Tips, suggestions, or advice for a beginner?

[VioletJourney]

Hi everyone.

I'm 18 and just graduated high school but still living with my dad and my brother :chained: (both intolerant people, and my brother likes to stick his nose in my business :nailbiting:). I've been increasingly interested in crossdressing, and I've done it more or less a few times when visiting my mom, but for the most part I haven't been able to dress up all the way or with my choice of clothing.

Anyway, I've finally gotten a job :D and will have some money soon, and I was wondering how to go about building up a collection of clothes, accessories, and makeup from scratch with very little actual knowledge about this stuff. What should I buy first, a wig? A skirt? A bra/panties? Makeup? Pantyhose? And where would be a great anonymous online place to get these on a budget? Is there a way to arrange for these to be delivered without the possibility of my dad or brother finding them?

Also, I always wear pants so my legs are always covered - should I shave them? Should I paint my toenails and wear socks over them around my family?

Sorry to bombard you girls with all these questions, but it seems like most of you have years of experience and I feel a little behind. :idontknow:

Also sorry if there's another thread for this, I skimmed through the first 5 pages and didn't want to necrobump anything older than that.

EDIT: If you have any advice for coping with my situation or with myself during this little 'transition' then that's also welcome!

[Maria in heels]

Violet... Welcome to our world! If both your father and brother are intolerant, I am going to recommend that you be careful. The first item that you purchase is going to be what you want, not what someone else thinks, as you are the first person. If your father and brother are intolerant, and your brother is going to stick his nose in your business, it is going to be very hard to "hide" Violet's things, and this could lead to a very bad situation for you. Whatever you choose to buy as your first item, make sure that you can hide it in a very good spot and even though this stinks, you may be best to move in with mom (where prying eyes are not so prevalent or your own place first. If you are found out, you may just have to move anyways .

[noeleena]

Hi, Violet.


Iv been buying clothes for many years both for Jos & i from Ezybuy & on line or ring up & you will have shopes like that over your way of cause, i told them some of the clothes womans were for me as a woman. & i would ask what they thought would suit me , the next place are 2 nd hand shops we both go there as well. & the women serving know us quite well so no probs .

Now i dont know your sizes so measure your self hips waist feet & breasts no matter what size you are now okay .

if you can try the clothes you would like & think suit you & if a 2nd hand shop just ask for some help trying them on ask if they think they suit you .

i would look at bras & nickers some tops long sleave & short skirts okay im 63 & i like long skirts for you may be around the knees as you quite young youll suit shorter or as many here will say pants or jeans shoes well ill get ribbed on this wear flates then try heels wear whats comforable to start make up go to a make up shop & ask what will suit you or have a woman friend to help you .

Wigs have a look at you skin colour & whats your hair colour eye brows keep as close to that & youll not go far wrong . later then try different coloured wigs as you get money in as to wigs get a good qulity one there are some very good sythic ones dont get cheap & nasty .

you said going to your Moms did you dress there & she knows so ask her were she gets her clothes make up & so on. as i dont know your postal details could you have them droped off at your Moms

If you wear any female clothes make up or war panit you will get caught out by ether your bro or Dad so i would say a no on that.

Hair ,yes shaving or a epalater .

Now you will get some other idears so happy dressing & look smart in what you wear , hope to see some pics some time ,

...noeleena...

[Kate Simmons]

Seems to me getting your own place would be your first priority, especially if you have no privacy.:)

[VioletJourney]

Actually I have access to my mom's 2-story house in North Carolina, and she mostly lives on a boat in San Diego! Unfortunately, I JUST got a job and I really don't want to be a flake... how long do you think I should work before moving, if that's what I choose?

[erickka]

I'd get some cash saved up before moving out. A safety net always makes things easier. As for your crossdressing, you know what you like, so it is all up to you as to what you can do as far as wardrobe, etc. You are starting a journey that can bring great satisfaction and personal fulfillment, but on the other hand, it can be very trying at times. Only you can answer most of your questions, since you know yourself the best, We're all here to help,so keep the questions coming!

