That's It! I'm Going Out! Any Advice? :]

[SarahMarie42]

This thread is particularly self-explanatory, haha. I've decided that I cannot resist the urge to take Sarah into the real world any longer! I'm going to go out to town sometime this week or next as a woman :] Any helpful advice you ladies could share with me?

My mom is going to take me to a store for plus-size women and help me pick out a new outfit (I'm not all that plus size, I'm a woman's XL AKA about a 16) in order to help me prepare for my big outing. :]

[Marissa]

I have yet to venture out to the mainstream as others have, most of my outings have been to glbt friendly places..even that can be a wonder at times.. so I can only say..Smile and enjoy it.. don't be so critical of yourself.. Good luck!

[SarahMarie42]

I'm starting to feel really good about myself these days, as I'm finally able to separate what I see through my OCD/BDD lens from what is actually there. I'm going to be fine, I think. I'm just wondering if you guys know where I should start and how I should approach this.

[AllieSF]

Yes, yes, go for it. If you feel comfortable enough, go out with your Mom. You are so lucky to have an understanding and supporting Mom. My recommendations are; do not over dress for the venue, keep it simple, soft makeup, practice your feminine walk at home, small gestures and small steps, don't rush, keep your head high, look others in the eyes and smile (smiles just seem to disarm everyone), night time is best because the softer and darker light flatters and hides imperfections that we all have, enjoy, enjoy and, oh yes, take some pics for yourself and only share the best ones with us. Thanks for asking.

[SarahMarie42]

I'm also done compulsively double-checking my pictures and attempting to see whether or not I'm capable of seeing all of my bad features. I deleted all of those pictures that I found myself double checking.

[steph1964]

Go for it girl! When I was 19 we didn't have the internet or support groups so all I knew of crossdressing was the occasional drag queen on tv. I just joined this forum and am hoping to quickly catch up to your confidence level, but I have well over 40 years of hiding to overcome. My big regret in life is that I didn't have the confidence when I was younger and therefore missed out on a big part of my life. With a wonderful mother helping, have fun! You want to enjoy your life, not regret it.

[Patty B.]

I agree with steph1964 also didnt have the confidence 40 years ago and sure missed a lot. You're fortunate to have your mom's help just go for it and don't look back. Your future is ahead of you and you dont want to look back and reget what you should have done.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Good for you Sarah.

I have been out and about many times and never had a bad experience. Most people just pass on by some with a :) and others with a :straightface:. The worst I have ever got is a few :eek: looks and people whispering to each other.
Anyway, the best advice I can give is to:

Believe in yourself, you are not an idiot or a fool. Please try not to focus on what you perceive as your weak points. 99% (official guess) of people look average, i.e. not supermodels and you look fine to me. The biggest obstacle is getting over ourselves.

Dress for the occasion, try to blend in rather than stand out.
Act as if you belong there, try not to be over self conscious.
Smile, and have a great time.
Don't forget to post a thread aboout your adventures.

The call of the wild is strong. Once you have conquered your fears getting out en femme can be wickedly addictive.

Good luck with everything.

Tash :)

[SarahMarie42]

I know this thread doesn't seem like the place, but I've been talking with a friend of mine recently...exploring myself...and I'm coming to think that I identify as a woman more than a man. that would be a reason for my taking this so seriously. Anyway, I'm going to go out and test the waters :]

I'm also going to have a long talk about my gender with my therapist on Thursday. I feel I am quite fortunate to already have a therapist who just happens to also be well versed in all LGBT issues. :]

And tonight...I'm going to bed as a female...wig, nightie and all. <3

[Cynthia Anne]

Going out as a mother and daughter is something most can only dream of! Be sure you thank her and let her lead! I'm sure she will show you the does and donts! Make sure she enjoys it as much as you will! YOU'RE gonna be fine! Hugs!

[Jennie1975]

Chin up, chest out, stomach in! Be yourself and forget what you are wearing, what others are doing and do what you went out to do. When you have gone shopping in the past you were neverr nerous or worried about what other people thought so why be now?! Your simply a person out with her mom shopping like most of the other people you will see. Relax, man up, and have a good time! Jk on the man up bit! Haha

Jennifer

[Claire Cook]

Going out as a mother and daughter is something most can only dream of! Be sure you thank her and let her lead! I'm sure she will show you the does and donts! Make sure she enjoys it as much as you will! YOU'RE gonna be fine! Hugs!

Would that all of our mothers were so understanding! Such advice as I can give -- use a good antiperspirant, and (I know this will be tough!) try to relax and SMILE! Ust remeber what whas been written here often -- it gets better and easier every time.

Yes, you're gonna be fine!

