slowly dying..

[_Kira_]

hi, everybody..
if u don't wanna decrease ur good mood don't read all that I wrote.. i'm trying to be happy but nothing can help me to feel myself as I have be..I started to dance on pilona(at home certainly) and I adore it..but anyways all turned to black..it seems to me I lost all chances to be myself.. and I ought to die slowly in this stupid shell..
I'm tired be a social mask..
I hate it..I'll tryed to find friends but most was interested in my appearence(it doesn't depend from who I chat guy or gay)..
nobody 're interested in my mind..
I wanna only one to sleep and never get up..
anybod who wanna see me on pilona tell me)) ( trying to be funny:sad:)

[sandra-leigh]

Hi,
What is pilona ? I did find a pilona.com web site but it appears to have no content?

[Felicity71]

Vladiostock? do you have gender therapists and a Govt that has legislation to protect your rights if you tranition?

[_Kira_]

Hi,
What is pilona ? I did find a pilona.com web site but it appears to have no content?

it's pole.. I'm amateur poledancer

[_Kira_]

Vladiostock? do you have gender therapists and a Govt that has legislation to protect your rights if you tranition?

yap.. but there are only in Moscow and St.Petesburg. also russian society 's rather conservative. TS means for most people. in addition I don't wanna that my parents know it.. it's my reason to try run as far as can.. I tryed to take IELTS..but I 'm sure that I won't enough marks on each tests(
nobody can and nobody protects my rights exclude myself.. but it seems to me I lost all chances.

[AKAMichelle]

It sounds like you need to find some others in your area to help you navigate this process. You aren't alone, but sometimes it feels like it. It is never to late as long as you are breathing to change your life. You must realize that being yourself will ultimately cause your parents to find out. So acceptance of that fact will help you to begin dealing with life. Russia isn't much different than certain parts in the US. In the SE US it is very difficult to even go out of the house dressed. That part of the country is known more for non-acceptance and intolerance than anything. There are many others even in your country that have made the journey and succeeded. You just need to find some others so the journey isn't so lonely. Then you can begin to figure out what steps to take and how to get through the maze of transition.

Hang in there. Everybody has felt defeated when they start transition but they overcome. You will too. Break your issues down into smaller components and you will begin to find solutions.

1) Find Others in your area
2) They may know of somebody closer to you to help as a therapist.
3) Calm down and understand that will be a marathon instead of a sprint. You may win and will lose sometimes, but if you stay with it then you will reach the finish line. It is not important how fast you accomplish your task, but that you do.

We are here to help anyway we can. Good Luck to you in your journey.

[_Kira_]

it seems easier than it's in reality.. russia 's another world..especially far away from Moskow parts..but it 's no mater.. main problem then my parents live close to me.. I see only one way.. to run far away and mix with crowd. and you 're right.. I wanna be myself as soon as can.. cause I wanna live now..not in future(

anyways thx I suppose I need Luck