Extending yourself to others

[Kate Simmons]

I used to try to help others as much as I could but after awhile started getting discouraged. Especially when someone posted a particular problem or issue they had or appealed for help or advice. I would go out of my way to offer to chat, talk on the phone or correspond. 95% of the time my offers went unanswered. When some did respond we may have communicated for awhile but it died off. Evidently I'm too intense for some folks as I tell it like it is and really try to address the issues. It's nice to make new friends as well and I pretty much accept everyone for who they are.

In any case, I have resolved a lot of my own issues and am moving forward with my life. Some seem hesitant to do that however and seem to be content remaining on the emotional rollar coaster when it comes to CDing. Is is that scary facing the feelings and the issues? CDing was a vehicle I used to discover who I was and get in touch with my feelings and I had a lot of fun along the way. I'm just wondering how many others have had similar experiences when extending themselves to others in an attempt to help.:)

[Joanne f]

It is a difficult situation as you are quite often sending a message to someone on the other end of the Internet and they can only go by what you type as there are no personal feelings coming from it , yes there are smiles but they can be miss read as i once found to my cost :D, then you have all the other factors to take into account which seam to play a big part on here (in my opinion):heehee: , age group, state or country you live in, male or female, and your degree and style of CDing, new member or long term member and then the personal likes or dislikes of the way you reply to a post all play a part in making these little cliques, you just learn who to reply to and who not to , you must not take it personal Denise it is just the way people are especially over the Internet if you have done your best to help and they do not want it don`t worry about it .

[alice clair]

I have also posted here a few times and felt that i was not wanted here for some reason. I am a crossdresser and damn proud of it. I havent been on this site for awhile, but it seems that only a chosen few are taken seriously. We all have our faults and if we don't conform to some unknown script we are scutinized to the death. So i am sure this will piss someone off and i will as usual get lashed out at so have at it ladies.
Michelle

[noeleena]

Hi ,

A part of the problem is because we have not met each other its very hard to be a friend with out knowing seeing & touching on here you dont well most any , you can not read them yet many of us do get on dispite never meeting or seeing each other , for me i express my self not just in words it ...HAS...to be by being in front of the other person or you so you know that deeper part of who i am , my body langage is a must , for you to know me the .....REAL.... me , & who i am..
if you would like to talk with me by email then please do.
noeleena@clear.net.nz
any way just check my profile out , use my name on the net , youll see a bit more about us ,

...noeleena...

[Debglam]

Hi Denise,

I wouldn't take the standoffishness personally. I think the impersonal nature of the internet is part of the problem, as others have said. I also think another part of the problem is that just getting a screen name and posting here is a big step for a lot of us. Frankly, it is kind of scary at first. You get a personal message and start thinking "what does this person really want?" It takes awhile to figure out that this is a pretty safe place to be.

Personally, I can't thank the people enough on this forum who have reached out to help me.

[erica12b]

dont take anything personally , everything must betaken with salt, and other old sayings lol

as for problems we all learn to deal with them in diffrent ways, and some times we block ourselfs , so we will not go down some paths

[docrobbysherry]

Denise, I'm a bit surprised by this post! You, more than MOST here, must know that when u try to help someone, that act alone should provide satisfaction!

Personally, I've appreciated nearly every post and PM I've received! Often those that were CRITICAL were the most helpful! There's ALWAYS more I can learn!
When I think I have info that may help someone, I PM them with the idea. They can use what I send or trash it! Of course unlike u, I'm a pretty insensitive old fart!

Finally, as others have pointed out, these online connections r by nature VERY impersonal and often disappointing! That's why actually meeting girls I've chatted with here, in person, is so rewarding! And made the DLV a life altering experience for many of us!

