Stages of Crossdressing/Transition

[Danni Renee]

I have read a few things now about crossdressing and being a transsexual and I was wondering if anyone has looked at the “stages” of crossdressing and what others experience.

I have been dressing since 12-13 but only recently came out to my SO at the age of 40. When I first came out she wondered about the clothes I wore. They were not exactly age appropriate and were absolutely on the trashy end of the spectrum. As she let me explore, I sort of went through different stages. My dressing has become much classier and normal (well, normal for probably a 20 yr old female). I ordered a pink comforter and pink sheets and now my bedroom looks more like my teenage daughters instead of like an adult woman’s bedroom. My SO bought me two Barbies and I keep them by my bed to play with. I pierced my navel. In general I feel like a young woman instead of the 40 year old I am.

So I guess the question is: Is this normal? Is this a progression that others have gone through? If so, what’s next?

[Cynthia Anne]

I think it 'could be considered normal! After all I've never met a woman who never lied about her age! Hugs!

[FAVORITE HEELS]

Its the same as I have gone through up to the peircing pink stuff and Barbies.Keeping the children in the dark for now.That would be a dead givaway here.Glad i told my SO 2 weeks ago she found my lipstick cap on the counter yesterday.That would have been a disaster if she had not known about my dressing.[I] also told her that My time doing it was still productive as i am working from home and doing chores while fully dresses.I love vacuuming and such in my heels and Business suits!!

[Cindygirl65]

Yes I too try to make my bedroom like that of a young woman.

[JenniferR771]

My opinion, yes there is a steady progression. Nicer, more complete women's outfits. Underwear stage. Dress and heels stage. Makeup and wig stage. Photos. Going out shopping. Blending. Androgynous look. Meeting others. Bolder. Don't care what others think.
No sure where Barbie dolls fit in.

[Pythos]

Funny. I never gave though about making my room more "girly". I guess it is because I just don't go along with what is considered masculine or feminine. I would love a dresser with a mirror, and a full length mirror, but really that is about it. For me what I prefer is have my room done up in a Gothic or Edwardian style, not too Frou Frou so to say, but definitely a four poster, and nice trimmings. Ornate is what I would love. An ocasional dragon or gargoyle would be a nice touch :)

The changing of the room to look more "feminine" is definitely a sign of a want to be feminine yourself, opposed to crossdressing at or around the level I am at.

[StaceyJane]

It's normal, you are going through the life you missed. One day your female self will grow up too but for now keep enjoying exploring the world and yourself.

[Kate Simmons]

Once we hit "CD puberty" we begin to come to terms with it. It then begins to accelerate exponentially, much faster than so called "normal people". If we play our cards right and get in touch with our feelings we become a much more balanced and happier person as a result.:)

[Eryn]

It seems that CDing has a lot in common with adolescence, except that we don't have the peer pressure to wear clothes that are age-appropriate. If someone has lusted after that leather miniskirt for years then by gosh she will have it, and rightly so!

I have an accepting spouse who doesn't mind sharing so the clothes I wear tend to be fairly age-appropriate, but I still find killer heels attractive even if she doesn't!

[t-girlxsophie]

I think it's normal we all try and slow the age process,when I first ventured out I was 35 but felt like a kid in a candy store bought clothes that were for younger women,but I did have so much fun,I never thought anything about it being age appropriate,Of course as I got further on in my development I "grew up" and my tastes changed.Upon meeting my Wife it really changed then we share a lot of clothing,As for the Girlie bedroom,well we are decorating soon and we are going for a Feminine style so it will still be a Girlie Room,somethings never change,Just enjoy yourself and every new step that comes your way

Sophie

[Tanya C]

I think it is perfectly normal for cders to progress as time goes by and to take on a more refined presentation as we take our crossdressing more seriously.
But, I think it's a pretty big leap to conclude that becoming transexual will be the end result of your cd progression. It is for some, but I believe that most remain crossdressers.

[Chloe Renee]

I never really had the ultra short phase, nor the panty phase. But, as I became more comfortable with myself my wife noticed the second adolescence. She joked about me being a bratty 13 yo, now just a year later she compres me to a 17yo.

