Can't answer the "why" question

[NyssaF]

This is just off the top of my head: I am getting more and more frustrated with not being able to answer a simple question: "why?"

Why do I like to wear women's clothes?
Why do I feel that urge?
Why does that urge ebb and flow?
Why can sometimes years go by without wanting to dress, then all of a sudden I *have* to do it?
Why am I stuck in limbo with it? I don't want to do makeup and a wig, but I do want to dress completely otherwise.

Why?

[sigh] I have an appt with my therapist this week to discuss a lot of these questions. I am amazingly anxious about this. I don't want to admit to him that I cross-dress. The one person that has to talk about this with me, and I am scared to reveal that about me. I dunno...

Why?

I don't know. :(

[christinac]

I'm very sorry to say that neither me or anyone else can answer that question for you. I honestly wish I could, but only you can answer that question. You are on the right track by seeing a Therapist and I wish you all the luck in the world.

[Stacye Rose]

I struggled with this question for a long time. I think many of us do. Like you I was confused, anxious, and worried about the why.
After several (costly) purges, and several attepts at stopping, I was standing in front of my mirror during another "relapse" when it occured to me that not only did I look pretty but I was having FUN. I was happier, less stressed, and smiling for the first time in weeks. I was actually hurting myself by staying stressed and unhappy not crossdressing. Life is too short to make yourself unhappy

Long story short; I decided I'm not hurting anyone so why not make myself happy?

[Marcie R.]

Hi Just Me,
I think those question have gone through the minds of most of us throughout our lives. There is not a specific answer, however over the years we learn to accept ourselve for what we are. We are generally more sensitive than other men . We love the feel of all the nice materials in womens clothing and love to have it next to our skin. Is that wrong? I don't think so. Enjoy what you are, it is a wonderful world out there especially wearing and dressing as a woman.

[Nicole L.]

Been in therapy, and IMO, it was good to be able to talk about it. But, that decision is up to you.

As far as questioning, why? I'm not sure I'll ever know. Or, if it even matter's.

Just remember that you're not alone. This place is very good for advice.

Nicole

[KrystalA]

I used to ask myself that same question over and over and over. I finally realized that I dress this way because I like to, and because it feels so good, and that's answer enough for me.

[Rachel05]

I have thought about this for years, well I used to think about it and now I no longer give it brain space, why do I wear womens clothes?? I just do and what is more I really enjoy doing it, so I do !! took me a while to get there but once I did, it was liberating

[J-Chattanooga]

My wife said the other day that she finds my taste in music harder to understand than my want/need to wear women's clothes. I finally got over the "why" and think of it like everything else.
I am a big fan of many types of music, but not always in the mood for one type or the other. I like to watch tv and movies, but again, not always in the mood for a particular genre at a particular time.

But when it really comes down to it, put a pair of boxers or mens' briefs next to a pair of panties with ruffles and bows, there's no comparison.

Just find the right balance for your life and everything will work out.

J

[Cynthia Anne]

I've asked my self that so many times that I accuse myself of talking to myself! The only answer I can come up with is, I'm just being the true me! If you can't be true to yourself, then who can you be true to!

[Casey]

"Why" is a huige three letter word that in a lot of cases does not have an answer. I still find myself lost in the "why" of what I am doing nad often find that by replacing the "Why" with a "How" i get much more satisfaction.

How am i goiung to make wearing women's clothes work?
How am I going to deal with the urge when it gets too strong to ignore?

These are questions I can answer and are a lot less stressfull than worrying about "why" I am the way I am.

Having said that, I think talkiong to your counselor is a great idea and he/she might even be able to help you with turning your why's into how's.

Casey

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Why?

I don't know. :(

Does the why truly matter? Would knowing the why make your life easier?

"This Thing of Ours of Varying Kinds" is what it is for each individual one of us.