[KirbyTnT]

Save up a few months worth or rent before you move out. As a financial safety net. And during that period learn yourself how to live on your own.
Where can you buy cheap food. How can you cook cheap etc. The first couple of months is gonna be quite a struggle to get a hang of this 'living on your own' thing :)
At least that what I would do. I moved out of my parents house within 2 days after I made the decision. So the first couple of months were quite a hell :P
No furniture.. no money.. no job :P

As for the clothes. I started out going to second hand shops. For 2 reasons.
1. often in these shops male and female clothes are in the same place. So its easier to get over the feeling of being watched.
2. Its cheap as hell :P So you can just guess your size and buy it. That way you'll quickly learn your size in women's clothes. Once you perfected your style and size you can go for the expensive outfits.

[danielle.cd]

for starters now that u have a job, that mean money will be coming in , and u can buy your own new stuff , i would start with a small bin or chest that u can lock or hide under a bed or something , then i would get a messuring tape, the kind u get at like at joanns fabrics or a craft store , some sowing kits have them too, then i would messure my chest, waist, and other areas . then go online to do size comparisons with the messurements , it will save a lot of guessing , suddenly fem has a fairly good sizing chart for men to womens stuff, then i would just go to good will or any other second hand shop cause these are cheap and u will be looking for your sizes mainly to see if they fit good , and yes it may be akword at the counter but do it, they dont know why your buying them any ways, and most of the time u can bring them back if they dont fit.
if your find some clothes u like that fit then venture into your bras undies and such , bird seed and nylons work prety good for starters and its cheep ,
fill that bra out a little and get used to the feel of it all and then i would try shoes ,
the only way i found is to just go someware and try them on while no one is around like at meijers at three in the morning ,quickly of course
then go from there buy a pair , then once u get comfurtable you ll probably want a wig , go cheap at first in case u dont like the way it looks on u,
then i would get into makeup once u find your clothes , makeup takes practice , alot if your not used to it look up ways to do it and what u might need and start out cheep once u perfect it then buy the expensive stuff ,
and remember nothing comes all at once you have to experiment with looks and styles and sizes , it takes money and confidence and time some dont be discouraged if you dont get the right size off the bat or your wig dont look right , and what ever u do dont perge , unless u are just replacing the worn out sstuff for new looks , cding is something thats part of u and when u think your done and wont doo it any more the urge comes on ten time harder than what u had before so your ganna need that stuff ,

[gretchen2]

All the cloths will come in time and you will slowly figure out what works best for you with a little trial and error. I think the most important thing that you can do is to come out of the closet sooner than latter. Do not make the mistake that a lot of us have made. There are so many of us who have lived tortured minds for many years living behind closed doors. Hiding from parents, spouses, intimate partners, friends you name it's a hard life hiding. When your young you can recover sooner and have a very open healthy lifestyle for many years to come. There will be people who will accept you and there will be those who do not, the ones who do not accept you do not matter. You have one life, be happy. Just remember everything takes time and nothing will happen overnight.

[VioletJourney]

Thanks everyone. I mentioned before, I actually have an empty house available for me for free over in North Carolina, the only problem is I just got a job that took FOREVER to finally find, and I'm going to have trouble giving that up. I suppose it's for the best though, as now that I've joined this site I feel a less weird about being like this, and now I'm feeling all kinds of stress from not being able to express this side of me.

Gretchen: You know I'll have to seriously consider that; right now might be the perfect time to come out since just about every part of me has changed recently as well: I used to be a carefree passionate conservative, and within the last few months I changed almost overnight to a cynical socialist. My family already thinks I'm weird and is just getting to know the "real" me, I should work up the courage and strike while the iron is hot. Thanks!

[Marcie R.]

Just go in the stores and pick up a few items of clothing or makeup. The more often you do it, the more comfortable you will become. Try to find a place to keep these possesions out of sight from your brother and your father. That is very important. Over time you will develope a comfort feeling with yourself and know when it is safe to transform yourself into your other ego. Good luck and lots of love from all of us here.
Marcie R.

[Sally24]

Ever thought of renting a storage unit? Some are relatively cheap and would give you a safe place to store your stuff.

[Sarah Doepner]

Violet, in my opinion, the best source of clothes are thrift stores when you are just beginning. Since everything is cheap you can afford to make mistakes and not ruin your budget for the next month. Take some time to get your measurements so you don't make too many mistakes, but be aware that each manufacturer seems to have their own version of each size.

