Going Out, Angles, etc.

[SarahMarie42]

So, I've realized that from most angles, I look like a woman, but from some angles...my masculine features seem more prominent. I really feel the need to go out in public, but I fear that many people will catch my bad angle and recognize that I'm male. Should I be worried?

Actually, it's just one angle, I suppose I'm just wondering if any of you have experienced similar qualms about going out due to having a bad angle or something like that. I'd like to hear from those who ignored those qualms and went out anyway. xD I really need to do this.

[Stephanie Miller]

Sarah your not looking at the big picture quite right, I don't think. Two things come to mind when I read what you said..
1) There are a LOT of females that have masculine features, just as there are males with feminine features. I don't think I've heard anyone get on the loudspeaker at WalMart yet with "YOUR ATTENTION! YOUR ATTENTION! FOR THOSE INTERESTED THERE IS LADY WITH A SQUARE JAW ON ISLE 14". If you carry yourself with confidence... you'll be fine. Just don't walk around town like your trying to shield yourself from paparazzi.
2) I could be wrong (most of the time I am) but your thinking its got to be an all or nothing first time. Drive to the mall and shop etc. You don't have to.
Take baby steps. Step outside the house and go back in. Work your way up to driving to the mall so you can walk down a couple of parking spaces and go home. Next time walk the park with the intention of passing at least one person before going home. etc. etc. Going at your own pace, but still pushing yourself just a little more each time. Soon, you'll realize what you've been missing all this time.
And to answer your question - I have had those same qualms.... but so what. If I had let that hold me back then.. then... I would have missed a heck of a lot of SALES! :heehee:
Go have fun dear. You'll be fine.

[Cynthia Anne]

Some great advice from Stephani! I can only wish That I could 'pass' as well as you! Yet I'm out every day! Try the baby steps first if you want to! Just be confident and you will be fine! Enjoy it!

[sissystephanie]

Sarah, you got some great advice from both Stephanie and Cynthia. In your avatar you look a lot more feminine than a lot of women that I have seen! Take the "baby" steps if you feel you need to, but I think (speaking from many years of experience) that you are ready to go out Now!! Just go with the attitude that you are a female, and ignore anyone who questions that! My late wife always did my makeup and fixed my wig! Now that she is gone I just go out without any makeup or wig. Sure I am a guy wearing a women's skirt or dress, but so what? I dress to please myself, not anybody else! I have been doing that for the past 6 years, and have never had any problem!! Most people just don't care what you are wearing as long as you are decent!!

[SarahMarie42]

Thanks for all the advice :] It's just one angle I'm worried about, really, and it's the one in the pic displayed below.

Even though my BDD is relatively tame today, I'm seeing two entirely different pictures haha, but of course...I hold myself to unrealistic standards (i.e. I sometimes decontextualize everything and reimagine myself in boy mode. Also, the angle would be visible only to someone about 4'11-5'0 tall while I was turned to that exact degree)

And I know I'm not smiling U_U

I think you're right, though...I should probably ease into it, as to lessen my anxiety.

[Rogina B]

What they and now I are saying is DON"T WORRY ABOUT IT!! Get out the door...then you will see that no one is lighting the torches and grabbing the pitchforks!!! Don't act scared,act like you belong there! Because you do!!!

[SarahMarie42]

I know! It's just hard for me, as I live in relatively small city and it's my first time.

[Susan_Xdress]

I think there are two schools of thought and behavior being spoken of here. The, 'dress to look like a woman and blend in', and the, 'dress like a man in a skirt and to hell with it'. So it is whatever you wish to be. From my very first outings I wanted to emulate and blend in, and so as Stephanie said, I believe you have to walk with confidence .. 'walk the talk'. If you creep around it tends to draw more attention. For me the trick was to dress conventionaly, blend in, leave the micro mini skirt and the net stockings for parties.
Above all . . . Do it in a safe environment.

[Cheryl T]

Sarah, one of the biggest things I have found when I ventured out starting about 7 years ago is that it's not only the look, but the attitude. Like they say...you have to "own" it. Go out and feel that you belong there and you will be fine. If you are the "deer in the headlights" always waiting for someone to give you a look or say something you will make yourself more obvious and then it may happen. If you are confident and just go about your business like every other woman you will be fine. Yesterday my spouse and I were out (I was dressed) and we went to 2 malls and a restaurant. While walking about I had my sunglasses on so that I could see without being seen so to speak. I was just another woman. I don't think I noticed 2 stares all day and I'm 5'12" to begin with.
Take the world by the horns....

[Paula Siemen]

First times are best...just like sex!!! You look great and very girlly....just add a smile to the outfit and you'll do fine.

[KINGFISHER]

Sarah, I have recently gone through the same experience. I dress up and look in the mirror and think I look so fabulous and femenine then I take photo and look on the computer and see all the male signs. Ugly face, square shoulders the stance and out goes my confidence. Well I took a little step first, walked a short distance in a quiet residential area and only passed one person who just glanced at me. SO next time I took the plunge and it was so Ok. But take all the good advice fom everyone and do it as slowly or as quick as you feel comfortable with. I just wanted to go out so much so was driven over my fears. Hey you have such a lovely young face you will be a wow. Hugs Daniel

[Kathryn Philips]

To be perfectly honest, I do not see any masculine features in your posted picture. I see a very serious looking woman in desperate need for a smile.

