What does "gay" mean anyway?

[hhdave]

Don't know why I dwell on this, but I find it irritating when folks apply the "gay" label to everything. I thought it meant being attracted to members of the same sex, but maybe I'm the one confused by the term. I guess the thing that annoys me most is my ex-girlfriend texting me after we broke up and saying I have a "tendency to be gay". Thought I could have a field day pointing out how silly she sounds, but I remembered the old saying: "Never argue with fools, people may not know the difference".

Do other folks get that label and consider themselves straight? I sure don't find guys attractive or want to get intimate with one. On the other hand, if gay means "effeminate and not very manly" then I won't argue with that.

[LilSissyStevie]

I thought it meant you liked Barbra Streisand recordings. I don't, so I guess I'm not gay.

[Barbara Dugan]

Gay It's just a word used mostly to describe Homosexuality, gay men can be effeminate,hyper masculine or in between ..people uses the word on different contexts..young ones tend to use it in the most annoying way.
If you are not homosexual there is no need to worry in my opinion... if you are crossdresser it's better to develop a thicker skin because most people erroneously will associate being crossdresser with being gay.

Pd. I love Barbra Streisand recordings

[Marissa]

Don't know why I dwell on this, but I find it irritating when folks apply the "gay" label to everything. I thought it meant being attracted to members of the same sex, but maybe I'm the one confused by the term. I guess the thing that annoys me most is my ex-girlfriend texting me after we broke up and saying I have a "tendency to be gay". Thought I could have a field day pointing out how silly she sounds, but I remembered the old saying: "Never argue with fools, people may not know the difference".

Do other folks get that label and consider themselves straight? I sure don't find guys attractive or want to get intimate with one. On the other hand, if gay means "effeminate and not very manly" then I won't argue with that.

:) Barbara did well in explaining what the term means and adding how some erronously define it, in the same manner as your ex did. I would not say argue with a fool, but I would hope YOU don't accept that just because you are 'effeminate and not very manly" makes you gay???? What you are, is an "effeminate and not very manly" straight person :) We'll leave the Barbra Streisand debate for the judges... LOL.

[juno]

Gay means a homosexual male. When used as an adjective, it means anything that is often associated with homosexual men. It is incorrect to say a heterosexual person has a tendency to "be gay", but would be OK to say you have a tendency to "act gay", or have a "gay walk", etc. But, that sort of use is also promoting stereotypes, probably done mostly by homophobic people. I like the idea of being perceived as "kind of gay" by female friends, but I would definitely not say that I am gay.

[Alice Torn]

Can tou dress up and look gorgeous, and still be a Johnny Cash fan? Barbara said it well!

[Melinda G]

It used to mean happy. "Don we now our gay apparal", fa la la la la.:D
What the hell happened?

Actually homosexuals do have a tendency to be flambouyant and well...gay.

[Cynthia Anne]

Can tou dress up and look gorgeous, and still be a Johnny Cash fan? Barbara said it well!

I sure hope so! 'Cause this old girl loves Johnny! I'm not gay 'cause I have no interest in men!

[Cynthia Anne]

[QUOTE=Melinda G;2457732]It used to mean happy. "Don we now our gay apparal", fa la la la la.:D
What the hell happened?

Gee this is true! I try to stay happy! Am I saying I try to stay gay! NOT!!

[Shananigans]

Haha I love this post. "Gay" does mean a man attracted to another man. It also means happy.

But, it's such a fun word. Everyone around me says "gay" to mean something dumb. Like seeing a stupid movie and then saying, "Oh, that was gay."

I try not to say it because I know it sounds derogatory and I'm not meaning for it to offend anyone. But, damn, I just love that word.

On a side note, I said that something was "so gay" in front of one of my gay friends. He was like, "THAT WORD!! STOP SAYING THAT TO MEAN SOMETHING BAD!" And, I was like, "Jeez...you can be so gay sometimes." He couldn't help but laugh.

