Major Question

[gerri ray]

Ok, let me explain a little bit so everyone gets the picture. I live my family still. Everyone knows I'm bisexual and that I crossdress. I live downstairs with my own bathroom, a computer room, and the laundry room. My sisters boyfriends sister is going to move in in a few weeks and live here for around six months. We have to convert the laundry room into her bed room. Yes, its big enough. She is one of my friends and I have a crush on her. Here's the dilema. She doesn't know about my crossdressing or fem side. From what I've been told, she's very open and accepting. My bathroom is feminine, and there's nothing but fem products in the bathroom cabinet, along with very feminine products in the shower. I'm also going to have to share my closet with her, and I have my fem clothes hanging in there. Should I let her know before she moves in? Should I talk to her about it when she moves in? Or should I say nothing and let her figure it out? im totally on the fence here? anyone have any advice?

[PrettyFlowingGown]

if your family knows, they could've said something already. if not, i'd just warn her that you dress and like to be who you are, just be honest and relax when you do it, dont panic.

[dianne_1234]

I'd tell her before she moves in.
If she's cool with it, no change in plans.
If she's not cool with it, then she *could* reconsider moving in...

If you don't tell her before, and she's cool with it, no change in plans.
If she's not cool with it, it's gonna be a loooong 6 months for both of you.
Might even affect your relationships with family and other people you both know in common.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I'd tell her before she moves in.
If she's cool with it, no change in plans.
If she's not cool with it, then she *could* reconsider moving in...

If you don't tell her before, and she's cool with it, no change in plans.
If she's not cool with it, it's gonna be a loooong 6 months for both of you.
Might even affect your relationships with family and other people you both know in common. What a great first post and wonderful advice!!!

[Kiera79]

Really just be honest and stop being scared. Do what a woman would do and get straight to the point.

[gerri ray]

if your family knows, they could've said something already. if not, i'd just warn her that you dress and like to be who you are, just be honest and relax when you do it, dont panic.
No they haven't told her, so she has no idea. Her brother is the kind of person who respects people privacy and doesn't gossip.


Really just be honest and stop being scared. Do what a woman would do and get straight to the point.
Getting to the point is an individual thing, not a gender thing. I've known a lot of women who beat around the bush.

[BRANDYJ]

Seems to me that if you are OK with everyone else knowing, why even worry about this girl kowing? You seem to be very open to others about who and what you are, then I'd think you would be just as open with her. You say she is already a friend so that should make it easier. My guess is if you are friends with her, she already suspects that you are different from other guys. Girls just seem to be able to read who is straight, bi or gay. My guess is it will not be a big shock to her. Besides, as well as you may try to hide it while she is living there, someone or somethign is going to give you away to her in such close quarters. So I agree with those that say tell her before she even moves in. Good luck.

[Cynthia Anne]

Just show her the bathroom! That should do the trick!

[Rachel Morley]

If it was me I would let her know before she moves in. Then you have control of how she finds out rather than your family "spilling the beans" in a less than helpful way :2c:

[Tanya C]

Go ahead and tell her, there's nothing to be ashamed of here, no crime being committed. If she is generally an accepting person then she shouldn't have any problem with your cding.
So enjoy your new roomate. Maybe you can share clothing. What size is she?

[Cari]

Well no hiding it; how you handle it will make all the difference.
If you look nervous, she will be as well.
If you seem comfortable telling her; she will be more comfortable with it as well.

One thing you may want to cover with her is how open you are about it.
I usually tell people that I'm not ready to advertise it at this point and would appreciate their discretion.
Sometimes its a good idea to let her know who else knows so she can talk to someone if she wishes.
I kind of treat it like a club and you just learned the secret handshake :-)

I would tell her early, and set some ground rules you are comfortable with.
Let her know you wont borrow her stuff and expect the same.
I have no idea why but every time Ive had female friends that know they think nothing of raiding my stuff.
I guess they figure since I'm just "part time" its OK.

[eluuzion]

hiya gerri,

The first thing I would do is contact all of the television networks in Hollywood. Sounds like a great format for a TV reality series.:heehee:

The second thing I would do is make sure your parents have a good attorney on retainer.

At a minimum, I would consider doing a little personal research at the library in the legal section. You mentioned that ["everybody knows"]. Does that include your parents? Depending on your legal age status and the age of your potential "house-mate", there could be some serious legal issues involved for you and/or your parents with that living arrangement.