Veronica

[Julogden]

I can't answer that, but I've come to the conclusion that the "why" doesn't matter in the least. "Why" is totally irrelevant. I urge you to not worry about figuring out "why" for another second, just accept that you are who you are.

Your best course of action is to embrace who you are and celebrate that to the greatest extent that is possible in your situation.

Carol

[helena.gcd]

you remember me a couple of years back, those same questions where on my head and i couldn't find an answer :(

but there was one thing that helped me a lot. Instead of answering those questions i started to ask my inner-self some new ones:

- why not enjoy it?

- why not follow this path and see where it goes?

- why should i be ashamed?

it helped me. Now i'm a happier person and i have made lots of new friends and i understand GG better.

i still don't know the answer to the first questions, but the difference is that now i don't care.

[Anne2345]

I echo many of the replies submitted. I used to wonder why, as well. I never figured it out, and I no longer care why. In the absence of an answer, learning to accept myself became the priority of learning why. Upon successful achievement of acceptance, "why" lost its relevance. If anyone figures it out, although I would certainly be curious to read the thread, it's just not that big a deal to me. I am happy with who I am, and have moved on. :)

[CarlaWestin]

Why?

I have an appt with my therapist this week to discuss a lot of these questions. I am amazingly anxious about this. I don't want to admit to him that I cross-dress. The one person that has to talk about this with me, and I am scared to reveal that about me. I dunno...

Why?

:(

As many on this site will agree, the-rapist will listen to you for endless billable hours and possibly conclude that according to his fabulous educational prowess you have some serious emotional baggage burdening you. Of course, this will require much more the-rape-y to straighten out so you can be normal.

Bull$hit

I've soooo been through this.

The reason you have desires for things feminine is because it makes you happy. That's really all there is to it.

I occasionally wear ladies generic Wrangler jeans, a silk Hawaiian shirt with classic cars all over it (buttons on the left), Nike running shoes, cotton socks, nylon panties and a pink bra. All female clothing. And other times I go the whole route sans make-up (I just don't have the time) The world doesn't stop turning. I've kept a comfortable income flow my whole life, put a kid through college without incurring debt, quit smoking, quit drinking, crushed anxiety and depression, overcome stuttering and, believe it or not, enjoyed a lot of cross-dressing.

In my opinion, therapy and social prejudices are baggage.

[Stephenie S]

Let me echo some of the posts so far.

The reason it's hard to find a "why" is that there IS no why. Why do you want to dress in women's clothes? You know, it just don't matter.

All you really need to do is accept it.

You can spend hours, days, months, and hundreds in therapy sessions. Not one thing will come of it unless you learn to accept. You might as well try to figure out why you like the color red, or why you pick your nose with your little finger. You don't need to figure out why. Just accept yourself and enjoy.

S

[Maria in heels]

If you are not going to tell your therapist that you dress, then ere is always going to be an issue with the WHY part as you started to post. We all do for different reasons, some want to transition, others do not....you and only you yourself can answer this question. When you are comfortable with yourelf, you will...until then, just take it a little easier on yourself...

[kristinacd55]

Sounds like a lot of my urges......i sigh and say....aww just do it!

[Traci]

I have to tell you I struggled with the WHY for a long time. Then for some reason on night it really sank in to me. I don't control whether I'm a crossdresser (transgendered) or not. I am! What I do control is how I deal with it and how I feel about it. It was like a weight being lifted off of me.

It doesn't mean all the anxiousness is gone about it but coming at it from that point of view has been refreshing to me!

[docrobbysherry]

Remember, NO ONE here, or ANYWHERE has all the answers, Just!

And, neither will a good therapist! After all, their job is to help U find them for yourself!

