What are you so afraid of???

[Briana90802]

So I had to give a speech the other day(in drab) the the board of trustees at my school and I was thinking that people are really scared to public speak. I must admit that it gets my heart going every time, but if public speaking doesnt scare me that what does scare me about cding?
Well for me it's definitely being picked on. I was a bully target in high school, being that I was a short Asian in Hicktown. I can see why there's safety in numbers when it comes to cding.

So besides fear of being found out by your SO and family, what is you biggest fear about crossdressing?

[linda allen]

........ So besides fear of being found out by your SO and family, what is you biggest fear about crossdressing?

Being left out of social groups. Having to explain to what friends I might have left.

I see a line. You stay on this side of the line by staying in the closet. Come out and you're on the other side of the line. You can't go back and forth and you can't live on the line.

[Cynthia Anne]

I be a country girl! We ain't scare of nothi'n! If you don't like the way I'm liven, you just leave this long haired country girl alone! Hugs!

[Nicole L.]

What my two yr. old grandaughter will think about her pa-pa.

[KrystalA]

An interesting fact regarding public speaking...According to a survey the number one fear people have is public speaking. The number two fear is death. Can you believe that? People are more afraid of speaking in public than of dying.

[PortiaHoney]

I was asked to contribute to a series of talks around the time of my transition to full time. I don't do public speaking very often but the subject was security in our business, which I did have a lot of involvement with.

The first 3 talks were the old me. The fourth talk was 2 weeks after I transitioned - and not everyone knew about what I was doing.

Fear of public speaking magnified to the MAX. It didn't help that a video was shown just before I got up to speak of someone who robbed one of our stores who wore a really bad pink wig and blue dress while waving 2 handguns around. A vocal member of the audience yelled out that the person committing the crime was "just another drug f****d tranny". So I got up, did my bit and answered questions from the audience.

The co-ordinator of the talks actually commented that she thought I was far more confident after going full time. I guess it was more about not letting the fear control me any more.

Going out dressed was much easier than that evening. Confidence counts for everything.

[Marissa]

An interesting fact regarding public speaking...According to a survey the number one fear people have is public speaking. The number two fear is death. Can you believe that? People are more afraid of speaking in public than of dying.

Surveys are easy.. you just give an answer and all is good..so yes, its not surprising that public speaking is number one. Especially if you have never done it or get nervous and you have seen someone's public speaking go off course, it can make you even more nervous.

Death? Well, even though it may cross our minds..its easy to dismiss the idea that you will know when it happens so why dwell on it. So yes, it would be easy to an extent for one to say "I'm not afraid of dying"

But if you were told "you have 30 days to live or give a speech, but you have two weeks to answer"..that two weeks will definately be some soul searching and frighten thoughts of death.

Ten years ago, I was told that open heart surgery was going to be performend on me in two weeks to close a 'half dollar' hole between the walls of my heart (a birth defect). I jokingly replied that lets do it on this date as my birthday would be two days earlier and I wanted to at least have that :D

In the next two weeks, I could feel it all building up..especially that part that you wonder what last words you want others to know.. so yes, it was a feeling that I could do without.

Now to respond to the OP: Even though you don't always realize it until you step in front of the audience..you are in control. Once your mouth opens up, the audience is yours until you are done or its opened up for questions. Yes, some speakers have had an unruly audience, but in most cases, you speak and say 'Thank you' before you walk off. The preparation is nerve racking but sometimes you do realize that you are in control and most would practice the speech.

Cding or rather 'coming out' does not always offer that. So fear can be overwhelming You are not in control with exception of those who have put control in their own hands. Meaning that they have accepted all that would come from it and are willing to pay the price, i.e. "I don't care who knows".

So until those fears are overcome or controls are in place, it can be scary..even more so then public speaking. I have yet to overcome mine..and may never.

I still get the jitters before public speaking but I know it can be done.

[RenneB]

Oh let me count the ways. If I'm "outed", I lose my public position in the community and the source of income that keeps me in this big house and Renne's clothes.... It's not really a fear, just I don't want to lose this life.

If I win a lottery.... you'll see me in the newspaper...

Renne.....

[Byron]

My family already know's I'm strange and they are fine with that, but knowing about this part of me would probably make there heads explode.

As for friends, they too know I'm strange, a few actually know about the CDing to a point. I would just be afraid that the chemistry would be changed and not in a good way if they knew the full extent. Some would be like 'hey whatever floats your boat' others not so much.

