What? Me No Dress?

[Julie]

I talked to one of our members on the phone yesterday for the first time. She started off calling me Julie. I wasn't dressed and I said, "Well it's Jim now. I'm not dressed."

There was a time I wanted to be called Julie no matter what. I thought of myself as Julie regardless of dress. But my comment was said sort of automatically because that's how I felt. When I looked back at that I also realized I haven't dressed much at all lately. I did a week ago Friday but haven't since.

After the divorce, when I had the house to myself, I would come home from work, shower and then don girl clothes. No makeup, no wig, no enhancements, just clothes. It felt good. But lately it's like I can't be bothered.

Last night I decided to 'force' myself to get dressed and go out. I've never had a bad time dressed and I knew it would be fun. So I showered and shaved (Boy! I needed that! Apeman was emerging!) then was about to start with my makeup when I thought I'd call Dawn first to see what she's doing. She was just staying home, not feeling too well, but invited me over. "Okay, I'm coming!" In an instant I completely forgot about dressing. I put on my guy clothes and headed out the door.

Today I'm still in guy mode and have no inclinations to dress. Yeah, I've been through this before but every other time there was this guilting myself out of it. I felt I 'should' stop because of my wife or the kids or whatever. Regardless of the reason, I felt a lot of internal pressure to not dress.

But now none of that exists now. I can dress when I want and no one will be hurt by it. All the guilt is gone, completely. So this lack of desire to dress is, maybe for the first time in my life, genuinely unaffected by any external pressures.

I actually wonder if this is a new stage in my life. +?

[ladyfydiana]

Julie I have be going through that myself.I usually put two days a week that I get "dressed",usually its Thurdays and Fridays.Well this past Thursday I put my makeup on and my outfit and enjoyed being Diana for a day.But the next day I found reasons not to be Diana,beautiful summer day so I took the T/A out for a cruise.I did the same thing yesterday but today I shaved "down there" so that means Diana is getting dressed today.
I really dont think is a stage its more of just me being lazy to get dressed.You and I know its a lot of work to get to be a girl for a day.So maybe you just want/need a break from being Julie.I wouldnt worry about it,once the makeup and that cute dress is on you will be fine.

[Natalie x]

Maybe the driving force for your crossdressing has been replaced with a different need. Dare I say, a "real" love?

I have sometimes wondered if my need to dress is linked to something missing in my life, rather than driven by gender forces. I can't ignore the feelings I have had all my life, the feminine side of me is definitely real, but I am also aware that the first time those feelings manifested as a desire to crossdress was when I found myself alone at the end of a sexless marriage. The question I ask myself is "Am I crossdressing because I need a female around, or because I am female and cannot continue acting the part of a male?". I really don't know. Both options seem equally possible at different times.

Like you, Julie, I thought I had the answer. I was quite clear in my mind that I want to be a woman. The crossdressing is just a way to open the door to my innermost, female, self. I felt free for the first time in my life. Then the doubts started. With the best will in the world, I do not look or sound or smell like a woman. I am hairy and muscular, who am I kidding? Are we driving ourselves in the wrong direction?
Maybe, in Dawn, you have found the woman you have been looking for, all this time?

[Linda-x]

It happens to me almost every summer, like clockwork. I never stop thinking about Linda, or clothes, ect. but the driving force to do anything about leaves me. I hung in there till mid July this year, and went out for the first time this week. I felt so good during and afterwards, but I did have to kinda force myself to get started. Last year I went from June till the first week in November, not dressing, so this is a big improvement. A wise TG that I knew once told me, " If you feel like dressing, then do it, and if you don't feel like dressing, then don't". Simple enough, I thought. You will be back in the swing of things by October, trust me !!....LOL

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Well I've always been a big believer in trying to integrate the best of our femme and homme selves. Maybe you've reached that place. Not that one has to be a true androgynous, but I've found I can be a guy and look nice and be nuturing.

It sounds like after your divorce you may have used dressing as a coping mechanism, but now that you're happy again that's no longer necessary. So you may want to dress (or not), but you don't need to dress. It may also be that Dawn has awaken a need to satisfy more of your guy-self. My own dressing tends to run in phases, so you may find something similar happens.

Regardless, you sound happy and that's the important thing.