[Julogden]

I think it is pretty common among us. Those of us who experience that are sort of going through a second adolescence and young adulthood in our tastes and manner of dressing, kind of the life we didn't get to lead, in my opinion. I don't think there is a "normal" for it. Some people like to stay forever young and dress way young for their age until they can't dress anymore. Others skip the adolescent stage or are in it very briefly. We're all different. Perhaps our reasons for CD'ing are what drives some of the differences?

What's next is up to you. :)

Carol

[docrobbysherry]

2 points, Danni.

At MY age, and from MY point of view, 40 is VERY close to 20!

If you've got the figure for them, why NOT wear 20's clothes? I;m over 60 and I DO!

And yes! You're as "normal" as the rest of us!n Feel better now?

[JamieTG]

I'm the same way Danni. I'm 57 but but when my female side takes over I don't dress age appropriate. I feel more like a college girl than a middle aged woman. I wear clothes from the junior departments and my accessories are very girly. I also have my bedroom looking like its for a teenage girl. I don't think your real age should determine how you dress. Its what you feel like on the inside that counts.

[ReineD]

Here's my take on it, but not being a CDer I could be way off the mark:

In terms of presentation, I think that men generally notice or are attracted sexually to the eye-popping female features, the same features that ads using sexy models to sell their products take advantage of: long legs (shown off by mini skirts), large breasts (enhanced with tight, low cut tops), big hair, long red nails, and of course any of the "naughty" accessories like fish net stockings, corsets, spiked heels, bikinis, etc. I guess these things have long proven to be eye-candy to men. So it makes sense that when a CDer first begins to dress, she would naturally gravitate to those looks since to her they represent the epitome of sexy womanhood. And, these types of clothes are more often seen on the younger female bodies than say on women who are 60, hence the idea that newer CDers tend to dress like college girls.

But then as she further develops, a CDer will figure out the more subtle things about fashion that enhance a woman's looks without making her look trashy. It's a learning curve. And if she wants to go out dressed, she'll look more critically at how other women dress for certain situations (rather than just go for what she considers to be the epitome of a sexy look) and she'll figure out that most women don't walk around looking like sex objects unless they're night clubbing for example. So she'll refine her tastes.

Same with house decor. I'm guessing the biggest departure from the way a guy would decorate a room is the hot pink, frilly stuff. But in time and given a large enough decorating budget with lots of room for experimentation, these tastes would morph into something more discriminating, just like the clothes?

It's like developing an appreciation for oriental rugs. At first, the larger bolder printed wool rugs might be appealing, but then as you look at more and more rugs you would begin to appreciate the workmanship in the finer, more subtly designed, more knots per inch, silk rugs.

[Eryn]

Here's my take on it, but not being a CDer I could be way off the mark:

On the contrary, you're right on target!

Of course, there are as many styles as they are CDers. If someone is closeted and has no SO participation they are pretty much free to wear anything they please. For those of us with accepting spouses they often provide a maturing influence, and sometimes a supply of age-appropriate clothes. Those going out in the general world (as opposed to the TG-friendly world) tend to closely study appropriate dress as they want to present as well as possible.

[Joanne f]

Yes i think it is a mixture of things , if you go out then you have to fit into a social norm of some sort but behind closed doors you can go back to a time that you may feel like you missed out on or to a time that you feel particularly comfortable or even a fantasy of what you think you would be like given the opportunity, this can overlap into the style of clothes that you look for and want to wear outside as it is also a part of what was missed and it will depend on what you want out of the dressing how quickly you will move forward with the dressing style but it is not as unnatural as you may think as there are quite a few older women that dress like teenagers as well now as the high street shops seam to be split into two , the older fashion and the younger fashion shops with very little in between unless you go to a fashion boutique and they are expensive so a lot go for the teenage look so you are not alone , and what does it matter how you want to dress at home .

[ReineD]

I wonder how closely the style of dressing done in private is tied to how sexual the experience is? In other words, the sexier the clothes, the um ... sexier the experience?

[Vickie_CDTV]

Remember, transvestism is not necessarily a sort of layover on the flight to a transsexual destination. You can crossdress your entire life and never transition, or go on HRT, or have SRS etc. Having pink sheets, liking dolls etc. are just things you as a person like, and it is not a sign of inevitable transsexualism, and that is a good thing! The journey of transsexualism is very difficult and fraught with pain, it is not something one should aspire to have to endure unless they absolutely have to.

