I think this is an improvement

[Pythos]

So, this evening I am invited out to hang out. So I just stayed in my black leggings, and put on some boots, my yin and yang shirt, and my trench coat. I spend the evening with the GG (we are still friends afterall) and have an ok time.

Well, I get back to my house and what do I get from the parental unit?

"I thought we made an agreement that you would not go out in your stretchy pants"

I of course made no such agreement, the only agreement I made when it came to my clothing was when I was out with my mother I would wear normal mundane stuff.

So when I said that I made no such agreement, she said "I don't want you going out and about wearing those things, you look crazy"

Crazy.

Interesting, so I guess she finally learned that insulting me by calling me "faggot" does no longer work. Now I am just plain crazy.

Do you see what I have to deal with? LOL.

I know, she would not pull this if I were a GG.

This was the offending outfit

It is not that great really, it lacks my usual belt, and my hair was a mess. But my silly choice in head wear (opposed to my driving cap, which mom hates me to wear, as well as a waist belt, she hates anything that is not "normal" male.)
Well, here is the offending outfit.

http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5150/5568466832_bc5f6dd48f.jpg

Not too goth (sorry for the frown, I was working with limited time to get the pics, and this was the best lit one.). The only things that come close to Gothy is the all black, and the combat boots.

[giuseppina]

Hello Pythos,

This does not sound like a positive living arrangement. :sad: Perhaps it is time to try something different.

[Babeba]

Nope, I have to say that if I was living at my parent's place and I went out dressed like that, my mom would probably have a snippy comment to say to me, too. As would many of the people I would pass by in the street, who aren't polite enough to judge a person to their face (or, if you look at it from the other angle, too polite to go up to a complete stranger and say what they think of the outfit?)

Although I have to agree with Giuseppina. If this is such a fundamental difference between you and your mother (and she just doesn't understand the things you do that you need to make you YOU) - then is it really worth the hardship of staying?

[Joanne f]

I bet there are more daughters who have had the " you aren't wearing that out are you " than there are sons who have had it said to them .

[Jeanna]

I think it is time for you to Move Out

[kimdl93]

I'm sorry bout the parent problems. Those old entrenched ideas and norms are pretty difficult to shake. I imagine that there are a number of good reasons for sharing a place with your mom, so maybe there's another way. Have you sat down with her for a talk. Maybe if she could talk it through it you she'd be less upset.

[Katesback]

Being a conservative person if my daughter looked like the person in your picture I would have issues as well and it would have nothing to do with transgender.

[Byron]

I think it is time for you to Move Out

I'm with Jeanna on this one, time to move out. ;)

[josee]

If you are the age you have on your profile I agree with the masses. It is time to move. If you are still a minor I would have a different answer.

[TGMarla]

Of course it wouldn't happen if you were a GG. They can wear whatever they like. Parents only climb all over them when they wear stuff that's too suggestive.

Yeah.....move out.

[Sara Jessica]

Regardless of whether or not you are a minor, you are always your mother's child. By living in her home, she can set rules for you as she wishes. If you don't like the rules, the option is simple, move out.

Now this doesn't take into account her lack of consideration for the motivations behind your presentation. Seems to me you've tried to explain things, perhaps she has zero interest in bending her take on things. Still, it's her home, simple as that.

[RenneB]

I moved out when I was 17 for completely different reasons but I've never looked back and when you're in my house you live by my rules, a friends house, I live by their rules. He ... She who pays the rent makes the rules is what I've found out over the years...

Remember, this too in time shall pass.

Renne....

[Loni]

time to find a low cost apt close to your job, a small single bed room maybe a studio is money is a problem.

.

[Leanne2]

Pythos,
I also agree with Kate. People don't normally dress like that (Goth) out here in the middle. Of course some do for fun but if they want to be employed then they leave the "look" at home and dress like most men and women. There is more to life than how we look and feel. Your mother might be concerned about how you will make your way in this world after you do move out. Do you have any career goals? What do you want to be doing in ten years. I know it's hard living with your mother now, but try thinking beyond that. What are you going to be when you grow up? And is that a realistic goal? Good luck, Leanne

[gretchen2]

I say take your mom to a Goth night club and show her that your not the only one with the Goth style, and if that doesn't work for her then at the very least it would be fun for you just to see the shock on her face. I personally think your style is pretty damn cool.

[Pythos]

Ok. I was not gothed out. I was simply wearing leggings in the manner I do in male mode. Not even androgynous mode.

It does not matter any way. She has implied she will have her friends tell her when they see me what I am wearing, and how I look. As far as moving out, sure, with what money? The job I have hardly covers the bills, and none are hiring.

No, the answer is plain as day. Get my hair cut, wear jeans, and join the mainstream. That's it, that's all.

