Just came out & she found my lipstick cap

[FAVORITE HEELS]

JUST CAME OUT & SHE FOUND MY LIPSTICK CAP

I just told my wife last week about me crossdressing on a regular basis.It was hard but well worth it.She was very understanding and confused.I was able to answer the questions she asked with the help/experience of you all.One thing I added was how most of the crossdressers on the site are faithfully married and lots for many years.(I can think of alot of things that would much more damaging to a marriage.One week goes by and I get a signal from her to come to the bathroom.She points at a clear lipstick cap with some color on it and says thats not mine.I laughed and said boy am I glad I told you about all this since that would have been a shocker or threat that I was cheating.She is really progressing quickly and Is not asking me to reduce or stop my dressing.I am being especially careful about her needs and that seems to help.I have to admit since she knows now I have been buying alot of things I really wanted for the past 9 months and I am less carefull about it all and have been fully dressing nearly every weekday and LOVING IT!!Thanks again for all the tips.

[Loni]

careful of the pink fog.
in some ways i am lucky as i have no wife,
and in some ways i am very unlucky i have no wife.

but from what i have read on this site some wife's bounce from one side to the other with in seconds. so if you can slow down and clean up a bit better.

take care.

Loni

.

[FAVORITE HEELS]

Good advice thanks!!

[Eryn]

I'll second the motion that you pay close attention to your wife's needs. Remember, she's just had a bomb dropped on her and probably has nobody other than you with whom to air her feelings. She doesn't want to hurt you so the negative ones tend to stay hidden and that can be dangerous.

Why don't you suggest that your wife join this forum and get into the FAB group? My wife has found it to be a great resource for her, and simply reading the forum helps to put a human face on CDing.

You are in a good situation, but all good situations need care and nurturing!

Hugs, Eryn

[BRANDYJ]

Dressing every weekday night? You nned to slow WAY down. Your wife is newly accepting, but as Loni said, she can do a 180 real fast. In my opinion you are spending way to much time dressing now that the cat is out of the bag. I woulld suggest you back way off and kind of let her set the pace and don't push it. You did not say how long you have been married or whether you are dresisng every night in full view of your wife. If she is like most women, she married a man and needs HIM around more then his female alter ego. Don't ruin the little acceptance you now have. Clearly, you are like a kid in the candy store right now. We call it the PINK FOG. Your wife may already be missing her MAN due to the amount of time you spend dressing, PLease...SLOW DOWN.

[ReineD]

I have to admit since she knows now I have been buying alot of things I really wanted for the past 9 months and I am less carefull about it all and have been fully dressing nearly every weekday and LOVING IT!

I'll agree with the others: be careful of the pink fog.

Having a wife believe that you need to dress occasionally (which was the case before you told her), to dressing daily and having a sharp increase in purchases might give rise to questions as to how far it will all go. We GGs don't have a natural instinct for your needs, how much you've repressed them, and how much you need to express yourselves after a long period of suppression. So it is easy for a wife, especially in the beginning and if there isn't a lot of communication about motives, to suspect she might be losing her husband if he goes from one extreme to the other. If she doesn't say anything for fear of seeming non-supportive, it is easy for the husband to think that she's on board with everything he's doing. And then, a few months later, all h*ll can break loose!

I'm not saying this is the situation in your case, just that you should be aware of it.

You should read this little scenario even though it is condensed, which is not an uncommon situation for CDers who will eventually wish to go out in the mainstream dressed and who have supportive wives:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?106619-If-we-GG-s-could-say-anything-The-good-and-the-Bad&p=2426835&viewfull=1#post2426835

[Tanya C]

I'd have to go along with the others that dressing every night is going to get real old from your wife's perspective, especially if she is still confused about the issue. Constant dressing can be easily mistaken as a desire to transition to full time.
Fear of the unknown can be the biggest problem in a cd marraige, so until she has had an opportunity to learn and experience more about your cding you'd be well advised to use moderation in your dressing.

[FAVORITE HEELS]

I have a 15 year relationship and 11 years married with kids.I have promised to be more helpful to give her less to do when she get home from work.I dress in the early part of the day when everyone is out and have been promised there will be no unannounced drop ins by here as not to be surprised.She feels good about knowing but does not want to see me en femme.I would like to keep my dressing to myself as it is my time for me and she gets that.I will slow down just to be safe for the potential 180 view she may have on CDing.She was not interested in books or the site at this time.I told her I was not interested in going out especially since I am very private and have dead give away man hands.

[Janine cd]

give her time , Hon. She needs to adjust to your new self.