[Wendy me]

julie , girlfreind must i always remind you that the answer is shopping????run ,fly, do what ever it takes but go shopping ...something new ...well then you got to dress ....shopping makes everything right.....

[Olesha]

Julie
Isn't that what it's all about. I have days when I have to dress because I have a need. Other days I'm not so compulsive and stay as a man or dress if I feel like it. I very rarely go the whole way with bra, make up etc. and most times feel just more comfortable in a thong skirt and top. Its what's good for you sweetie.
Love and kisses
Olesha

[susiej]

Julie,

I couple years ago I was diagnosed as having low testosterone levels -- no big surprise, actually... Well, I signed up for a series of injections, and noticed at that time that my interest in CD-ing went away for a while. I also ended up with a side-effect called gynecomastia (sore breasts -- why the dickens does this happen with testosterone therapy???), so I gave up the shots. Another couple weeks and the interest in dressing returned.

So -- if we GM's have any natural fluctuation in our testosterone levels, one whose level is marginal to begin with should experience ebb and flow in interest in things fem. Perhaps that's what's going on.

I also go through such swings -- dare I say "periods"? -- lasting a month or two at each extreme. When I'm hot, as they say, I'm really hot, and when I'm not, I'm not. Vive la difference!

Hugs,
Susie

[Julie]

I've been watching the Bears offense give the game to the Bengals and as I'm sitting there I think how nice it is NOT to have to be removing makeup or worrying about the neighbors seeing me when I let the dog out. It was a nice feeling. It made the 10 points the Bengals scored off interceptions a little easier to handle. I said a LITTLE easier. But that missed field goal.....:Pullhair: Maybe I should get dressed for the second half :gorgeous:

I know having Dawn in my life has an effect on my dressing even though she's totally cool about it. She even told me last week she noticed I'm never dressed with her anymore and that she didn't want the fact she'd rather be with Jim to effect my dressing. The only thing I think is how ridiculous I look when dressed next to her. She's a total cutie and Julie has no chance of looking good next to her. But we only see each other once a week so there's plenty of time to dress the rest of the week. But I just don't want to even though I know I'll feel great if I do. And yes, laziness does come into play too. Really makes me wonder where my head was at when I was planning on transitioning. :undecided

And Wendy, clothes shopping is out! My closet has no more room!

Gotta go - the second half just started.


Da Bears!
http://www.essex1.com/people/jmiller/images/butkus.gif

[Olesha]

Julie
Good luck with the game. Just remember you've got to be yourself and do what you've gotta do. Life becomes so much easier.
Love and kisses
Olesha
PS A large Scotch always stops me worrying about the neighbours. If they think I'm perverted more fool them. Take the dog for a walk.

[Mitzi]

Maybe it’s because I’m a –250 or so COGIATI, but I’ve always been that way. I want to dress so badly, then having dressed, the urge just goes away for a few days. Not because of any guilt feelings, but just no desire. When I haven’t been able to dress for a while, I dwell on dressing and tell myself, the next opportunity I get, I’m going to dress every day, and stay dressed.

My wife, who hates my dressing, was out of town for a few weeks once. I started out dressing the first few days for at least a few hours, then it got to be a chore…gee do I have to… After awhile, I was only dressing every few days. After that window of opportunity passed, I wished I’d dressed more…

Mitzi

[Olesha]

Mitzi
Do it when you can and when it feels right. Otherwise it is a chore.
Love and kisses
Olesha

[Julie]

Maybe it’s because I’m a –250 or so COGIATI…

Mitzi

Mine was over 400 so you'd think I'd be relishing every opportunity. I know, it can't be taken seriously.

[sportschick]

Quote:I have sometimes wondered if my need to dress is linked to something missing in my life, rather than driven by gender forces.

Yeah Natalie, me too. Is the whole cd thing a seed that was planted by some series of events, and once truly understood can be left behind, or is in in our DNA?This is the post I've been hoping to see, although I never expexted it to come from Julie. Julie, where you are at right now is totally where I'm at, and have been for about 6 months. I'm thinking, how could I ever have wanted to do that? Yet I'm very interested in studying and learning as much as possible. I'd love to hear where you go with this, as I keep waiting for the urge to return, and it hasn't, and I hope it doesn't. But it always has!

