are we read?

[Janet Bern]

I go out dressed many times shopping and for lunch and some dinners.
I am over 6 ft but somehow I never notice anyone looking at me. They just
pass me and never pay much notice. I assume that I am fitting in as "one of the girls".
Am I correct in the assumption they don't notice or
do they notice and ignore?

[Sandy Banks]

I always wonder too and I feel the same as you............................

[AKAMichelle]

We are probably read, but most people don't care. There is another situation that arises when we assimulate well enough. We almost become invisible. People look at us and if in the first few seconds they don't see something wrong then they perceive you as a female. I think most of us that go out a lot have the later point. We become perceived on the cursory glance as a female. It is only after we start speaking that they pay enough attention to you to realize that you are really a guy.

[Lorileah]

I agree with Michelle. Everyone has an agenda when they are out and unless you somehow interfere with that agenda, they don't "see" you. So for the most part, you can go out and not be noted. Well unless you wear chartreuse tights with a pink skirt and bright orange top (and I saw a GG wearing this in downtown Denver last week)

[Kate Simmons]

I think a lot of times in this day and age, many people notice but just shrug their shoulders and say to themselves: "Whatever!" and just go about their business.:)

[christinac]

Judging by your avatar photo I would say that they think you are one of the girls. Got a pic of the outfit you had on? Just playing, but on a serious note I have noticed over the years that for some strange reason the majority of the over six foot GG's I have seen or known all seem to be some form of blonde.

[Billijo49504]

Or they say, so what, as long as it's not my husband..BJ

[Shelly Preston]

This reminds me of the quote

"You can fool some of the people all the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all the time"

Mostly even those who do notice just ignore you or treat you just like anyone else

[lexinicole]

Well Janet, judging from your picture you probably just fit right in. I think we're all overly worried about being read or caught or however you want to say it. Truth is most people don't go the grocery store or mall or ball game on a crossdresser hunt. I've been out in public all of once ( funny thing is I will be doing that full time in the future ). At any rate, while I tried everything in my arsenal to look as passable as possible, I also tried my best to blend in. The best advice I ever heard on going out in public was to act like you know what you're doing and that you're supposed to be there. I employed this credo on my outing and it was fantastic and rewarding. Best of luck on your future outings! Note to self:........burn the chartreuse tights!!

[sissystephanie]

Since I no longer wear a wig or makeup, there is no question that I do not pass. But most of the time when I am out in public I am dressed very enfemme. Some people do doubletakes, but most don't pay any attention. I think Denise R. said it very well. And I really don't care what people think!! I dress to please myself, not the rest of the world!

[Eryn]

That's an interesting question, and one I've thought about even though I'm not going out. I'm over six feet and as a relatively normal male I do notice tall women, tall being defined as "as tall or taller than me." six-foot-plus ladies are just unusual enough to pique my interest. Since I've become more self-aware the next question that pops to my mind is "Is that a CDer?"

Now, previous to that awareness I probably wouldn't have thought about CDing. Unless there were really blatant clues I wouldn't have questioned the gender of the tall woman. Politeness demanded that I not stare for too long so I wouldn't have much time to decide unless I were in some sort of situation where I were interacting with her.

If one did detect a clue, politeness would demand that one would not make a scene. The only people who might cause grief if they read you are drunks or teenagers.

For any observer of shorter stature there would be less reason them to look closely. There are plenty of women taller than they are and exactly how much taller isn't really worried about.

Anyway, that's my take on it. YMMV!

[Rogina B]

Women come inall shapes and sizes.lol Unless you attract attention purposely,you blend and only the curious notice..lol Here in Florida,the streets are sometimes 6 lanes total.If on foot,you push the button,wait for the light and PRESTO! YOU ARE ON STAGE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT TO 6 ROWS OF STOPPED TRAFFIC!! I LOVE IT!

[Fab Karen]

Next time out in boy-mode, ask yourself, do they read me? ( as not being a manly-man -you know, like the manly Lumber-jack:) )


Well unless you wear chartreuse tights with a pink skirt and bright orange top (and I saw a GG wearing this in downtown Denver last week)
Pity the color-blind.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Janet, Most people are totally so consumed in there own little world that they don't have time to notice you.

Orchid

[Annie D]

From your picture, you probably fit in but one cannot be too sure. I am 6'2" and I am sure that people notice me, whether I pass or not I can't be sure but most people accept me and go on their way. I am not afraid of making eye contact and I always smile when I catch someone's eye.

I will say this, however; when I am in male mode and I see a tall woman, I always give her a second look. First of all I think tall women are very attractive and secondly, it could be one of us.

[Rachel Morley]

I agree with the other that said you are probably passing. Women come in all shapes and sizes and so looking at your profile pic (not your avatar but you profile pic) I would say most people probably read you as female ... you look really good to me :)

[marny]

Most of us are shorter than you and don't lookup past your ......well..!!! but i'm sure you look great. All the way up!

[Cynthia Anne]

I know I'm read! BUT I never get RED! I just don't care!

