Deep Stealth is looking pretty good right now...

[Zenith]

My response to a professor (biology no less!) very interested in me on OKCupid, who sent a "Dear Jane" with ignorant comments when he found out I was trans...he told me I should tell guys immediately...and he even suggested I move to SF...

"I was just going to leave it, but frankly I am disappointed that someone of your intelligence would make such comments. A classic Harry Benjamin transsexual is a woman, the male personality is a facade. Perhaps I should paint a red letter "T" on my forehead. I'm sorry but until intimacy is a possibility it is no one's business. Perhaps amputees should not be allowed lifelike limbs so everyone could be informed of their condition on sight. Yes, you are right. I should go were there are large populations of LGBT, since being a normal integrated woman is a dream."

:cry:

[Frances]

Try meeting people in person instead of online. I get instant rejection online, but I meet interested men in real life. It is much harder to reject someone once you have met them and like them already. Stealth can also work, I have seen proof of it.

[Zenith]

Try meeting people in person instead of online. I get instant rejection online, but I meet interested men in real life. It is much harder to reject someone once you have met them and like them already. Stealth can also work, I have seen proof of it.

:iagree: But easier said than done...

[gretchen2]

Well that pretty much sucks, sorry to hear that Zenith and deep stealth always looks good if you can do it.

[Barbara Dugan]

My response to a professor (biology no less!) very interested in me on OKCupid, who sent a "Dear Jane" with ignorant comments when he found out I was trans...he told me I should tell guys immediately...and he even suggested I move to SF...

"I was just going to leave it, but frankly I am disappointed that someone of your intelligence would make such comments. A classic Harry Benjamin transsexual is a woman, the male personality is a facade. Perhaps I should paint a red letter "T" on my forehead. I'm sorry but until intimacy is a possibility it is no one's business. Perhaps amputees should not be allowed lifelike limbs so everyone could be informed of their condition on sight. Yes, you are right. I should go were there are large populations of LGBT, since being a normal integrated woman is a dream."

:cry:
I am Sorry for that Julie , I am curious how he found out. I am there also and recently they send me an option to make my profile ''just visible to gay or bisexual members''

[Katesback]

Zenith why are you telling people your trans? I thought you had surgery by the way.

[Zenith]

Zenith why are you telling people your trans? I thought you had surgery by the way.

He was a professor at a University I used to attend and he was so interested he dug and dug. And YES KATE, for the last time...I had SRS (Vaginoplasty and Chondrolaryngeoplasty) with Marci in Trinidad 8 months ago... :straightface:

[StaceyJane]

..and he even suggested I move to SF...



Perhaps you should have suggested that he move to Saudi Arabia. I think he would be much happier there.

[Sharon]

Your response to that guy was spot on, Julie. He proved that no matter how many hours one may spend in classrooms, it doesn't mean you learn "class."

Meanwhile.... :bh:

[Katesback]

Guess it can go down as one of those experiences. Even Post op you face problems dating, come to think of it all women face problems dating men becuase they are pigs. LOL



He was a professor at a University I used to attend and he was so interested he dug and dug. And YES KATE, for the last time...I had SRS (Vaginoplasty and Chondrolaryngeoplasty) with Marci in Trinidad 8 months ago... :straightface:

[Miranda09]

Sorry to hear about your experience Julie, but just because he has a PhD, doesn't mean he has any intelligence! The online dating scene can be a real hassle to deal with. Occasionally you'll find someone sincere and honest, but for the most part, men can be ______ (you can fill in the blank)!!!!! And you're right, it's absolutely no one's business about your transition unless you become intimate with them. :)

[Stephenie S]

Guess it can go down as one of those experiences. Even Post op you face problems dating, come to think of it all women face problems dating men becuase they are pigs. LOL

And isn't that a shame. Why, oh why?

While there are plenty of good, loving, honest, hard working, family men out there, there doesn't seem to be one who wouldn't drop his pants in a New York Minute if he thought he could get away with it.

Yes, it's a shame.

S

[Kathryn Martin]

If I were to not be in a stable relationship, I would be screwed. I cannot ever go deep stealth in the community I live and work in.

[Zenith]

There is another twist, but I'm not sure I should post it... FML. :hd:

[Sharon]

I'm not sure I should post it... FML. :hd:

I would paraphrase the article and not post a link to it with all names to be seen. The ass doesn't deserve any consideration, but other parties do.:)

[Melody Moore]

Some of the most successful couples where a partner is transgendered I have seen, their partner is always fully supportive & loves them unconditionally because of who they are regardless of their birth sex. I have seen a number of couples who formed relationships while the trans-woman was still pre-op & the partner was there every single step of the way & fully supported any decision he made - now that is true love. So I don't think its necessary to deny or lie about who you are with any prospective partner or spouse. I know finding someone like this who truly loves isn't easy but I think if you are patient enough in life then such a person will eventually come along. But going out and trying to find it means that you have often have to kiss an awful lot of toads before you find that one that is a true prince.

