More dating advice...ughhh...

[Zenith]

Getting ready to go on some dates with some OKCupid guys and wanted to see what people thought.

I guess what I'm nervous about is passing. I mean just in my day to day life I don't think about it and it probably just happens. But I feel that a date would be a constant test.

So here is my question. I have lots of guys wanting to buy me dinner at first meeting, and some we even have favorite restaurants in common. But I guess I would worry about being clocked during a meal and the lengthy "awk sauce" that would ensue. Should I insist that a first meeting is just a drink or coffee to allow them minimal expense and an opportunity to bolt...or should I take advantage of some free meals?

I know pessimistic, but hey I'm used to worst case scenario...lol

I mean, I've learned that the least little slip up mentioning your past can do you in, and stealth women say the same.

[pamela_a]

A first date is stressful enough don't add more to it. Who do you expect will "clock" you? If you don't think about your appearance and "passing" normally why start now? I would think that by meeting someplace you both have in common you would be reinforcing things you have in common and would make the evening more relaxed and comfortable. It's time to center yourself in the confidence of who you are, a lovely, charming woman.

[Katesback]

Learning to keep your mouth shut and also learning to get past the mental blocks that we have set up is a big task. That is probably why so many ts girls go lesbian. It is sooo soooo much easier.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

julie i know what you are saying...

there is a guy at the local supermarket that keeps talking to me, asking me if i'm married, etc...i saw him today and he came up to me and said that he would "keep trying"....i worry too much, and all these crazy thoughts go through my head about what would happen if... or what if he "knows"? etcetc...

this is a hard thing we are doing..and i think my best advice to myself is to just do it...

it's kinda like when you started down this path...at one point you just did it....

we can't control what happens...and we have to be careful especially around dating, but there really isnt an alternative other than just staying with people that know your back story..

[Jorja]

Julie, I have seen pictures of you. Believe me, you will pass. Just be your sweet charming self and everything else will fall in place. Go to a place you both have in common it will make it more relaxing for both of you. Remember, you don't have to give in to any sexual advances on the first date. Then if everything works out and you want to keep seeing him you should advise him of the situation.

Go have fun!

[Miranda09]

Julie, don't do dinner on the first evening, unless you offer to pay your share. That way, there are NO expectations and no one owes anyone anything. I would say a more proper first date would be to go out for something simple like coffee, or an evening drink and see what happens from there. If you like each other, then move on to date 2. AND, don't worry about being clocked. You are what and who you are...a very cute female with a lot to offer someone. :)

[Zenith]

Some good advice here, thanks...:hugs:

[CharleneT]

My advice is maybe a little out there... but if a guy offers to buy you dinner, and you think he is a "possible". Then let him do it. Don't complicate the whole process more than it needs to be... The more you worry about what might happen, the more likely that bad outcome is. Just be "the girl" and as they say, "don't worry, be happy..." ;) Just because he buys dindin, doesn't mean that he should (or will) expect anything. He'd have to been under a rock for many years to have that attitude !!

As for the nerves as you get used to your new self, sure, you're going to be nervous. The only way to get over that is to "do it". Maybe the first couple of dates are not going to work out great - that would be par or better on any {dating} course !! Don't believe me, ask a GG. Try going out first with some of the guys that are not at the top end of your list. That way if they "clock" you or whatever, you won't care if it does not work out. Then when you are more confident, say yes to those higher on that list...