Why didnt I ever get GID

[BreenaDion]

To all you TS who like to bash me well here is another chance at it. As some of you know I had an awakening caused from numerous beatens in my past. So all well an good but in the 50 yrs why didnt I ever had Gender Idenity Dysphoria ? I awoke 04/09 an whent in to high gear Transsexualism which drove me crazy . So all you geniuses here why didnt I get GID , why am I missing some thing.
Breena.

[Stephenie S]

I don't exactly know what you mean, hon.

Do you mean why didn't you ever have a diagnosis of GID? Do you need one? More info please.

An' I have no interest in bashing you at all.

S

[Katesback]

Only time I ever went to a therapist was two days before SRS. I told the guy I thought it was stupid I was paying him money to agree I was a girl. LOL

Needless to say I did not get GID diagnosed by a therapist when I was in transition. I knew what I was and did not need any help!!!!!!!

[gretchen2]

Are you sure your missing something? I don't think that you can just get GID, it's not like catching a cold.

[AnnaCalliope]

Are you saying that you never really felt out of place in your (male) body until April 2009?

[Sally24]

Not everyone feels like "a girl in a boy's body" from childhood on... I didn't try full dressing until after 50 and then things just snowballed from there. Will not transition but in another situation I could possibly.

[Cathy38c]

I'd sort like to have implants done, but at 61, I'm not sure if it would be a wise move.

[BreenaDion]

Ann marie you hit BINGO kinda. I whent straight into Transsexualism wasnt untile after I got over a bunch of internal trouble that I fealt my body was wrong. Lets say about a year after I started HRT. My Psychotherapist has been doing this for 30+ yrs an says I am Atypical. At least somebody believes me, Thanks ***** cuz she has saved my life and Dr ****.
Breena.

[Melissa Jill]

Not everyone feels like "a girl in a boy's body" from childhood on... I didn't try full dressing until after 50 and then things just snowballed from there. Will not transition but in another situation I could possibly.

I think this is partly the reason I don't dress much. Like Im scared to discover how deep this runs for me.

[BreenaDion]

I will atest to it, self discovery will set you FREE! It did me and I finally got peace within myself after 2 failed suicide attemps.
I really got to understand myself an why I did things all my life.
Better understanding about yourself you can look at some in the eyes an say with conviction what you are made of, how you got here an THIS IS ME! When you get all thats kicking you the punches will stop an peace is at hand..
Breena.

[JohnH]

Not everyone feels like "a girl in a boy's body" from childhood on... I didn't try full dressing until after 50 and then things just snowballed from there. Will not transition but in another situation I could possibly.

I notice that a lot of us start HRT in our late 50's or early 60's. We go through a midlife crisis with andropause.

The testosterone levels decline and masculinization is not so prominent. With simply the andropause and no HRT my skin has grown softer, there is more subcutaneous fat, and the breasts have gotten bigger. I need to determine what my testosterone level is - I suspect it is low. Maybe there has been an urge to be feminine earlier in life but the effects of the masculinization influence of testosterone has masked those feelings to a certain extent. So with the suspected decrease of testosterone the urge is no longer masked.

With that in mind it is likely I might have M2F HRT in the future. If the testosterone level is low I would take up estrogen in a heartbeat. However, if the testosterone level is normal I think I would simply take medication to suppress DHT. Under no circumstance would I take testosterone.

Johanna

[Sally24]

I think this is partly the reason I don't dress much. Like Im scared to discover how deep this runs for me.


It wasn't so much the frequency of dressing but going out into public and interacting with people as a woman. Once I started that it was impossible to go back. I go OUT at least 3-5 times a month and some months that is still not enough!

[Alicia Ryanne]

I notice that a lot of us start HRT in our late 50's or early 60's. We go through a midlife crisis with andropause.

The testosterone levels decline and masculinization is not so prominent. With simply the andropause and no HRT my skin has grown softer, there is more subcutaneous fat, and the breasts have gotten bigger. I need to determine what my testosterone level is - I suspect it is low. Maybe there has been an urge to be feminine earlier in life but the effects of the masculinization influence of testosterone has masked those feelings to a certain extent. So with the suspected decrease of testosterone the urge is no longer masked.

With that in mind it is likely I might have M2F HRT in the future. If the testosterone level is low I would take up estrogen in a heartbeat. However, if the testosterone level is normal I think I would simply take medication to suppress DHT. Under no circumstance would I take testosterone.