[kristinacd55]

Well, if your mom's taking you she'll help you look right. The main thing is not to stand out too much and blend

[JenniferR771]

And don't drink a lot of liquids!
Seriously, you will be fine. I am thinking a trip to the mall. Shopping. Buying some small accessories. Buy some makeup. Stop for a bite to eat. Maybe a few outdoor pics at the park. Maybe an outdoor pic at your town's most scenic spot. Or in front of your town's biggest tourists attraction.
Walking around is easy. Interacting with people makes me a little more nervous. You can do it.

[StaceyJane]

And tonight...I'm going to bed as a female...wig, nightie and all. <3

You probably shouldn't sleep with the wig on. It could be very bad for it.

[kimdl93]

Sarah, I've read most of your OPs and the ensuing discussion and I get the impression that you're on an emotional roller coaster. From one day to the next, you're going in opposite directions...on a 4/10/11 post for example, you seen to be giving up on ever being able to "go out" and in this one, you say you're identifying more as a female than as a male, and going shopping with your mom for new outfits.

I know this has to be a terribly difficult period in your life - trying to make sense of the conflicting feelings and emotional ups/downs. My advice to you is don't rush. Give yourself time, give your mind a rest and avoid making impulsive decisions. You're so young and believe me, what seems like an absolute certainty today may prove to be an illusion tomorrow.

[SarahMarie42]

You probably shouldn't sleep with the wig on. It could be very bad for it.
I wanted to, but I didn't for that reason. I just kinda laid down with it on for a few minutes.

Also, I know I'm kind of an emotional wreck, Kim. That's why I've decided to talk to my therapist about all of this.

[Kate Simmons]

Too bad we don't know where you really live Sarah. The girl side of me would like someone to hang out with and the guy side (the admirer) would like to take someone to dinner. Maybe some day...:battingeyelashes::)

[SarahMarie42]

Oh, a dignified woman like you wouldn't want to hang with a silly girl like me would you? x] Then again, maybe you would. I'm generally very good company when I'm not stressing out over something. :]

[Kate Simmons]

Nothing silly about you my friend. When I read your anguish, I see myself some 20 years ago. Hang in there Hon.:hugs::)

[Cheryl T]

Be Confident!!!!
Also, if there is a Dress Barn in your area they are Very CD friendly.

[t-girlxsophie]

First up SarahMarie nice to see a smile at last:thumbsup:
Take your time before making that leap,and make sure It's really what you want,and If it is then be confident,make it look like you belong out and about,dont be self conscious and most of all enjoy every minute of your day

Sophie

[skirtsuit]

Personally, I would completely forget about blending in and trying to look like all the other slobby GGs out there - BORING, BORING, BORING!!!!

Dress nice & look your best - stand tall, walk proud & show the girls how to do it!

Most of all, relax and enjoy.

All the Best,
SS

[Chastitycd]

Best advice I can give you which has been said here plenty of times is walk in where ever youre going like you own the place. Your attitude and confidence or lack of can out yourself. Taking someone with you will help, my first time out I took my wife and she ordered for me at the resturant. Your voice unfortunately will out you faster than anything of not used correctly. One more thing, be prepared for the monster this will create, going out is addictive. I went out for my first time, and I think for about 2 weeks I went out every night after that. Soo much fun and finally you can live like the real you wants. Main thing, have fun and enjoy the ride.

Chastity

[PretzelGirl]

Smile smile smile and when you are done with that, smile some more. And don't lose sight of the fact that you are out there to have fun!

[Megan70]

Be Confident!!!!
Also, if there is a Dress Barn in your area they are Very CD friendly.
I second that Confidence don't be nervous, don't keep looking over your shoulder and also try the Fashion Bug and Payless shoes. You're treated like any woman customer there even if they do know... and they do but never let on.

[SarahMarie42]

I just have to see how it turns out. With my BDD, I either focus on those flaws that are nearly imperceptible to others, or I see things that aren't even there. Haha. So, I'm just taking the plunge, the leap of faith, etc.

Thanks for all the advice!

Also, how do I know that these places will be CD friendly in my area? o.O Is it a chain-wide policy? xD I'm hoping so. I don't know if they'll know or not, but if they do, I'd like to be treated properly anyway.

I'm not going out. I look like a ****ing man. Look at my profile picture and if you give me an opinion, give me an honest one. Warm fuzzies don't change ****ing reality.

[GirlieAmanda]

Hope your Mom is cool. You don't want to end up in a June Cleaver dress.:) The best advice I ever got was to make sure you look like you belong. Not just in what you are wearing but in attitude. Even if you are nervous...try not to look it. Try to look as if its something you have done a million times. Of course, try to look good. Go neutral on colors of makeup. Don't go outlandish. Keep the footwear and clothing sensible and appropriate for where you are going. Make sure you are comfortable with the clothing and accessories you are wearing. Test it all out before.