[kimdl93]

I still hate public speaking after years of doing it. Its like stage fright - lots of actors still have it even when they've grown old on stage. From the CD perspective, I probably fear ridicule by strangers and rejection by friends. The latter is a residual of early self doubts and probably needless. I was outed by an ex some years ago to mutual acquaintances and family. It turns out I didn't lose a single friend and wasn't ostracized by family.

[Anne2345]

My biggest fear about CDing is being discovered. It is interesting that you use public speaking as an example, because for me and my family, the two are interrelated to a certain degree, given what we do.

I think all here will agree that society as a whole is not ready for us, does not understand us, and has unfortunate misconceptions about us. It is these misconceptions, and society's propensity to reject entire segments of the population that it does not understand, that I am most fearful of. Public speaking is no problem, it is a part of what I do. If discovered, it will be a problem - I won't have the opportunity to do it anymore.

Although speaking is just one part of my job, I would lose credibilty within my profession as a whole. In a perfect world, this would not be the case. I would love nothing more than to publicly embrace who and what I am. Unfortunately, reality does not permit openness in my community and profession, as unfair as that may be. The fact remains, however, that I must earn a living, pay the bills, and take care of my family.

If my close friends found out, although they would undoubtedly enjoy a few good-natured jokes at my expense for years to come, at the end of the day, they are my good friends. They may not understand it, but I do not see them rejecting me, either. Be that as it may, given the risk associated with discovery, CDing for me will remain in the closet, with the exception of my wonderful wife and this fantastic forum. It's not a perfect situation, but between the two, it is one which I accept, and am thankful for!

[Byron]

In a perfect world, this would not be the case.

That right there is what it unfortunately boils down to. It's not a perfect world.

[marissa_sissy]

I am really masc. in my personal life, and retired from a 12 year run as a professional rodeo cowboy, and amateur boxer. I also am a tradesman, and spent long cold days working in Northern Alberta building houses in the cold, with crews of up to 30 guys. At the moment, I am in a high profile position in a large business.

I have never told anyone that I dress except my ex wife, who freaked, and I am now divorced from, as well as my current wife, who is awesome. I guess I just worry about someone I know seeing me, and not understanding that this is what I like to do, regardless of my demeanor in real life. I am into women, particularly dominant, and masculine ones. (like my wife) But there is still a huge societal stigma attached to it, and while I think it is nonsense, I still am aware of it, and follow it. I have not been in public before, but do think about it.

[suchacutie]

My biggest fear is that my wife somehow would stop being supportive. I believe that fear is completely without basis, so I'll move to the next level which is a revelation that changes my lifestyle, especially that which might affect the situation of my first fear.

This really is not a unique fear. It's likely we all fear the potential for a massive lifestyle change from whatever source.

tina

[Tina B.]

My fear is having my grown kids turn their back on me, and deny me the right to see my grandkids. My kids are from a first marriage, and where raised in a very Conservative household. I could handle anyone else knowing, although I'm not sure how my wife would handle it, and I would never want to hurt her, she has been the light of my life for 40 years, and known about my dressing for 35, I keep it home, and she accepts it completely, I owe it to her, not to embarrass her among her friends, and we live in a small town.
Tina B.

[kayegirl]

Like Tina B. my fear would be that the kids, both now married and living away, would turn their backs on me, and deny me contact with my grandson.
As for the public speaking, in a former job, public speaking was a weekly event. If ever I was feeling a little nervous, I used a tip given to me by a college lecturer,,,, Just look at your audience, and imagine them all sat there naked. Worked for me every time.

[Matt2Lynn]

My employer finding out. That would be the worst. I could live with anything else.

[veronica79]

I have to agree w/Matt2Lynn...my biggest fear would be work/co-workers finding out. Comments are always flying around between the guys when something isn't too their liking...comments like "that's so g*y" or other...and of course my CD enjoyment would fall right in there. While I'm sure everyone would be ok w/it, I know that behind my back the comments would be flying and I'm just not secure enough w/myself to be able to handle knowing that people are talking and making fun of me when I'm not around. I couldnt handle it and I know it...and I absolutely fear the day anyone I know finds out. For me, it is a comfortable thing, but it's also a sexual thing, and I just dont want it out there because everything would change.

[Eryn]

#1 would have to be hurting my relationship with my wife. She's the center of my life.

Still important, but definitely second would be losing my job. That would impair my responsibility to properly support my family.