[ReineD]

My SO and I have been going out frequently together for years and we've also talked about this. First, I'll describe my SO in order to put our experience in context: she has an exquisite eye for fashion and what is appropriate to wear in different circumstances. She is always well dressed and well put together, with her own mid-back length natural hair (it's blonde and naturally curly) and her own long natural nails. She is 6' barefoot and she usually wears 2" heels. I wear 3-4" heels when we go out together and I end up being just a few inches shorter than her, so there isn't a huge contrast in height for people to notice. My SO also has had permanent laser facial hair removal, so there is no beard shadow and as a guy, he has very small hands and feet. Her hands are the same size as mine, and she wears a size 10 women's shoe which is not huge.

Our take on it is that we are at the periphery of most people's radars simply because they're busy going about their business. Everyone else is on their periphery too. SAs and restaurant personel are a different matter. They likely do know because they need to interact directly with us; they are always polite and friendly. Children are a concern because they stare at everyone a great deal more than adults, who've been taught that it's impolite to stare. And generally, people who do stare for more than a few seconds will read us.

Some people are more attuned to gender cues than others, so some casual onlookers might read us even if they're not staring.

There are subtle things that GMs, no matter how well put together, can't hide such as the brow, chin, face width, shoulder size, neck size, and perhaps other cues, even if they are smaller than 6' and have small hands and feet, and these are the subtle gender cues that people do read if they stare.

As an SO, I've been in a better position than my bf to stare at the people who do stare at her or us. At first I thought they stared in judgment, with an agenda and this really bothered me. Now I rather think that the people who do read us are simply curious, since it is likely they don't often notice TGs and so they stare to try to figure it out. I'm sure that if we ever engaged these people in conversation they'd be quite nice and would ask us a lot of questions. They certainly wouldn't hurl insults at us.

Having said this, I have noticed rude people who will point or nod their heads toward us and snicker together and I love nothing more than to stare these people down so they know that their reactions are inappropriate. In every instance, they've wiped the smile off their faces and looked away.

Oh .. and most everyone most always remember us, even if we haven't been to the store or establishment in months. :)

[BillieJoEllen]

About six weeks ago while shopping in a thrift store I saw a bearded man shopping in the ladies apparel department. When I got a closer look at him he had curls in his hair, a big hair ribbon, pierced ears with very fem earrings, painted nails, eye shadow, mascara and eyeliner. He was also wearing a very red lipstick plus a woman's jacket and designer jeans. He also had on shoes with about two inch heels. People noticed him but went on their way. Most people didn't make any comments that I was aware of. He was mostly ignored. He was an encouragement to me because I plan soon to go out shopping while en femme.

[Jilmac]

There are so many tall GGs out there that people hardly notice a person's height any more. Also I think more people are wrapped up in themselves to notice others. The few times I've been read, nobody (including me) ever made a big deal out of it anyway.

[PretzelGirl]

I agree with everyone. If we go out we will have:

People too absorbed in what they are doing to notice a thing.

People who notice and just don't care.

People who notice and stare just a little longer or smirk.

And then the people who need the snot knocked out of them (you know who).

[Cheryl T]

Janet, I used to wonder the same thing.
I believe that some notice and don't care, some notice and stare, some don't notice, but most of all, I DON'T CARE!!

I'm out here in the world, so just accept that and deal with it folks....lol.

[Annie D]

Billiejo, did you ever think that the person you saw at the thrift store was a women? Please don't judge a book by its facial cover. Maybe she was out shopping all day and what you saw was a 5 o'clock shadow.

[t-girlxsophie]

The more we all get out there the more ppl will think it not out of the ordinary,and go on their merry way.It does make for a more pleasent experience when it seems no-one is the least bit bothered

Sophie

[Yolanda_Voils]

To directly answer your question, it depends on where you live.

Here in the south, you know when you've been made.

On one outing to Chattanooga Tn, I wore a long flowing chiffon dress, pale pink with a flower print.
I felt very passable, NOT, one woman stared at me for a good 2 minutes when she should have been walking in the other direction. I feel the make-up was too long worn and showed 5 o'clock shadow. :(

One thing that helped me was to NOT let my g/f help with my makeup, what works well for her does not for Yolanda.

Also I let my bangs cover a lot of my face, sweeping then to the side instead of letting then go straight down worked for me and got me from a No-Pass look to a sometimes passable look.

[StacyCD]

A lot more people really don't care or don't notice than we think. I know I'm read all the time but I've gotten to the point where as long as I am treated according to my presentation I don't really care!

[Eryn]

I'll add a bit. My wife and I stroll through malls quite a lot, as we end up in situations where we need to kill time and what better place to do that?

So, we've had a number of situation where one of us will nudge the other and say (subtly) "Do you think that that person is a CDer?" We've never had a situation where we could tell for certain that the person in question was male.

There are a lot of GGs out there who display various characteristics that are associated with masculinity, but they almost always trump that characteristic with a blatantly female-only characteristic like makeup, nails, or dress, just as a CD will do. Unless a person displays one of the very few blatantly male-only characteristic (like a beard or a prominent bulge) there is always some doubt and that doubt will carry the day.

[Alice B]

That was a question that I never could answer until this past week when I went to DLV. Now that I've had a whole week out and dressed in the main stream world I've come to realize that it does not really matter. Those that read us simply say nothing for the most part. Others want to talk to us, but in a positive way. Not once did I receive or hear a negative comment.