I am sick to death of hiding, and do not want to be limited to wear what I like at home. So, I will no longer wear what I like.

This has been a long struggle, and I give up. Though I have been on here for less than 2 years, I have been wearing my stuff for nearly 2 decades.

But it ends now. I am too old, and my mother has got her gestapo.

At present moving out is not an option. I really wish it was.

to those thinking I went out all gothy, look at the pics of what I wore to work, that will give you an idea. If you think I should not wear that, ask yourself if you would think that way if I were GG.

[Julogden]

Being a conservative person if my daughter looked like the person in your picture I would have issues as well and it would have nothing to do with transgender.

Yeah, how dare Pythos not live life according to your values?

[docrobbysherry]

------------------------------
to those thinking I went out all gothy, look at the pics of what I wore to work, that will give you an idea. If you think I should not wear that, ask yourself if you would think that way if I were GG.

What pics???????????????????????????????

[Pythos]

Well there are three with pics of outfits I have worn in male/androg mode. In the pic and video section.
No matter, I added a link to a pic of the actual outfit that I wore, on the OP.
Oh, and please don't be so hard on Katesback, I see where she is coming from. Funny though, it seems to be an area similar to mine. What have I said about minorities ripping into one another?

[Tina B.]

As a young person, I was a Happy, it was about like being goth now days, it has always been so. I was shunned for long hair, beard, and sandals and beads. My family made fun of me, and thought I was crazy, wore a uniform at work but had to fight them for the right to wear the beard. Now half the old men in my town have long hair and beards, but gave up the beads. Hold on to as much of you as you can, make only the concessions that are absolutely necessary. Most of us have plenty of experience hiding who we are for years, no reason you can't do that with goth, until things change and you have other options. Life is about holding your head high, while the rest of the world tries to knock it off, don't let them win!
Tina B.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I of course made no such agreement, the only agreement I made when it came to my clothing was when I was out with my mother I would wear normal mundane stuff.

which was very nice and considerate of you to do that.


she said "I don't want you going out and about wearing those things, you look crazy"
I know, she would not pull this if I were a GG.

This was the offending outfit

http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5150/5568466832_bc5f6dd48f.jpg

Here I'm going to have to explain where I think your mother was coming from. That doesn't look like an "outfit" to me, it looks more like a homemade cosplay "superhero" costume a la Kick Ass. And if your mother thought it looked like a costume, and thinks that those who dress "costume-y" or "cosplay-y" are crazy, that's where she's coming from.


The only things that come close to Gothy is the all black, and the combat boots.

Gothy no, costume-y, yes.


Regardless of whether or not you are a minor, you are always your mother's child. By living in her home, she can set rules for you as she wishes. If you don't like the rules, the option is simple, move out.

Agreed, probably would be for the best.

Veronica

[Cynthia Anne]

Sorry! My attitude is not the best today! Some one needs to grow up! I'm just not sure which one! I say to live and let live! Be happy!

[GaleWarning]

No, the answer is plain as day. Get my hair cut, wear jeans, and join the mainstream. That's it, that's all.



One solution would be to practice underdressing and see how far you can push that, Pythos.

And now a question ... what is the worst that your mum could/would do if you were to carry on wearing clothing of your choice, and the gestapo did report you to her?

The answer might inform further comment on your situation.

[Persephone]

Well, first of all, you'd look normal around my house, although we'd probably tell you that the cape/coat pretty much does make you look like you're off to play Kick-Ass.

Over the years I've seen my kid in everything from zoot suits to gold lame boxer shorts. I would probably have nixed the later if he was planning on wearing them to school.

You're dressed pretty much like any of the 17-22 year olds that I know.

But your bio says you're 38? And you're complaining about the rules of living in your mother's home?

Got news for ya', Pythos. Maybe she's tired of you sponging off of her? Maybe she'd like her freedom and her life back without having a practically middle aged kid around?

Just a thought.

[BRANDYJ]

I can see where Kate is coming from too. I might have tried to say it in a softer or kinder way, but I get her point. If I had a son or daughter that lived at home regardless of age, they would be expected to follow my house rules. No, they would not be allowed to wear whatever they wanted while living in my house. Even if I had a son that happened to be a crossdresser, I'd not allow him to leave the house dressed going into the general public or shopping while dressed. Sure I kind of envy those that can and do get away with it. But the cold hard facts are even those that encounter a CD shopping and are kind to them and maybe even helpful as some SA's have been, they are laughing at them when they are gone. Most people will say nothing or act as if they are offended or shocked when around a CD or someone otherwise dressed in some way that is not the social norm, but behind their backs they are joking about them and calling them names. I know I want no part of it even if I don't hear the jokes, insults and laughs from those I might come in contact with. I have enough common sense to know that is exactly what is going on behind the backs of those dressed "differently". I can't and won't deal with it as some do. It has nothing to do with my rights or my desire to be me. It's just how I get along in this thing called society. In some ways I envy those that simply don't care who says what, who is offended or the fact that they became the brunt of many jokes behind their backs. That's simply not me. Call me closeted if you will. I only go out dressed to places known to be very accepting of the TG lifestyle. I don't force my desires to be me on anyone. I know I'll get jumped on by those that dress and go shopping enfem and out to restaurants etc. Sorry, I can't be a soldier for the cause of general acceptance for the future CDs. I'm glad it works for those that feel differently. And again, I even envy it to some degree.