[Teri Ray]

Ok this is only my second attempt at posting in this thead so I feel pretty good about myself. (first try I pressed reply to thread again vice post a quick reply) so now that I am on a hot streak I will provide the answer all of those in this forum have been looking for. I, like most of the others who share the passion for dressing enfemme, have been frustrated by this question. For years I worked this question over and over in my mind. Then one day while sitting home alone daydreaming of new shoes, wigs, bras, panties and hose the answer came to me. The answer came so clear and concise I just could not believe I had not realized it before. It was as though the clear answer had always been right there and I just failed to understand it. The answer to the question is simply...........uh......err..............mmmmmmmm ...What is the question again? I forgot. Oh well have a lovely day.

[Gillian Gigs]

When you figure this one out, you should write a book. Every CD'er would buy it just to see your answers. This is a question that only you can answer for yourself. I found my particular answers, but they are probably meaningless to others. We all have common themes to why we dress, yet there too many differences to be able to get a generic answer. Good luck finding your answers.

[Julie Gaum]

Do not waste your money going to a therapist IF 1) You don't wish to be completely honest and provide ALL the details of your crossdressing and
2) Before going you call and ask whether he or she has studied the subject of CDing and for how long.
If therapist has little experience with the subject then find another one or better yet:
Save your money and listen to the advice given above ---- therapist can't do better!
Julie

[Sharon B.]

I used to ask myself that same question, its not so much as "why" but more that I enjoy wearing all feminine attire and it feels so much better than male clothes. Plus it feel right that I am wearing feminine attire, like this is what I should be wearing.

[diannecourtney]

Hi: I have never asked these question, I juat love to do it and regret iit took me so long.

[Diana Rae]

I discussed this subject with my wife early in our relationship. She told me not to worry about "why". It is right for me and she is ok with it so go ahead and dress all I want. She is so good!!

[carhill2mn]

I don't know how long you have been reading the posts on this site or if you are on any other similar sites. I think you will learn that there is no real answer as to "WHY". There have been and are many theories over the years; some seem to be more likely than others but, they are all theories. IMHO the best that most of us can hope for is to learn how to accept yourself for who and what you are and then go about living your life in the best way that you can.

[Frédérique]

Why do I like to wear women's clothes? Why do I feel that urge? Why does that urge ebb and flow? Why can sometimes years go by without wanting to dress, then all of a sudden I *have* to do it? Why am I stuck in limbo with it? I don't want to do makeup and a wig, but I do want to dress completely otherwise. Why?

Do what you feel is right, but I think YOU already have the answers…:battingeyelashes:

You may want to try makeup and a wig at a later date – just don’t over-think what you’re doing, and please enjoy what you’re doing! Wearing women’s clothes was a decision borne of curiosity (in my case), so I just went with the flow and experimented with nearly everything I could think of. To this day I don’t know why I started down this path – it may be the most natural thing you could do, perhaps an expression of a more genuine self you need to embrace. Everyone is different, and you will encounter many insights and delights via your crossdressing, but please don’t let anyone tell you that it is wrong, shameful, or something you simply cannot, or must not do. Be an individual first and foremost, and be an intrepid explorer – journey into the interior and discover yourself…

[Jorja]

Do you remember that dark night when you were driving across the desert? The bright light drawing you closer and closer? Then suddenly you woke up sitting in your car along a dark lonely desert highway? Yes my dear, it was real! The aliens have adjusted your mind to make you believe you are a female. Therefore, you must dress as a female. That is WHY.

[NyssaF]

:D That was brilliant!

[NyssaF]

:D you made me giggle!

[NyssaF]

Thanks for the replies, everyone! It is wonderful to read what everyone things about this. The common thread seems to be: "accept who you are and don't worry about 'why'."

And I can understand that. I can't explain "why" I find a red-headed woman gorgeous. I can't explain why I like big b00bs. Hell, I can't even explain why I like the sound of the wind. I just do, and that's enough.

But I have a bit of a problem no knowing the answer. I am a very literal, fact-oriented, problem-solving kind of person. EVERYTHING should have an answer, an explanation, a cause. Especially when it is something within myself. I can't just ignore the question. I mean, I've always ignored it in the past, and just enjoyed dressing, then bore the inevitable feelings of shame and self-deprecation and purging. Now, I want to understand this better. Understand myself better.

