Has CDing affected your acceptance of others?

[Amanda22]

This may also fall into the category of "how crossdressing makes me a better person." A little background info...I was raised by a person with borderline personality disorder. One of the traits of that mental illness is being extremely judgmental of others. Therefore, I was taught to distrust and think negatively of the choices and viewpoints of others.

I'm 51 now, and through lots of therapy and simply trying to be conscious of my thinking, I've shed those thought patterns over the years (thankfully!). However, now that I crossdress in public, I find that it's easy for me to slip into a kind of defensive mindset. For example, if I'm walking across a parking lot while en femme, and I pass a landscaper's truck with a couple of guys sitting in it having a smoke or taking a break, I get very defensive. My immediate thought is that they notice me as a guy and hate me for what I'm doing. I'd rather they admire me but that possibility doesn't enter my mind. I tell myself they're close-minded neanderthals. That really isn't fair, is it?

I'd like to reach a point of growth where I can accept other's viewpoints even if those opinions are that I'm just looney. Why do I assume a macho-looking guy would ridicule me? Am I buying into a stereotype? If so, how is that any worse than people who stereotype us crossdressers?

Crossdressing has made me more sensitive to how I accept others. I'm curious if anyone has thought about this.

Thanks!

[carhill2mn]

I think that finally accepting myself for who and what I am has helped me to be much less quick to "judge" someone and to be
more accepting even if I may not agree or understand.

[Starr]

Well my first thought is to say "I don't like people".. that is a general statement.. I don't have many real friends and I don't have a real problem with that. You see 30 some odd years ago I thought I wanted to be like all the good people in the community and do things for others join the local groups that present themselves as "fine upstanding citizens".. Well once I found out what I was getting into ... No ONE was who or what they appeared to be. While they did do some great work, mostly it was a cover to get out, drink, party, and run around on their wives... and many times it was with someone elses wife. I have seen people take hard PUBLIC stands against gays... only to later be found out that they are gay. So maybe the better statement is "I don't trust people". My crossdressing has lead me to groups of people like those here, who are somewhat open with who and what they are.. and believe me, " I will Like/Trust someone whot tells me they crossdress, long before I will someone who pretends to be an upstanding moral citizen".

[Stephanie47]

Well, here I am pounding on a keyboard wearing a black with red roses Venezia sheath dress, black heels and hosiery, black undergarments and a gray wig! I'm suppose to be judgmental of others? Years ago, many years ago, I was bias. Why? Because the people around me were bias or discriminated or hated people because of who they were. Stupidity is a learned behavior. Of course, those many years ago I hated myself. Why? Because I was a cross dresser- a complete fag! Or so I was told. People hated gays! They hated blacks! They hated Catholics and Jews! Why? I could never figure it out.

Of course, my perspective on people has changed dramatically. I have accepted people for who they are. Of course, no matter who you may be, I do not like people infringing on my space. It is interesting that in my extended family, once upon a time there was intolerance (not hatred) for many people. Guess what? Now we have blacks, Mexican-Americans, Native Americans, Roman Catholics, unmarried couples, divorced persons. Anybody want to apply for a position? We have openings for some other groups. Cross dressers need not apply, we have one already!

I hope society continues to judge people for their inner self, and, not the outer trappings.

[AllieSF]

I came from a very unbiased home. Over the years I have become more and more accepting of others to the point that I can say that I am very accepting of our human diversity in all shapes and forms. Since I have been dressing I have become even more accepting. However, it always bothers me when I read some posts here that are sometimes, and fortunately rare, so prejudiced against people in our own community. If anyplace should be accepting it is here among out own family of members. After reading these negative posts, it just reminds me that we here are truly only a small but fairly true representation of everything good and not so good in the outside world.

[Brynn_A]

Hi Amanda,

First, let me ease your mind on the landscaper scenario that you decsribed. I think that falls more into good coomon sense rather than being judgemental. Like it or not, we live in a time where certain people do bad things to others for a variety of reasons. For that reason, I excercise caution at all times no matter my dress. After all, the guy walking his dog could dislike me for a myriad of reasons, brown hair, hazel eyes or the fact that it's Friday and he wants to get a headstart on the weekend.