It's a dumb habit that we 20-something year olds have to break ourselves of obviously. It just shows that we should be more mindful of our words. :)

[Lorileah]

"Gay" has made its way into popular slang and is used often to denote someone's thought about being "lame" which in itself is a poorly chosen word to describe someone not fitting another person stereotype of how one should act. Knowing many gay and lesbian people who you would not know on the street, it is just another stupid stereotypic moronic dumb idiotic narrow minded way of proving that the person who said it is not mature.

[GaleWarning]

Such people can't spell to gud either.
:D
Gay is easier to spell than any of those other long words you've used, Lori.

[christinac]

There is a closed thread (about May 2008) on this very same subject. Here is a question that I posted in that old thread.

I am a woman trapped in a mans body. I have every intention of starting HRT and transitioning and living full time as a woman and one day under going SRS. But in the mean time if I'm attracted to a man and have a relationship with a man, does that make me gay?

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

I thought it ALSO meant Happy as well. I had a gay full day, he appeared gay as I walked in..giggling.

[Rianna Humble]

I am a woman trapped in a mans body. I have every intention of starting HRT and transitioning and living full time as a woman and one day under going SRS. But in the mean time if I'm attracted to a man and have a relationship with a man, does that make me gay?

By society's norms, as long as you are (technically) male then your relationship would be classed as a gay relationship.

Personally, I would say that given your intent to transition, you are a woman whether or not you have had GRS and so for you to have a relationship with a man would make that a heterosexual relationship. Others may not agree.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the score of the changing meaning of words (specifically the one under discussion), when the musical Showboat was restaged over here a few years ago they decided it might be more prudent to re-word one line of the show, so instead of
Gay's a little queer the character said
Gaylord isn't feeling very well :heehee:

[Gerrijerry]

Gay means different things to different people.
I would think that when people who are not (gay, lebian TS CD etc) use the word it is meant as a negative.
Just my 2 cents.

[Kate Simmons]

It means happy, so if you are gay you are happy and if you are happy you are gay. Simple really.:battingeyelashes::)

[Noortje]

It's annoying when people use words that you care about deeply in a frivolous way. For "gay", it tends to be done by insensitive jerks, who in most cases are teenagers. I'm sure they wouldn't use that word in that way if they actually cared about homosexuality. It's like when people use the name "Jesus" as a swear; it's never people who actually associate deep meaning with the name.

So you could find solace in the fact that they are not trying to insult anyone, because they just do not recognise it as a meaningful thing. Your options then are to be annoyed everytime it happens (not fun but you'll survive), to just let it go (recommended, I'm sure you have better things to do), or to force your worldview on them and make a scene every time. That is not recommended, because it doesn't work and you'll look like the sort of person who gets mad when you confuse Star Trek with Star Wars.

[Tamara Croft]

For "gay", it tends to be done by insensitive jerks, who in most cases are teenagers. I'm sure they wouldn't use that word in that way if they actually cared about homosexuality.

But the word 'gay' wasn't linked with homosexuality until the late 19th century, so why should teenagers care about using a word that wasn't originally about homosexuals?


*snip* you'll look like the sort of person who gets mad when you confuse Star Trek with Star Wars.

Now that's just wrong on so many levels :eek:

:heehee:

[Noortje]

But the word 'gay' wasn't linked with homosexuality until the late 19th century, so why should teenagers care about using a word that wasn't originally about homosexuals?

They should care because that's what the word means right now. They are using it in a way that is insulting to some people right now. Incidentally, for most of them, the modern meaning is the only one they know. So they should care.

[kimdl93]

Was there something else going on between Fred & Barney?

When you're with the Flintstones
you'll have a yabba dabba doo time.
A dabba doo time.
You'll have a gay old time

[Tamara Croft]

They should care because that's what the word means right now. They are using it in a way that is insulting to some people right now. Incidentally, for most of them, the modern meaning is the only one they know. So they should care.

Why should they care? they are teenagers, they aren't supposed to care... and most of them use it in the context that doesn't even mean 'gay'... it's just a word... Teens have taken a word and made it into something else. It originally meant to be happy, then it was changed in the 19th century and geared towards homosexuals, now teens have changed it to mean 'lame'... It's like the word 'sick'... kids say 'that's sick that is'... meaning that's great... should all the sick people take offence to that also?