As for age and the clothes one wears, I am a bit of a freak among dressers. When I first started coming out dressed at 19, and even today, people are always telling me I dress too old. Why, I don't know for sure. I never really had a real adolescence experience due to isolation and health problems. The young girls never wanted anything to do with so I was seldom around them. I spent far more time around my mother, her friends and my teachers, and that is probably where I picked up my style of dress in those impressionable years. I was also (and still am) very large and I have never had a positive body image, and have always felt it is better to cover than reveal too much.

[Joanne f]

I expect for some the desire to dress very sexy is linked to the desire to experience some sort of sexual role that they wish they could actually experience or at least think they would so by dressing that way it gives them the feeling of this and no doubt enhance`s their sexual feelings at that time , but there is also another none sexual side to dressing very young and that is linked to the missed years of growing up as a female so you go back to a stage/time that you are comfortable with acting this out where maybe you find you have to experience be for you can move forward or you can even run the different stages at the same time , dressing is not always about being sexual but it can obviously be a fun part .

[Danni Renee]

As I look over all the posts (and I thank you all for your replys) I realize that I probably should have done some more inner thinking first. I mention my Barbies without mentioning my "boy toys" I have (matchbox cars among other things). I have and continue to feel younger than I really am anyway in guy mode so I guess I should not be surprised that those feelings stay with me in girl mode too. I guess part of me is looking for a model or road map for how this goes so I sort of know what to expect. I find it fascinating at the different places we are all at in our lives yet we have so many shared experiences at the same time.

I guess my search for a road map is driven by the fact I am proceeding much faster on this journey than I ever anticipated and I am not sure where I am at nor where I am going.

As I was looking through posts last night I came across a post (Post #27 by Tamera on the Thread "If we TG's CD's could say anything") and it resonated with me in so many ways. I discussed it with my SO at length last night because I wanted her to know how I felt (I told her when I first came out to her that I have only had one wish that I woud wish upon every star, every birthday candle, or wishing well I could find: to be a girl). We also discussed at length another post (Post #128 by ReineD on the Thread "If we GG's could say anything/ The good and the Bad " and talked about whether I was goig to fast for her (her answer was no). She is exceptionally supporting.

So I keep wondering to myself where I am going. I do know a few things. I know that since I started dressing as often as I can, that I am much happier with myself than I have ever been. I sleep in nightgowns every night and I sleep the best I have slept in years. I wear panties and now a bras under my work clothes and I feel so much more confident than I have felt ever before. What started out as just dressing, which did have a sexual component to it, has now moved to the point where I am identifying myself differently.

Sorry about my rambling! And docrobbysherry and all the others - I hope I am still rocking it in my 60's like you!

[ReineD]

I was also (and still am) very large and I have never had a positive body image in my entire life, and so felt I should be well covered dressed.

Well, you're in good company. :)

I'd venture to guess that most GGs feel the same way. It is the younger or svelter GGs who wear the closer fitting garnments and the shorter skirts. If they don't have the type of bodies that look good in such clothes, or as they age and/or put on weight, they generally choose more modest attire. And then there are the GGs who would never wear revealing or tight fitting clothes, even if they could. Generally speaking, of course. There are always exceptions.

[Julogden]

Well, you're in good company. :)

I'd venture to guess that most GGs feel the same way. It is the younger or svelter GGs who wear the closer fitting garnments and the shorter skirts. If they don't have the type of bodies that look good in such clothes, or as they age and/or put on weight, they generally choose more modest attire. And then there are the GGs who would never wear revealing or tight fitting clothes, even if they could. Generally speaking, of course. There are always exceptions.

Yeah, there are definitely exceptions, both among CD's and females, and that's OK, we only go around once, so we need to do what makes us happy as long as we aren't hurting anyone else.

If I were young and slim now, I admit I'd have to try the more form-fitting styles, but I would pass on the hooker styles. But the fact of the matter is that I'm not young or slim. I'm working on getting slim, and when I succeed, I will wear more fitted clothing, but tasteful and age appropriate. I haven't figured out how to become younger in body yet. ;)

I did start out initially with lingerie and hosiery, but that didn't last long for me. When I first started trying to put together an outfit, I chose stuff right off the bat that would be appropriate for an average female of my age, and I've never owned a mini-anything or crazily high heels.

