Are you happy?

[Aprilrain]

So people are always saying things like "you seem happy" or "I'm glad your happy now" or "are you happy?". I realize that they probably don't really know what to say and are just trying to say something nice that is affirming and also signals their intention to change the subject but isn't this rather simplistic?
I'm human and it doesn't matter if I'm male or female I'm not always going to be happy. Sometimes I'm sad sometimes I'm glad and other nursery rhymes.
Maybe what they really mean without knowing it is "you seem like you're no longer gender dysphoric" but that would be untrue as well. I'm far enough along to know exactly where im going but I'm not there yet and thats frustrating. Sometimes this journey feels like a hike, body aches, feet are sore and tired but the scenery is beautiful and the experience is generally invigorating and healthy. Other times it feels like a cross country road trip. Body aches, tired of the same music, hey look another strip mall, does this prairie ever end, fast food again :/. ARE WE THERE YET!
So no, I'm not always happy, I can't help but picture some half wit oaf bumbling around with a big dumb grin on his face when people say something like this.
What is different is that every moment of my life is no longer a lie and I guess this is what people sense and call happiness.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i think you answered your own question..

in the end, i'm finding (as others have found), that transition simply gets rid of the horrible buzzing noise of gender dysphoria...it doesnt rid your depression, it doesnt make you "happy"...it doesnt do jack sh%t...all that other stuff is up to you..

it's quite a realization actually and at least for me, post srs, i was quite sad and alone until it hit me that i really was starting over, and that if i looked at it as a chance to be myself, i could deal with all the loss and physical trauma...

[gretchen2]

I'm guilty of that, so you seem pretty happy. I'm generally not sure what to say when people are unhappy. So it's my half assed attempt to put a positive spin on things. I do admit that it rarely works. So in my typical fashion, try to have a great day and think about how much fun it will be at your next electrolysis appointment.

[CharleneT]

Yup, people don't know what to say, and they often don't want to talk about "it". BUT they want to be nice, so the "are you happy now?" Also, we describe GID as profound unhappiness to the general world, and shows/books etc say emphasize depression. So, the other part is they are genuinely asking whether the difference - made a difference.

I love your use of the road trip as a metaphor ! GREAT choice ! I'm definitely in the "are we there yet" stage....

[Rianna Humble]

I love your use of the road trip as a metaphor ! GREAT choice ! I'm definitely in the "are we there yet" stage....

If I ask that the answer will probably be "Not yet, but hurry up and get in the car so we can set off!"

[AllieSF]

I look at that question differently since I am able to tell myself that, "I am very happy right now". I can do that because I have reached a point in my life where I am doing a lot of things just for me, not for a SO, nor my kids and friends, just for me. After way too many years that is a very nice place for me to be. I have also found that all those other people are also doing just fine too without my special attention. So, now when I ask someone else if they are happy, I want to know have they reached or are near that point where they can actually enjoy themselves and their lives with all the normal limitations that life puts on them. It is definitely not a casual question to me anymore.

[BreenaDion]

I never lived a lie, way it worked out. 2 yrs ago I started living a lie but last couple months ive been telling the truth, coming out to every one. I couldnt grow thick skin like what my psychotherapist told me to do, oh no I have no reference on that. Instead I took a few pages from being depressed for so many decades an used that( I just didnt F***ing care syndrome) instead. That seamed to come more natural, but I still dont make eye contact, at this stage thats a huge mistake.
Happiness what the hell is that ? Dunno get happy at moments, oh ya that was a few months ago when at the spa getting all the hugs from lady friends and at that moment my life came full circle,........ untile I came home,Bang that ended there.
Breena.

[Kelly DeWinter]

At the moment 9:19 PM ....... Yes, although that is subject to change.

[Sejd]

I guess, people you don't know or who don't care much will say things like that. True friends will ask: How are you doing? It is more sensitive to ask how people feel rather than assume that they feel like you do!

[Jorja]

You know, for the first few months after SRS, I was not a happy camper. Oh I was happy that I had finally had my SRS but that didn't take away the depression, loneliness, and pain I had. It seemed that there was nothing else to accomplish in life. How wrong I was. I quickly found out that my life was just beginning. Today if you ask me that question I'll tell you I am so very happy with my life. Many of thoes I lost in my previous life are back in my life. Many, many new friends along the way. A hand full of guys truely interested in me as a friend and as a woman. I have or can get pretty much whatever I want material wise. Two grown kids and several all but adopted kids that love me. Life is what you make of it. Go for it!

[darla_g]

no not at the moment

[gretchen2]

I'm pretty damn happy, especially since I have a new sponsor.

[angelacummings]

I try my best to be happy...but dressing enfem makes me the happiest!

[arbon]

I am a lot happier and feel much more comfortable with myself. I think a lot of people do see that, especially when they compare how I am today to my last 1 1/2 years before starting transition when I was going through so much terrible depression because of the GID. And for me starting transition, starting hormones and coming out, did alleviate most of that depression that I had been experiencing.

Another thing to that comes to mind is that even when I am feeling sad or insecure, feeling stressed, I still try to keep the smile on because I don't want people to see anything else then that this is a good thing for me - especially around family where I don't want them to see anything but the positive.

Sometimes people say that I look good, or pretty, but I don't know to believe them or not, if they really think so or if they are just saying it.

[Rianna Humble]

I will follow the example of several posts here and try to answer the question in the thread title.

Compared to the wretched state in which I found myself for about 18 months prior to transition, I am relatively happy.

There are things that still get me down - like the wait to see a gender specialist which has another 8 weeks to go before my first appointment :sad: but on the whole, I am much more content than I have been in the past. It is also a relief to me not to have to stifle my feelings any more.

For the most part, people respond to the visual cues and do not use the wrong pronouns for me even though I am still betrayed by my voice :eek:

Living as my true gender is not a state of constant euphoria, but it is still more than "just life" for me at the moment. Although there is a lot of truth in John Lennon's words
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

I am discovering new friendships and generally much more acceptance even at work than I had during my struggle to pretend I was a man.

[Frances]

I have yet to know happiness. I might not even be able to recognise it, really. I did not expect SRS to change anything, and it did not either. One thing is certain though, having gone through a lot of transitioning and surgery, I am not miserable anymore.