I have a female roommate. She owns this house, so even though I pay rent, it's still her house and her rutles. Sure I'd like to dress around the house but I'm not about to expose this part of me to my roommate. I have no reason to expect her to accept it, like it or whatever her reaction might be. I might find myself homeless if I was so bold as to dress as I like around the house. With that said, if this was my house and I was the one that invited a GG in as a roommate, then it would be my rules and she would have known about my fem side before moving in. Unlike you Pythos, I am not tired of hiding, as you put it. But then again, I don't feel I'm hiding at all. I simply have the good sense to know what is and is not generally acceptable dress for a man in public. If not just good taste, then what is commonly acceptable in public.
Pythos, as much as I like you, even I would be embarrassed to be seen in public with you dressed that way. Like it or not, people judge us by the way we look and dress. It is what it is...right or wrong. The way you were dressed most likely would have the majority of people thinking you were either gay, weird, strange or whatever. Next they judge us by who we hang around with. Even if you don't mind people thinking of you whatever they might think, I do. So I'd be as embarrassed by simply being with you as I would if I went out in one of my dresses made up to the nines. Another reality, I do not pass.
Unlike some that don't care what others think... I do; Just as I'm sure the majority of people do.

So your mother may be afraid of what others will think of her and what people think of you. Frankly, she is quite normal and right in that regard. it just does not match your beliefs in that regard. Reality sometimes sucks I know.
It's simply the way it is, and I accept that. So no, I am not hiding. I simply share this side of me with those that accept it and have no issues with it...like in certain clubs.

[Krista M]

Thers always the army, cut of age is 42, they will give you a job and get you out of the house. 38 is to old for the Airforce, Marines or Navy.
Just throwing that out there, I know its prolly not for you , theres a guy in my platoon thats goth.
Goodluck Pythos.

[BRANDYJ]

Of course it wouldn't happen if you were a GG. They can wear whatever they like. Parents only climb all over them when they wear stuff that's too suggestive.

Yeah.....move out.

I would not be so sure Marla. If my daughter wanted to go out into the general public dressed goth or some other finger pointing garb, I'd be just as upset as if it was my boy. And if she lived under my roof, she would know the rules and abide by them or move out (if over 18)
Like it or not, there are generally accepted ways to dress in public if we want to be accepted as normal everyday people. A man in a dress or heels is not the accepted norm. So I simply accept that and can live with it.
Sadly the way our teens dress today is horrible in my opinion. Hats worn sideways. pants down around the knees, sloppy over sized tops, etc. I've seen homeless people that dress better.
So call me old fashioned, I'm not ready for weird ugly dressing from anyone. That includes myself if I was to go out dressed in my feminine finery. It simply is not generally accepted and I'm OK with that.

[Tamara Croft]

If you think I should not wear that, ask yourself if you would think that way if I were GG.

If you were a GG and went out dressed like that, I wouldn't be walking down the same street as you, that's for certain. If my girls went out dressed like that, they'd get a swift kick up the backside and told to get changed, no wonder your mum was mad, can you not see you're embarrasing her? is that really fair on your mum who's roof you live under because you can't afford to live elsewhere?

If you want to dress how you please, then get your own place, if you can't afford it, respect your mums wishes and dress accordingly instead of throwing a hissy fit and giving up, there's such a thing as a little give and take.

[JohnH]

We do have a really horrible economic situation in this country. So we have to rely on the generosity of others in these difficult times. I have had to cut my hair to make myself more employable as a man, and I am relying on support from my parents and my brother.

We need to be able to stand on our two feet and not have to rely on others for our living expenses. For that to happen we are going to have to work toward a sounder economy in this country in our small ways.

As a nation we have allowed manufacturing and other sources of employment to be offshored and so the United States is in decline. Those of us who are citizens of the United States have to take an interest in creating jobs here in this country by making it easier for businesses to be created and to hire people. These ideas must be conveyed to our elected officials so that the taxes and regulations can be streamlined to encourage our business climate.

