How to deal with it

[Jordan]

My wife is some what understanding but how do you deal with wanting to go out dressed up and she is not into that I love being dressed up and have been out here and there but how do you get her just to let you be you?

[Tina B.]

I don't know, I'm in the closet with no plans to go out. One I'm a chicken, I've gone out for a drive, and end up worrying about what on coming traffic may think. I know thats dumb, but I'm not comfortable out there. But also, if I took off out the door dressed as a woman, it would scare the heck out of my wife, she is a natural born worrier anyway, and she sees all the scary things that could happen out there. Since I don't have any desire to go out there it works, but even if I did, I wouldn't. I have a wife that puts up with a husband that wears womens clothes more than he wears mens. And if I come out of the bedroom in the morning in mens clothes, she will look at me quizzically and say some thing like, why aren't you dressed? Why would I want to upset that? Life is a compromise, and I am happy with the deal I got.
Tina B.

[Shelly Preston]

Have you considered "be all Chicago" This would be a safe place for you to dress and your wife could go along to support you if she wishes

[suchacutie]

It seems to me that there are two options: 1) find activities where your wife is comfortable joining you, or 2) face the issues of being by yourself maybe more than you wish. We who have spouses are all in this same boat of partner influence on our femme selves (well, on both of our genders, for sure!!) The reality is that if we are truly committed to our partners, and them to us, the art of negotiation and compromise through communication is completely paramount. As committed partners, we must be able to have empathy for our partners, and to know our and their limits. There is undoubtedly some fear involved on her part, and you can't sweep that under the rug. Bring it out. Ask about it. Work to deal with it together. In my mind that word 'together' is the key.

It's really the only way short of divorce in my understanding.

tina

[sissystephanie]

Tina told it very much like it is. Marriage is a 2 way street, and you both have to work together!! No one else can tell you how to get your wife to allow you to do something she doesn't like. Only you can do that, and it takes working together. I was married for almost 50 years to a loving lady who knew that I was a CD and usually supported me. We did have our differences, but we discussed and settled them ourselves. BTW, I lost her to cancer!!

[Eryn]

My wife is some what understanding but how do you deal with wanting to go out dressed up and she is not into that

Time and communication. Remember that your wife probably has had a lot less time to come to grips with this issue than you and she doesn't have many (or any) people to talk with her about it to help her resolve her feelings. It's a big step for her. Allow ample time, talk to her about what you want to do, and (most important) listen to what she says about it. It's likely that she has some fears about your safety and comfort as well as her own.

Would your wife consider joining this site? I know that my wife has found the FAB forum to be helpful as it gives her the opportunity to read and discuss issues with like-minded GGs.

[ReineD]

You could start by finding a TG support group to join. The good ones also welcome spouses, and you could invite your wife to join you even if you think she will decline. This will reassure her that the support groups are there for support and not for meetups, just in case your wife has misconceived ideas of what CDers are after when they go out dressed.

If you attend a support group on a regular basis and your wife eventually loses her fears that something bad will happen to you when you go out (if this is a concern), then it will be easier to slowly introduce other activities, such as going to a movie, shopping, or going out to dinner.

Don't forget to let your wife know that she is always welcome to join you, but at the same time make sure that she doesn't feel pressured if she declines. You don't want your wife to get the impression there are things you'd rather not do in front of her. She may then wonder what that is. :hugs:

[Kaz]

For many here, having a wife who is "somewhat understanding" would be a real win!

I am afraid that you need to understand what her issues are and accommodate them. As Reine has said, counselling is an option.

That wouldn't work for me as I am in the UK and we don't really do that stuff culturally, and my wife is a psychologist so is grounded in her beliefs... i.e. she can evidence her position.

She is most likely worried for you and also concerned that negativity to how you are perceived/received will rub off on people's perception of her. The ;latter can be acheived by going out in a town well away from where you live... though this would not work for my wife as she takes most things personally.

You need to understand what her deeper issues are. At work I have used the "5 whys" a lot... just keep asking why until you get to the truth...

It works in "normal" situations... sadly where partners are an issue (in any relationship!) you could end up on the couch or in the spare bedroom!

Good Luck!

[Tanya C]

If you want your wife to accept the things you do as a crossdresser then you'll have to start thinking in terms of how these things affect her. Acceptance is a joint venture and you'll have to acknowledge that her concerns are just as valid and real as yours are. And going out dressed is a huge step for most of us (and our spouses).
Can you imagine how she would feel if somebody she knew came up to her and said "was that your husband I saw dressed as a woman"? If you go out it should be with her blessing and ideally her inclusion.
If you have open lines of communication with her about cding then you should be able to talk about the fears and anxiety she may have when you go out dressed. Bring her in the loop, don't let her twist on the vine while she struggles to understand this highly unusual subculture of ours.