Also look around locally for a CD group that you can meet with. They may be a good source of support and feedback on the kinds of tips and techniques you want to learn. Finally, try to be patient. It's so very hard to do that when you are young and find something that is so amazing, but you have a very long time to explore this part of your world. Don't put yourself at risk by pushing things along too quickly.

[VioletJourney]

I just shaved the top half of my legs and am absolutely loving the feeling! Do you think I should shave them completely tomorrow? I wear long pants exclusively so it wouldn't be much of a problem; and the man in me still wants to shave them just because the friction of hair on pants is incredibly annoying. I think tomorrow I will go to the drug store and procure a ladies' razor, a bottle of nail polish, and a bottle of nail polish remover. This would be easy to justify buying because I could say that ladies' razors last longer (I've read that men's razors are a big scam), and I could say the nail polish/remover is to paint some designs on my mic stand I'm building in my garage - does this sound OK or do you think I'd be moving a little too fast?

Also, I think I could pull off buying a wig, because I'm also a hard rock/metal guitarist, so I could tell my family that it's a comical touch for my Youtube cover videos.

[Cari]

You got allot of good advice; Danielles advice to get a measuring tape is dead on
I'll add a bit more hoping it helps. Just read the latest post you may be ina pink fog and may want to search the threads on that topic :-)

When you start building a wardrobe try to stay to classic pieces in versatile colors.
Things like nice camis or a good denim skirt go allot farther than a hot pink mini skirt or sequined top for example.The idea is to get items you can build on and put several outfits together with.

Online places like one hanes place, have great information on sizing.
I love thrifts but dont use them for lingerie, If you buy a few items locally to verify your size you can hit their clearance sales and get a nice collection going.
They often run specials with free shipping and carry all kinds of items you will need its pretty easy to spend the 25 or 30 bucks to qualify for free shipping.
Its also free to get the e-mails and they sell mens stuff as well so no big deal to have them in your e-mail contacts or get a package from them.
I often order mens and womens stuff to qualify for the discount. If anyone broke into that package just say you combined with a friend to save shipping.

For makeup
The best things to invest in right now would be Kevyn Aucoins book "making faces" and also a makeover if you can find a good artist who will teach you.
Id also say that tools like brushes, a good mirror (got mine at the thrift) eyelash curlers ect are worth spending a bit more on they make life easier and you will have them a long time.

Wigs are a tough one I have lots of cheap ones that I play with, but will definately tell you that eventually when find a style you like, you will want to invest and get it styled for you. But you can definately start online many places have monthly promos and start ebay auctions at 0.99 cents. (Jennys hair sense come to mind)
A makeover would be helpfull here as well at a good store you can try several wigs and see what works. Some of the online makeovers can give you a good idea as well.

There are skills that you can work on without raising any eyebrows.

Getting a really close shave without killing your face is important, trust me on this one when I do makeup I shave closer than I did when I was in the military.
If you get the chance to spend a few days dressed this one gets really important.

Taking better care of nails and using all those manicure tools.
You will need a manicure set down the road and it wont get you in trouble.
I have ruined many pairs of hose by snagging them on my nails .

Skin care and moisturizing ect gets really important once you start with makeup.

Studying things like makeup and fashion online helps out, there are some very good you tube videos on makeup and wigs ect.

It may not be a bad idea to start looking at prices and what you will need not just for the CDing but the move out as well. Having a little pool of money set aside to buy stuff once you get privacy would be a great idea.

Ive never had any luck hiding shaved legs or painted nails eventually someone sees them. You can do allot with tights and they dont run as easy.

It's not a race take your time and think about it; you are starting much younger than most of us did. I dressed for years but didnt really thnk of going out and having a complete look together until I was in my 30's. I wish Id have started at 18 :-)

Keep it simple - I destroyed so much stuff - even just learning to wash all the new fabrics ect - thats why the thrifts are so good.

Dont worry about posting here, the only way I can pay back the folks who helped me is to return the favor by helping out another new person just kinda the way it works.

[abbykins]

Violet,

I have never been asked why I was buying polish and remover :)

You might also buy a base clear coat to apply before the polish. It will prevent polish stains. Also get some cotton pads for cleanup and removing the polish. Take pictures for yourself! :D

[Stephenie S]

I think you should talk to your mother.