Johanna

I pretty much echo this I think. I didn't realize my transexual status until late 30's and conceivably due to lowering testosterone lvls that were no longer blocking the urge to be feminine. I grew up thinking I was a guy's guy. I wore leather jackets, wanted to be just like Jon Bon Jovi(long hair and all)....and pretty much felt good when girls swooned over me.
However, looking back....there were small cues to my internal real self that I mostly ignored as I was growing up since I had an overwhelming fear of being anything different then normal.
I think it happened to me very similar in respect to BreenaDion....I had an awakening basically in July of 2009. Before that, I thought of myself as a guy(with a few strange urges). But, once that light switch went off....it only took a few months of real intense self examining to understand that I am a girl. I debated with myself the first couple months after the awakening on whether I was merely a crossdresser(nothing wrong with that) or truly a woman at heart. The acceptance for myself came rather quickly and just seemed "right". Dressing may be a trigger for some, and probably me too, but even when not presenting female, I FEEL like a woman inside and it kinda torments me in a way that I long for breasts and other feminization of my body as quickly as possible. I know its a long process and understand that and will do what I can now to see my future self take form.

I was in the doctor's office a few months ago for irregular ED occurances. Meaning, I dont need to take viagra, but once and awile, that area down there doesnt work even with the wife well...you know.....
Anyway....the doctor thought maybe I might have low T and asked if Id want testosterone suppliments once a test was done. Before she could finish the question I said rather loudly, "absolutely not!" My wife looked at me a bit annoyed and said, "you shot that down rather quick". Like JohannaH, there is no way in hell I will take testosterone knowing who and what I am.

[Rianna Humble]

To all you TS who like to bash me well here is another chance at it. As some of you know I had an awakening caused from numerous beatens in my past. So all well an good but in the 50 yrs why didnt I ever had Gender Idenity Dysphoria ? I awoke 04/09 an whent in to high gear Transsexualism which drove me crazy . So all you geniuses here why didnt I get GID , why am I missing some thing.
Breena.

I'm not sure that I should be responding to this thread since I don't fit in either of the groups you addressed your question to - I am not a genius by any stretch of the imagination and I don't like to "bash" anyone - in fact the last time I tried that (43 years ago) I ended up in hospital with a split scalp.

Nonetheless, I will venture some thoughts. You do have Gender Dysphoria, you just call it by another name (high gear transsexualism).

I cannot prove this, but I believe that as you look back on your life you will see that some events make more sense in the light of your gender dysphoria. If I am right about that, you will begin to understand that it was always present but simply buried deeper than you had hitherto realised.

Whilst I am one of the common-or-garden variety TS who can point to specific things as far back as I can remember, I would never try to say that only those who fit into the same mould are TS. We are each individuals and our lives are not carbon copies of one another.

Your therapist may be right that you are atypical, but all that really means is that your story is different to that of other TS's not that you are in any way shape or form less TS yourself.

By th way, please don't think that you have "missed out" on something. If you were able to suppress the realisation of your gender for so long, then you have had an added bonus that us common-or-garden variety didn't get to experience.

[Melody Moore]

I will atest to it, self discovery will set you FREE! It did me and I finally got peace within myself after 2 failed suicide attemps.
I really got to understand myself an why I did things all my life.
I am sorry, but I don't buy it - I don't believe that you just woke up one day never having suffered gender
identity disorder before and thought "Im transsexual, I think I will transition". I am assuming you struggled
with it for years just like I did before I finally accepted it. Now you mention 2 suicide attempts & that had
you questioning yourself in relation to this. So it sounds to me like GID was certainly present the whole time.

So are you saying that you never once dressed as a girl, had trouble fitting in with other males, maintaining
a relationship as a male because your mind & psychology was more female than male? So in other words you
couldn't be the man they expected you to be, or didn't give your partners time & space because you didn't
really have too many male peers you felt you could connect with? Or maybe even engaged in hyper-masculine
activities trying to prove to yourself and the rest of the world you were a real man? While in the back of your
mind it felt everything you had become was only a mask & that everything you did was just one huge big lie?

Like many other girls, I never knew that I was a girl when I was young - for me it was more of a question
"Am I really a boy or am I a girl?" and this come about mainly through not fitting in with male peers. I never
actually understood that I suffered from Gender Identity Disorder for most of my life. The desire to transition
has been present since adolescence (about the age of 15) although I repressed it a lot since then because
of fear that I wouldn't be accepted, I would be ridiculed & put down & the dream seemed too unreachable.
So basically I put the whole idea about transitioning into the 'Too Hard Basket' & tried not to think about it.