There is a silver lining to the Japanese catastrophes much as I hate it that those people have had to suffer so much. The catastrophes point out the hazards of offshoring - we are starting to have problems with production of autos and electronic devices due to missing parts and chemicals from Japan. Maybe our business leaders will wake up and see that we need to produce more of what we need in the USA.

Labor costs are not the whole problem; Germany manages to export a third of their GDP and their labor costs are no cheaper than the United States.

As long as I am unemployed and have to rely on others I have to do their biddings. So let's work to end this economic disaster in the US.

Johanna/John

[5150 Girl]

I think the outfit looks more like somthing from the WWF, particularly Sting...... Just slect a difent shirt, and as crow makeup

[Miranda09]

Actually Pythos, I thought your outfit looked rather low key. You could go to downtown Chicago OR San Fransisco and no one would pay any attention. Let's face it. Most moms just don't want there sons to look like anything other than conservative, BORING, males!!!! Hopefully, soon, the job market will open up and you can get your own space where nobody can criticize you!!

[Marissa]

Pythos,

You are getting some very tough love from the tone of some of the responses..and maybe its time for that. I have read your ongoing issues, in other threads as well, with your mother (the queen of the castle, I might add). Maybe next time all 'agreements' should be in writing so it can be accurately referred to when needed.

The things that are always in common with your stories of this issue is first that your mother has stated her issues and limitation, secondly that you continue to push the envelope with her. So much that she has sought assistance from others to see if you are disregarding her wishes (rules, whatever).

Others are pointing out your age, your desire for overzealous expression, and disregard of respect to she who holds the key to the castle. Sounds like that means you are ready to leave the nest once again. Maybe not by choice but you sure are expressing that. And yes, parents will do what it takes to either make a child wakeup or have a go at the world as they wish. Its the hardest thing to do, but you can only put up with so much before 'respect' is not given so a choice has to be made.

During my last marriage, I had a 20yr old stepson who had little regard for things that did not belong to him, mainly my home that I provided to an 'adult'. He even chose to get in debt while he had a job and then quit the job because it interfered with his social life. And behind my back, I discovered my dear wife was paying the bills. So I had that talk with her about putting him out of the house and she gave every excuse in the book, including "what if your daughter was acting like this, would you put her out?"

Yes, I would after the countless times that I have tried to convince and express that a change needed to be made..brand me mean or whatever but you can only put up with so much.

So after all that, I had a chat with the adult stepson and said "I can't throw you out of the house, because if I do, your mother will leave with you"

Two years later, she went..and so did he.

I told this story today to my oldest daughter (25) since she did not know at the time, I had deep concerns of her desire to live the goth life..or rather where the 'dead' are amongst the living. No..not in my castle.

Fortunately, she changed her ways..and we get along just fine..most of the time :D. She lives with me for the same reasons as you live with your mother. We respect each other and come to agreements if issues arise, but I still hold the key.

I hope someday soon, you find the ability to afford a place of your own..since I really don't see you changing to the level she wants.

[Pythos]

To those that understand where I am comming from, thank you for your kind responses.

To those that just showed some true colors, let me explain.

It was NOT the Goth appearance for her. If I had gone out in black jeans, and the rest of that outfit, she would not have cared. It was the leggings!!!! She has likened my wearing of them to a ballet dancer, (a back handed "faggot" statement), out right called me "faggot", and now crazy. She does not like the fact I like them, she thinks it is weird, and never lets otherwise be known.

Now, onto being a sponge. I AM NOT A SPONGE. I do work around the house, and take care of other things. I would appreciate that notion to go away.

This was only about ONE item that I had on. The leggings. end of subject. She does not care if I look like a "super hero" For god's sake, where the heck did that come from....oh yea, that stupid film called kick ass.

I have been trying to make it with the job I have, have also been looking for another. NO ONE IS HIRING.

Tough love my...I will refrain.

Something you all did not know, but I might as well tell you. SHE TOLD ME HOW TO HAVE MY HAIR AND WHAT CLOTHES TO WEAR WHEN I WAS LIVING ON MY OWN. When I was supporting myself, and living my own life. Had this blasted economy not been the way it is, I would still be there, probably in a better position. So do not call me a sponge.

Ok, that is the kind of person we are dealing with. It was my apartment, and she would pop by to visit and tell me off for wearing what I liked, as well as constantly tell me to get my hair cut (and it was not even that long)

To the ones that say they would do this with their daughter, please tell me what is wrong with the outfit shown? Is it because it is all black? I had the trench on BECAUSE IT WAS RAINING!!!

As I have also stated, my clothing IS THE ONLY THING that comes between my mom and I. That's it. I respect and love my mom plenty, I just dislike her bigotry.

For those that restricted their sons or daughters doing something that was harmless, under your roof. SHAME ON YOU!!! Your kids were doing absolutely nothing wrong, no drugs, no crime, no fights, They just had a style you did not like.