[Lorileah]

so in the 19th century all homosexuals were springy and happy? "Wow he looks gay doesn't he?" "Why yes he is and he sleeps with men." "that is sooooo gay" (sorry that slipped out)

It is probably more likely associated with nose gays. Being of weak constitution many homosexuals held them to cover the smell of the unwashed masses (that is sarcastic people...I know homosexuals are not weak). Words come and go, Isn't that groovy and far out man? I mean it is really bad, in a hip sort of way.

But the truth is most the new words actually imply an infirmity or is a derogatory term to put down someone. It is nothing more than attention seeking and ignorance and hopefully will go away soon. The fastest way to kill a slang term? When 40 year old men start using it as if they knew what it meant. Rad isn't it? The difference is that most the words used earlier to delineate the teens from the oldsters often had benign or positive meanings.
"Hip" didn't mean you limped and or had wide a pelvis. Cool didn't mean your body temperature was low, Square didn't mean you could not fit a round hole. Radical meant you were a new thinker (or anti-government). The words "Lame" and "Gay" are in effect put downs designed specifically to put a person in a position of perceived inferiority. To empower the speaker as being somehow better. It shows how in today's world it is easier to "dis" someone n it is to empower them.

Having friends who are physically handicapped, I would never call someone "lame". Unless you are in office and not seeking election. As such ascribing the word "gay" to things that one does not approve is wrong also. And thus I agree with Tamara they should care but they are young and ignorant.

In re: OP. the word gay has been accepted by the homosexual community as a way to identify themselves. As Barbra noted the spectrum is wide and varied but outsiders tend to assume that every homosexual man is effeminate so it depends on who says it. In this case the ex-GF was looking to hurt you and be mean. You can take that as a compliment. Most gays don't fit that mold

[Emma England]

When someone asks whether you are gay, it would be best to question "what does that mean?". You will then be able to answer correctly.

I am a happy heterosexual, so yes I am gay but I am not gay!!!

[LilSissyStevie]

Kids know exactly what gay means and when they say, "that's so gay" they are refering to their own stereotype of an effeminate male homosexual.

[dawnmarrie1961]

hhDave, I always thought it meant to be happy, joyous and merry. Then I found out what it really meant. I older brother, whom I loved (God rest his soul) , always used to call me "fagot" and "queer" back in the 60's when I was growing up. He only did this only when his friends were around. He was just trying to impress his friend with his linguistic abilities. It still hurt though, especially coming from him.
Nobody likes to be labeled. I'm sure if the can of Campbell's soup could talk it would say that "Being labeled hurts."
So why do people do it? Because they are hurting inside and it lessens their pain if they can make others feel as miserable as they do. Sounds kinda dumb doesn't it? Yeah. People are so stupid sometimes.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Isn't it better to learn all the meanings of a label? If you only know one meaning of a label/word then you may offend someone who knows a different meaning of the word/label. If one uses a label of which its meaning maybe known only to them and their generation it may offend others of differing generation that know a different meaning to that word/label and so may cause some ridiculous conflict that should never have started anyway. If we all know only one meaning of a label/word then ok but if there are numbers of different meanings/interpretations of a label/word then "buyer beware".

[hhdave]

Thanks to all, some good replies to think about. I guess a funny reply would have been "Yes, I have a tendency to be happy and cheerful, thank you very much" and leave it at that. Let's just say I'm glad to be done with her, and I didn't have to get a restraining order or a shotgun wedding.

[NathalieX66]

I always thought the late actors Paul Lynde and Charles Nelson Reilly when they were on Hollywood Squares, they always personified "gay". They always had ebullient personalities and always seemed happy.

Hank Williams, back in the early 1950's, sang Jambalaya:
Pick guitar, fill firut jar, and be gay-O
Son of a gun we'll have big fun on the bayou.