[sigh]

[NathalieX66]

Thanks Jorja. :lol:

As for the original OP's 5 questions, my simple answer is who cares?!
All I know is I've been at this since I was 8, and it is a side of me, and I've only come out to accept myself two years ago, and I feel much happier. Is it so wrong for me to like what I like because it's what I like?

[NyssaF]

I am a firm believer in therapy being theraputic. There's bad therapists, of course - there's good and bad in everything. But a good therapist becomes like a mirror, making you see yourself as you really are. Instead of the circus funhouse mirrors that distorts and warps our self-image.

[Billie Jean]

Simply put, if I have to explain then you just won't understand. Billie Jean

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Just, If and when you ever find the answer PLEASE PLESASE let us all know.

Orchid

[marissa_sissy]

It is what it is. The problem is that you are also bucking a societal norm. If a female celebrity goes to the Oscars dressed in a tux, she is considered a fashion visionary, and "trendy". (Dianne Keaton)

If a male celebrity the same age (say for an example Meatloaf) shows up in an evening gown, even if he looks great, he gets play as a weirdo and a pervert. Another prime example of this was when David Carradine dies a few years ago, and the only thing a lot of new agencies could talk about was that he had female lingerie and stockings in his closet. No mention that he was a great guy. No mention that he invented a martial art and a way of living. No mention of what he did as an actor. Only that he was obviously a pervert. I mean, he dressed privately in womens clothes. (gasp)

Do you feel me here? These things that you are asking yourself, are not exactly "wrong", per se. They are wrong because society is telling us that they are. I do not go out dressed, and likely will not, because I am scared of what happens in society, and the unknown of dealing with attitudes like this.

In my case, luckily, I have a very understanding wife who indulges me, and lets me experiment safely with her. It has not been easy, but thankfully, that bit of acceptance has sure been a big part of not worrying about it so much.

Ultimately, who are you harming by having a bit of fun in the privacy of your own home? Why be guilty about something that is hurting nobody.

I went to a therapist, btw, and she actually did not provide a lot of help. I will admit that it was nice to talk to someone, but in all honesty, it has had little if any impact, and it will not help you stop, unless you legitimately want to. (which I do not, and I would guess most here would not)

[tracijae]

You don't need a therapist....you need a new dress!

[Kathryn Philips]

I have always felt being a CD a life "gift" for which I will always be grateful and I have never questioned "why?" or "why me?". I hope what I feel inside never goes away. Just wish some of my dreams can be fulfilled one day...

...but I guess we CDs are all different, some of us need to know why, and some don't.

[darla_g]

I thought about it for a long time and tried to get real philosophical about it. After a while i kind of gave up and just decided i wanted to enjoy it and not worry about it. I had found my comfort zone in terms of how often i did it and what i would do and then that is that.

[sherib]

Join the club. Many members including me have asked themselves the same question a thousand times without the answer. Sometimes when I haven't dressed for a while and I get shaky, nervousand become a pain to my wife. I look in the mirror and ask myself, WHY ME. And I can nerv er come up with an answer. So if you can if any one can answer this question, please post it for all to read.

[Cari]

I spent a long time trying to figure out why.
Doing some research and talking to others isn't a waste of time and I'm glad I did it.

These days I find it much more rewarding to wonder about when and how.

My answer to why remains "I don't know, its just the way I'm wired"
I stole it from an older wiser CD but it works for me.

[Lorileah]

“There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why... I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?” Robert F Kennedy.

Because we have been told this is not "normal", we question the "why". But there isn't an answer other than what Senator Kennedy said. Why not? Is there something there that is pathological? No. Is there something there that will make you a worse person? No. Is there something there that will lead to ruin? Yes, if you continue to fret and worry over it it will consume you. As long as you view this as problem it will be a problem. My advice is let it go, be who you are. You don't have to live up to others standards because they don't think you are right. These are clothes, they don't make you do anything different (if they do then you do need some help) than what you would do anyway. Society has set standards based on unproven and "expected" results. In the case of cross dressing these standards are totally subjective and the "expected" results are unlikely in everyday life. You have to take control of who you are and let the others worry about themselves. They are just clothes. They don't have magic powers. You don't slip into oblivion by donning a dress.

