Mortified!

[ReneeT]

Endo

I just need to vent a bit. *While i fully anticipate some difficulties and awkward moments as i travel this road of transition, i did not expect to experience them at my endocrinologists office. *Well, wake up, girl!

I had my routine *3 month follow up visit on Monday. *While my legal name is masculine, i made it very clear that *my preferred name is Renee. *They had no issue with that at my first visit*and everyone was very sweet and respectful. *

Fast forward 3 months. *I arrived at my appt ealy and checked in. *I again informed them of my preferred name - no problem. *Then, 20 min later, the nurse came out to the packed waiting room and called me by my male name. *I did not respond initially, but the clerk at the window said "there he *- is *over there in white". I was absolutely mortified! *I got up and followed the nurse to the exam room with all eyes on me (i had been sitting *there totally un noticed). * I just could not believe that, of all places, the physicians office that is managing this highly sensitive part of my life coul be so inconsiderate/lax/etc. *I realize that it was entirely unintentional, but he relt was the same - the patient felt compromised.

I did express my concerns to the nurse, and she was very apologetic. *I did not bring it up with the doc at the time, but i think i will write her ra letter, as she does need to know.

At the end of *the day, i jus need to get my name changed and be one with it. *It is on my list.......

Thanks for letting me vent.......

[Aprilrain]

That sucks, I would have been mortified too, as if calling you by your male name wasn't bad enough! I recently went to the dermatologist and informed them of the same and thank god they used my name, April, but there were a few times while I was with the PA and nurse that they referred to me as he. Luckily we were in a private room and I could chalk it up to "accidental" on their part. The girls in the office were really good about using April and feminine pronouns though.

[Jessinthesprings]

I wonder why your file is not in your preferrred name? Mine is filed by my prefered with my legal as more of a notation. You might suggest it so as to minimize the confusion on the next visit. However, there is no excuse for the "he" part. She'd seen you, and how you were presenting, and should have been respectful of that.

[Jeanna]

Renee I really feel for you. Vent away! That inconsiderate scum. It had to be intentional. How else? She knows you and was looking right at you and still did a very stupid thing. Scum like her are so mean and don't care of how damaging their words or their actions can be or they are too stupid to be involved with public and don't know any better. Why is she working there? Christ, I wouldn't let her work at Wendy's. Let me tell you,if it happened to me, I would have lost it with that ignorant bitch. My hat's off to you for not doing so and keeping good composure. Get you name changed and throw that in her face.

[ReneeT]

I guess i chalk it up to inexperience an/or confusion. I do understand the issues we present to those who view gender in back or white. Do they call us "he" or "she"? I just think that a physician practice treating transgender clients would have figured it out

[gretchen2]

I feel your pain on that one. It happened a couple of times to me when they did have my female name on file, pissed me off to know end. Thank the god of my understanding that it's not a problem anymore. Sounds like you got some legal work to start.

[Joan_CD]

I was waiting for a mammogram in a room full of people totally unnoticed. And what happens? In a loud voice the nurse calls out from 10 feet away... Mr. ___________. I got up and felt the stares as I walked down the hallway. I know exactly how you felt. Such is life!

[Melody Moore]

I feel sorry for you that you had to endure that type of embarrassment. I can't even imagine how horrible it
would really feel because luckily I have been able to avoid anything like this with the change of gender identity
& my legal name change. All my documentation now shows me as Melody Moore, a FEMALE. So maybe this is
something you need to organise as soon as possible to prevent these types of situations from occurring again.

[BreenaDion]

Get used to it girl its most likely gonna happen at all your doctors. You think they would be respectful, but as I found out if you are called by a female name then the insurance wont pay for the bill. LIKE WTF, LOL its weird on there thinking but I realized early on when I got my letter for hrt and the lack of sensitivity from professional people that coming out so early in transitioning that im only outing myself.

So suck it up and go with it. You can ask for a side note for simple request but most people dont really care and now ur a victum of your own accord. Dont get all decked out on ur dr's appointment, cuz you are only going to embarrass your self sorry to say. I am finally all the way out. Took since sept 2010 and did it in baby steps, one thing at a time untile im there already. Make-up depends if I want it I generallly dont. But I have adopted the attitude from my pass depression that I dont F***ing care any more .

Psychotherapist said for me to grow a thick set of skin when dealing with people. I whent like wtf, i have no reference to that, so I got it from the attitude from decades of depression. Now I am totally ok with the way I present myself. Today I was decked out and whent to benny's for light to my bike for night riding. Well I gave the sales girl my debit card and I forgot to sign it and she wanted to see my Idenification. So I handed her my license with my male name an picture and all was good with her. LOL I outed myself with my son at my side but it didnt bother me one bit. If there is a problem I have my walking papers from my Pyschotherapist, so on I whent.

Best advice is dress plain when you see the Dr's cuz they might not honor your request, same as mine wont. My Endocrinologist said from go that we will call you by ur choosen name, LOL yeah time for that he said we cant, ins reason. He braged how well his staff is , cuz they handle hundreds of people daily. Boston Medical Center for diabetes , weight management and endocrinology, boy did they take me for a ride, and all I found is how badly they screw up every one.

Learn now to take it in stride girl, cuz you just need to smile at all the unpleasanties or ur in for a bad go of it.
Breena.

[CharleneT]

Not all docs are bad about this. Long before my legal name change, my doc (and his entire clinic staff) changed how they addressed me. Never made a mistake either. This was initiated after my first visit with him about GID (diagnosis letter in hand). They made pronoun mistakes on occasion, but they also apologized immediately in each case.