[Openminded83]

I have identified myself as gay up until recently. but now I guess I am leaning more towards wanting to be a female and still liking guys so I guess I might be straight after that. LOL. But I really hate the wrong use of the word gay too. It just makes me get hot behind the ears. But its not as bad as if I hear the word faggot. To me it is like calling a black person the "N" word. Makes the military side of me come out too much and I almost lose it.

[Fab Karen]

[QUOTE=NathalieX66;2458546]I always thought the late actors Paul Lynde and Charles Nelson Reilly when they were on Hollywood Squares, they always personified "gay". They always had ebullient personalities and always seemed happy.

You're meaning in the archaic sense of the word. They were in sexuality gay btw.

Side note about stereotyping: Many Americans were shocked to learn Rock Hudson was gay. Don't judge a cover by its book ( or something like that ).

[JenniferR771]

I was working outside at a house last year. A mature woman came up to me and said, "Hi, I am gay."
Puzzled look. "I mean, you met Bill Smith, my husband. I am Gay Smith."

[StarrOfDelite]

Gay as a synonym for Homosexual didn't really become part of the common usage until within the last fifty years. When I was a kid in the early-mid 60's, as someone pointed out, the polite phrase was 'homosexual,' and the derogatory ones were Fag/Faggot, Homo, Queer, and Fairy. Gay was still an acceptable word to describe someone who had a happy attitude IIRC.

Now, the real question is, why are so many Gay People offended nowadays when they are referred to as Homosexuals, when about zero percent of the Straights are offended when they are referred to as Heterosexuals?

[VioletJourney]

"Gay" is a really meaningless word these days. What I find funny, though, is that a lot of people use the word as an insult, but if the person they're insulting actually turned out to be homosexual, they'd be loving and supportive of that person.

[Frédérique]

What does "gay" mean anyway?

I wrote a thread OP about the word GAY not too long ago, basically wondering what has happened to the word over the course of the 20th century. You can look it up if you’re interested…
:)

At this point in time, GAY seems to mean bad, or unwelcome, or something to be avoided, rooted out, stepped around, or squashed before it gets any further. I mean, I, a male, can’t say something like, “Oh, what a pretty flower!” without someone unconsciously mouthing the word “gay.” I’m exaggerating a little bit to make a point, but I’m not too far from the truth…

Any display of sensibility is suspect, or seems to be suspect, or is declared to be suspect, by the guardians of gender expectation. A boy has a job to do, and it’s not admiring beautiful flowers, responding to pretty colors, or crying as he associates himself with a tragic movie heroine. It’s all wrong, in the eyes and minds of the powers that be, and this creeping terror of apathy towards “genuine” male interests has to be thwarted before it’s too late. When a flickering interest in unmanly things is detected, the word GAY is rushed in to plug the leak, and hopefully scare the unfortunate, confused boy or man into towing the line with the rest of his male counterparts…

It never used to be like this – you could appreciate beauty, yet be male, and nobody bothered you. However, all this has changed, and anything (and everything) is being watched carefully for any signs of deviance. I know why this is being done, but I don’t agree with the reasoning behind it, since it largely originates as insecurity in males who would greatly benefit from a journey to their own sensibilities – they must have them, but they feel obligated to turn away from themselves and any blessed individuality they may possess to fulfill some spurious idea of generational correctness…

Never mind wearing female clothes – I can’t wear shorts where the hemline is a half-inch higher than the expected (and agreed-upon) norm without incurring the wrath of the GAY-sayers. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “That’s so GAY,” somewhere along the way. It’s a sad thing to hear, since it implies non-approval with something that should be embraced and enjoyed. Each little voiced displeasure, each little reluctance to be an individual, and each little abhorrence of behavior that is at odds with one’s own transplanted ideas serves to keep the genders far apart, operating at arm's length in this increasing polarized world. It makes me very unhappy, which is the very opposite of GAY…
:sad:

[Babeba]

Kids know exactly what gay means and when they say, "that's so gay" they are refering to their own stereotype of an effeminate male homosexual.