Carol

[NicoleScott]

I wonder how closely the style of dressing done in private is tied to how sexual the experience is? In other words, the sexier the clothes, the um ... sexier the experience?

Pretty much, Reine. A question best answered by pleasure dressers (I qualify). Depending, of course, of how the cd defines sexy. Some cd's are most excited by a very polished secretary look (pretty blouse, knee-length skirt, pumps, glasses - nothing overtly over-the-top sexy - but the total look is very sexy to some.
Dressing in private allows a cd to dress to whatever level of sexiness the brain defines it. I love it when the girl in the mirror wears heavy makeup, long thick eyelashes, dark red lipstick with long fake nails to match, short skirts, and killer high heels. Yes, it does enhance the sexual experience. But, again, I suspect that this is most true for pleasure dressers. After all, it is kind of the point (dressing for pleasure). But sexy is defined differently even among pleasure dressers.

[Nia Hush]

I guess you could say I'm in the beginner stages. Being single means I can pretty much gorge myself on information, but I'm taking the perspective of transitioning into a more regular crossdresser working from the inside out, I guess. There are changes I'm making on a masculine level for the benefit of a more pleasing feminine appearance and my girl side loves to earn everything she can, so I'm enjoying the journey as I progress.

I kind of think of this like reading a comic strip over the years. When you read everything in sequence during those years, you don't really notice how characters become more defined and improved. Its only when you jump backward several years that you even pick up on how different this year's strip looks from the one you read years ago. So right now I make a little change and layer another one on as I'm satisfied with the change. Right now I focus on establishing my workout routine, undergarments, skin care and dealing with body hair. Next its going to be some workout clothes for the home, some loose tops and biker shorts and some women's running shoes for when I go walking. I'll probably start on make-up basics once I'm satisified with my progress on skin and the wardrobe has a few options.

I find some importance and satisfaction in pacing this out, I guess you could say I fall between drag and crossdressing in my interests at this point in that I see it as an illusion I want to master, just not to the point of exaggeration. There are times I will want to be a man and seen as a man and other times dress as a woman and be seen as one. I don't want to stop being a man full time, hell, I need that part of me that never grows up or I lose perspective on what makes Nia so important to being part of my emerging lifestyle. I'd like them both to be two sides to the same coin rather than one ending up being an escape for the other.

[LilSissyStevie]

I say don't overthink it and just do what you like. I guess the idea is that these "stages" in your journey are OK as long as the destination is "middle aged asexual soccer mom." That doesn't really appeal to me. I'm not a GG; I'm never going to be a GG; I'm not even ever going to look like a GG so I don't have that constraint. I can do what I like and not look any more ridiculous than I would if I were trying to pass. I've been doing this for over 50 years on and off and, if anything, I'm progressing backwards. I don't dress "appropriatly" for my sex, age or even the historical time period I live in. I just don't give a damn and try to have fun with it.
:love:

[Rianna Humble]

I have read a few things now about crossdressing and being a transsexual and I was wondering if anyone has looked at the “stages” of crossdressing and what others experience.

When reading posts on these forums it is easy to get confused between cross-dressers and transsexuals, but they are two different animals. Granted, many TS's in denial will try to kid themselves that they are only cross-dressers, but there are differences.


I have been dressing since 12-13 but only recently came out to my SO at the age of 40. When I first came out she wondered about the clothes I wore. They were not exactly age appropriate and were absolutely on the trashy end of the spectrum. As she let me explore, I sort of went through different stages. My dressing has become much classier and normal
...
So I guess the question is: Is this normal? Is this a progression that others have gone through? If so, what’s next?

I thnk my beautician put it better than anyone else I have read or spoken to once I had come out as the real me. She said that I will be going through a second adolescence but in middle age. I especially like the "middle age" bit being in my 50s :heehee:

From the grand old age of 19, Emily told me that she looks back at some of the stuff she wore a couple of years ago and wonders "How could I have worn that?" She may only be 19 but in common sense she is going on 90 :D