Once I made the legal change, all the records were changed in a day. Gotta love computers!! What makes my story unusual is that this is a teaching hospital and the clinic is the general med clinic - a very large and busy place.

[TerryTerri]

I'm grateful for my name! Sorry you've had this problem, vent away!!

[Felicity71]

Thick skin is needed. I never get my hopes up, so im never dissapointed when Im referred to as either gender every work day of the week. Every day its miss or sir.

[AKAMichelle]

I have thought many times of changing my name. Then I realized that my pay checks would have to be made out to Michelle. That would mean that I went full time before I was ready. I can't do that just yet so I continue to live 2 separate but equal lives for the time being.

[Eryn]

People who have to work with lots of customers/patients/etc. often keep track of them via forms and computers. If there isn't a data field for "preferred mode of address" that means that there is no way to record that information for future reference. The person calling on you may have no idea that you wish to be called another name.

You might ask the records person if there is a "notes" field in which they might record your preferred name. That won't guarantee that your preferred name won't be overlooked, but at least it will give you a fighting chance.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

for the most part people try...that's happened to me too renee, i think you simply say "next" and move on...

[Jorja]

At least you have the advantage of it being 2011 with a somewhat accepting society. Try going through the same scenario in 1980 or earlier. I remember the day the nurse called out my male name in a crowed waiting room. I thought the church ladies were going to bring back Jesus right then and there or burn me at the stake. Once I explained this to the nurse she make a notation in my file and allowed me to leave by the back door after my appointment. It never happened again and we became great friends.

[Stephenie S]

This may go on for years.

My PCP sent all the tests to my surgeon with my old name on them. This was a good seven years after I legally changed my name.

I am not sure I will stay with this doctor, but it's hard shopping for doctors.

S

[Yolanda_Voils]

Seems to me they could put your preferred name on your chart and highlight it..

I would have a talk with the office mgr and make a point that your name is Renee and you really like this office and hope to continue using them.. As effective as you are with words I think you could phrase it where it is non-threating yet giving the impression that you "really" wish to be called by Renee in the future..

It probably was a mistake on their part, however I'm a "Glass Half Full" type of person. :)

[Diane Elizabeth]

I have that problem at the VA. My therpist says they are required to address the patient as "Mr------" . So I go there androgenous and bite my lip when I here my name paged. However, at the Womens Clinic they refer to me properly as she/her or my name "Dee" .

[Traci Elizabeth]

I too had this happen to me once at a new doctor's office after I had expressly told the receptionist my female name and that I only wanted to be called by that name and to please inform the nurse. Like you, the nurse came out and called me by my male name.

Unlike you, however, I did not let it ride. I immediately informed the nurse that she had placed me in a potentially harmful position and had embarrassed me in front of all those people in the waiting room. She too apologized but when I met the doctor, I informed him as well and that if this is how his staff protected his patient's privacy and records, I would not be returning. He too was apologetic and they have never repeated that mistake again.

Like some others, I no longer have to deal with insensitive folks as I have taken all the legal steps to have my name and gender changed on all my records.

[Yolanda_Voils]

Like you, the nurse came out and called me by my male name.
Unlike you, however, I did not let it ride. I immediately informed the nurse that she had placed me in a potentially harmful position and had embarrassed me in front of all those people

Good JOB,, very good for you. I sometimes feel like the Dr's office is merely a "cattle herding" facility and the main objective is to see how many "heads" they can count per day..

Has anyone else noticed that a 5 minute visit from the Md. results in a "intermediate" level visit, resulting in a $165.00 charge to the insurance company ?

There are four levels, brief, limited, intermediate and comprehensive, here in backwards Ga anyway.

If 5 minutes is "intermediate" I wonder what "brief" is ?

[noeleena]

Hi,

If its any thing like here you have a number & that wont change the name you first gave goes with that number & how many other people are on the list its a legal matter as well if you are given the wrong meds & some thing happens then youll understand why.

as for ours over here ,our endo just said on the 2nd vist now what are we going call you. i did not even think about names & i was not wearing any female dress. it was changed to noeleen for about two years . then after was noeleena. they changed names with out a thought & allways called me by my given names at the time, if it was noel made little difference.

tho i did have to remind some firms letters or phone , is mr Loch-head there & i said who do you need to speak with & theres no mr in this house so i said or males only women so its noeleena...... oh .... they caught on .

tho i do symerthis with you i do know how embrrasssing it is , tho i allways got the last laugh ,
If you do a dead poll change then that would solve some issues tho not all as to your ins firm,im not sure on that.
All the best tho.

...noeleena...

[BillieJoEllen]

I'm fleshy in the chest area and quite nicely fill a 'B' cup. Two years ago I detected a lump and went to my doctor. He arranged with radiology dept. for a mammogram. While sitting in the waiting room with about 9 or 10 other people the nurse came out and loudly proclaimed "Mr. X...., we're ready for your mammogram!" Mortified and deeply embarrassed beyond what I never thought possible. I couldn't believe she announced what I was there for!!!! I couldn't believe she said my name out loud! I did let the doctor and the clinic know what I felt about how I was treated. Basically they responded that they would talk to the people in radiology!
In case you're curious, the lump went away almost as fast as it appeared and was determined to be benign. I was somewhat surprised that they didn't call me back in and announce my diagnosis to the entire waiting room.