[Jeannie]

If she doesn't know already please tell her about this site and invite her to join in and let her know that she will learn greatly by it. I agree with all the others pace yourself. She is inquiring around about the lifestyle and may suddenly do an about face. Remember women act emotionally first. That's why I say you should direct her here so that she can get good information.

Jeannie

[sissystephanie]

As others have said, you really need to slow down in your dressing now that you have told your wife. Remember, she married a man, not a woman! You are that man, regardless of what you have on!! That is the main message that you have to keep giving her, in whatever way you can! If that means wearing drab sometimes when you would rather be enfemme, than so be it. That is the way life is!! Believe me, I do know what I am talking about since I have been CD'ing for over 60 years and was married to my late wife for almost 50 years! And she knew that I was a CD when she married me! In fact, we wore matching lingerie to our wedding!

[Stephenie S]

Whoa! Slow down, darling.

Maybe even stop for a while. If you care even a little bit about your marriage you need to take it easy.

And think about the implication of your saying, "She is really progressing", as if she were a schoolgirl. She isn't. She is an adult. She needs some respect. Telling her about it was a wise thing to do. But slow down. She has to know that SHE is the most important person in your life, not you. Otherwise, sooner or later, she will walk.

Stephenie

[FAVORITE HEELS]

Thanks everyone i had a feeling i was allittle out of control.I will heed the warning and slow the pace.I just have a new marine blue long sleeve layered look dress dress and charcoal grey calvin klein pencil skirt i cant wait to try on.

[ReineD]

It's not that you shouldn't try them on ... it's more about being aware of your wife's feelings as you go from not dressing at all (in her eyes) to wanting to dress all the time. As I said earlier, she might begin to wonder what is happening. It's more about trying to achieve a balance, that is, if you still like yourself as a guy.

But, if she is not around when you dress and you have carte blanche to do so during the day and if you are not allowing the dressing to supplant the other stuff you're supposed to be doing, then I guess this would be OK.

The danger is in allowing the whole thing to become so enticing that the other things you used to enjoy doing begin to pale. Your wife and kids would notice the difference in you and wonder if you are beginning to change from the husband and father you used to be. I really do think it's best to move slowly, at least in the beginning until your wife catches up with you in terms of what the CDing means to you. Does this make sense?

[donnalee]

Just remember - a big change is like driving an icy road. Make no sudden moves and you'll get there OK.

[Shelly67]

It's a new period of life for you both . Tis time to start courting your wife again my friend . Treat her like the queen she is . One thing for sure , every time you buy yourself something treat her too . Even a little gesture will warm the heart . Strengthen the partnership you share - be honest , be truthful and kind . One thing all crossdressers desire is an understanding support , but to recieve this we have to give it with a generous nature .listen to her questions answear gently as at times ( in some partnerships ) in the newness of coming out , things may seem great but descend into quarrels and upsetting questions . I truely believe if we as guys attend to our girlfriends or wives with consideration making them feel trusted , femanine and VERY special ( as they are ) then alongside the love we share an understanding acceptance can be achieved . We have to give and take . Who knows , in time she may be ready to meet your femme self ... Just be sure to make it fun - lifes way too short to be serious and too wrapped up in ones self . I hope my pennies worth doesn't come across as strong or big headed , I just wanted to convey my thoughts having been exactly in the place you are now in . The only difference is children . Sadly we have none . However , I'm sure non of us wish to cause distress or upset in the newness of emerging with such a greatly misunderstood secret .....
Good luck to you both xx

[Cynthia Anne]

WOW! This thread is loaded with not only good but great advice! It leaves me speech less! It all boils down to, don't put her on the back burner!

[FAVORITE HEELS]

I am so happy to hear all this great advice from you all.I have been feeling different( more girly) and turned that feeling into lots of hugs cuddling and being more helpful to my wife.I promised not to stray in any way.She feels better about the fact that I told her there isnt another woman nd that I am the other women.Then we laughed and got the kids ready for school.I must not let the excitement get the better of me and concentrate on her happiness and needs.I must say so far intimacy with her has been outstanding so far.It appears i can be the Man she married and the women I am inside at the same time.This Needs to continue we have a long life together and i want it to be great for both of us.I do however have the entire day to get ready for wearing the 2 outfits I got yesterday.Easter break is next week so I have a full 9 days without any wearing en femme.

[JulieC]

give her time , Hon. She needs to adjust to your new self.

I heartily agree with this, and want to add on;

You've had most of your life to come to terms with this. Your wife has had a week. Do the math.

Your wife will have thoughts about your crossdressing that she can't even fathom thinking of yet. There's a long road ahead.

