Daughter found out about her Dad

[AKAMichelle]

This story is not about me. I was in the car today with a friend who was called by the daughter of a cd'er to find out about her dad. She was calling my friend because she had found out that they were friends and that she helped her dad with his cd'ing. The daughter wanted to find out the truth about her dad and my friend told her. The cd'ers X-wife had told all of the children right before he died about his cd'ing. The X-wife described it in the most vile manner to destroy the dying man. She did everything she could to destroy the image they had of their father.

This all happened because the cd'er had not taken the time to tell his family before his passing. While the daughter was able to talk with her father about the cd'ing before he died, he wasn't able to explain everything due to his medical condition. The daughter said that she wished that he had confided in her long ago. This incident reminds me of the legacy that we leave when we don't tell our family about us. We allow our family to struggle with understanding our cd'ing, when we could explain it ourselves.

After hearing this, I decided that we need to be reminded sometimes of what others will find one day when we are gone. They can either have the full explanation and truth because we told them, or they will have to search for answers. Often times these answers won't be complete because the people they are asking will only have parts of the story. Maybe this will cause some of us to think about what will happen after we die.

P.S. This is why I have told everybody in my family but my mother.

[josee]

That's powerful stuff to think about. I have a 16 year old son who knows I wear pantyhose but doesn't know about the rest. Been wondering how I should handle that. I don't want to confuse him further at his critical age.

[AKAMichelle]

That's powerful stuff to think about. I have a 16 year old son who knows I wear pantyhose but doesn't know about the rest. Been wondering how I should handle that. I don't want to confuse him further at his critical age.

The problem with putting it off is that we are guaranteed tomorrow. We may not have a better chance than right now.

[Persephone]

A superb post Michelle!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Gerrijerry]

You have said what I have felt for years. If you really love your family tell them the truth and let them understand who you are when you are alive. Most will be surprised by how accepting family can be.

[suzy1]

Mishelle, that has really got me thinking.
You have brought up a very important subject.
I have a daughter that, if she were told of my C.D.ing would be totally O.K. with it I think.
So I will tell here when the time is right.

SUZY

[Claire Cook]

I agree. I'm thinking I should open up to my family. Michelle, wise advice and thanks.


Mishelle, that has really got me thinking.
You have brought up a very important subject.
I have a daughter that, if she were told of my C.D.ing would be totally O.K. with it I think.
So I will tell here when the time is right.

SUZY

[noeleena]

Hi,

No problem on that score for our family thats Jos our 3 grown up adults & 8 grand kids they all know about who i am as a person . & apart from any media that concerns us , I have been asked by 3 friends & Jos to write my life story.

Every family member will understand why i am the way i am so i am very awere how important it is , more so for our 3 kids .
So dont keep a part of your life hidden from your family .

...noeleena...

[christinac]

My daughter has known about me ever since I began to take things seriously. Thankfully she has been very encouraging and supportive. She's been pushing me to move to a more TG friendly city.

[Cynthia Anne]

Many a times good advice comes from the girls here! Sometimes great advice comes from the girls here! I believe you fall under the latter group! Thank you!

[Bethany38]

Michelle, I could not agree with this post any more. That is why I never go a day without telling my kids I love them. I never want them to wonder if I do. This is also why I am out to everyone and anyone. I find I feel two tons lighter since coming out.

[t-girlxsophie]

My close family (my boy,parents and bro) all know in different degrees of my crossdressing past.But none of them are aware of the extent it has become today.Maybe I could write down an explanation as to why I do this,and maybe tell them in that way,but I'll need to find out myself first

[danielletorresani]

What a bitch that ex-wife is. Seriously.

[linda allen]

What a bitch that ex-wife is. Seriously.

That's the other side of telling someone. Divorces often get nasty. I wouldn't want to be sitting in a courtroom while my soon to be ex wife shows everyone pictures of me in a mini skirt and spike heels.

And it's worse now with computers. She could put the photos on facebook.

[EllieOPKS]

I agree with you danielle about the ex. So on the other side of the pendulum Michelle (playing the what if game) let's say I live another 25 years. I tell my family " hey! this is what I do" and they don't react in a Cinderella fashion. They decide they don't want me in their lives anymore. I get to live the next 25 years without the most valuable things to me. I prefer to have the relationship while I am living. After I am dead, I'll let my legacy speak for itself. I have read the forum a lot and there is just as much loss as there is gain by sharing Cding with friends and family.

[Megan70]

This is one reason I plan to have lunch with my sister soon and confide in her. She should know. My wife does,as does my daughter and my truly dearest non cd friends do and she is the only one out of the loop who doesn't .I'm 64 and she's 67 and its long overdue. We could die anytime. I've been dressing and going out in public for 50 years..

[LynnInDenver]

I've taken steps myself to ensure that I'm not 'keeping the secret' of myself from anyone that matters. The only place I'm not is at work.

Much of this, though, is disliking lying to people about where I go, and who I'm around. That people won't discover my 'legacy' after I'm gone just happens to be a bonus.