Why do you wear them? You wear them because you like wearing them for whatever reason you have. To be sexy, comfortable, to feel whole, to get attention, to feel power or to feel submissive. You wear them because you get some pleasure from them. Just like you eat chocolate or you get a new car or you sun on the beach in Acapulco. You like it, it harms no one, just do it. When the end is near you can be happy or you can be sad because you decided to follow the crowd and not your heart.

[kimberly ann487]

Hi Me,
As has been said already, no sense going to a therapist if you don't tell the whole story. I've been to three different therapists and got the same results from all three. You are who you are ! I am now comfortable being me. Don't worry they aren't going to tell you that you're crazy or immoral, they will just help you figure it out for yourself. I went for professional help at the request of my wife. She wanted me "cured". I didn't want to but I did it for her and I'm glad I did, even if she didn't get the results she wanted. She still isn't accepting at all but I'm working on it. Sad to say it doesn't look good but I'm happy being me.
Kim

[NicoleScott]

But I have a bit of a problem no knowing the answer. I am a very literal, fact-oriented, problem-solving kind of person. EVERYTHING should have an answer, an explanation, a cause. Especially when it is something within myself.

I'm sure everything has an answer, explanation, or cause. But sometimes we have to be content with not knowing. Perhaps the answers to our questions will come some day (week, year, decade.....). It's OK not to know all the answers. Most (if not all) of us want the same answers, even if not for personal satisfaction, for scientific curiosity. It really doesn't help by fretting over it. As others have said, it is what it is, just enjoy the experience.

[suit]

do you remember any smells that might have been a trigger?
or some one you thought of ? > or such ?

then theirs that national geographic servay on smell and such

www.pascack.k12.nj.us/70271921145153/lib/70271921145153/The_smell_of_love.pdf · ??

[Taylor186]

"If you know the reason you are doing it, then you're not really a crossdresser." -- Becky (UK)


I spent a long time trying to resolve the why of it and on that journey ran across the quote above. It sums up my philosophy today.

[LeannL]

Hi Just Me,
Unlike most of the other replies, I will attempt to answer your question with, at least to this scientifically mind, a reasonable answer. I found it useful to at least have a story that could explain why I am the way I am.

The male and female brains are different and the differentiation appears to occur during gestation in your mother's womb. We know that this development is controlled by an intricate cascade of hormones released by the fetus but influenced by the mother. If the timing of these releases is not "perfect" the brain does not develop into a "perfect" brain. In our case, we have either underdeveloped male portions or overdeveloped female portions (or, if you are FTM, the other way around). I then find that these two conflicting parts of the brain have fights for dominance. Some times my male side wins and doesn't want to do anything feminine and at other times I want nothing more than high heels and lace. The hard part is when one side is trying to fight to the surface and in particular when my male side wants to be recognized.

Now, none of this construct could be reflect reality but it does help me "understand" how I work and this, most importantly, has help me accept who I am because it was beyond my control and not a "choice" that I made.

BTW, if you are going to see a councilor, I would recommend one that has extensive experience with gender issues. Most that don't aren't going to be of much help based upon comments I have seen here. I can also say, from personal experience, that a bad one is possibly dangerous. Also, if you can find a gender therapist, you won't have any issue telling him/her why you are there.

