Going Out In Public For First Time?

[SarahMarie42]

Sarah is venturing out into the outside world tomorrow, but I am very very scared. Can anyone here provide me with any information or stories of public cross dressing experience in order to help alleviate my fears?

[Donniesr]

I'm sorry that I can't ease your fears,,I've never been out in public yet as Donna. I do understand it though. I have a date with the lady next door(a GG), next week. She wants to take me shopping for a new dress,,and she wants me to look the part. I am scared.....but we all have to do it some time or other,,just be yourself, and have a good time with it..

[SarahMarie42]

I mean, most people think I can pass, but I actually have BDD, so I tend to exaggerate nearly imperceptible flaws or perceive flaws that are not even existent. I figure I just need to it because I'll never know if I'll pass or not if I don't! :]


It's probably just my BDD telling me I won't,

[Donniesr]

Don't worry if you will "pass" or not..just be yourself ,,and have fun

[SarahMarie42]

Haha, it's just important to me for some reason. Not really for others, but for myself. I guess I'd just rather be treated like a woman, if that makes sense. I feel like I can explore the social role of a woman more easily if I pass. I don't necessarily think one HAS to pass, it's more of a personal goal and it varies from person to person.

[prene]

i did it and was not real bad, as long as you are not around high school boys etc. (sorry to stereo type).
A matterfact older women were the most accepting.

my first time

Went out to get a takeout bite at Wendys. I wore jeans, white top and a big. Well I went across town and went into the store after it was almost empty (one person was there).
Well I was identified. The counter people were busy getting my order but and a few ladys came in after me. They notices, I heard them say “looky here”. I said “Hi” they said “Hi” and “I wish I had your figure like yours”. I said thanks. “It is not easy”. They all laughed and I heard one say “You can say that again”.

I don’t go out that much this close to home. Has anyone else had an experience like that?
It was fun after I could see they were taking it well.

I did not think I was over the top.
I wore a smaller breast forms and white shirt.

I tucked in well and was not wearing a short skirt.

[SarahMarie42]

I think I've got it down well enough to at least not be considered a man by most people. If anyone saw my self-introduction post; I explained that I felt like a bigender person. When I'm a male, I'm all man, and when I'm a female, I have to be all female. It's difficult at times, but I think I do okay.

I also agree with the older women from the store. Magnificent figure :]

[prene]

good luck Sarah
My form is ok, but I am tall and have a definate male voice.

If it is a dark corner, and I don't have to talk . . .
I can fool from afar.

Lucky you and good LUCK.

[SarahMarie42]

I've practiced speaking in a female voice for years, even received voice lessons. My mannerisms are generally okay. My figure is generally okay. I think my face looks alright. I just worry that my confidence is unwarranted.

And thank you for wishing me luck! :] I wish you luck in your future outings as well!

[noeleena]

Hi.

I dont pass & never will , self confidence self assurance & self worth . standing tall & looking as tho you own where you are walking & walk with pride in your self .

Just dress nicely Be you dont think male think as a woman look at people talk about things i see you did not say wether your going with some one or not The only fear you should have is falling over in other words shoes that are comfortable & you can walk in like most of our women flates. them later small heels . its about having a nice time out . when you talk just be you again dont try & over do any thing as thats when youll wont to bail out if some one says any thing dont worry about it .
Go to a side street caffe what ever have a drink & see what others are doing thatll give you some que s take note & have a good time out .

scary not really , i did as iv said then thought oh bugger this ill just walk around & take no notice of others & enjoyed the day there were about 200 to 300 people around when i went to a mall & had one or two look at me ,

i just carryed on as tho they werent there tho smilled at the thought they had looked & made a comment quitely to them selfs fact was from then on i met 100 s of people & went up to people to talk , in other words i made known i was there because that was to help me later on when i stood in front of many many people ,

Im not saying you do that. no way, tho last night i was in front of over 400 people its about being there & be happy being there,


...noeleena...