[SabrinaDubh]

I have also posted here a few times and felt that i was not wanted here for some reason. I am a crossdresser and damn proud of it. I havent been on this site for awhile, but it seems that only a chosen few are taken seriously. We all have our faults and if we don't conform to some unknown script we are scutinized to the death. So i am sure this will piss someone off and i will as usual get lashed out at so have at it ladies.
Michelle


That's the nature of a web forum. There's always a core group of people who post a lot and are the "regulars". I have found that if you're persistent, and take time to get to know the feel or the "culture" of the forum that the local denizens will come around eventually.

Personally I post here infrequently, and have at times found it a bit frustrating making new friends. However some of that is my own fault. If I posted here more often and got to know some of the girls I might make a new friend or two. (Hopefully soon, too!)

If you want to see real snobbishness and a cold shoulder for noobs head over to the MHB message boards.

[Ericka2]

It is so familiar, I gotten to meet some confuse people here even met up in person with some that not longer talk to me, I guess I wasn't what they wanted or didn't gave them what they wanted, but as you did, life goes on and I use these experiences as another step in my life to become a better woman.

Love, Ericka.

[carhill2mn]

Yes, I have had similar experiences. Many times a girl has made statements to the effect that she would like to "chat", meet, etc. but frequently it either never happens or happens once, maybe twice. A few times real connections have occured.

[Lainie]

The good we do is good karma for us, and helps those who are open to help. On line, we can't expect more. Please, always remember that we treasure your good will, even though we may go off line for months.

Meanwhile, don't limit yourself to online outreach. Be nice to those you see every day, shower the people you love with love, rely on and reciprocate the kindness of strangers, cast your bread upon the waters. If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am for myself alone, what good am I?

Thanks for all you do, and best wishes for the future!

[Alice Torn]

Denise, Part of it is the times we live in. So many of us have been burned, and hurt. Many of us experience what you write of. I go to support groups non dressing issues, and people very seldom call each other. Fear of others is rampant. Frankly, I am becoming more of a recluse, living with cats. I reached out, in the past, and housed homeless people with me. When i see a person in need of help, I often try to assist them. Not hockey, Karren! Poor Blackhawks! I have been a codependent people pleaser- not healthy, from a very sick family. Now, I am becoming less dependent on others, in an unhealthy , needy way, and learning to live with myself, under a Higher Power, better. Your threads are always thoughtful, and thought provkingly, and spiritual.

[Jeannie]

Since we're doing a little venting here. This is to everyone. This whole web site has changed my life is such a manner that it is hard to express. Before finding this site completely by accident the only crossdressers I saw were on the porno sites so that's what I thought this was all about. The advice and encouragement given by all of you has changed all of my thinking and I now know that there is so much more to it than just sex. It is people like you Denise who tell it like it is that makes the difference. Although you and I have never talked one on one your opinion is still contributing to the overall good of everyone here myself included. I would never in a million years have put any kind of picture of myself on a site like this but I am now doing it. I still can't put a full length with a face view on it but that doesn't mean that one day I might. All of the posts on here may not apply to everyone but I think we take those that do and apply them as needed. Maybe our fault is not responding in a more appreciative way or responding at all but that doesn't necessarily mean ungrateful either. I guess what I am saying is don't sell yourself short I for one am grateful for your knowledge. One other thing and I will shut up. I have posted a few threads on this site and almost always only get three or four responses. The responses I get are always very positive and I will always try my best to respond. It sometimes makes me feel like what I am doing is not witty enough or funny enough or controversial or I am not one of the rock stars that posts to this site but there is no smoke and mirrors here what you see is what you get and I will not be discouraged so don't any of you. I apologize if I am rambling and I hope I have made some sense. I love you all good or bad because we are one.

Jeannie

[Kate Simmons]

Basically this thread has mirrored what was going on in my life in general lately. I needed to get it out as I'm by no means "perfect". I do have a better perspective now than I did a few days ago though. Thanks for all of your thoughtful responses.:)

[Cynthia Anne]

Again I want to stress my motto! "PEOPLE HELPING PEOPLE"! I will always offer help! If I don't than I'm cheating myself! Sometimes it is noted, many times it's not! But as long as I do my best, I'm satisfied!