Leann

[NyssaF]

Thanks, Leann! That does make a lot of sense. dunno if it is actually mine, but it definitely makes me think. :)

[TGMarla]

My wife asked me why. I admitted that I couldn't easily say why. I can say that I feel compelled to do this, and it's obvious that this is a common theme among us. People mention things like peace of mind, and being attracted to the softness and feel of the clothing. I think it's way more than that, though. We tend to flood our minds with these feelings of femininity, which is something that is frowned upon in Western Society. But we do it anyway, and physically manifest our appearance to match and enhance these feelings. And we like it. It keeps us coming back. It's powerful, and most all CDers tend to believe that it's something that will never leave them their whole lives. Sounds a little like opium addiction, doesn't it? But the female experience is at least half of the human experience, and to deny the feminine experience is to shut yourself out from half of what life has to offer. We may never be true genetic women, but we can strive to live it and experience it as best we can, if even for short periods of time.

[NyssaF]

Why do you wear them? You wear them because you like wearing them for whatever reason you have. To be sexy, comfortable, to feel whole, to get attention, to feel power or to feel submissive. You wear them because you get some pleasure from them. Just like you eat chocolate or you get a new car or you sun on the beach in Acapulco. You like it, it harms no one, just do it. When the end is near you can be happy or you can be sad because you decided to follow the crowd and not your heart.

Y'know, I kinda <3 you for that post. Thanks!

[Phoebe P.]

I really don't worry about it and have no desire for therapy. I wasn't going to dress tonight and was going to cut off my nails, but felt kind of edgy. As long as I'm not hurting my wife, myself or anyone else, I'm not going to worry a/b it. My appearance may be "different from the norm" at times, but I really don't care. That's just me. I work hard and I'm a responsible person. If I want to wear something out of the norm -- so be it.

If you go to a therapist, I say be completely honest or you're wasting your money.

[NyssaF]

I went for professional help at the request of my wife. She wanted me "cured". I didn't want to but I did it for her and I'm glad I did, even if she didn't get the results she wanted. She still isn't accepting at all but I'm working on it.

Birds of a feather. That is exactly what started the idea of me going to see my therapist about it. Once I started to think about what I'd talk to/ask my therapist about, I ended up on the "why" question. And I've been stuck there ever since. I have never been stuck on one topic for 48 hours. Never.

Anyway, my wife had the exact same reason for me to go to the therapist. She is positive that there's a deeper problem somewhere inside of me that is causing the dressing, and she is holding out all hope that this can be rooted out and I can be cured of this un-natural desire.

As for me? I dunno, I am thinking that isn't right. But I am going to go in with an open mind.

[CarlaWestin]

She is positive that there's a deeper problem somewhere inside of me that is causing the dressing, and she is holding out all hope that this can be rooted out and I can be cured of this un-natural desire.

Sounds like my ex. Please, if you find the "cure" do tell us all what it is so we can avoid it.

[MaryAnn40c]

:):)
This is just off the top of my head: I am getting more and more frustrated with not being able to answer a simple question: "why?"

Why do I like to wear women's clothes?
Why do I feel that urge?
Why does that urge ebb and flow?
Why can sometimes years go by without wanting to dress, then all of a sudden I *have* to do it?
Why am I stuck in limbo with it? I don't want to do makeup and a wig, but I do want to dress completely otherwise.

Why?

[sigh] I have an appt with my therapist this week to discuss a lot of these questions. I am amazingly anxious about this. I don't want to admit to him that I cross-dress. The one person that has to talk about this with me, and I am scared to reveal that about me. I dunno...

Why?

I don't know. :(

I wear womens clothes because I can and I look good.
I get the urge way to offen to worry about why.
Ahhh when I look in the mirrow I know I am going to have fun.
Years???? Really??? hmmm that has not happen..sorry
A lot of GG's dont wear makeup everyday so really why do we need to?
I have ask these question before and these are the best answers I can think of.

[Olivia2]

Birds of a feather. That is exactly what started the idea of me going to see my therapist about it. Once I started to think about what I'd talk to/ask my therapist about, I ended up on the "why" question. And I've been stuck there ever since. I have never been stuck on one topic for 48 hours. Never.