As far as acceptance. I was raised in a pretty narrow minded area by fairly narrow minded parents. Somehow, none of that stuck with me for as soon as I left home, I began to explore the wonderful diversity that is humanity. I accept others for who they are, while maintaining a certain distance until I can determine the content of their character. For me, that is just my way of staying sane in a very crazy world.

hugs,
Brynn

[Debb]

I think you're on to something. I, too, have had my mind expanded to see some of the stereotypes that live deep within me.

I notice more, but that's not to say I overcome stereotypes very well. It's a journey, not sure there's an end point, either.

[julia ann]

I have always tried to live by the credo of " judge not lest yee be judged" who am I to judge another person on how they conduct there lives, but in the same vane who are they to judge me on how I lead mine!

[Eryn]

There is certainly a healthy measure of "people who live in glass houses..." philosophy that goes with CDing. I think that it has certainly made me more tolerant.

[docrobbysherry]

U bet it has! I've learned accept those here that don't like Sherry!

I'm nearly ready to accept MYSELF!?

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

My thoughts are I agree, I personally hate dealing with the general public. I have been in positions where I have had to deal with peoples anger and once the facts are revealed, the majority are bloody liars. This has helped me to become skeptical, untrusting, and alert to possible deception from others who are trying to "manipulate the system" to take advantage over some issue that they have decided suits their current needs.
I think that being a crossdresser and having intervals in dressing over the past 53yrs, I have learnt to understand others but "tread cautiously". Someone you trust today can easily use anything you have confided in them with as a means to hurt you.
I do not think you are stereotyping neanderthals but merely protecting yourself from any more possible hurt. The trouble is, some people are sensitive and understand and some take anything that you have confided in as a weapon only to atatck you with it.
It would be nice to think that being someone different to the majority would allow you to have a sixth sense that could become your shield to carry and protect you from any possible problems.
I find that I have a clearer understanding for those who are persecuted by any group but as I learn to understand I see reasoning is a needed factor in order to see much more fuller the whole problem and this is all really based on mutual respect.

[sissystephanie]

For a good part of my younger life I was raised primarily by my English Grandmother. She had raised her own 9 children, and when the grandchildren came along she was very willing to help. Her best attribute was that she believed all people were equal, regardless of race, color, or anything else. This is what she taught my sister and I, along with any other children she worked with.

Therefore, I have no problem with most other people even if they don't like my crossdressing! That is their opinion, and they are entitled to it. I just don't care!! The only people that I may have a problem with are those who wish in some way to physically hurt someone whom I care for! Then I will do whatever is necessary to stop that from happening!! Haven't had to do it often, but there are a few people who are sorry they tried!!

As a longtime crossdresser I certainly respect every other CD on this Forum! I may not always agree with their ideas, but that is human nature at work. This would really be a sad world if we all agreed all the time!!

[suzy1]

It’s not really C.D.ing. Its being a member of this site that has affected me.
I have learned a lot from the rest of you girls. Humility, acceptance of others, and just how nice all of you are.
So now I am trying to be the same.

SUZY

[Gillian Gigs]

At first it did not, mainly because I did not accept myself. As I have now come to accept myself for who and what I am, I am very willing to accept others and their shortcomings. I have empathy for, and understanding of what they may be gong through. This has causes me to be willing to help others more. Am I a better person because of my CDing, or because of my accepting myself?

[KINGFISHER]

Yes, I was raised to be accepting and often stood up for the underdog but since I joined this communty I am aware that I am even more accepting. Perhaps more important I have become much more considerate and attentive to my wife which has got be a good thing. Just a word on trusting, I have always trusted people until there is good reason not too. Yes I have been duped a few times but only a few. by and large people respond to being trusted well and the rewards of trusting are huge. I expect people to trust me so should do the same to them. It's about having integrety which is very important to me. Daniel

[Karen__Starr]

I think that some CD/TS are better people; it all depends on their reasons for being a CS or TS. In regards to the public being close-minded Neanderthals they will always be out there. I tend to be in and out of defensive mode for two reasons, those that are closed minded who might possibly hurt us because of who we are and the second reason is (this has happened to me) guys hitting on me for sex not knowing I am male which leads back to the first reason.

[Helen_Highwater]

There's a saying in the UK that there's nothing as strange as folk. Yes being CD has made me more tolerant of others. Are we a danger to society? Does what we do harm others? Do the "others" fit those parameters? Well why should I treat them any differently to the way I want to be treated? I hope it's also given me the courage to challenge those who are disapproving of minorities albeit for their sexuality, religion or lifestyle.