Not to mention considering issues that may arise if your sister and her boyfriend break up.

just some thoughts...

good luck

:love:

[Kate Simmons]

I think I could have some fun with that situation. Sounds like the formula for a sit-com Hon.:battingeyelashes::)

[Danni Renee]

Gerri - I really think she needs to know before she moves in. Chances are with you already being so open she will find out anyway. So instead of waiting for her to find out, take the initiative and tell her first. That way you can do it at a time and place of your choosing, setting the right condition for her moving in. You never know, maybe she will be as accepting as her brother. Then you not only get a new friend, but you can share wardrobes too (if she is willing - I would not advise wearing something of hers without her permission, even if you are sharing closets)!

[Pythos]

She is going to learn one way or another. Just be sure she learns by your word, not someone else's. This could be a really good thing for you though. Who knows.

[7sisters]

Tell her. I cant guess her reaction. All I can say is if you act downright casual about it, she'll be casual about it too.

So you like dresses. So what! And so did the man who started the FBI- J Edgar Hoover!

[Julogden]

I'm for telling in advance too. Just relax and tell her, don't apologize for being who you are, just be matter-of-fact and explain the situation to her.

Carol

[Zoe Preston]

Gerri, there's been some excellent advice given already, I'll just add my vote to the "tell her before she moves in" answer :)

Don't forget, she'll be the one 'intruding into your space' in effect. If she's not comfortable about it she'll need to find somewhere else to stay. I don't see why you should have to conceal who you are to accomodate a guest.

Zoe

[Stephanie47]

If everyone knows of your sexual orientation and you like to dress en femme, then do tell her before she moves in. As a guest in your home, YOU are not the person to adapt to the rules of the house. She should be given the opportunity to decline the invitation. Maybe you and her wear the same sizes! It could be fun!

[darla_g]

you've gotten some great advice. do let us know how it all goes

[Melissa Rose]

If she is going to find out anyway, tell her before she moves in. It would be disrespectful and a terrible way to start off a friendship or relationship by not telling her. She can then make an informed decision before committing to something she may not have a good or easy to way to get out of.

[Pinky188]

Deffinitely tell her before she moves in. Its more respectfull that way, and she will appreciate you for it! Sounds like a fun living arrangment!

[gerri ray]

Thank you all for your advice. I'm going to let her know in advance so there isn't that big of an awkward moment between us. There's no need for an attorney lol. Yes my parents know everything. The only thing between this girl and myself is friendship. It's not going any further. There's no way were the same size, I'm a little heavier than her. Hopefully, I get a girlfriend to shop with out of this. Besides, I really can't see her backing out of this because I'm a CD. I mean would she rather share a bathroom with a typical male or a feminine guy who keeps it clean and leaves the seat down? Please no one take offense to that last part.

[Jilmac]

As long as your family is already aware of your femme side and have accepted your lifestyle, I see no problem in telling your friend about you. Odds are she'll find out shortly after she moves in anyway.

[Cassidy]

Question, has she seen the lay out of where she will be living/sleeping? If you are in the position to give her the tour so to speak show her the bath and the closet. Guide yourself by the look on her face after you say this is the bath and this is where you'll be hanging your clothes. Whatever the reaction admit to dressing. Keep in mind it will be best to conduct a one on one tour of the area. If the situation blows up at least there won't be an audience. As was mentioned if nothing is said it could be a very, very long visit. Be honest just as you were with the family.

I hope this helps.

[StacyCD]

Tell her in advance but don't make a big deal of it. The less of a deal you make it more likely the less she will!

[Lori B]

" Hopefully, I get a girlfriend to shop with out of this." .......... those were my first thoughts! :)

[Byron]

Sounds like it will be fun. Hopefully all goes well.

[docrobbysherry]

Jeez! Don't u just love these, "situation comedy", posts? Do u have dibs on this theme, Gerri Ray? Or, can my writer friend use it?

I just CAN'T wait for NEXT WEEKS developement! Lol!

[NyssaF]

Definitely let her know in advance. She'll probably be fine with it and it won't matter. But on the off chance she is uncomfortable, it'll be best for all if that isn't sprung unexpected on her.

[gerri ray]

Ok, so due to totally unrelated circumstances, she is not able to move in. The good news is that she is totally cool with my dressing. I now have another person in my circle and it feels good.

[Danni Renee]

Well, it is good to hear that even though she could not move in that she accepted you! Sounds like you at least get a shopping buddy! I will still hope you get that girlfriend part too!

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Tell her from the start and thats who you are and want to be.

[AKAMichelle]

She probably already knows, but if not. I would tell her before she moves in.