I need to know I am OK

[Shareecd]

Help! Seems I have run into quite a mess this past weekend. I had gotten through the ordeal of telling mywife and gained acceptance from her with some compromises in place. I decided it was time to tell my daughters. I have been on HRT now for 6 months and am beginning to look and act more femme, to the point it was being noticed by everyone.
I knew it was time to tell my daughters so I set a time for later this week. Yesterday Sunday, it was supposed to be just me and them. No son in laws just us. My Ex called a meeting with all of them and told my daughters. Needless to.say by the time they came to my house they felt betrayed by me and told me all kinds of things. Like you are undoubtly under the control of a demon etc. It went on for hours. I am no longer able to see my Grandchildren. Plus after coming out to my.sister last week she now sends me daily snails telling me how wrong I am too.
This all hurts way too much!

[RADER]

Society just does not accept nor do they understand anything to do with
Trans-gendering. I guess they think you are sick or as you stated, "Possessed".
I wish I could tell you on what to say. No matter what you do or say will not
change their mind easily. I thing, or is my opinion, that Society is scared of anyone
Trans-gendering, as it might rub off on them, and perish the thought.
You might talk with tour therapist as to what coarse of action to take.
I wish you the best on this journey.
Rader

PS... And I think you are OK.

[BreenaDion]

Without getting to deep. I see your a late onset TS. Might of been prudent of you like what I did after my first failed marriage, but not by gender issues that you should of came out early on. That is what I did 24 yrs ago when I first met my snd wife. I told the truth back then as I saw it and to this day it saved my marriage and my family. My two children, young adults support me all the way, because I was myself early on but after it was to late my wife sent me back in the closet . When I came out for good there was an is total support, wife an 2 kids.

Sorry you have discrimination inside your family the 64 thousand dollar question is how to fix it. Thats where I have the most gift is fixing things after they get broke, in my own personal family that is.
Counslor, yeah but some do s**k, get references an have a good therapist help you. This is going to be a long haul to fix cuz you betrayed them. Yes I know TS like to suppress there Transsexuality way to long and when the ISM arrives there is hell to pay. You are going to sacrifice alot , but you will gain small and very important rewards. Good luck.
Breena.

[Cynthia Anne]

Deer Sharee I'm sure your o-k! It's not you I'm worried about! 'THEY', are casting out the one who loves them! And even though this hurts you so much, they are the big losers! Hurting there own babies to hurt you makes them double losers! I wish I could say something to make you feel better! You done the right thing letting them know! It's a shame there not mature enough to realize how much you love them! Hugs!

[AKAMichelle]

It isn't easy to do what you are trying. Families don't always understand and accept. Sounds like the root problem to your non-acceptance by your daughters is your wife.

[ReineD]

It isn't easy to do what you are trying. Families don't always understand and accept. Sounds like the root problem to your non-acceptance by your daughters is your wife.

I thought the same when I read the OP. But, given the daughters are adult, I don't think hearing it from their mother first a few days or hours before Sharee would have told them, makes all that much difference. Adult children have their own ideas and prejudices and are not so easily influenced by parents. They likely had a negative reaction because it was a total surprise, combined with very little knowledge of what it means to be TS. They would have likely felt shocked even if they had heard it directly from Sharee.

Sharee ... how close are you or have you been to your daughters? Did they know anything of your trans status (did you crossdress?), and what did they think of it?

I hope you will ask them to sit down with you for a few hours to listen to your feelings about all of this before they decide to cut you out of their lives. Remind them they do owe you at least that, since you are their father. Maybe they are upset that you've been transitioning without having said a word to them 6 months or more ago. If you are close to them, I should think that when they get over the shock, they will not want you out of their lives permanently? If they do, it is because they have a fundamental bias against anyone who expresses a gender different than birth, especially their dad, and it will be difficult to change this. But in the meantime, you can gather information to give to them. They are in dire need of an education.

There are excellent videos out there, stories of transitioned TSs that have been aired on major networks.

[Hope]

You are awesome.

It is your family that is a mess.

Keep your chin up - this too will pass.