Anyway, this Professor sounds like a real horse's arse.


There is another twist, but I'm not sure I should post it... FML. :hd:

So by all means feel free to tell me the rest of the story via pm. ;)

[robyn1114]

That's terrible Julie, I very sorry. Keep your head up sometimes you can find romance when your not even looking for it.

[giuseppina]

Sorry to hear about this, Zenith.

I might be inclined to send a complaint about the member to the moderators of the site involved for the protection of others in your situation.

There may have been others in your situation, and one more complaint may get this twit banned.

[SherriePall]

Julie -- I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. As far as I am concerned, you are too good for him! BTW, if you do go deep stealth a lot of us here will miss having you around.

[Zenith]

I would paraphrase the article and not post a link to it with all names to be seen. The ass doesn't deserve any consideration, but other parties do.:)

Paraphrasing...this professor had a well known sibling that transitioned MtF...I had no idea but he sent the link to an article with his last message...

So the guy interested and attracted to me was/is opposed to the idea of transition and was quoted in the article as advising his sibling not to...

Ironic no?

It seems he misses his brother very much and hasn't accepted...I don't know... maybe it's a teachable moment for him that a transwoman can be attractive and pass, and he should give his sister a call...

:idontknow:

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Zenith, I think your latest reply shows that you are a much better person than this guy because after the hateful way that he has treated you, you are still able to look for some good in him and to consider him with compassion.

[dilane]

Don't know if this helps, but I have a few friends who've had to deal with the stealth/disclosure issue.

One of my post-op friends is deep stealth, 5'6", small-boned, perfect voice, undetectable, etc, etc.
She disclosed after her BF proposed to her, and that ended it. I met her when that was happening.

So it ain't easy, even if you're one of the lucky ones who really pass well. She now discloses early on in a relationship.

I've corresponded with an early transitioner whose family kept the secret, and she married and adopted several children and the husband never knew. She is now a widow.

Another friend is more adventurous sexually, and doesn't disclose to men, but did to her new Girlfriend, who she met in a Lesbian club.

-- Diane

[Melody Moore]

Non-disclosure often has more serious ramifications than disclosure. There is a huge risk of losing someone's interest in
you by disclosing the fact you are a transsexual female. But there is an even greater risk which could result in abuse &
violence by not disclosing to someone that you are transsexual. Guys will feel cheated, deceived & lied to if they find
out later that you are transsexual and you never told them. There was a case here in Australia where a post-op girl was
in a relationship with a guy & the police revealed to him that she was transsexual, so he beat the living crap out of her.
See: 'Mate, your girlfriend was a bloke (http://www.news.com.au/national/mate-your-girl-used-to-be-a-bloke/story-e6frfkwi-1111115484527)'.

But this isn't the only case I have heard of, I have heard that some trans-girls have been murdered for withholding the
truth and that bring me to the point that if you cannot be honest early in the relationship & still be accepted then that
person isn't for you. You should be able to open up & be honest & have no fears of repercussions. I couldn't have any
sort of a relationship with someone I felt I was going to be walking on eggshells with. So I don't think that Deep Stealth
is a very good idea. You need to find someone who loves you unconditionally & accepts you as the woman you truly are.

[amielts]

There are ignorant people, but we shouldn't care about them, because there are supportive ones out there too.

[ReineD]

Julie ... :meditate:

This guy's not worth your while. His baggage is all his own and has nothing to do with you. You are beautiful and smart and you don't need to move to find love.

:hugs:

[PortiaHoney]

I have had similar issues. As much as we try to "justify" any sort of response, we just further complicate matters.

Being pre-op, I tried various approaches to on line dating.

Warned them in my profile - all they want me to do is do what "men" are expected to do in their nether regions or want to give "me" a certain oral activity on an organ which never see's daylight. Being visually female gives them an excuse to feel that the activity isn't one normally associated with homosexual activity.

I removed that information from my profile and presented totally as female. I would, however, tell them early in communications, only to be subject to either a complete non response, occassional sympathy but "no thanks" and being subjected to a large amount of abuse.

So, I reverted to just meeting men in person, Not very successful at that one though.

[Bethany38]

Well Julie just goes to show that even highly intelligent people can be completely ignorant, and not only that, but it is by their own chicer. I am really sorry that this has happened, but it is going to because the male of the species is not the brightest. Wait a second did I just insult myself? oh well:). I wish ya much better luck in the future.