Transgender education and awareness... How should I proceed with this. I need advice

[LitaKelley]

I have a five year old daughter whom starts kindergarten this coming September.

Anyway, diagonally across the street from me is this family whom has 6 children, some of whom played with my daughter this past summer, but they're older... I tried my best to make sure these kids did not see me when I was going out en femme, but was seen by their father, although it could of been anyone or my sister, etc driving my car that day, lol...

So, there's this new family in the house next to them, and they have children.. The other night, my wife is walking by them and over hears the 9yr old neighbor say to one of the new kids "her daddy dresses like a girl"..

That child's mother is also the neighborhood mouth and gossip queen.. aka Harriet Olsen..

My concern here is not these particular children, but those whom may be in my own child's school and/or classes since this 9yr old goes there, as the building is grades K - 5 and my concern is that my transgender status may become known by other kids whom may be interacting with my child.

My own child sees absolutely nothing wrong with me, and considers it as normal.. However, these other kids, well, I have no idea how they'd treat her because of me..

I was thinking that perhaps I should have a sit down with the school principal, and advise him that I am transgender and tell him what I had just said above, and see if there's some way that they could intervene by incorporating something about transgender awareness or education to the students on what transgender is, or something, to prevent my child from being bullied because of me being who I am.

I am really concerned about this and need advice on how to proceed, etc...., I'm also thinking that maybe this particular school isn't prepared to handle this and I don't know what to do in order to prepare them for this issue that's most likely to come up in my child's future there

[JulieC]

Hooboy that's a toughy. I could very easily be in the same boat (kids in same general age range). I try very hard to not accidentally out myself to any neighbors in part for this very reason.

Post facto, in your situation, I don't know what I would do. I suspect the school may not want to do anything until it becomes a problem in fact. You might want to check their policies (if any are online) and see if they have a stance. NH would strike me as generally socially progressive, but I don't know.

[EllieOPKS]

Just curious but how do you think the kids figured out you were a daddy? If I were to give you a suggestion it would be NOT to talk to the school staff. It could become a slippery slope. You are making an assumption that the principal would be accepting. If not, your daughter could be in an environment that is less than productive for her. If I were you Lita, I would put my whole focus on maintaining open communication with your daughter. If she indicates she is being harassed because of you being you, that would be the time address the principal. With kids being kids, their minds are generally on to the next shiny thing they see and you are forgotten about. Hopefully it works out that way. Just my thoughts.
Ellie

[NicoleScott]

LK, you are who you are, and you have been reasonably discreet; that is, not hiding in the closet but not prancing around the neighborhood in fishnets and platforms. You are not responsible for telling the neighbor child, and you don't know if the child thought it weird or strange. Fact is, you dress like a girl. It is what it is. I agree with Ellie. Don't go to the school. It sounds defensive, like you are wrong to do what you do, and somehow have to fix it. I also believe that it's not the school's responsibility to educate the child about gender matters, at least without a parent's approval. As a parent, I would want to deal with my child about gender matters in my own way, when I think the time is right. I'd let it ride.

[5150 Girl]

I would put my whole focus on maintaining open communication with your daughter. If she indicates she is being harassed because of you being you, that would be the time address the principal. With kids being kids, their minds are generally on to the next shiny thing they see and you are forgotten about.
I agree, don't stir the Koolaid untill the sugar's been added.... Of course now that the cat's outta the bag, no point in trying to hide it any more.

[LitaKelley]

What my concern here is that my child may end up victim to bullying because this demon child across the street is going around telling other kids in the neighborhood, so, considering that, it's not unreasonable to think this same child would be doing the same thing in school once my daughter is attending there, and although they won't have any interaction during school due to age difference and grade, they will definitely be on the same bus, and it annoys the crap out of me that this child may potentially destroy potential friendships my child is entitled to.. and also that this child may cause my child to be victim to bullying....