[SarahMarie42]

Yeah, passing is just a challenge that I'd like to face. Haha. If I don't, I don't.

[VioletJourney]

My advice for passing would be to focus on your mannerisms - it's more about acting like a woman than looking like one. Don't think of yourself as a man who looks like a woman, get yourself prepared and essentially become that woman. Mind over matter, right?

[SarahMarie42]

True! I'm just worried that I don't look it. I have my mannerisms down, they come naturally.

[MargaretJ]

Sarah, the first time I went out I was really nervous, but over time this has lessened and I found, as have others on here, that most people are busy going about their own lives to pay to much attention to others around them.

Good luck, and tell us how it all went.

Margaret

[TG-Taru]

My first more public day time outing was a mall, perhaps something similar? Lots of people, but mostly occupied with their own stuff. Can keep moving at first, slow down, stop, interact, move on as you feel comfortable enough.

I've not put nearly as much effort into it as you have - I strive to look as natural as possible, but haven't trained mannerisms at all and voice not much at all, though I do try to speak with less resonance, bit higher and softer.

Since then the library and shopping, and whole days on vacation; museums, shops, markets, restaurants, streets, daytime, night time. Either (almost) nobody was the wiser or was very good about it and didn't mention it - the almost bit being overhearing some people maybe wondering, and one comment from a passing car.

Sounds and looks like you're set for success, just try not to be too self concious and relax a bit - enjoy! :)

[SarahMarie42]

Thank you, everyone! :] It's great to receive support.

[Sandra]

Just try and relax...and one thing a trans person has that is an asset is a smile, if anyone stares just smile at them, don't let them see that it bothers you. Most of all enjoy yourself.

[LeannL]

Sarah,
From your avatar, you look fine. I have been out an about for many years now and I find that you just need to believe that you belong where you are doing what you are doing. My suggestions are that you find something you would enjoy doing in a place where those around you are interested in something else. Yes, going to a shopping mall fits that bill but I actually enjoy going to museums for an outing. The advantage is that museum goers aren't people watching usually and, if you are worried about being read, the teenage girls are not likely to be there to scrutinize you. Also, if you can find a museum without an entrance fee (you don't list where you are from), there is no financial downside if you just decide you have had enough. I have gone to museums in New York (MOMA), New Haven (Yale's museums), Boston, Denver, Worcester MA, and Chicago to the best of my recollection. So, relax and dress appropriately and enjoy.

Leann

[Cynthia Anne]

I'm another that doesn't pass! Just be confident and don't worry! You will be just fine!

[Paula_56]

As transgendered people many of us lead lives of guilt, fear and shame. For years I was afraid to leave my home or hotel room out of fear. Until recently, I made the realization that there was nothing to be afraid of. Being transgendered or cross-dressing is not wrong. We are different, but the world can and does accept us. I use to scurry from hotel to car and walk around parking lots at night. Half hidden, half in sight. Now I walk right thru the lobby, take an elevator, and nobody cares. Sure I am read sometimes. This was the big obstacle I had to get over. When you’re read, nothing bad happens. People just go on with there business. Waitresses clerks, sales associates have never reacted badly they are a polite and accommodating.
I also use to fear shopping endrab. If you dress nicely, don’t act creepy or guilty, most sales people are really happy to help. I always smile and thank them. It’s more than most customers do. I tell them right off I need a pair of black slacks for myself, or I need a dress for an event I am attending. The first time I did this I was shaking, but after a couple of times I began to realize that no one else had a problem with this. The problem was in my head.
You may not want to be outed, to your family and friends but admitting you are a cross dresser to a sales associate in a store away from your home area is safe, liberating and a non issue.
So go ahead you have nothing to loose here, try getting out in small steps. Go to the cosmetics counter in the mall. Nordstrom’s is famous in the TG community for being super helpful; they will always make you feel good about your self. Other stores that have been helpful to me are Fashion Bug, Lane Bryant, Lord and Taylor, and Payless Shoes.
My message here is this, you can admit being transgendered to a sales associate and you will feel better for it. You can also go out in public dress as a woman and not get negative reactions. You may have heard this before, but if you are like me you never really believed it. Go ahead, don’t be afraid, take those steps, and start to live.