To quote my favourite, 15-year-old cousin: 'You know the word heterosexual? That word is so gay.'

Lots of kids DO know what it means and yeah, use it like an insult. Most of 'em have totally moved past it being supposedly negative. We love teh gay.

Also: best gay moment EVAR. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_A8U6aUPW48)

[Shananigans]

And most of them use it in the context that doesn't even mean 'gay'... it's just a word... Teens have taken a word and made it into something else. It originally meant to be happy, then it was changed in the 19th century and geared towards homosexuals, now teens have changed it to mean 'lame'...

This is true. It's still pretty offensive though. We really like labels in the LGBTQ(ABCDEFG) community so until varying sexualities are no longer "shocking," it will be offensive. And, I mean "shocking" as in people don't bat an eye lash when people "come out" on the news. (Mainly older people still get into fits about this...not really sure why it's news, honestly). Maybe there will be no need to come out anymore because it's just kind of a norm. Bis, gays, lesbians are pretty much standard except in backwards a$$ nowhereville and literally no one cares who you sleep with anymore if you are in your 20s. When I am giving an anecdotal story and say something like, "Well, I am bisexual..." and I expect that part to be a shocker...no one bats an eyelash. Why? Because they are all in their teens or 20s and it is what it is.

Kinda sucks though...I would kinda like to start a few good arguments and have to defend my sexuality. As it is...no one cares. If they do care, they are either old or have lived under a rock all of their life.

But, it is true that when we youngins use it, it is not by it's original definition.


But the truth is most the new words actually imply an infirmity or is a derogatory term to put down someone. It is nothing more than attention seeking and ignorance and hopefully will go away soon. The words "Lame" and "Gay" are in effect put downs designed specifically to put a person in a position of perceived inferiority. To empower the speaker as being somehow better. It shows how in today's world it is easier to "dis" someone n it is to empower them.

Having friends who are physically handicapped, I would never call someone "lame". Unless you are in office and not seeking election. As such ascribing the word "gay" to things that one does not approve is wrong also. And thus I agree with Tamara they should care but they are young and ignorant.

Really...it's not used to put anyone down. lol even I'm a little gay and I use it. Although I actively try not to because I know it's offensive. I say "actively" because literally when people around you use a word enough, you'll pick it up yourself. And, it will be an active action not to say it. Psychologically we do this to strengthen group behavior. It's why couples will often begin to use each other's phrases...it shows a bond. You won't realize you are mimicking each other, but you will do it. I never said "word" until I started dating Ryan.

So, "gay." It's a word. It's offensive because we still call gay people gay. I have never heard of anyone having a problem with the word "lame". I never would even associate the term with a disabled person. Lame means it sucks...or, your horse went lame and you had to put it down. The only time I've heard the word "lame" used in a medical way was working with large animals. I'd never associate it with people in this day and age. If someone got offended at me using the word "lame" I would probably just be really confused. I had no idea until your post that humans were called lame...unless they "sucked."

I think it's kind of like the phenomenon with words like "moron" and "idiot" and "retarded." No one says those words about someone who is actually mentally disabled. But, these labels were A-OK back in the old days to call people who were mentally disabled. This baffles me because they just don't line up for my generation. You don't call a handicapped person an idiot.


Kids know exactly what gay means and when they say, "that's so gay" they are refering to their own stereotype of an effeminate male homosexual.

lol wrong

Also, most homosexuals I know are Bears. There's a good word for you all. Now, every time you use the word Bear, I want you to feel really bad because you are being offensive. lol jk

Actually, if you want to see something really funny, catch a gay person using the word "gay." A guy I went to school with (who was gay) really felt bad about saying it so he wanted to use the word "That's so straight instead." It just didn't stick. We were hot on it for a day. But, you just can't make fetch happen. Why did it not stick? Because, gay is just ingrained as this word now...it was never associated with sexuality so it's hard to flip the coin and try to be ironic by saying, "That's so straight."

And, I love being ironic...so, believe me I would have been at it if it had worked.