You all say you want acceptance for what you do, and yet you hold on to limiting your kids in their self expression!!! My god what hypocrites.

With my mom, the issue plain and simple was....I was dressed effeminately. That's it, that's all.

I wore Khakis for work today, and my co-workers said I looked older. They did not like it. But you know what, I am going to stick to it.

Time to grow up, according to even some here.

[Marissa]

Okay..deep breath..and nicely said..even with your rebuttle of all that has been said, you still fail to see what the problem is. You are so correct that you have numerous times said that the leggings were the issue..and how the name calling is done. But she is still the queen of the house and you STILL are trying to convince her of your right to do you as you please, that is a nice way of saying that you wish to disregard her wishes.

Some of us would not agree with her words or other parts of these issues, but SOME of us will defend that she has ownership/morgage (etc) rights to set the rules..and you have the right to leave. I understand you have not been dealt a great hand during this economic downturn and until it gets better, you may want to abide by the rules. That is just simple advice. Do as you wish.

In reference to my daughter :) hypocrite or not, it was not something I wanted myself or other family members exposed to. Because I choose not to allow expression of 'death' or goth (I know its not the same but going from one to the other was the practice) in MY HOUSE, then that is how it will be..or she can leave for greener pastures. Its the same thing I say about rap music that degrades (or any music that degrades) or boys who wear their pants/shorts hanging halfway down their rears. Its just not something I want in my home.

Do I understand what you want out of life, yes..so its not your lifestyle or freedom of expression that is even the topic. Its the complying of one's wishes who is allowing you to stay there, even after having discussions to allow more have failed.

I'll leave this as an agree to disagree..

[Mahoro]

Nice shirt Pythos, love it!!

And on a more serious tone, I've raised three kids, two boys and one girl, and I see Nothing wrong with that outfit, would not have a problem with any of my kids wearing it. Of course I learned early on that clothes are an important outlet for discovering who we are, and as long as nothing was hanging out where it shouldn't, why should I interfere with their self expression, it only drives a wedge into an already complicated family dynamic. Once they passed about the age of 6 all my kids made their own decisions about wardrobe. The only time I ever said anything negative about their clothes was with my youngest son, who I did tell on occasion to pull up his freaking pants, but again it was only because things were hanging out where they should not have been, LOL, and I know darn well he pulled them back down past his hips the second he was out the door, so I never shamed him about wearing them, or told him he had to stop.

Obviously your mom does not share this same perception on parenting, but hey we are all different, and as others have pointed out, "her house her rules", so then I hope you can find a way to remove yourself from the present confines of your living arrangement, and be somewhere that allows you all the self expression you deserve and need.

Best Wishes Honey!

[Babeba]

One of my very dearest friends left his mother's home at the age of 14. He lived with his grandmother for a few months until he had it sorted out with the Province to become a Ward of the State. He had some living assistance from the Province - a social worker to check in on him, subsidized housing, but had to work to pay his own way and get by with very little money. He has never had a lot of extra cash, and sometimes he's had three roomates to squeak by. When we were 16 the only new thing he owned was a pair of shoes he saved up for months for, and bought with his grandmother's help. (They were very nice shoes and lasted really well - but still). At the end of it, once he was finished high school and into college, working fulltime as he did so - I don't think he ever grudged the scrimping he had to do. He was only very focused on what he wanted and how to get it; he bought his boyfriend (my bestest friend in the whole wide world outside of Crystal and my blood family-hell, closer than most of them even) his first cell phone so his boyfriend's parents wouldn't worry that they couldn't get a hold of him when the two of them were together.

My point is, unless you make absolutely NOTHING and don't even qualify then for benefits of some sort, then you probably can afford to move out. It may not be fancy, it STILL may not be on your own place, and you may not be able to afford a landline, a cell phone, internet and cable all at the same time (let alone car payments, insurance and gas money); but it's certainly possible. Thousands of young people each and every day live like this. As someone young at heart, I think you could adapt to that life.

Perhaps it's worth asking yourself, what's the best alternative? Staying where you are, perhaps looking for new training to advance your career or returning to college, accepting that the clothing you wear is not your choice, or striking out on your own to where you can dress as you like, not having the money to replenish that wardrobe and perhaps making sure that your mother can't just drop in unannounced (highrise apartments are great for this, and also cheap to rent if they're a little on the older side)? Either choice has drawbacks and advantages.

I'm sure you've said everything you can think of to your mother to argue that you're not gay and that it bothers you to even hear someone use the term 'faggot' in derision. If you haven't already done so, could you look her in the eye and say, 'Even if I am, I would hope you would love me anyway'?