[Cheryl T]

Confidence is the biggest thing.
Believe that you belong there and don't worry about what others see. Focus on what you are doing and not on "did someone read me".

Enjoy being there.

[PretzelGirl]

I am with Cheryl on confidence. That is a very large key. If you act like you belong then you don't give off the bad vibes. Use eye contact. No one will stare you down if you are looking at them. And I don't mean stare everyone down, but it you are walking past someone or face to face, don't look away thinking that will protect you from being clocked. But also use your smile to excess. Put the eye contact and a big, happy smile together and I feel you get a lot of normal reactions from people. People are okay with outwardly happy people and shouldn't you be having fun anyway? As far as mannerisms, I look at that as more of a long term goal. If you try and pick some of them up too quick you might overdo them and that would flag you faster then not having the mannerisms at all.

Most of all, enjoy yourself. You will remember this forever.

[Traci]

I've been going out now for several years but I do remember back to when there was no way I would have even considered. I use to get extremely nervous about it. I was worried what others would think, etc. Just realize some will figure it out they just may not really care.

One thing I have learned is smile at people, don't hide from people. Enjoy yourself. It may well be that people know you are "a guy in a dress" but thats OK as long as the treat you politely. Whenever any one of us goes in public and interacts with people we move the "crossdressing cause" forward for all.

[kristinacd55]

Yea, know I did it b4 but here it is again. I went shopping enfemme for the first time with my great friend Jenn and we went to Kohls. We shopped around and things went pretty well. When we were going to go pay for our items, i got skittish and had her pay for my items (heart was gonna come through my chest!). But we had a great day hanging out and I can't wait to do it again

[SarahMarie42]

It's all good, I've decided not to go in public until I drop another 30 pounds.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Sarah,

Cheryl is right about the confidence thing. Wander around the mall like you are just another shopper, smile and enjoy yourself and I'll bet everything will be fine.

I dont pass, and never will mainly due to my height (and shoulders etc) but I know and accept that to be the case. My goal was to blend in as much as I can, look natural and smile. I was nervous as all hell the first time to a big mall, and the second, and the third time too but the experience gets better and easier everytime you get out. The nervousness has long gone, but the thrill is still there in a huge way :)



It's all good, I've decided not to go in public until I drop another 30 pounds.

Good for you Sarah, that's all part of the confidence thing. If you feel good and look good then you will naturally be more confident. I decided I needed to drop some weight if I was going to do the public thing and dropped 10kg (about 22 pounds) in about 6 weeks.

Goood luck

Tash :)

[Lainie]

Just the obvious advice to be streetwise, that everyone always should follow. Otherwise the fear of being shunned and attacked by the general public is groundless. I don't pass at all (think Geraldo Rivera in a dress, heels, & purse) but I do shop and dine en femme pretty regularly in Houston, and have done the same occasionally in Austin, Boston/Cambridge, & Den Haag. Smile at people and they will smile back. Some of them may smile first--are they laughing at you or with you? Do you really care, as long as we keep laughing together? Talk to the clerks in the shops and ask their advice. Be nice to the waiters. Some will be a little stand-offish, others will relish the game. Isn't that always the way?

[Cindygirl65]

Hi Sarah. I was scared my first time too. It helps going out with someone who accepts you. Start small by going to the grocery store, pumping gas. Places where you will not be for long and try not to look nervous. Be female by acting the part. Don't look around trying to see who notices you. Be like a woman doing girl things. If you see people laughing pay them no mind. Your avatar pic you look like a woman. You'll get use to it after a few times. I hope this helps you and I wish you all the best. Hugs. Cindy.