wife ok dressed in private nothing public.

[Delila]

My wife and I just had a conversation regarding my wearing anything openly fem in public. She thinks that its fine at home but that we would be stigmatised in public. My thought is that the only way that it will be more acceptable publicly is to have more of us that are bold enough to go public and worry less about what everyone else thinks. I was wondering what all of your thoughts are on this matter.

PS. Sorry for the long post.

Thanks,
Megan

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

In principle, you're correct. In practice, is standing on principle worth your jeopardizing your relationship?

You haven't mentioned how long your wife has known about your CDing or what your circumstances are -- so it's hard to know where she is in terms of acceptance. It's possible in time, she'll be more comfortable with you going out, but if you try to force the issue it will probably backfire.

[Delila]

Thanks for the reply darla. My wife and I have lived together for about 4 years and she has known since about a week after she moved in (no point in lying) been married about a year now.

[Billijo49504]

Megan, from what I read here on the forum. Not everyones wife is as understanding as mine or yours is gettingto be. Take what you're given and be very happy you have that. Maybe, just maybe, your wife will give in later. After she is used to seeing you dressed. And maybe after you get your thing together, so you are passable. She may not want to see you embareassed by being read. Remember she really cares for YOU. Or else she wouldn't be so understanding. Give her some time to get used to what she is comfortable with, then maybe you can go forward. And yes, you are right, but as was stated, you could be right by yourself. Enjoy what you have. And good luck.BJ

[GypsyKaren]

If it makes your wife uncomfortable for you to go out dressed together, then don't push it. Her feelings on the matter have to be taken first. Be grateful that she's okay with you dressing in private.

I know what you're saying about us needing to go out in public in order to gain acceptance. It shouldn't matter to anyone how you're dressed, but in reality it does. Going out if you don't pass is a good way to get a broken nose, or worse. There are a lot of crazies out there who don't care to understand and are just looking for trouble. There's no way I'd go out dressed if I thought I didn't pass, and I always wear something within my wife's comfort zone because I don't want to embarrass her.

GypsyKaren

[Jenny Beth]

You'll hear this over and over again here. The most important thing to keep in mind with an accepting SO is compromise. Since she is okay with your dressing at home you are luckier than most but pushing her beyond her limits is bound to have her wondering what might come next. It is good though that you are communicating, in time she may understand your need to be yourself.

[Phoebe Reece]

In principle, I agree with your thoughts Megan. I do strongly believe that the more of us that are out there in public presenting ourselves as ordinary women, the more acceptable our activities will be. I regularly get out and about as Phoebe both alone and with groups of other crossdressers.

However, your wife has a good point as well. Your own situation has to be considred carefully: What is the likelyhood of you running into friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, etc. while out? What are the consequenses of discovery? Loss of employment? Loss of friends? Simple embarressment? Everyone's situation is different and it is great that you and your wife are discussing it. If you can work up a plan to get out where you do not risk anything more than possibly being embarressed by total strangers, maybe your wife will consent. In the meantime, enjoy the situation you have.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Megan
I can understand you problem as I am in a similar position
Surely the best compromise is going to a pre arranged girls night out.
There are usually monthly meeting somewhere and as it would be like a support group, this should also help your wife understand your needs.

Remember you have to understand and respect her feelings too.

Ask her to speak with the Genetic Girls on this forum, it minght help ?


Best Wishes

[Lisa Golightly]

You should respect your wife's feelings. Maybe you can compromise by heading off for the weekend to somewhere where you are unknown then she can relax a bit more. I'm sure there is a fear of 'What will the neighbours say?' in her mind. You should respect those fears... fair's fair.

[DonnaT]

Sound advice above, Megan.

My wife's known for 29 yrs, and also does not like the idea of me being in public. Especially near where we live.

But you are correct that the more we are out there the better things might get.

[Bonnie D]

I think Lisa has an excellent suggestion. Go out of town. There are plenty of get-aways you can go to that cater to crossdressers and their spouses. If you can't get away there may be some clubs in your area.

If your wife evenually allows you to go out be aware of what you are wearing. Wear age appropriate clothes and try not to be noticed. It's not whether or not you can pass but how you present yourself in public. GGs learn this naturally. It can be just as dangerous out in public for a GG as it is for a cd whether they are passble or not.

Bonnie

[Zenda]

Androgynous is good way to go. But be subtle and do it gradually. A high neck sweater here, a nice fitting pair of jeans there. VERY subtle eyes and a lip balm can go unnoticed but make you feel fantastic. Grow out or cut your hair in less manly way. Little steps. People will notice a change in you, but they won't quite be able to put a finger on it. Stumbling out on the High Street in your heels and mini ain't gonna cut it...All love

[FionaAlexis]

Hi Megan,

Your wife's fears are perfectly understandable.

My partner was very worried about me going out dressed until she realised I was neither recognisable nor embarrassing. I think its about building confidence that you know what you're doing and you're not going to bring embarrassment on the family.

If you have no ambition to genuinely present as a female then, as Lisa suggests, you are probably best to go out away from your home area and with a CD group.

Fiona xx

[urban gypsy]

To start with my wife din't like me going out dressed fem and felt that it was only for us in private. But one day she was out and I was at home dressed to the nines, when she rung me because her car had broken down and she needed help straight away, without thinking i went out passed a couple of neighbours jumped in my car and went to help her, when I arrived she just took it in her stride and accepted it, but we did have a long chat about it once we got home and from this one incident things have progressed but at a pace that has suited her.

[Lawren]

I for one think that the day is not too far off when CDs/TVs will decide to go public "en masse" in much the same way as women did back in the 60s/70s during the women's lib movement. For the time being thogh we can but hope.

[ladyfydiana]

Maybe the SO of CD's fear being embarressed more than they feel that you will be "read".

Diana

[Fiona K]

Like so many others have said, don't push it too hard, it's not easy coming to terms with a partner who dresses, the though that "he" might want to stroll down the garden path to the car in broad daylight, climb in to "his" car and drive off all where the neightbours might see is a big, big issue. Whether you poresent as the most natural woman or a full blown drag act is almost irrelevant.

As my wife says a neighbour might well spot the 6 foot brunette (without heels) stealing my car!!

Your spouse is too important to jeapordise- unless the end game is transition.....

Fiona
xx