It wasn't until about 3 years ago that I actually recognised I was suffering from the medical condition known
as 'Gender Identity Disorder' and accepted the fact that I am a transsexual female, even though I exhibited
quite a few of the typical signs of transsexualism from a very early age. The most obvious one was not fitting
in & feeling comfortable with my same sexed peers. I dressed up as a girl at about the age of 6 and for some
reason it made me feel very happy. I felt a deep sense of this is who I really was inside, but then came the
conflict - the feelings of shame, guilt & fear because I had 'boy bits' & believed that I couldn't be the person
I felt I truly was inside which was the only reason I repressed it, then engaged in lots of hyper-masculine type
activities as a teenager & young adult. Because I had been bullied a lot, the first thing I did as a teenager was
learn how to fight, so I studied a number of martial arts for quite a few years. But then I joined the Army to prove
that I was a real man's man. So I signed up intentionally wanting to join infantry and be a real combat soldier. I
got tattoos, worked out in the gym to become very muscular. As far as the rest of the world was concerned
there wasn't a 'blokey bloke' in this world than me. But still shame & guilt still existed because I knew that I was
keeping one huge big secret hidden from the world about who I really was. My whole life had become one great
big lie. I also recognised the fact that I had become everything that I despised - I become that strong physically,
emotionally & mentally that I become a bully & something of a cold-hearted son-of-a-bitch. Some of these skills
serve me well nowadays, especially my courage & lack of fear , however most things I could really do with out.

Just like you & Kate I never went to a doctor or pyschologist to help me determine that I was truly a transsexual.
I arrived at that same conclusion on my own after learning to understand Gender Identity Disorder & Transsexualism.

The first time I went to a doctor I went there with the full intention of getting on hormones. I presented as a female
because I had actually started living full-time about a month earlier and was very informed about the medications &
all the risks involved. The first doctor I seen wasn't one of the regular doctors at the Sexual Health clinic I go through.
She said to me for someone just coming out I was very feminine & passed very well as a female. She asked me if I was
already having electrolysis & on some form of hormone therapy, which I told her I wasn't & that I was a very naturally
androgynous person to start with. So she asked to come back & see another one of their regular doctors a week later
& this is when I was started on hormone therapy. I didn't need to see a psychologist to start hormones, but part of the
agreement with being treated by the clinic I go to is that you also see their psychologist as well which is all free anyway.

Up until recently I was required to go once a fortnight to see my psychologist, however they are that convinced now that
I am very stable in my new gender role, I only see my psychologist monthly, but I am hoping to get that cut that back to
only having to see her once every 2 or 3 months soon as well. I also recently started speech therapy & also need to have
my gall bladder out on the 6th of April. But I am worried that too many medical appointments will cause lots of interference
to my employment & I would be a burden to any employer for needing time off. So I am not working at present, but that is
why I am trying to reduce my appointments so I can settle back into a more normal way of life & start saving for my GRS.

The reason I mention all of this is to give you some idea of the issues I have had to work through, I have not needed anyone
else like a psychologist to help me work through any of this. But I will say that I wished I had one earlier on in my life because
I don't think I would have suffered anywhere near as much and for so long. It only took a lot of common sense, education and
awareness to finally come to terms with everything, formulate some type of a draft plan to work towards with my transitioning.

This is what a psychologist will usually do for those that struggle with these things or any other emotional issues that might be
standing in the way. The psychologist is also beneficial in helping get approval for GRS because they have been a witness for
how long & how you have been progressing through your transitioning and how settled you really are in your new gender role.

So I don't recommend trying to cut a psychologist out of your journey because their reports are needed. I also needed my
Gender Identity Certificate signed by my psychologist & doctor to effectively change my name & sex on my drivers licence &
other documentation and none of this would have been possible if I wasn't having counselling so they could make that type
of assessment. So I don't know how Kate got her GRS approval without having gone through a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

I think previously here in Australia they use to require a report from 2 or 3 psychiatrist before you were approved for GRS, but
this was changed to only one report from psychiatrist who could also be endorsed by a psychologist who has been constantly
involved for the required duration of 2 years. You also need to be living as a female 24/7 for at least one year from the date
you change your legal identity.

So these are some of the other issues you might have to also consider. I also hope you are not risking self-medication because
you might end up paying a huge price if you do - it is a very dangerous game of Russian Roulette you are playing if you do try to
self-medicate & a few girls I know found this out the hard way. Apart from a number of possible complications, you might not be
getting the best effects from hormone therapy if your Endocrine System isn't properly balanced. So all of this needs to be monitored
through blood tests with a good doctor that understands the balancing of hormones to maintain good health. So I just hope you
haven't taken matters into your own hands here because the risks with that imply isn't worth it - it can delay your transitioning
even more, so patience is vital here.

Maybe you understand all of this, then maybe you don't, maybe there is something you pick up & benefit from,
however either way I am hoping that others who read this thread might benefit in some way from my input here.

Anyway, I just want to wish you good luck and I hope things work out for you. :hugs:

[BreenaDion]

Like I said before, say 1 story to 100 different people an you get 100 idea's on what was writing. I dont give a F****** hoot what you dont believe or dont accept. I wasnt put on this earth to satify your way of thinking. My Psychotherapist is ok what happened to me an she is forth coming with the necessary papers to get procedures done. Ive said enough, just read what I have posted an there are plenty of answer for you.
Seams it never fails I get bashed at every turn.
Breena.

[Melody Moore]

Seams it never fails I get bashed at every turn.
WTF? I don't see one single comment that is bashing you. I just don't think you understand transsexualism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transsexualism) &
gender identity disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_identity_disorder) or even know yourself for that matter as well as you think you do and I am sure that
others here will now agree with me. Noone is doubting for one second that you are transsexual, but I personally
have doubts about you ability to recognise Gender Identity Disorder within yourself & this what this boils down to.
To put it in a nutshell & the bottom-line is that you cannot be transsexual without having Gender Identity Disorder!

[gretchen2]

The one thing that I do know for sure is that it is pointless to be angry about it. Acceptance was total piece of mind for me.

[Melody Moore]

Gretchen is right, acceptance is total peace of mind. But I am also aware that some girls really don't
like the 'disorder' tag which is part of having GID or being transsexual and I am wondering if this what
the real issue is here for Breena & why she seems to becoming so defensive & angry about this.

[JohnH]

Dressing may be a trigger for some, and probably me too, but even when not presenting female, I FEEL like a woman inside and it kinda torments me in a way that I long for breasts and other feminization of my body as quickly as possible.

I have to sort of laugh in my situation. Here I am, not on any hormone treatment, and yet I have breasts! My wife teases me all the time about my "chi-chi's" or "tits". One time in Sunday School there was a video of the journeys of the Apostle Paul. There was a statue of a Greek goddess and my wife puts her hand on one of my breasts and whispers in my ear, "That's you, John".


I was in the doctor's office a few months ago for irregular ED occurances. Meaning, I dont need to take viagra, but once and awile, that area down there doesnt work even with the wife well...you know.....
Anyway....the doctor thought maybe I might have low T and asked if Id want testosterone suppliments once a test was done. Before she could finish the question I said rather loudly, "absolutely not!" My wife looked at me a bit annoyed and said, "you shot that down rather quick". Like JohannaH, there is no way in hell I will take testosterone knowing who and what I am.

And then I read about some men with gynecomastia who elect to have breast reduction surgery. I really shudder at that thought!

Johanna

[BreenaDion]

Like I said all I do is get bashed and abused by the closed minded ignorant people who only see things as they live them. One some comes along that is totally different and way outside the norm, obviously the only thing on that persons mind is to bash an abuse to should I say Handicapt? WTF is wrong with these heinous people.

[Sharon]

This amateur psychoanalyzing and belittling is getting to be a bad habit in this section and I'm continually being forced to do the admin thing and this makes me upset. If a person posts that a responder to her (or him) is incorrect in their "diagnosis," then this should be accepted. Why the heck do some people feel a need to tell someone, who you only know online after all, that you know best? We're not all the same, dang it! And we don't all think alike! The word "acceptance" also applies to this forum, and most especially (I'm biased), in this section.

If respect for others continues to be ignored around here, this forum will be shy some members. Goddit?

Meanwhile, this thread is done and I hope people don't become scared to post a thread in fear of the few ignorant responses. Say your piece nicely and I don't give a fug if anyone bemoans this being too PC or not.