I talked to my daughter, and she understands that those kids are just "mean" kids... just want to figure out how to handle this issue for if and when it comes up again, because it probably will

[Stephanie Miller]

How about this for a "back door" approach.. You sound like you are more concerned about your children and how the other kids will act/treat them, (Very commendable, I might add), and not so much about their parents. So... here ya go - On the pflag website they have a booklet called "Carly: She's Still My Dad". In the write up about this booklet it says it is "is a story from a child's point of view about his father's transition from Carl to Carly. It also introduces the reader to other trans persons -- female to male, intersex, crossdressers, and those who live in the middle. The reactions of playmates, grandparents, and the child's mother are represented...". Please let it be known I personally have not read it! I am only going off the above write up and what I perceive it to be about. Be that as it may, the idea is still valid. I would read one and see if this particular booklet would fit the bill, and if it did I would check with the school to see if they would accept a donation of, oh, say 50 booklets ($80) for them to hand out to one classroom a day for teachers to share with their students to help gender diversity. You may get the neighborhood kids to be advocates instead of a pain in the rear.

[Rogina B]

"In a better world,this wouldn't happen"..But it isn't and it happens.Collateral damage from being outside the norm.If you were a rock and roller,then you might be considered just "wierd" by your redneck neighbors. Stephanie Miller had a good suggestion "that takes the high road" toward educating your community positively about gender presentation. I think a "nasty neighbor" like that,coupled with a big mouth,is going to continue to be a problem unless..If your daughter can maintain her composure at the bus stop,on the bus,at school,etc,then there will be no fuel to feed their fire.6 years old is an awful tender age to ride a schoolbus[rolling snakepit] with some hateful kids. If you are truly going to present as a female in the future,you may be better off relocating to a place"where nobody knows your name" and from day one,present in girl mode.Appear that your household is comprised of "same sex parents",and live that life to the outside world. Having a 9 yr old daughter that is accepting of Rogina,I feel for your situation. "You can't change stupid",and I think this is the case with your neighbors and their hurtful ways.

[Cynthia Anne]

After reading each comment, I still agree with Ellie! You are willing to put your own life on hold for your child! From what I read, I don't think this would even make your child happy! Nowadays, It takes a REAL parent to consider all of this in advance! For this I commend you!

[Tina B.]

Slow down everybody! a nine year old saw Lita dressed as a woman, and said so, That does not make a child a "Demon Child" That just showers a nine year old is not stupid. Not one word was mentioned that was any more that the fact. We all know kids are a lot more tolerant than grownup about somethings. Wait and see, don't teach your child to fear something, that has not happened, and may not happen. To many of us live in the shadows now, because we fear what might happen if we peek out the window, I wouldn't wish that on a five year old. But do keep your eyes open, and talk to her, if anything does come up, then be the big protective Dad, we know you are.
Tina B.

[Sarah Doepner]

Lita, gather your resources and talk with your daughter on a daily basis. You don't have to do anything if there is no problem, but as soon as you see something that is negatively impacting your daughter you will have something to work with. You may need to go to the school and encourage them to deal with the issues at hand. However, unless you are able to deal with the neighbors, you may find your daughter isolated regardless of what the school does. There is no easy answer here. Your love for your daughter will end up being the critical factor, so be sure she can see how much you care.

[Sally24]

Lita, you could inquire of the local school about ALL their policies....bullying, sex ed, lgbt awareness etc. See what the official line is at your school system. They should have all these guidelines written down somewhere. This will at least allow you to be prepared.

[NicoleScott]

I agree with other who advise keeping an open communication with your child. Be sure to include that if your child ever experiences anything that could be considered bullying, to let you know at once. There's never justification for bullying, the least of which is having a transgendered parent. And don't assume that school handles the bullying. Maybe some do, but my experience says that some teachers and administrators are clueless.

[danielleb]

...The other night, my wife is walking by them and over hears the 9yr old neighbor say to one of the new kids "her daddy dresses like a girl"...

You left out the most important part: "...and she looks fantastic!":D

As long as you continue to show your daughter that your not ashamed of yourself that's the message she will receive from all of this. Bullying is going to happen to one extent or another, just make sure to keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn't get out of hand.

If you could get involved with the children/parents as Lita I'm sure this would go a long way in subsiding some of the antogonism. Though I'm sure it may also stir up some people that would otherwise have gone unknowing.:sad:

It's a tough situation! No way around it. Just continue to convey that there is nothing wrong with you and try not to intervene with the school unless the situation gets out of hand. There's nothing wrong with informing yourself of the policies though, and opening that dialouge with the administration.:)