[Areyan]

i'm so sorry, this is a sad situation indeed. your story gives me pause. i also have been considering just going ahead with medical transition on the quiet this year and taking my time at telling my family members. i dunno how it's been for you all these years with your gender problems but the questions Reine raised were good ones. i have discussed my trans reality with my mother recently but because i'm also late onset i found her to be less than accepting. i think she feels she has time to talk me out of it while i'm not in active transition. :facepalm:

really it is too late in that respect, there's no going back for me both mentally and emotionally. sorry you're in this situation really, this is a damn hard thing to work through when family aren't so cool with it. fortunately for me i have some people in my life who accept me and my children love and accept me as well - they're a bit younger though, still young enough to get used to my changes.

i wish you much luck and hopefully your adult kids will eventually come round when they see how much happier you are being true to yourself.

[7sisters]

I agree with Reine

Kids are most cruel to their parents. I hurt mine when I feel hurt and betrayed. It's not mature of me. And I'm ashamed. But this is an insight. I always think they are my parents and they'll love me anyway. I forget to remember they have feelings too.

[Shareecd]

Thank you everyone who replied
To answer a few questions. I have known I was "different" since early in life. I have always struggled with being transgendered all my life. My first marriage to my daughters mother I purged twice full of guilt and remorse for who I am. The ex knew about it but looking back my 25 years with her were full of emasculation and guilt. She always belttled me in front of the daughters. Controlled everything. So my daughters grew up with a lack of respect regardless. She also taught them how to hurt others witout feeling a thing. Sad I did not have a much impact as I hoped. My current wife went through a tough time when I came out to her. She knew about my dressing from the beginning of our relationship. She is so much different. We see her and my therapists together and are working things out. Lately she has told me how much she appreciates me for helping her find out what unconditional love is. I know there will be this period where no one will want to accept me. No one cares to look knot the information I have sent them. I know this is the right thing for me and will just pray they understand some day.
Sharee

[billie earls]

This one of the reasons I have never come out of the closet, you can take everything away from me but I need the love and respect of my children and grandchildren. It hurts keeping it in but I would rather have that than hurt them in anyway. If I wasn't married I could do things a little differently but I do love the wife and it would really hurt her to know about my secret life.

[Hope]

Lots of times people are jerks. For some perverse reason, those people are often family members.

The solution is to ignore them.

Let them know that you love them, and that they are a welcome part of your life, and even more than just welcome, that you would love to have them as a part of your life - but that part of the price of admission to that love-fest that is your life and your presence in their lives is that they can't be jerks to you.

If they can't play by those rules, you shouldn't have, or even want to have anything to do with them. Always leave the door open, but if hurting you is more important to them than enjoying what you bring to the table - they shouldn't get a seat at the table.


This one of the reasons I have never come out of the closet, you can take everything away from me but I need the love and respect of my children and grandchildren. It hurts keeping it in but I would rather have that than hurt them in anyway. If I wasn't married I could do things a little differently but I do love the wife and it would really hurt her to know about my secret life.

If you love your wife so much why don't you have enough respect for her to let her make her own decisions? Right now you are deciding for her how she will react - and most folks don't react well to that.

My guess is that you do love and respect your wife, but that this is the excuse you use to stay in the closet. But using your wife as an excuse isn't nice either - and it breeds resentment over time.

But what do I know?

[Annaliese]

The thing that would cut to the bone for me is not seeing my Grandchildren. The rest I could deal with, my heart goes out to you.

[Shareecd]

Hi again everyone. Just an update and need some advice. Well as everyone knows the coming out did not go well at all for me. I told my dad and he is taking it better than I thought. I have a niece whose father died about 4 years ago now. She is the most liberal of all the family I think. Her mother is the religious sister who has condemned me. Since last weekend she has been texting me about my transition. Wanting to know if I got tested for xxy and such. she has asked to meet with me and this morning she sent me a text saying "Thinking of you....sending you love.
I am trying to decide if I should call her back and talk to her or just leave it be. My instinct is she is wanting some words tht will convince her further and I think I have exposed myself a great deal already. What does everyone think? Should I risk being glad I did it or take the risk of being hurt further?

Jaycee

[ReineD]

Do you have any reason to believe that your niece is being two-faced? Judging by your description, it sounds as if she wants to be your ally. And maybe she is just a very curious person like me, who is genuinely interested in what you are going through. I think it might be nice for you to meet her for lunch and coffee and have a chat. Seeing her in person will confirm whether she cares about you or not. :)