I wish my sideways look was as good as yours. I am very happy with my straight-on look, but sideways all my features are completely wrong for the woman I aspire to look like.

I want you to stop being so hard on yourself.

BTW, I like your pink top. Nice to see yiou wearing a girly color...

[SarahMarie42]

Well...if I see that angle in the context of a video, I don't think I look all that bad, but if I stumble upon the picture, my OCD/BDD hypervigilance kicks in and I instantly think my face shape is extremely mannish. I generally ask for reassurance because I can't differentiate reality from fiction in regard to my appearance.

Actually, when I calm down, I feel very confident in the way I look. I actually LIKE my appearance. Maybe I need to stop worrying about whether or not what I'm seeing is real and just go out and try it! I'll know whether or not I can pass if I go out and try it.

[PretzelGirl]

Maybe I need to stop worrying about whether or not what I'm seeing is real and just go out and try it! I'll know whether or not I can pass if I go out and try it.

This may be the key for you. With BDD, you may never look at yourself and think you are ready. So just go do it. Look straight ahead while walking and when someone passes, look at them and smile. Nothing gains more acceptance than a smile. You belong there and hold your head up like you know it.

[Eryn]

If you think that you look masculine from some angles, then keep on rotating! :)

Here's how I see it. My wife and I end up killing quite a lot of time in malls. Every once in a while one of us will nudge the other and ask (subtly) "Do you think that person is a CDer?" We have never been able to tell that any apparently female person we've observed is definitely male.

Now, we're "in the know" and actively looking for clues. Clues are all we ever find and they are never conclusive. There are many GGs out there with square jaws, deep voices, muscular arms, Adam's apples, tall stature, etc. so it is flat out impossible to tell for certain what gender lies beneath the dress.

Let's put this in the perspective of ordinary persons. They will pick up a couple of cues and make an immediate decision about what gender a person is. If they see "for sure feminine" cues like fingernail polish, makeup, long hair styled in a feminine way, or breasts, their brains will immediately say "female." As long as you don't provide any "for sure masculine" cues your feminine cues will carry the day if they are presented with confidence.

[SarahMarie42]

The only way to end this obsession and figure out whether or not I will pass...is to go out and try it! I'm reiterating that. :] I HAVE to do it, or my OCD will internally tear me asunder, so....here I come!

And Eryn...you're saying if I don't accidentally leave my fly down and forget to tuck, I'll be fine? xD

[Eryn]

The only way to end this obsession and figure out whether or not I will pass...is to go out and try it!...

And Eryn...you're saying if I don't accidentally leave my fly down and forget to tuck, I'll be fine? xD

LOL! That *would* come under the category of "for sure masculine" wouldn't it? :D

Go on out and have a great time!

[SarahMarie42]

To be entirely honest, I DO see things that aren't there when I look at my pictures, and I can't be entirely sure as to whether or not those things are real. I don't know if I explained that in this thread. I generally try to inform people of my condition, as to prevent myself from being labeled a "crazy bitch" x[

[Fab Karen]

Plenty of us do not have female faces ( like the stereotypical button nose ) and aren't tiny ( 6'2 barefoot myself ). Sitting & thinking before you go is bad, as the mind loves to spin insane fears that aren't likely to happen in reality.
Look for people remaining in place- passing with them is easy, unless they suddenly break into a run. DO I PASS, DO I PASS, DO I PASS? is what NOT to focus on. Focus on where you're going, what you're doing ( shopping, getting some food, etc. ) As others will point out, there's all kinds of GG's in the world- the star of "Throw Momma from the Train" is a woman for example.

btw, for anyone doing baby-steps, don't go out walking in dark places late at night, trouble might find you. & the safest place you can be is in a crowd of people.

[SarahMarie42]

I think my face is MOSTLY feminine. I just exaggerate my flaws when I start to obsess.

[Paula Siemen]

I was out yesterday to several places enfem. I did not ever feel anyone giving me a second look and there were some very close encounters that if the other person had any issues they would have definitely either comments to me or at lease given a disapproving look. On the contrary, everwhere I went I felt very comfortable as being Paula and was treated very nicely.
I went to Rainbow; tried on some cute blue heels, for $7.00?????- OMG!; asked the SA to remove the security tags so I could try them on; matche my dress perfectly.......but didn't fit. Sa and others were very complementary.
Went to $General to buy a small makeup mirror for my purse; found one for $2; no ploblems there.
Had to pee so I went to Whataburger; used ladies room, empty-no problem. Ordered and burger and had lunch. Got just the nicest big smile from an attractive 40ish woman there with her husband for lunch. Made me feel so good. Couldn't tell if it was a girl-girl smail or if it was "I've clocked you and you look very fem...good job look" Eitherway, it made me warm and tingly.
Ulta next, spent 30 min. looking for new foundation. No problems ther, but no SA ever offerd to help me. Didn't buy. I really don't like how they've changed their store setup. I'll stick to the grocery stores from now on.
Dillards lingery, no problem, but didn't find anything, bras or panties that I liked. I'm tired of the foam cups and the lace cups are soooo expensive. Didn't buy anything. Thought seriously about the padded butt panties tho.
Dashed to local college campus to lisdten to a college student, trumpet recital. walled in at the back after it had begun, no problems, no one in the audience gaqve me any funny looks, I didn't know a soul. Thne Student was exceptionally tallented, but his music selections were Booooooooooring. I thought music was a combination of rythm and melody, guess not....just turn on your radio.
All in all a really fun day as Paula.