How convenient would that be, if you had a sympathetic mom? Tell her who you are. You don't live with her so if things go south you will still be with your brother and dad.

But moms are accepting. And forgiving.

S

[squarejohn]

I'm pretty new at this, but I don't have your privacy problem. Here are a couple of suggestions to get around that.

You said you have a job and therefore, money. You might try looking for a room to rent, or look for someone who wants a roommate to share the rent. There are a lot of older people whose kids have grown and left them, and they might be willing to rent you one of their spare rooms for a small sum or even just for doing some chores for them. They often put ads in the newspaper under "rooms for rent." If you can't find one that way, put an ad in the paper yourself.

Another possibility is renting a small storage space. One of those places that people rent to store their junk when their garage is full. Most of the time, nobody is around these places unless they're adding or subtracting from their junk collection, so you would have almost absolute privacy there.

Last in order, but maybe it should be your first choice, is to find a close friend or relative who is not so intolerant.

I'm really not experienced enough at this sort of thing to give any makeup or clothing advice, except to say that you can try makeup online in one of those online makeover site. Taaz.com is a good one, but not the only one. I've been fooling around with it and found out just how little I know about makeup; and a learned a little too.

Good luck.

[Frédérique]

I was wondering how to go about building up a collection of clothes, accessories, and makeup from scratch with very little actual knowledge about this stuff. What should I buy first, a wig? A skirt? A bra/panties? Makeup? Pantyhose? And where would be a great anonymous online place to get these on a budget? Is there a way to arrange for these to be delivered without the possibility of my dad or brother finding them?

Just wear what you like, meaning what first brought you to the magical land of crossdressing, and look in the mirror – you will answer your own questions, most likely trying everything one at a time. I wouldn’t try to do too much too soon, or everything at once, since, in your case, you have plenty of time. You’ll find ways to obtain things, and you’ll find the time (and no doubt the courage) to dress as you see fit…

In my case, I never imagined I would go this far, but, because I was inquisitive and completely devoid of any guilty feelings, it all unfolded slowly and naturally. One thing leads to another, and it never ends – just enjoy the journey and listen to your own voice at all times. It took me years to build up a collection, and everything I have is a souvenir from an adventure into the unknown – I lived to tell about it, which is why I’m here…
:battingeyelashes:

[Debglam]

I'll add a bit more hoping it helps. Just read the latest post you may be ina pink fog and may want to search the threads on that topic :-). . .

Dont worry about posting here, the only way I can pay back the folks who helped me is to return the favor by helping out another new person just kinda the way it works.

HI Violet & Welcome!

The only advice I will give is to SAVE CARI'S POST - it is GOLD!!!!! She is an absolute doll and her makeup advice has helped me immensely!

There are a lot of very helpful people on this site that are glad to help.

Debby

[docrobbysherry]

Here's my living advice:
U probably don't make enuff money to rent your own apt. Renting a room mite turn out to be a WORSE situation than staying with open minded family! And, save your money for BREAST FORMS, WIGS, and SHOES! Lol!

Shopping:
Clothes- Thrift stores.
Wigs, breast forms, shoes- Online.

As long as u remain a closet dresser, poorly fitting wigs and shoes will work! Once u start going out, you'll need PROPER ONES! Save your $$ for real silicone breast forms! DON'T skimp on those!

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

My advice, visit here as much as you can. Read, search for topics you are interested in and google a lot. Youtube is a good tutor too. Here resides the best information you can ever get with people who are going through the same things you are experiencing. There is a wealth of help and advice here so please use it. Ask questions, filter out required information and relax. Time can be the best friend of youth, it is my enemy cos I am an older person. What makes this forum my favorite is we are here to learn and satisfy our questions with answers from others who are willing to share. My advice is to be a sieve and become a supersoaking sponge.

[Fractured]

If you are looking for excuses if questioned about shaving legs you can try the athlete angle (not sure if that is possible for your position or not). Many cyclists shave their legs for various reasons including getting rid of hair that could get pulled out by bandages that are covering the inevitable road rash that comes with cycling. Swimmers also shave their legs, claiming it reduces drag in the water. Triathletes can claim both reasons. :)

Or you could always say because I felt like it, no other reason. Depends how confrontational you want to be, I guess.