[Eryn]

...walk in where ever youre going like you own the place.

This seems to be the key point. The last time I saw a "possible CDer" at the mall it was because of her behavior, not her appearance. I've never seen anyone browse a store at such high speed! It was only then I noticed any other possible clues.

Even at that, I didn't read her for sure. Might just have been a nervous GG!

[Tanya C]

I think it's great that you've decided to take that plunge. One word of caution, going out can be habit forming. Before you know it you'll be out so much you won't even remember what that closet looked like.

[AKAMichelle]

Too bad we don't know where you live so we could join on some of your adventures.

[SarahMarie42]

What do I do about the powerful jaw that is clearly displayed from a side angle? Does it preclude my passing? I think it totally will if I can't figure out some way to hide it.

[Eryn]

What do I do about the powerful jaw that is clearly displayed from a side angle?

Take a walk through any mall and keep an eye on the GGs. Most of them have some feature that could be considered somewhat masculine, but they never give it a second thought.

Nobody's going to point at you and say "look, that jaw proves that she's a he!" Observers make their gender judgement from the first few cues they see, and after that their judgement is pretty much fixed unless you give them a really good reason to change it.

[SarahMarie42]

I still would like to be able to hide it...do you have any pointers?

[Midnight Skye]

Best way to hide a feature is to pull attention away from it. I recommend a necklace with enough vibe to draw the eye away from you jawline. Also a strong/bright natural colored lipstick might help keep focus on your lips.

As for going out, pulling toword normal clothing for the season, your age, and your area really helps. Most the girls around my area wear leggings/jeans with a varity of usually neautral tops. So I usually stick out like a light bulb when I go out in dresses, bright tops (I love berry collors), or combinations of skirts with tights. On the other hand I can draw much less attention if I go with jeans and a tunic.

Also confidence, smiles, and just being yourself can go a long way. And some people will see you and realize you're trans/crossdesser/a guy etc. I've never had a horrible reaction out, but be prepared mentally that some folks will not see a woman, but rather something else. Generally if you smile back its all good. But you do aucationally have someone gawk or point, and sometimes you'll hear a giggle or see a laugh. But don't be disheartened by it, some folks don't get us. Most are really cool about it though.

Also... be careful in heels... my first time out I was met by the realization I'd never driven in heals, pushed a cart, or walked serrious distances without a break. That's both fun and instills some nervousness ;)

I wish you luck Sarah, going out can get to be lots of fun once you get over the first couple bumps.

[Julogden]

A different hair style could go a long way toward softening your jawline. Look for one that covers the lower part of your face a little around the edges, framing your face and covering the ear and jaw more, and you need to uncover your forehead a bit. Bangs would be OK, but your current style really covers the upper part of your face way too much, and that's making your jaw look even bigger, exaggerating it. Perhaps a bob style or a pageboy would work, but you need bangs, and some more fullness and height on top too. A lighter shade might be something to check out.

The light skin of your jaw makes it look bigger than it is in contrast to the dark, wig-covered forehead. Remember this rule: dark colors make stuff look smaller, light colors look bigger.

I took a color theory class back when I was in school and you would be amazed at how much color, dark and light can affect our perception of size.

Anyway, you would be well served by visiting a wig shop and getting some help with picking out a wig style and color that flatters your face more.

If you can't visit a wig shop, do a Google search for info on hairstyles for a face with a strong jaw, lots o finfo should be found.

Carol

[SarahMarie42]

Lol I just hope it's not as I perceive it. I see a lantern jawed jock in a wig. x[

[Julogden]

I took the liberty of doctoring your photo, added a different hairstyle and a little lighter color. This isn't necessarily the best style for you, but it shows what I'm talking about. Just cover the jaw a little with the wig, uncover the forehead a bit and add fullness on top and I think you'd be happy from all angles.
155592

[SarahMarie42]

So, I am a lantern jawed jock in a wig? :[

[Julogden]

You have a jaw that may be wider than you like, but that's a fact that you have to deal with. Now you can either go sit at home and never go out while posting here about how awful you think you look, or you can do what women with the same type of jaw as yours do, deal with it by choosing a hairstyle that minimizes it, maybe learn some makeup tricks that might help, and get on with things.

About 99.9% of us here have some trait or traits that don't look female. We learn to minimize them as much as is reasonably possible and get on with things. That's my last advice to you.

Carol

[SarahMarie42]

I'm sorry for the outburst displayed on this post pre-edit...I'm having some serious issues. I'm seeking psychiatric care, but it's a slow process. I apologize.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

My advice is take an umbrella in case it rains, a pair of flats so you can walk easier, and some good sun screen lotion if its sunny.