[PatyR]

What about giving a speech while in femme?!:D

My wife understands and I'm sure my kids and family would understand, but they do have to deal with friends, neighbors, co-workers and a lot of people and some might be full of prejudices or wrong ideas.

These people wouldn't understand that my actions, beliefs and, particularly, preferences have nothing to do with my family and they could end up being rejected. So, basically, my main fear would be that my actions could affect the people I love the most.:o

[Barbara Dugan]

I am afraid of myself..

[Kate Simmons]

It was never fear per se, just concern over how it would affect others. I was always fine with it myself.:)

[DanyaKay]

It wouldn't be a good thing to have my laptop stolen. It'd be worse to have my crew know. We are tight group who specialize in handling potential disasters, so leadership and trust is a must.

[KirbyTnT]

I'm on the verge of starting my career. And in the movie business its 10% talent that gets you anywhere.. and for 90% it's your rep and connections.
Soo if my reputation will be that of a crossdresser, I might not get the career I want. Forcing me to do another study, and ending up as some
clerk or mindless office geek.

So I think I have a good reason to keep my CD-ing to myself :P

[joannemarie barker]

i worry about how upset my family would be.I also worry I'll be alone forever.I couldn't be with a girl without telling them and I'm too much of a wuss to do that.I also like men but only straight ones,stupid huh :/

[Rogina B]

The TG world has made some progress in recent times in way of public awareness.It is good when it is discussed properly by Oprah and Tyra,etc.But there are still the Jerry Springers out there as well. Still,most people don't understand us for what we do,so it is the collateral damage that we fear the most.Torches and pitchforks aren't apt to happen,but loss of jobs,respect,and some "friends" are a reality. We deserve to be happy,not live as others want us to.

[christinac]

Like I've said in other threads, my clientele are not and very openly not accepting or tolerant of the gay, bi, transgendered, or crossdressers. I've lost a lot of customers here lately because of the economy and if I was to be outed I'd more than likely loose the rest.

[Sarah Doepner]

The retirement system doesn't care if I wear pants or a dress when then deposit the check, so that's not a problem. My closest friends would probably laugh at me and remain my friends, just with one more thing to tease me over when we get together. I have fears about how my family would react. I don't know if they are realistic fears. My wife knows and accepts me and the conversations I have and hear my adult children have all tell me they wouldn't be judgmental, but maybe it's a fear that I'll somehow become less of what they have come to depend on in their life. I'll have to explore this a little more, thanks for asking.

[Frédérique]

So I had to give a speech the other day(in drab) the the board of trustees at my school and I was thinking that people are really scared to public speak. I must admit that it gets my heart going every time, but if public speaking doesnt scare me that what does scare me about cding?
Well for me it's definitely being picked on. I was a bully target in high school, being that I was a short Asian in Hicktown. I can see why there's safety in numbers when it comes to cding.
So besides fear of being found out by your SO and family, what is you biggest fear about crossdressing?

Public speaking scares me, but I can do it and have done it, when the situation arises. I was also a target for bullies at school, and it had a lot to do with my difficulties in the area of speech, causing me to become isolated and marginalized – I still suffer from the consequences, or, oddly enough, benefit from them, since my impedimentary nature led to the dual worlds of art and crossdressing...
:)

My biggest fear about crossdressing is being among authority figures who would not, or cannot, understand why a male would wish to do as I do – I mean, I don’t want to hear their take on things, or be forced to tap into my largely suppressed masculinity for the response they’re trying to drag out of me (pardon the pun). I know that MtF crossdressing is not understood by the majority of the populace, to put it mildly, so I prefer to avoid any confrontation, meaning a clash between those who have FEELINGS and those who don’t...
:straightface:

[VioletJourney]

My biggest fear actually isn't about being found out (although I AM scared to death of that), it's that I'll start to use crossdressing as way to escape my problems rather than to express myself. I'm worried that if I develop this alternate person I can become, then when I have problems in my male life then I'll just avoid them by escaping into my female personality rather than facing them head-on.

[Briana90802]

My biggest fear actually isn't about being found out (although I AM scared to death of that), it's that I'll start to use crossdressing as way to escape my problems rather than to express myself. I'm worried that if I develop this alternate person I can become, then when I have problems in my male life then I'll just avoid them by escaping into my female personality rather than facing them head-on.

Wow, I must say this is amazingly insightful. I wonder if for some of us this is the reason we dress? To escape the male problems of society. Certainly it is nice to dress and express the fem side of myself, but are we just avoiding the male stressors in our lives?

I must go ponder this for a while.