a black person who is invited to a buffet:

"Make sure you wear [white face] just out of respect..."

How many people would react intensely negatively to such a request?

If you can substitute into a quote and easily turn it into something the vast majority of the public would find deeply offensive, chances are it was deeply offensive BEFORE the substitution.

Good for you Erin!

[Vickie_CDTV]

The fact they wanted you to appear en drab is technically beside the point. You are an adult and (barring some really extraordinary circumstances) you owe them nothing and did the right thing. I wouldn't go somewhere and spend time with people who had no respect for me regardless of the issue. I don't have anything to do with my toxic family (sans my understanding mother), dressing is not an issue but they don't have any respect for me. It is unproductive, pointless and I don't need any more anxiety than I already have.

[PretzelGirl]

I think they realise why I did not show up. Some people would love nothing more than to force us in the closet.

I would take it one step further and make sure they know. There isn't a reason to not be up front with them because you were hurt and they should know it. Don't give them the opportunity to diss you for not showing up because "you are irresponsible". Call them and tell them that if they want your company, then they get you the way you are. There are no compromises.

[t-girlxsophie]

More power to you Erin,I think there's something to be said for standing up for yourself when confronted with negativity sorrounding CDing.I think the lack of respect towards you by your stepmum was way out of order,If the shoe was on the other foot im sure they would be down on you like a ton of bricks

[Lorileah]

I would take it one step further and make sure they know.

:yt:

Let's see: Buffet 100 people wearing sweats and oversized clothing (to make more room), Erin who is a fashion plate knows this so she would probably dress more conservatively anyway. Simple top and slacks maybe? What would respect the step? Crass talking? worn jeans that sag in the back? Would your step mom have told her GG daughter dress respectfully? Yeah I'd let them know why I won't be seeing them for awhile....just out of respect ( they aren't rich and you won't inherit a fortune will you? If that is the case then ...all the above is off. :))

[Jilmac]

Talk about respect? It seems like your step mom was treating you like Rodney Dangerfield. I'm glad you stood your ground by blowing them off.

[Chickhe]

I'm sure you won't hear the last of it for not showing up... make sure you tell everyone else that she called and told you not to come so they don't get the idea you didn't want to go... the issue I see, is that your step-mom may have been out-of-line, but would your step father have asked you to do that? And would the other guests have cared? So make sure your step-dad knows you wanted to wish him a happy birthday, but your step-mom told you not to.

[Sarah Doepner]

Erin
I think you showed them a lot of respect. Instead of showing up like they wanted and being miserable and resentful, or arriving in a skirt and having them angry, you chose to stay away and make everyone happier. If they don't understand and give you any trouble over that, it's obvious they have a much bigger problem than you.