[Lucypink]

I'm with Jeanna on this one, time to move out. ;)

I am with Gina and Byron... I think you are old enough to make your own choices and live your life as you like.
Or If you have other reasons to stay, then comply, use loose pants over the sexy thights and take them of on the car, and so on... there is no reason to fight if you can be smarter and try your best to have her happy and be as you want to be at the same time.
Then again... I would move out!

[ReineD]

I know, she would not pull this if I were a GG.

Don't be so sure about that! lol My mother was never shy about telling me what she thought. Ever. She was much nicer to my brother. :)


I hate to sound like Tommy Smothers, but there you go. I still loved her to bits anyway. :)

Have you considered putting a little distance between you and your mom and getting your own place, even if it might be financially tough at first?

[Katesback]

My post was two lines and it never said anything about what I expected Pythos to live as. Please read my words again.



Yeah, how dare Pythos not live life according to your values?

[docrobbysherry]

Thanks for adding the link, Pythos!

As a guy who has gone out dressed in a female suit and wearing a mask, I really SHOULDN'T say much about YOUR outfit! Except, I think u look MUCH PRETTIER en fem!

[Pythos]

I have given thought to that, unfortunately the funds are just not there at present.

I have realized the outfit was crazy looking, and superhero'ish, what exactly is wrong about looking like a super hero is beyond me, much better than a gansta thug :P

The Yin and Yang does look like a big "S", I never really thought of it that way,,, darn, that is one of my favorite shirts.

I am not going to stop. I am going to talk to her about this here agreement I made with her, and clarify it was only when I was going out with her. Not when going to see my friends, and basically living my life. The GGs reaction to seeing me in Khakis today made me realize, I cannot let this happen.

[shesadvl]

Pythos have you thought of humouring your mom a tad,... I guess shes in the generation of not understanding the goth punk thing,

I see you have posted over the top of me lol... and I have read that you have re looked at things... thats kool....

I have a daughter that when she lived at home she dressed goth or punk, when she went with her friends,.... if they were going out.... (shes an allrounder my girl),can wear anything,.... I used to even help her dress,whether it be goth/punk/up to the nines/whatever.....
she had the gear just wanted some fine tunning... and we would play with makeup.,

I guess I being a mother that does that (we did stage shows together that would answer the questions) lol....but not all moms would agree with my outlook....

but in saying that,... till you are able to get a place of your own,.... would it not be better to apease her so when you go out , dress as she would expect you to,... nothing stopping you changing in the loo's, or where you are going to,... dress how you wish to, (or is that wear what you want underneath, take off those clothes, when out and be dressed as you wish to be.....)

Kids do it today doesnt matter if you are 15 or 40.... they all do it... laffing.... im amazed,... but I have even seen adults do this.... go out in one outfit and change.....you be surprised how many do it... ( makes me wonder sometimes if some of them are having affairs, laffing ;) )

its to keep a happy medium... under your present circumstances I would say,
but if you can sit down and talk to her then communication is great....
do it to keep her and you happy lol.....;) n do something nice for her might sweeten the change....:battingeyelashes:

im not saying that you dont already....but hey....wouldnt that be so much easier....:battingeyelashes:

[Pythos]

Heh, I do do that whole, covering up what I am to wear for the day when I wear my stuff for work (which like my style), I just didn't think it was right to have told to me how I can dress to hang out with my friends...female ones at that. LOL.

But I may start doing that anyway.

What concerns me are her friends. She has many tennis friends that are real nosy and busy bodies to say the least. They always told my mom I sounded horrible on the phone, and have raised great sons I was always compared to...until most ended up strung out on drugs, or in prison. Yea, that happened. LOL Not all though, many turned out to be decent guys, and still are...they were the ones that were worse than I in school. Irony.

We shall see what we shall see.

[Sue101]

I thought your outfit was very low key to the point that nobody would even notice that you were wearing leggings. It is disturbing that your mother is still calling you faggot after twenty years of your dressing. Does she still think abusing you will cure you? Clearly she will never accept who you are and is more concerned about being embarressed over your clothes than loving you. Sorry but some parents suck at being a parent. The only solution is to move out and maybe share some digs with someone else. It will allow you to be you without criticism which most hurt when it comes from your own mom.

[Paula Siemen]

Holy Batman!! You do look like the caped crusader. But wear what you like, let no one put you down.

[Marissa]

Heh, I do do that whole, covering up what I am to wear for the day when I wear my stuff for work (which like my style), I just didn't think it was right to have told to me how I can dress to hang out with my friends...female ones at that. LOL.

But I may start doing that anyway.

What concerns me are her friends. She has many tennis friends that are real nosy and busy bodies to say the least. They always told my mom I sounded horrible on the phone, and have raised great sons I was always compared to...until most ended up strung out on drugs, or in prison. Yea, that happened. LOL Not all though, many turned out to be decent guys, and still are...they were the ones that were worse than I in school. Irony.