[Jessica86]

One thing I did when I first told my wife....I actually stopped for a while. She started telling me things like "Try this on," and started passing me things. It was just a way for her to tell me how comfortable she was without actually....telling me if that makes sense. I am yet to actually be fully dressed up in person in front of her. She has seen pictures, but we are working toward getting there. My wife was one that said "Oh its okay," and supported me for two weeks and then one day "Its not okay, I can't see why you do that!" She explained it as she was just confused and was very scared I wanted a sex change. I assured her that was never going to happen. Since then, each day is progressively getting better. Now we joke about it, and she says things like "I want you to teach me how to get my makeup like yours," and "You look hotter than I do." I hope it goes well, and good luck!

[FAVORITE HEELS]

I like your experience that would be nice to have comments from her like tipsI am commenting more on her nice appearance when shes wears her attireI am being very positive,not appearing like its anything wrong with me its something I enjoy.I am also being very reassuring about every question she asks me like the big ones.I am keeping things dressing, and buying minimal for a while.Dressing under the radar and I think not haveing reminders laying around at first may also be helpful.

[ReineD]

I like your experience that would be nice to have comments from her like tipsI am commenting more on her nice appearance when shes wears her attireI am being very positive,not appearing like its anything wrong with me its something I enjoy.

OK ... in the interest of your relationship, here's another word of warning.

I know it might seem as if we GGs are hard to please or that we may be paradoxes, but do make sure she knows you appreciate her for who she is and not for how "girly" she looks.

I can't tell you how many women get turned off when they get the feeling their CDing husbands are paying attention to their attributes, not because the CDers are turned on by their wives, but more because the CDers want to learn how she puts herself together, or wants to wear her clothes.

[FAVORITE HEELS]

your right its who she is thats probably going to pull us through this process. Another very important thing that gets overlooked and the whole thing comes crashing in.I dont know how I could have navagated through this without the support here.thank you again

[AKAMichelle]

glad to hear that things are moving well. Don't be surprised that things go south at some point. It is all part of the process where she will move along acceptance spectrum like we do the TG spectrum.

[Kate17]

When I told my wife, she said she was OK with it all and I took advantage of the situation. My pent up desire went wild and it came crashing down. As Michelle said, expect that to happen - especially if you go overboard. We had to sit down and establish boundaries. What really helped me is my wife bought a book "My husband wears my clothes" by Peggy Rudd and that made all the difference in the world. I asked her to attend a cd X mas party and she agreed but bought the book to prepare herself. It is a great read and from a GG/wife's perspective. Now she is telling a lot of her un married friends that they should go out with a cross dresser.

[Janine cd]

I agree with most of my sisters. You must go slow. Dressing every day is causing great anxieties for your SO. Try to learn how she sees your need to dress balanced as her need to see you as her mate and lover.

[SamanthaS]

Buying more clothes was one of the many benefits of telling me wife :)

[FAVORITE HEELS]

And for some strange reason after telling her about my crossdressing my shopping is much more enjoyable and relaxed. My selections seem to be fitting me better.No more poorly fitting garments!!I can spend the time neccesary to get the right fit.Wish I had the nerve to take them in the mens fitting room to try them on before purchase.For now I get 2 sizes and return the small or larger one.very rare to get a larger fit HaHa,

[Loni]

if in the money plans might try a "special" weekend get away with the wife. a b&b place in the mts/coast pending were you live, shower her with love and affection...NO cross dressing. this weekend is for her.
just a way to show she is still top girl in the house.
then try and do little things for her when possible.

Loni

[Presh GG]

Just curious,
have you noticed any changes in your wife ... as in more quiet, less joyous, sadder or a half smile ?

Are you LOOKING for these signs that she may be hurting ?

Presh GG

[FAVORITE HEELS]

I do see some mild quietness yes. the smiles ok for now and she seems to be having fun with me and the children
I think there is some degree hurting who wouldn't be hurt by having this big change in her life.
Shes strong and she deals with stuff better than most women and we do talk things out pretty good as a couple.

[UNDERDRESSER]

in some ways i am lucky as i have no wife,
and in some ways i am very unlucky i have no wife.

.Sometimes I read a comment on here and have to check to make sure it wasn't me who wrote it and forgot.....:sad:

[FAVORITE HEELS]

All I going extremely well with my SO we are working alot abot my dressing and working through the details of this on her time table since I have been at it for nine months and shes had a few weeks to get used to my dressing.I cant wait till monday as I have the whole day and can do a full dress session.OOOOOH I feel so tingley.Now Its just working out whether I sould wear nylon stockings and a rago open bottom girdle or 6 inch lace top thigh highs and corset with my new chamise.Decisions Decisions