BreenaDion
03-30-2011, 08:34 AM
Awakening 04/09 to those who I identify with.
After what happened to me I spent months going crazy and then while surfing I came across this book. So You Want to be a T-Girl A Realistic Guide to a Transitional Journey. Writen by a T Girl this book settled me down an put me in a good place. Finally some one gets it. I found myself in pages 9-12.
My story is about abuse that I had to endore for yrs as a child. As my henious mother kept beating me to conform. As they say A child cant hide Transsexuality from birth but mom sure did beat it out of me. 50 yrs I spent not one moment thinking I was female but I was a Trangendered male. I started cross dressing at age 11 untile I got caught naked under my sisters bed one night. LOL but I lied an whent on for yrs without CDing. Untile I met my first wife, so much misery lets not go there.
For those decades, Yes I wished I was born a complete female, wanted to be one at a time or so, but never had a crises over it.
I didnt have Gender Idenity issues per say , just never knew I was a TS, always a CD an Disgusted with myself for being one. I get the erge and take care of that business an rip it all off an then im me again.
I hated myself for being this way , so much in the closet.
I met my wife in a dating service, 9 dates in 10 days and then I proposed to her an week later I told her about my CD self. I told the truth as I knew it, married 23 yrs and its ok still.
Here is me... My abusive Parents had to die, mom and step father and then lost my ability to work an so all the humiliation was gone . Mom died 02/08 and that following winter I got super depresssed, so much so I had to come off anti depression meds that my PCP was given me. I had to get chemically free and see where I was , then see a Psychologist , maybe its mental or a Psychiatrist cuz maybe its chemical why I am so depressed.
As my Gender specialist who is a Psychotherapist for last 30 yrs doing Trans people says and my Psychologist also says it was my brain telling me and given me clues on who I really am. For last 15 yrs I was getting clues an didnt compute or understand what was going on. I didnt have the knowledge to read these clues.
January 09 I was super depressed I wanted to die and got off the drugs, I steped down 50 mg every 3 weeks and my PCP was ok with what I was doing.
Then I was chemically free an see where I go next. My wife was the driving force behind me taken anti depression meds , she was a CNA for 30 yrs, now disalbled like me.
As the days whent on these random thoughts an the Pictures in my mind started to appear.
It was dark and I was in the back of a black pickup truck, a 4x4 and it was going backwards, but in these images backwards was going forward with tailgate down. I could visualize a tar road litterally being laid down infront of me an to follow where my brain was showing me. At times it was in a dining room and I had to move the tables an chairs out of the way and open doors. This meant I had to get going with transitioning an open doors to get services. As the months passed that Oct it turned into a freight train and no stoping this one. As I told my Psychotherapist when I get an obstuction of any kind or psychological event I had to fix it an the go around it . The flow of information that the brain was given me stoped. After the event an ready to go forward I would get this flow of femininity from my upper chest down to my belly. It was like a wash of fluid so comforting. My psychotherapist was a lost for words, but I knew and even my Psychologist was stumped.
As I look back in the early beginning I could see the new emotions I was getting an others got more powerful. Then about that time in Oct I started switching the use of Hemospheres. Yes I was losing my male brain an gaining the use of a female one. That is what my psychologist said.
So I had an awakening of which the Brain gave me a steady stream of information on how to become a female. Now 2 yrs later an still ongoing. I for some parts of me didnt want this an was ready to commite suicide to stop this henious attack at my Idenity. I was and being attacked an stripping my male idenity apart and given a female one. As I posted in another forum the reason why I have to transition. enough for now
Breena
After what happened to me I spent months going crazy and then while surfing I came across this book. So You Want to be a T-Girl A Realistic Guide to a Transitional Journey. Writen by a T Girl this book settled me down an put me in a good place. Finally some one gets it. I found myself in pages 9-12.
My story is about abuse that I had to endore for yrs as a child. As my henious mother kept beating me to conform. As they say A child cant hide Transsexuality from birth but mom sure did beat it out of me. 50 yrs I spent not one moment thinking I was female but I was a Trangendered male. I started cross dressing at age 11 untile I got caught naked under my sisters bed one night. LOL but I lied an whent on for yrs without CDing. Untile I met my first wife, so much misery lets not go there.
For those decades, Yes I wished I was born a complete female, wanted to be one at a time or so, but never had a crises over it.
I didnt have Gender Idenity issues per say , just never knew I was a TS, always a CD an Disgusted with myself for being one. I get the erge and take care of that business an rip it all off an then im me again.
I hated myself for being this way , so much in the closet.
I met my wife in a dating service, 9 dates in 10 days and then I proposed to her an week later I told her about my CD self. I told the truth as I knew it, married 23 yrs and its ok still.
Here is me... My abusive Parents had to die, mom and step father and then lost my ability to work an so all the humiliation was gone . Mom died 02/08 and that following winter I got super depresssed, so much so I had to come off anti depression meds that my PCP was given me. I had to get chemically free and see where I was , then see a Psychologist , maybe its mental or a Psychiatrist cuz maybe its chemical why I am so depressed.
As my Gender specialist who is a Psychotherapist for last 30 yrs doing Trans people says and my Psychologist also says it was my brain telling me and given me clues on who I really am. For last 15 yrs I was getting clues an didnt compute or understand what was going on. I didnt have the knowledge to read these clues.
January 09 I was super depressed I wanted to die and got off the drugs, I steped down 50 mg every 3 weeks and my PCP was ok with what I was doing.
Then I was chemically free an see where I go next. My wife was the driving force behind me taken anti depression meds , she was a CNA for 30 yrs, now disalbled like me.
As the days whent on these random thoughts an the Pictures in my mind started to appear.
It was dark and I was in the back of a black pickup truck, a 4x4 and it was going backwards, but in these images backwards was going forward with tailgate down. I could visualize a tar road litterally being laid down infront of me an to follow where my brain was showing me. At times it was in a dining room and I had to move the tables an chairs out of the way and open doors. This meant I had to get going with transitioning an open doors to get services. As the months passed that Oct it turned into a freight train and no stoping this one. As I told my Psychotherapist when I get an obstuction of any kind or psychological event I had to fix it an the go around it . The flow of information that the brain was given me stoped. After the event an ready to go forward I would get this flow of femininity from my upper chest down to my belly. It was like a wash of fluid so comforting. My psychotherapist was a lost for words, but I knew and even my Psychologist was stumped.
As I look back in the early beginning I could see the new emotions I was getting an others got more powerful. Then about that time in Oct I started switching the use of Hemospheres. Yes I was losing my male brain an gaining the use of a female one. That is what my psychologist said.
So I had an awakening of which the Brain gave me a steady stream of information on how to become a female. Now 2 yrs later an still ongoing. I for some parts of me didnt want this an was ready to commite suicide to stop this henious attack at my Idenity. I was and being attacked an stripping my male idenity apart and given a female one. As I posted in another forum the reason why I have to transition. enough for now
Breena