Really I think derogatory terms towards homosexual men are things like fag, faggot, fairy, fudge packer, anal pirate, etc. Obviously, if you are saying these words, you are targeting gay men.

But, hey, maybe we'll get a free pass to use "gay" as a derogatory term to each other...like a hall pass or something...You can't say "n*gga please" unless you're black. Anyone else who might say it, it would be derogatory. (Btw, I am being sarcastic. I don't really want special names only I can use for my fellow friends that also like to sleep with people of the same sex. It just really seems ridiculous. About as ridiculous as exclusionary words for people who have the same skin tone). Oh, language...how you bind and separate us all at the same time.

Also, apparently there are ongoing arguments on whether bisexuals are homosexuals. I had a friend ask me if I consider myself a homosexual. And, I said, "Yes, if you mean I am sexually attracted to my same sex." Apparently people don't want to classify us as homosexuals anymore. Maybe people think they are putting me down by calling me that? lol idk... If they keep switching up what they call me or how they label me, I am going to be confused. Something tells me that gay people won't be called "gay" in a few years anyway. Gays kinda hijacked the word "gay"...it'll probably be called something else in a few years...or, people will not even bother with so many labels for it because it won't really matter.

Blah, blah, words...

[Briana90802]

The word gay is like the word "f'ck." When someone uses it constantly it really means that they don't have the mental vocabulary to describe the actual word or feeling that they want to express.
People are always saying things are so "gay" and they don't have the mental faculty to elaborate on what they really mean.
For example: "That guy dresses so gay," and what they're are trying to say is "that guy dresses so effeminately."

[busker]

If I am not mistaken, lame has been around for ever ( and 'halt' is even older), and is a word to describe a person who can't walk--it's not just for horses. It is in the same vein as deaf and dumb, dumb in this case meaning unable to speak, and not a reflection on mental ability. Lame has also been associated with excuse as in 'lame excuse', meaning one that doesn't past muster by any account. or 'lame brain' is another.

[NicoleScott]

Add "gay" to the growing list of words we use and misuse here on the forum. You say a word with your definition in mind, and I hear it with my definition in mind. Then we're not communicating very well. Lots of contentious posts here over the meaning of crossdressing, transvestite, transgendered, fetish...etc.

[StarrOfDelite]

The word gay is like the word "f'ck." When someone uses it constantly it really means that they don't have the mental vocabulary to describe the actual word or feeling that they want to express.
People are always saying things are so "gay" and they don't have the mental faculty to elaborate on what they really mean.
For example: "That guy dresses so gay," and what they're are trying to say is "that guy dresses so effeminately."

With respect, I would differe with that comment to the extent that you equate "gay" with "effeminate." In my opinion there is a definite 'gay' style which seems to be recognizable: shaved or buzzed head combined with a goatee and moustache/love patch, aggressively masculine blue jeans with heavy rivets and studs, heavy belts, et cetera, and an obsession with fitness and physical muscularity. I guess that I verge on that, because I work out a lot and have a good physique, and a couple of weeks ago when I was wearing a polyester and spandex under armor tee shirt one of my ex-wives said she wished I wouldn't wear it because it made me look "gay," and she added the comment it was a good thing I didn't have a buzz-cut and a goatee.

[Speck]

I think that today's youth picked up the saying "that is so gay" before they had a clue what homosexuality meant. What they do understand is that the expression generally means that a behaviour or a person is weak, lame or effeminate. Eventually they learn what homosexuality is but the expression has become a bit of a habit. How often have you heard someone say "excuse my French" after using a swear word? What does that say about the French language?

Anyway, it takes many people kicking up a fuss about these types of expressions to make them fade. And I encourage any parent here to take issue with it when their kids use it. I have and they would no sooner use that expression in front of me than a four letter word. Not that I beat them or anything but they know that I'd get such a horrified look on my face and then they'd have to spend the next 15 minutes or so listening to a lecture from me. I think they'd probably rather get beaten:-) I know I can't control what they say when I'm not around but at least it forces them to consider their surroundings before they blurt out discriminatory comments or swear words.