My Wife Dreamed I Came Out...

[Phoebe P.]

She dreamed I came out to in full drag (which she has never said to my face). She has never said the word 'drag' which I never thought a/b. I always thought of myself as a TV. Potatoes vs. POTA-toes

I'm not a "drag queen" yet. I don't have a wig (yet) or silicone forms (yet).

Is she worried about me or accepting of my "other side"?

I'm so wide open it's ridiculous! :heehee:

[Persephone]

To me it does sound like a dream that could be based upon her fears, her "worst nightmare" so to speak. But it could open the door for more dialog and for the opportunity to encourage her acceptance.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Eryn]

I'm not a "drag queen" yet. I don't have a wig (yet) or silicone forms (yet).

Funny, I have both of those items and I'm not a drag queen either.

I think that your wife has broached the subject. You'll regret it if you don't (carefully and with sensitivity) discuss it with her.

[Phoebe P.]

My greatest fear is that I may hurt her. She is EVERYTHING to me! She is the only person that knows, understands, and accepts me.

[Eryn]

My greatest fear is that I may hurt her. She is EVERYTHING to me! She is the only person that knows, understands, and accepts me.

That's how I feel about my wife. Make sure that she knows how you feel about her before you take the discussion further. Actions speak louder than words in this case.

I was very afraid of hurting and possibly losing my wife over mu CDing, but the tension of keeping the secret was also harming our relationship. It's much better now, but there were some bumps along the road.

[Steph.TS]

I think it depends on how she felt about the dream, was she scared or upset/angry about this dream, or was it enjoyable for her? how she feels about it will tell you she feels about the idea of you in drag. This dream could be a good thing, and if you know how she feels about this, you can avoid hurting her.

[VioletJourney]

The fact that she dreamed about it probably means that she's been thinking about it a lot lately. I think you might need to have a chat with her about it.

[JOJO44]

My greatest fear is that I may hurt her. She is EVERYTHING to me! She is the only person that knows, understands, and accepts me.


Does she know this?
Think about it! If she means that much to you, don't you think
she should know what is going on in her house?
Obviously don't blow her away, but if she finds out on her own . . .

[KrystalA]

Not enough details here to be able to say much. What was her tone when she told you about the dream? Did she seem angry? Confused? Okay with it? Was the look on her face sympathetic? Smiling? Dagger eyes?

[joan658]

I have no idea what her dream means, however, its very clear to me ... you need to buy a wig and silicone breast forms ASAP ... and maybe a nice pair of pumps too! :-)

[JulieC]

I'm not a "drag queen" yet. I don't have a wig (yet) or silicone forms (yet).

"Don't be a drag, just be a queen"

Sorry, couldn't resist :)

[kimdl93]

I have no idea what her dream means, however, its very clear to me ... you need to buy a wig and silicone breast forms ASAP ... and maybe a nice pair of pumps too! :-)
You have a chance to give her dream meaning! Its up to you!

[Phoebe P.]

She wasn't angry. She was actually laughing b/c the first place I went in her dream was her parents' church!

[kimdl93]

that's interesting - might not be a great place to come out....but I'm sure it would raise some eybrows :)

[Eryn]

that's interesting - might not be a great place to come out....but I'm sure it would raise some eyebrows :)

Along with some torches and pitchforks! :devil:

[Cynthia Anne]

She wasn't angry. She was actually laughing b/c the first place I went in her dream was her parents' church!

I think it's time to ask her to go with you to her parents church! OH! What to wear!

[Persephone]

Phoebe, are you familiar with the musical, and later the movie, Fiddler On The Roof?

In it, the main character Tevye is trying to tell his wife that their daughter is in love with, and should marry, someone other than the man she is betrothed to.

He ponders a way to do this and finally hits on a plan. In the middle of the night he wakes up screaming from a "nightmare," one in which his wife's grandmother appears and insists that her granddaughter must not marry the man she is betrothed to but, rather, must marry the man that she loves.

Perhaps your wife has seen the show?

Hugs,
Persephone.

[ReineD]

She's probably going through quite a bit with learning to come to terms with it, just like you did.

I was also very supportive of my SO when she came out to me, and I was determined to continue being supportive and not criticize anything. Actually, I didn't feel it was my business to stop her from doing anything she felt it necessary to do for herself. So when she went too fast for me, I suppressed my fears and my confusion and dismissed my feelings as not being valid, since I believed myself to be "supportive". lol I had a lot of dreams too.

Then one day it all came out, on a city street in front of a dance hall. Whew! That wasn't pretty. My SO had been moving forward (I thought exponentially) with the expansion of her femme expression, likely believing that I didn't think it was a big deal. So I had slowly convinced myself that my SO didn't love me, that she wanted to be with real lesbians and not me, that she would be relieved if I just left the relationship so that she could be free to do what she wanted, and that she only stayed with me because it was convenient. I don't think I said all these things to her, but I was miserable and this is how I felt inside. It felt so bad that I thought my only recourse was to leave the relationship. We talked it all out and I did feel better. That night, my SO told me how much he loved me and he never wanted the CDing to get between us, and if I ever needed him to revert to guy mode to just say so and he would gladly. Would you believe that I had no clue that he felt this way? Anyway, knowing this made all the difference and I never did feel it necessary to ask him to revert to guy mode. Never.

So ... there will be growing pains for you both, so it would be good to have a reality check together on a regular basis in order to avoid a potential melt-down such as the one I experienced on that night, in front of the lesbian dance hall.