OK, so who has the answer? Must be around here someplace!:-)

[Julie]

Julie, where you are at right now is totally where I'm at, and have been for about 6 months. I'm thinking, how could I ever have wanted to do that?

OK, so who has the answer? Must be around here someplace!:-)

Well, I'm convinced there is no answer we, as humans, can come up with that we will go, "That's it!" It's far too complicated and way too deeply instilled in us. Last November I started HRT totally convinced this was the magic bullet that would end all this inner turmoil. I had been seeing a TG therapist who told me, without question, I could successfully transition. My then wife told me she felt this was the right thing for me to do and that she would be there for me all the way and "I'll be holding your hand all the way into the final surgery". What more did I need? A therapist who was a highly regarded specialist in gender identity and the woman who had known me for almost 25 years both led me to believe I could or should do this. But deep down I had serious doubts. I ignored them and forged ahead thinking of the day when I no longer had to hide the real me from the world.

Today I look back on that and wonder what the hell I was thinking. I could never successfully transition. I have posted pics here where members have told me I could pass but I know that's simply not true. Rarely have I been able to pass because I have male bone structure and a deep voice that I doubt voice training could hide. I would be seen as a freak. I would have to find some form of work that would be seriously hampered by my obviously having been male once and worst of all I'd be letting my kids down. That one thing alone was enough to change my mind.

Since I've accepted the fact transitioning was out of the question I have fallen back to where I had been all my life. Yes, I totally enjoy dressing. I'm most likely transgendered as I really want to live in both worlds. I'd love to be able to change sexes at will. But I can't, therefore I need to learn to live with what God gave me. It's not all that bad. The worst part is living alone but that can be rectified. And I can't complain. God blessed me with so many things I figure he needed to challenge me with something and this is it.

For now, I'll just go with the flow. My life has changed a ton over the last year. I just need to get settled into this new life.

Thank God I have my friends here. I can't tell you how much that means to me! :hugs:

[ChristineRenee]

Sounds like maybe you are feeling very comfortable now with both Julie & Jim hon...that you have found your center perhaps with this now. I'm sure that having Dawn back in your life has had a very positive impact on your emotional well being too. Good on ya girl...go with the feeling!:hugs:

[Christine49]

Julie... maybe you have found the center of your life where the yin and the yang are in harmony...I feel the answer will come to you when you are ready

[Julie]

Julie... maybe you have found the center of your life where the yin and the yang are in harmony...I feel the answer will come to you when you are ready

OMG! Wouldn't that be the bomb!

Sadly, I don't fel centered.

[Joanna Kavalaskas]

I am now just getting interested in dressing again, first time since March. Very long dry spell. Julie, I'm looking at your situation like this. A guy likes to golf, but has to squeeze in a weekend here and there. Lots of his weekends get used up doing things other than golf. So he cherishes his time on the links. Suddenly he finds himself in a place where the course comes right up to his backyard. He can grab the clubs and go, and he does, for awhile. Then a few things get in his way, timewise. Pretty soon he realizes months have passed since he was on the course. It takes something away, when the obstacles are removed. When we have to squeeze ME time in, when and where its possible, we cherish it. As the obstacles fall, it isn't as special. Oh, been dressing for 40 years and going in public for 18.

[sportschick]

Joanna have you just not felt like dressing since March, or are there other factors? What's the longest time the urge has stayed away?

Julie, if you find that majic pill, sign me up for a lifetime supply! Meanwhile, best wishes.

[Julie]

Oh, been dressing for 40 years and going in public for 18.

You mean 18 holes! ;) I almost did that once. That's what I really call a great day on the links!

[Krissi]

I know I've had these kind of thoughts since I tore my achillies and put on a ton of weight. Dressing didn't have the same feel as it did. I didn't feel as comfortable, sexy, etc. In the past few months, I've reconciled the urge to dress with the urge to feel femme. I find myself slipping into a femme mindset and getting a lot of the same enjoyment as I did dressing before. As I slim down, I find the urge to dress more, but its funny how I can just relax on the computer, or even just around the house as Krissi, in my head, even thought I'm Chris outside.

[ladyfydiana]

You mean 18 holes! ;) I almost did that once. That's what I really call a great day on the links!I really dont think she is talking about golf Julie. :D

Diana