Anyway, my wife had the exact same reason for me to go to the therapist. She is positive that there's a deeper problem somewhere inside of me that is causing the dressing, and she is holding out all hope that this can be rooted out and I can be cured of this un-natural desire.

As for me? I dunno, I am thinking that isn't right. But I am going to go in with an open mind.

I really doubt that the therapist will conclude there is any deep-seated problem in your mind-unless he/she is a reparative therapist, which I'm assuming is not the case.

However, I would encourage you to talk to him/her anyway and the process will no doubt help you to gain some insight as to what dressing means for you-although figuring exactly what it is-not likely.

It took me a couple of years with my first therapist to get the nerve to bring it up and when I did it was no big deal and made me feel much better about working with the therapist and not holding things back. Good Luck.

[Sue101]

Only you know the answers why, everyone has a different life story and different reasons why and when they began. The generic answer is that it is psychological and it depends on how you relate to either your gender identity or gender role. Your description makes it clear that it is the gender role that is important to you. What I mean by this is how you feel being obligated to fulfil the expectations and responsibilities of being a man against how your desire to enjoy the benefits women enjoy.

As far as the urge goes, crossdressing develops into a compulsion because it meets a psychological need that cannot be satisfied any other way. Plus it is great fun, exciting and pleasurable as well so it becomes habitual. But our needs and focus shift from day to day so sometimes we feel no need to dress because we have other priorities and our habit is temporarily forgotten about.

[cdtroubles]

The "why" is never going to be answered well enough so that you will be satisfied. The bigger problem is trying to explain "why" so someone else. So now I shall not worry about it and pay more attention to the more important, "where, how and when".

me

[NyssaF]

It's taken me a few days of constant thoughts on this. My brain hurts, if that makes sense. :) But I did come up with an answer that feels just about perfect. It made sense to my wife, too, which says a lot. :)

My answer is:


Because it makes me feel balanced. It is one of a few things that I do to help me find harmony among the various parts of Me. When my feminine side is strongest, dressing brings harmony with that side of me. Once it ebbs, so does the desire to dress.

I am Daoist, and believe firmly in living in balance and harmony. It's one of the core concepts of Daoism. Once one finds that balance, then all there is to do is to live it.

[drushin703]

Some guys at work would often go hunting and bring in dear meat to eat for their lunches (yikes!).But i concluded that even the most extreme male
behavour , as I have heard suggested, is not MY reason for crossdressing.No contrary reasoning or rebellion on my part.My crossdressing has nothing
to do with anything else outside of my body on this planet. It is a manisfestation of a lot of stimuli, a whole lot of trial and error, a lot of hurt and happy,
a great deal of embarassment and sometimes shame but never am I fighting agains a male-minded world.I crossdress because Ime a crossdresser.
Enough said..dana.

[Brenda Freeman]

Why?
I also asked those questions for years! However as I have gotten older maybe I care less of what others think, or maybe with the internet it is clear their are so many in the world with similar interests! so I ask "Why Not"
It is another view
What does it do for you? Who cares? who gets hurt? How important is it? We can get so lost in the depth, but one thing is for sure their is only one of you, so take care of you! Those that matter want you too also! I am a crossdresser and I have fun!!!!!!! When i do it! Why, I don't care, I am having to much fun! You have to set some of your own rules, society is way behind and may never catch up with us girls!

[sometimes_miss]

"why?" :(
There are a lot of reasons, and why do it is probably not why you do it. It's rarely a simple thing to start with, and it usually just gets more complicated as time goes on. Guilt has a lot to do with it, I suppose; because we're made to feel bad about crossdressing, it causes all kinds of compensatory psychological mechanisms to come into play. I'm a good example; when I was younger, I really wanted to believe that I was born this way, that nothing I ever did contributed to my wanting to dress as a girl, or my wanting to be a girl. It took many years to figure out everything that others did to me, and things I did to myself, that ended up causing me to feel the way I do even today. For, we are the sum of our genetics AND our experiences, and until you can look at your life objectively, you will probably always have difficulty figuring out why you are the way you are.