We shall see what we shall see.

Pythos, I want to set the record straight which with the above reference hopefully can be done to.

I don't make it a habit of talking ill of parents, but being that life is life, not all are great. I mean even in your rebuttle, wow, I was drawn as a tyrant and in someways any homeowner, especially with children will be perceived as that. Still everyone has their opinion.

Its not that I would not allow freedom of expression, but due to my upbringing, military life, and values..there are limits. I could not condone someone wearing makeup or clothes to imulate a zombie and use that aura in all interactions within the home. Now that was and is my views and thoughts which I will defend to this day, but no one has to agree with me.. the door does swing open. Okay, enough of that :)

Your mother (which I respect all mothers until a line is crossed) has gone beyond the boundaries of normalcy..and can even be viewed a a control freak or stalker with the aide of her friends. Is this fair to you? NO!!! Everything you have said, done, worn or choose to do is your right..including right to freedom of expression. So if you had your own place, etc, you would be so happy...but might come with a price of your mother not wanting to visit or interact with you. That is her choice, even though if you respect her enough to dress 'normal' around her, you would be doing your part.

You have had talks with her and she does not seem to budge..hard headed or set in her ways????? Yes, we all have some parts of us that are like that..and rarely will someone be able to change it, especially as we get older and if we are in control of the situation.

All I'm SUGGESTING, as others have done, is to comply with her wishes until you find other living arrangements SOON.

Instead of being defiant, keep the respectful talks going and maybe you can get a find a crack to get through to her.

Again, I don't like speaking ill of anyone's parents.

[Pythos]

Another factor of this whole incident is what it did to my mind set.

Recall how I have stated that the only reason I would choose to transition is if some law were past forbidding men from wearing anything but trousers?

Well, I came within a few minutes of telling my mom I am a transgendered. If I told her that I am not sure what would have happened. Perhaps she would be accepting, or on the other hand, she could have just told me to leave the house. What urks me about that thought line is that I thought it would make things easier, which now I am not sure of. The thought process was, if I told her this then I would be able to wear that which I like, but would have to do it in a very feminine manner.

This is why I have the views I do on GRS. I think most cases are brought on by situations similar to my own.

[kimdl93]

I fully appreciate the frustration you feel in dealing with your mom's attitudes, and the challenges of being true to yourself given her objections. I differ from some who say - its her house her rules - to this extent: Whatever life circumstances may be, you're an adult and entitled to make decisions for yourself. That decision may be taking the path of least resistance with your mom, it could be moving out, or it could be trying to work out the conflict with her. I know people can be rigid and difficult in their thinking - perhaps there a way to break through that resistance over time.

[Pythos]

My niece informed me that my mom is talking about a two weeks notice. just so you all know.

Realize now. This is not because I am a drug addict, or because I am in a gang, or because I am a thiefe. Nope, this is over clothing. What I chose to wear to go see my GG.

This is sick. If it is true, it is sick.

But I am cool about it. I will sell nearly everything I have, and pack up the rest.

[Marissa]

Know with all the differences in thoughts, including mine, this still is not what anyone wants to hear. Wish you well on what the next two weeks will be if this comes about. Somehow I think with your determination to be you, you would feel the bumps of what to do next and survive to be you.

Still not condoning what your mother does or says, but.... (we'll leave it at that ;)).

[SarahMarie42]

Try some slightly more conventional feminine garb and see how she responds to that. Not like extremely conventional, but something slightly gothic or costumey that is a bit more common. I'm not necessarily advocating your mother's position AT ALL and I think you should be able to wear whatever you desire, but I'd say that a slight compromise that allows you to continue dressing as a woman would be better than not dressing as a woman at all.

Something like Karen O (of Yeah Yeah Yeahs) during the Fever to Tell era?

Of course, I have a mom who is willing to take me dress shopping, so it's difficult to relate. If only all moms could be like mine, eh? It breaks my heart to hear that some of you have such unsupportive families.

[Pythos]

KK. Update: crisis averted

I got my hair butchered, and now my long scrawny neck is visible for all to see.

I got home, and we talked. One of the first things she said is I did not need to get it cut so short...she just wanted it styled. LOL.

She then explained she had been under a lot of stress, at work, and her blood pressure has skyrocketed.

So, we talked, and talked, and talked, and she implored I was not the source of the blood pressure, she was just worried about me. The clothing was not really an issue, it was the unkept look that was (I have admitted that outfit was sloppy and not well put together...I wish I could show her my "girly" stuff. LOL. Aside from that old wig, I pull myself together good.

I have said I want to do more around the house (I do a lot, but want to be left the dishwasher to unload and stuff like that).

But...now I am fine, and she also said she likes me here. So I will still have a home.