[aurora_erika]

I feel that I am far away from telling my son about my secret.

[Brenn]

That is really something to think about. After you die, you no longer have control of what is said about you. Makes you think about the message you want to leave.

[Missy Tanya]

My wife knows all about it, but what if?? So I'm working on a special letter to put in my unmentionables drawer. That way if something should happen to both of us, the ones cleaning up our home might understand the three different clothing sets in our home. Basically letting them know what I've been doing in secretly for many years. And since you liked me before, there is no reason you still won't after finding out about my CDing.

Someday I might let some of my family in on it, but for now it just me, my wife and many 'friends" that Tanya has made by herself, and all of you, of course.

Tanya

[Jenny Gurl]

I agree with you danielle about the ex. So on the other side of the pendulum Michelle (playing the what if game) let's say I live another 25 years. I tell my family " hey! this is what I do" and they don't react in a Cinderella fashion. They decide they don't want me in their lives anymore. I get to live the next 25 years without the most valuable things to me. I prefer to have the relationship while I am living. After I am dead, I'll let my legacy speak for itself. I have read the forum a lot and there is just as much loss as there is gain by sharing Cding with friends and family.

A possible comprimise would be to make a video saying exactly what you want to say in your own words. Leave it with your will with a trusted source or some way that they will not see it until you pass. This way, you get your time with your family, and you get to tell them in your own words so the ex doesn't succeed in destroying your image to those you care about. Food for thought.

[AKAMichelle]

I don't want any in my family to find out wrongly so I have told everyone except my mom. I have even been thinking about that lately as well.

[Sophie86]

I think each person has to come to that decision individually based on their exact circumstances. The wife gets a say in how much the kids know, and that's one of those things that has to be negotiated, so long as they're together. Some kids will react better to the information than others, and that has to be taken into account too. I think age also has to be a factor.

Both of my children have seen me dressed. I've discussed my "hobby" a little with my daughter (14), but I don't know how much she understands about it. My son (9) seemed to be having a problem with it at one time, but apparently that was just because he was tired of me dressing up as a girl for Halloween. He wants me to dress up like an orc next year. A male orc. (I know. A female orc would be an awesome Halloween costume, but he saw the wheels turning in my brain and nixed the idea toute suite.)

Although both children know and have seen, I don't usually go around the house dressed up. If I'm going out, I get dressed in my room, and they see me as I'm getting ready to go out the door. Today, I'm doing something a little different. My son is spending the night with a friend. My wife and daughter went to a horse clinic thing earlier, so I took advantage of their absence to get dressed. When they got back, I asked my wife if it was okay if I stayed dressed. She talked to my daughter, and they agreed that it was okay. So far, she's stayed in her area, and I've stayed in mine. I'm a little nervous about how she's going to react to me going about the house dressed up.

[Diane Delaney]

cool cool cool cool cool

[sissystephanie]

My late wife and I had promised each other that we would not tell our children about me being a CD. We kept that secret for the entire almost 50 years we had together. But after she died, I decided that it was not fair to my grown children to not know about me! Their response was; "We don't care what you wear when you are by yourself. Just please don't do it around us or our friends." So that is the way I handle the situation, except for wearing panties and my bra every day!

Michelle was very right, the family should be told!!

[Duana]

cool cool cool cool cool

Thank you for your thoughtful and in-depth contribution to this thread and the others where you posted the same high quality content. I hope the mods see through your charade to quickly hit the 10 post limit.

[Stephenie S]

Throughout all of this thread I keep coming upon the words "understanding" and "explanation".

Part of the trouble we have with this subject is that you just CAN'T "explain" crossdressing. You just can't "understand" crossdressing. Crossdressing just is. All that you can reasonably ask and hope for is acceptance. Ask for acceptance. Desire acceptance. Expect acceptance.

Acceptance. That's all. When you try to understand crossdressing you can tie your brain in knots. When you try to explain crossdressing you can tie your brain in knots. How can you expect someone else to understand something you don't understand yourself?

I agree that it's good to let others in your family know about you, but I feel very strongly that it's just acceptance that you need. Just ask others to accept you for who you are. Forget explanations and understanding.

Stephie

[Lori B]

I agree with you danielle about the ex. So on the other side of the pendulum Michelle (playing the what if game) let's say I live another 25 years. I tell my family " hey! this is what I do" and they don't react in a Cinderella fashion. They decide they don't want me in their lives anymore. I get to live the next 25 years without the most valuable things to me. I prefer to have the relationship while I am living. After I am dead, I'll let my legacy speak for itself. I have read the forum a lot and there is just as much loss as there is gain by sharing Cding with friends and family.

I agree with Ellie,,,,,I look at the downside ,,there is to much to loose,,at least for me

[Crafty]

This is a very difficult thing to decide. I know I would not want our friends and family to know and if my love goes first they never will.
If I go first it will be up to Cheryl to let them know or let the questions follow her into the fire....