[NyssaF]

It's taken me a few days of constant thoughts on this. My brain hurts, if that makes sense. :) But I did come up with an answer that feels just about perfect. It made sense to my wife, too, which says a lot. :)

My answer is:


Because it makes me feel balanced. It is one of a few things that I do to help me find harmony among the various parts of Me. When my feminine side is strongest, dressing brings harmony with that side of me. Once it ebbs, so does the desire to dress.

I am Daoist, and believe firmly in living in balance and harmony. It's one of the core concepts of Daoism. Once one finds that balance, then all there is to do is to live it.

(I tried posting this in the original topic, but my reply doesn't show for some reason. But this probably warrants its own topic anyway, so I am posting it here.)

[RADER]

I really do not know why; Your answer is a plausible one for sure.
But I believe if you ask a 100 people, you will get 100 different answers.
And that is good, every one has their own feelings an why they dress.
For me, Well I just do it, and leave all the heave thinking to a younger
mind. What was that someone said about teaching an old dog something??? LOL
Rader

[kimdl93]

I am glad that you and your wife found a "why" that works for both of you. We spend a lot of time trying to explain-to ourselves and often our loved ones - "why" we dress. Most of us that have spent any time exploring the subject are aware of various theories involving genetics, ineutero hormone exposure, early life experiences, etc. We can't objectively measure any of these influences on ourselves, so each of us is left with the choice of finding a "why" that works for ourselves.

[Jo-Anne]

Does " Why ? " really matter ? We can go and beat our heads against the wall about it and still not come up with the answer to "Why ? " Am I Trans, CD,or TS ? Why do we have femininity as such a powerful part of who we are? Is it environment or heredity ? So many questions....Why have I always felt I am female ?...At this point of my life..I really don't care....I try to be the best I can with what I have, and look after family...leave all the " Whys " to someone else...I have accepted my femininity as a positive part of my being..........Jo-Anne.

[NyssaF]

One last follow-up. I just had my therapist appt. As everyone here already guessed, my therapist had no concerns, other than my continued guilt. The advice was basically: "you haven't done anything wrong. At worst, you've broken the artificial dress code of our society. There's nothing wrong with that."

:D

[docrobbysherry]

One last follow-up. I just had my therapist appt. As everyone here already guessed, my therapist had no concerns, other than my continued guilt. The advice was basically: "you haven't done anything wrong. At worst, you've broken the artificial dress code of our society. There's nothing wrong with that."

:D

Apparently, your therapist doesn't buy his ladies togs from Macys in drag!? Lol!

[Fab Karen]

Why do some people like broccoli? Because they do.

[ikthys]

Contrary to what 90% of these replies say, the question "why" is INCREDIBLY important. People who don't ask themselves this question about their behaviors and desires (especially significant things like crossdressing) advocate for themselves the type of irresponsibility that undergirds immoralilty in life. There ARE answers (though yours may be different than mine for sure- but I'll bet there's a lot of overlap, too). I think it is utterly ridiculous to throw it all to the wind as chalk it up to some kind of personality trait or genetic inheritance. Life is complex, and yours has many factors (including your own adult power to affect and define yourself) that you should think about if you want to grow as a human. So many times people spout the "don't suppress who you are" bit, but it is no less suppressing and damaging to ignore your own questions about important matters like this. Sure, you can't let it rule your thought all day, but you should not stamp out the burning question, nor trade in your genuine confusion for the simplicity of some nebulous "crossdresser" identity that seems so much easier to live in- unless of course you just want the easy road and not the true one... Good luck with your soul searching.

[sherib]

To qoute the lines in the play hair" That longer hair and other affactation are purley nothing more than the males emergencr fromthe drab camoflage into the glorious pummage which is the brith right of his sex. When actually, thats the way things are in most species". Or something to that affect