I just need to get used to short hair for a bit, and then when it gets long again keep control of it. It got far out of control and admittedly look like utter junk, unless I hit it with spray, or gel.

In the letter I wrote her this morning I did say that I never agreed, limiting what I wear for outings with my friends, or going out and about. Just that I would wear proper "male" clothes when out with her.

We shall see , what we shall see.

[SarahMarie42]

There are some sites that sell quality low-cost wigs, that's how I got mine.

[Marissa]

So luckily for you the rollar coaster rides has stopped..lets hope it stays that way..or at least the next ride is on the kiddie version :) Unkept hair??? well I have been rebelling (yes I can do that in my own castle) by not cutting my hair since I retired last July..its looking ragged that I'm thinking of doing just what you..oh..wait..no, I'm gonna get it trim and stlyed :)

I'm glad she opened up to you about what was troubling her.

[2SpeedTranny]

Regardless of whether or not you are a minor, you are always your mother's child. By living in her home, she can set rules for you as she wishes. If you don't like the rules, the option is simple, move out.



Nuh-uh. I would agree with that insofar as really bad behavior might be concerned -- shiftlessness, drugs -- but not this. I don't care what the arrangement is, a nearly 40 year old man does not take this from his mother. Mom, here, is a psychotic control freak. All the pop psychologists say so, from Dr Phil to Dr Laura. When mother's child is an adult, mother needs to treat child like an adult... which includes dressing himself.

In this economy, I don't fault any adult for living with parents. In every culture BUT ours it's common for multiple generations to share housing, and sometimes we just gotta do what we gotta do. And if you're single, why on earth waste the money on rent just so you can say you live alone? Save it to better your future.

It's one thing to have some household rules. It's one thing to tell your 12 year old how to dress. But not at 38. That's just nuts, and I can't believe even one of you would suggest that's normal or acceptable behavior.

[shesadvl]

Pythos I am glad you two have talked,.. and all is sorted you still have a roof over your head, also you know why your mom has been behaving the way
she has, shes obviously not well and heartening to say that you want to help her more.... good on you for keeping to the agreement you have with her how you
dress when you are with her, as I said that will apease her some.

Hey 2speedTranny, if one of my daughters were living under my roof, and had something on that didnt quite look right I would say wow....thats not like your
normal attire wazzup with that,...lol have done this but admittedly not told them how to dress,...

as I said to pythos earlier in my post that perhaps his mother doesnt fully understand or comprehend the gothic dress or look....even if he CD's and she obviously doesnt know that.

Nearly tho pythos.... I wonder if you had a general conversation about things in the world and kinda bring up the transgender chat.... I do this with talk on clothing....
as is discussed in here....to msee where someones mind or feelings are on this very subject,.... I usually start with..... how do you view a woman wearing trousers so to speak etc.... or a guy wearing a feminine piece of clothing say a shirt/blouse.... as some clothes are unisex....

would that help you to understand where her mind set maybe ... :battingeyelashes: just a thought.... be interesting to see betchya lol...;)

[Pythos]

shesadvl,
I have tried that tact with her. To find out how she reacted all you need to do is look at the "we are not crossdressers____and are sick and tired of being said we are " thread. She like several in that thread will not even fathom the idea that women being permitted to wear pants, and men not being allowed to wear skirts is revers sexism. She says it is "different"

She is also like a unaccepting wife or girlfriend, in so, she has no problems with homsexuality, or transgenderism...unless it is her son. She converses and speaks very well with the lady from the airport that used to be my brother's mustang's mechanic. She regularly invites the freind of my brother's wife over too. That person is very lesbian, and quite "butch", but a very very nice person. Probably as nice as I would be if I were not told to not wear what I like.

Oh, and let me clarify. It is only when going out and doing stuff with her I cannot wear what I like. When I am at home, it is the other story. Which really confirms she is concerned for how people will think of her for allowing her son to dress in the manner I do. Baggy sloppy pants, that's ok, leggings and tunic, not OK.

[kimdl93]

Well, it seems that on the positive side - she loves you and wants you to continue living with her, right? And that may not be your ideal situation, but you're happy to have a home. And, it seems she's ok with your choice of attire when you're on your own and out with friends. So maybe that's as good as it gets.

[shesadvl]

thats kool pythos,.... as Kim says Your mom obviously loves you, but worrys how people see her as to the way you dress,
Shame she just cant tell those, .. as you say are nosey friends of hers,.... she doesnt care what you wear,(unless you are with her)... thats you not her....lol ...but perhaps she doesnt want to offend anyone.
SO in all she does care very deeply about her son's choices as all moms do I guess. I am sure the two of you will find a happy medium.,...;) so good luck with that, I know
some of us moms can be frustrating laffing...as kids are to us....:battingeyelashes: