Separation and divorce is in the horizon...

[Ericka2]

I cannot longer be so selfish and try to keep a relationship that is only about what I want and what is good for Ericka, I truly love my wife and I'm making this sacrifice on giving her up for her to find a real man to make her happy, I've told her that if I was in her shoes I would never understand someone like me and would never agree to be with a man like me, in the other hand, I find somehow relief that I will only concentrate on my self and not feeling so guilty on keeping someone hostage to my desires or problems......Thanks for your support sisters..

Love, Ericka

[Sarah Doepner]

I wish both of you the best of luck in dealing with such a significant change in your lives.

[SherriePall]

I am so sorry to hear about your pending divorce. I hope that both of you have really talked this out. I do wish you both much happiness in the future.

[Joanne f]

I am confused, are you saying that you love your wife but you love the Cding more, no wonder some wives fear us.

[JulieC]

Has she said she's in fact leaving and divorcing you?

[Alice B]

That is a difficult decision to make. I hope that things work out for the best for both of you and that you can remain friends through out it all.

[Sara Jessica]

You are trying to have it both ways, to appear unselfish while casting her off to find a "real man". However, the way you are presenting this scenario it comes across as nothing but selfish unless there are other underlying issues that are contributing to such an unfortunate situation. Regardless, I sincerely thing work put for all involved.

[Amanda22]

You are trying to have it both ways, to appear unselfish while casting her off to find a "real man". However, the way you are presenting this scenario it comes across as nothing but selfish unless there are other underlying issues that are contributing to such an unfortunate situation. Regardless, I sincerely thing work put for all involved.

*the way the OP worded it*, I have the same response. There's nothing wrong with wanting to go your separate ways to pursue a life you can't have if you're together. It kind of seems like that's what you want but you're describing something else. I could be totally misinterpreting the OP. I've done that before...

[Julogden]

Ericka, I wish you the best, and I'm very sorry that your relationship couldn't survive.

Carol

[sissystephanie]

Ericka, I will have to disagree with your assessment of your situation! It is quite apparent that your love for your wife is secondary to your desire to CD. Telling her that she needs to find a "real man" says that very clearly! She married you, and unless I am very mistaken, you are a real man! Yes, you like to crossdress, but that doesn't change your biology, unless you have had the surgery! I have been a CD for over 60 years and love to dress very much. But I was married for almost 50 of those years to a lady whom I loved very deeply and who supported my CD activities from the start of our marriage. I lost her a few years ago to cancer!

If you truly love your wife as you say, you would do whatever is necessary to keep her happy. I made exceptions in my CD activities to acknowledge my wife's desires. It is not fun, but if it keeps the wife happy it is worth it! I do hope everything works out O.K. for both of you!!

[Ericka2]

Just to clarify some misunderstandings, yes I do love her deeply, but to expect her to put up with other issues that arises from being a cd and maybe moving on to tg would be too much to ask to someone that's been there for me and loves me, the decision is mutual, and we been discussing this for a while, under different circumstances she would be ideal if I just want to use her as a decoy but I'm a real person and don't use people, I believe that what goes around comes around.

Love, Ericka.

[My Lady Marsea]

Ericka....Although I don't like know the exact personal circumstances, perhaps you are not a true CD but a TG/TS who needs to like think of herself or wutever in this case in order to complete that which is locked up in there. I've had to become so totally much more "self" to continue with my life, I could no longer live for others and society alone while creating conflict within myself and on others.. I can not carry two people in my one body. Just my :2c:





and food for thought. Best wishes or wutever in however it works out for you, just so you are like at peace with yourself finally.

[Joanne f]

In my opinion there is a big difference in being TG to being TS and they will have different needs as one will have varying needs at different times and the other will have the same needs all of the time so i think you should think very carefully before you do something you may regret but if it is a mutual agreement then i am sure you both know what you are doing .

[Lori B]

I agree with Steph............

[Jill Devine]

I can't judge your actions or your intentions. Its a free world and your life. All I can do is wish you well and hope that both of you find happiness. Good luck.

[AKAMichelle]

I wish I didn't understand those feelings as well as I do. I know how your feel. Good luck to you both.

[ReineD]

but to expect her to put up with other issues that arises from being a cd and maybe moving on to tg would be too much to ask to someone that's been there for me and loves me, the decision is mutual, and we been discussing this for a while

The decision is mutual. Does this mean you both think that you are on your way to a transition or live full time, and your wife doesn't feel she can be married to another woman?

If this is the case, then I agree you are both making the best decision you can under the circumstances.

But your initial post was misleading. It sounded as if although your marriage is still intact, you are "releasing" her because you feel you cannot bear to impose your presence on her any longer. It is her decision to make and not yours, as to whether or not she can live with the CDing. But, if there is a gender change in the future and you both want to explore other possibilities, this is fair enough.

[Jodi]

Make sure that you retain a good lawyer now. If you don't, I'm sure that she will. Without a good lawyer, you may not have any money left to enjoy cd'ing.

Jodi

[Ericka2]

To answer your question Reine, I'm releasing her, I been acting indifferent to her in purpose, and also told her that I may transition, that there were no reason for her to hang on since she will not accept a tg in her life but she seem to think that I may not go thru it, who knows, I may not, but is not fair for me to have her wait, I want her happiness, even without me....

Love, Ericka.

[docrobbysherry]

Ericka, I think u r confusing us and yourself with your post!

U can separate from your wife without divorce! I think a "trial separation" would claify the situation for BOTH of u! Don't try to guess how each of u will feel, find out!

If divorce comes around, it was meant to be! People DO grow apart for MANY reasons. Not just gender identity issues! Sometimes living apart can HELP a relationship! It did mine. For awhile anyway.

[ReineD]

To answer your question Reine, I'm releasing her, I been acting indifferent to her in purpose, and also told her that I may transition, that there were no reason for her to hang on since she will not accept a tg in her life but she seem to think that I may not go thru it, who knows, I may not, but is not fair for me to have her wait, I want her happiness, even without me....

This is where I get confused. If you lover her and she loves you, and if she is OK with the CDing, then why do you feel you should decide for her what she wants and doesn't want?

Please don't make that mistake.

[gwenbeth]

Erika, I do feel what you are going through with the separation and divorce. I have spent today sorting out stuff with my wife. I do hope that things work out ok for the both of you.

However, I do think that you need to look at what is going on in your relationship and at least be honest with yourself (and hopefully others) about the real reasons you are wanting the divorce. I am not saying you are wrong for wanting a divorce, but I am not buying this whole martyr act. I might be wrong.

I will also respectfully disagree with with Stephanie's comments about being a "real man". Being a "real man" is more than just an issue of the contents of your underwear. It is also has a lot to with your attitudes, confidence, and how you view yourself.

[katrinakat]

U did the right thing, and I praise u for u r courage! Be honest and be true! Xoxo
Katt

[Tina B.]

Erika, some times a girl has to do what a girl has to do. I don't see where shellfish comes into it if, one or both people can not find personal happiness in a relationship for what ever reason, then it is not a good relationship for either person. If she can't accept you as a CD or TAG, or even TS, and that's what you are, then how do you build on that. If you are never going to be happy as Eric, or George, or whatever, and she can't accept Erika, that doesn't leave much room to work with. I only hope you are sure before you do anything, it would be hard to take it back! Everyone has a right to feel loved, and to find happiness, if you haven't, keep looking!
Tina B.

[Julogden]

Ericka, I will have to disagree with your assessment of your situation! It is quite apparent that your love for your wife is secondary to your desire to CD. Telling her that she needs to find a "real man" says that very clearly! She married you, and unless I am very mistaken, you are a real man! Yes, you like to crossdress, but that doesn't change your biology, unless you have had the surgery! I have been a CD for over 60 years and love to dress very much. But I was married for almost 50 of those years to a lady whom I loved very deeply and who supported my CD activities from the start of our marriage. I lost her a few years ago to cancer!

If you truly love your wife as you say, you would do whatever is necessary to keep her happy. I made exceptions in my CD activities to acknowledge my wife's desires. It is not fun, but if it keeps the wife happy it is worth it! I do hope everything works out O.K. for both of you!!


I agree with Steph............

Ericka may be dealing with being transexual, and neither of you are in her shoes, so maybe you ought to think a bit before being so judgmental.

Carol

[Pythos]

"I've told her that if I was in her shoes I would never understand someone like me and would never agree to be with a man like me"
**BANG**

I'm sorry, but was that the sound of yet another CDer shooting themselves in the foot, by treating what they do as a disease, or negative thing?

What was your wife's reaction to the balderal?

What the heck is this all about here, did I miss a thread that had anything else about this?

The decision for her to leave IS HER'S not yours. If she loves you she will stick around, and that is her decision.

But for the love of the maker, don't go and do this. This does nothing good.

[J'lyn GG]

Assuming your wife does not want a divorce, this sounds like you pretending to be the better person by 'letting her go and find a real man', but what she will probably hear is that I don't want to make an effort to help you understand, I don't want to have to compromise, I don't want to have to work to fix things. This is my biggest fear, and I assume alot of other GG's, that my husband doesn't think I'm worth the effort of hard work.
Of course, if there is more to the situation that you have not relayed, then I apologise.

[laceyjessica]

I get where your coming from, I feel I am in the same place, for instance my wife does not approve and will never approve ever, I cant make this magically go away, neither one of us want to end the marraige, she said why can i just stop for her and the kids and I would love to do that but its impossible(maybe i should look into electric shock terapy,lol) we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Yes sure there are other issues in the marraige that may be bad as well but there made worse by the facct that I crossdress.I truely feel horrible I even put my wife in this situation, she has told me time and time again that if she would have know would have never married me, she basically will never allow me to dress and never wants me to go out dressed, so it isnt fair to either, what do we do? where do we go from here?and she also uses the line that she would like to find a "real man" I wish you the best of luck and my thoughts and prayers are with you

[Ericka2]

Just want to thank the small percentage of sisters that understood my situation and your sympathies, only we know where we are at, as individuals, how can I expect anyone to understand? You know what I dislike about most men? Their big ego........no insult intended.

Love,Ericka.